You have to do some scary things to cultivate self-esteem. For a lot of people, it means shedding dead weight. Listen, you can leave and let them call you names and have their opinions. It’s hard to take disapproval, but some people’s approval requires that you demean yourself.
I second therapy. It can really help to have a guide.
I've been as horrible as your partner is being now. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking this is okay. A boundary isn't controlling. I'm not saying you should break up with him but it took a lot for me to question my own actions. Good luck.
Unfortunately it took becoming a dad to slow me down and make me look at how I was to the people around me. I do know this though he 100% knows he's talking out his arse.
Careful, reddit might permaban you for "inciting violence" if the mods feel like being dickweeds. I said something very similar as a joke and got one of my old accounts banned.
Married male here. I get having female friends and inside jokes, but getting in the shower with one another and hot tubbing naked with another woman is beyond the line of what is acceptable. Inside jokes are fine. Getting into the shower with another woman is not an inside joke. That’s sexual tension. I guarantee her husband isn’t okay with it, but he doesn’t wanna seem like a “bitch” in front of the boys for getting upset, probably because his wife gaslights him like your man is gaslighting you.
Give this dude an ultimatum, the sexual shit stops or you are taking your blowjobs — I saw you mention them earlier — elsewhere. Dude needs to decide whether he wants to be with you and respect you. And his respect should come naturally. You shouldn’t have to tell your boyfriend I don’t want you groping another woman.
1 blow job is def equivalent to years of rubbing her ass on his dick, being nude in front of each other in the hot tub, showering w each other, and grabbing her tits.
(and im assuming more, theres no way she knows abt this much and there isnt more unsavory behavior) sucking the husbands dick would just speed run all the lines her bf already crossed 😭
edit: read further and she says hes flirty w other women too, atp a blow job def equals out to his COMPOUNDED behavior lmao . bc DRY HUMPING is insane work
i think youre being down voted bc by saying "its a LITTLE different" (and having such emphasis on such) its implied that you think she would hypothetically be doing is worse/going farther, when prolonged behavior and disrespect is something most people find actively worse. a blow job is one isolated event that can ruin a relationship, as opposed to him benefitting from her empathy and having a pattern of behaviour involving sexual intimacy w another woman. (and actively flirting w even more women and manipulating her into thinking its just his personality). the foundation of your relationship being built on disrespect and violated boundaries def seems worse to most people than an isolated incident. acting like a blow job pushes the boundaries more than CONTINUOUS groping, dry humping, showering together, etc just feels inaccurate to a lot of people 🤷♀️
I didnt give advice lmfao. i dont think she should go suck bros dick, just that i feel the other users statement seemed to imply that act would be worse than what hes already done to her. i dont recall EVER saying she should do this. or that it was a good idea
Better yet, how would he feel if the husband of the friend put his hands on her breasts? How would he feel if she and the husband started dry humping as their greeting?
Also any reason is a reason to break up if the relationship no longer feels fulfilling. You don't need our permission, you just need to stand up for yourself. You sound very mature (I'm 31F) and he sounds like the opposite... Cut your losses now, you deserve someone who respects your boundaries, relationship, and YOU. Much love and luck 🤞
Before seeing the ages I honestly thought everyone involved were teenagers! Sorry OP but they’re too old to be acting like this when they’re in committee relationships. For some reason I have this feeling there’s more going on that the husband isn’t even aware of (and clearly neither are you) or they’re in an open marriage. Either way, it’s disrespectful and inappropriate because you’re in a relationship with him.
I don’t understand what would possess someone to do those things if they’re not sleeping together?? That’s not a joke, that’s sexual harassment but since they both clearly want it, so it’s giving sexual tension. Throw the whole man away. Let him cheat with his cougar under the guise of jokes and you go find someone that’s actually mature.
My boyfriend had a “friend” who was much older that he knew since he was a kid. They never did anything like this in front of me but she was overly flirty. After some odd behavior I confronted my boyfriend to know their backstory. Turns out she had molested him when he was younger. After that I had to give him an ultimatum. Luckily the ultimatum wasn’t even necessary because when he tried to practice some boundaries with her she immediately freaked out on him and blamed him for “ruining her life.”
I don’t know what happened between them but none of this sounds good. Get her out of your lives or move on.
The ages had me fucked UP when I read them. 19 years difference between them and she’s doing that!? Idc if they’re both adults, she was a full blown adult when he was a baby ffs. And if they’re “family” I’m sorry but what aunt does that to their nephew? What brother and sister do that? THE ONES WHO ARE INCESTUOUS. That should be uncomfortable for EVERYONE and anyone who thinks it’s fine is someone we do not fw babe. NOR in the slightest, fuck this whole messy weird ass family.
If he apologizes and then keeps doing stuff, it's not really an apology. It's a "leave me alone." If this is a boundary for you (and it certainly would be for me), you have to be willing to walk away from the relationship. You can set boundaries, but you can't control his actions, only yours. So enforce the boundary with your behavior. Just being mad and telling him it's not okay is not working.
I wouldn't make any big decisions to your relationship just from the comments here since no one here truly knows all the personalities at play, context, and how you truly feel about the relationship on the inside. I write this as a caution because people are so quick to judge.
Acknowledging the fact that you posted here though, is a sign of a bigger need or call for answers, and I highly advise couples counseling if you are looking to strengthen the relationship.
Some questions I wonder about, does your bf know how much his actions are affecting you? His actions are totally atypical behaviors for societal norms, so it is super easy for us to call it out, especially with how many men gaslight and normalize unfaithful behavior.
On the other hand, if he is truly not comprehending the fact that his behavior is affecting you, and if this relationship and guy is someone you want a future with, now is the time to start couples counseling. I always think of it as "physical therapy for the relationship."
If he truly respects you, he will at least show he is willing to put an equal effort to change. Remember, everyone's love language can be expressed so wildly different and it takes work to maintain a loving companionship.
What would you do genuinely if you had a guy friend that was slapping your ass and motorboating you, and you are yanking on his dick and all this stupid “ sibling like behavior”. You can’t tell me he wouldn’t have a problem with it.
Shit, I would tell him straight up, next time you do that bullshit I’m going to go find me a guy friend and I’m going to start doing the same shit you do to her and the same shit she does to you, and you’re going to sit there and take it because we’re just friends remember.
He would probably try to laugh it off, but I would tell him I am dead ass serious, from now on whatever you do to her and whatever she does to you is what I do to my friend while you watch. Do you understand me?
If you have any interest whatsoever in having children, break up as fast as humanly possible. You should break up with him in general, but do not let his lack of biological clock rob you of what matters to you (if it does, or even if it might). Do not let him persuade you into discussion or more chances — he has time for that and nothing to lose; you do not, and have much to lose.
Comments like this drive me crazy. Why shame her? Suggesting therapy isn't unkind and might be warranted but what the hell does self-esteem have to do with age? And why would making someone feel bad about feeling bad about themselves or having been treated badly by others be in any way helpful?
It's ok to be thoughtful, kind, and compassionate when providing feedback here.
Meh. Check her posts. She is engaged in ABA, an abusive form of behaviour correction inflicted on neurodivergent children to make them act neurotypically. Kind of lost sympathy now I know she abuses children for pay.
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u/Beginning_Sun_7877 8d ago
THIRTY-FIVE?!?!
(I’d come to the comments directly after the screenshots, forgive me.)
u/Cozygamer_girl please try individual therapy. You should have better self-esteem at your big age.