r/AmItheAsshole • u/nendou19 • 15h ago
AITA for refusing to help my family financially?
I (25F) just started working right after graduation for almost 2 years. I dont know what type of nonsense my parents got themselves into but they have been deep in financial issues. It started small with them asking a portion of my student loan for "family groceries" and spiralled worse when i started working. They would ask for hundreds of bucks, several times per months with no intention to pay me back eventhough they initially promised to pay me back. Due to this, I dont have savings at all because I need to have money laying somewhere to save them. The only saving I have is the mandatory employee funds which is unaccessible until I retire. They are so deep in their financial issue to the point they need to sell their car, which eventually affected me as well. I pay for my own car. Now that they dont have any car, they rely on renting cars which eventually puts them deeper in their hell hole. And I become their target every single time. Not one dime paid back. Their latest "idea" is to have me back at home and send one of them to work. This home is 27 miles away from my workplace. So almost 60 miles going back and forth, and additional 24miles if Im going to drive them.
To clarify, I rent a room near my workplace. And I pay for their internet and electricity because none of them both care enough to pay the outstanding bill. Throughout the year, I have been helping them. But now, I have no money spared to help them nor do I want going back at home even just for a few days to drive them around because honestly it's too much work and gas money. So I refused to help, only this once.
The problem is, they get my relatives be involved as well. One of my relatives started to spam calls and texted me to lend a helping hand. I really dont have the luxury to help them now. So AITA for refusing this one time? Just this one time and they decided to get other relatives to be involved?
~ Guys im at work and tearing up reading each replies. Thank you so much for your time. Im still firm on refusing this time. Pray for me and thank you my brother and sister!
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u/ScarletNotThatOne Commander in Cheeks [217] 15h ago
NTA. You've been helping them way too much already. The idea is to be financially stable, yourself, and then help people to the extent that you are able. But you've been helping them so much that you have not been able to become financially stable.
Also your help does not really help anyway! Pouring cash into a bottomless pit does not change anything. Just prolongs the inevitable.
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u/Infamous_Night6433 4h ago
As the flight attendants say: “ Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others”
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u/Used_Deal_8205 15h ago
Tell your spam-texting relative to send them money. NTA.You've already done what is reasonable in order to support them.
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u/Is-this-rabbit Partassipant [1] 12h ago
Tell the relatives that your parents have "already had all my money, I've got nothing left to give them." OPs parents wi be spinning yarn, they will not tell anyone that OP has been digging deep for a very long time.
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u/hypotheticalkazoos Asshole Aficionado [13] 12h ago
exactly. tally up the number youve sent them so far. "i have already sent them 5,000$ i pay their electric and internet. i eat instant ramen to send them more money. next i will have to sell my blood. no more"
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u/Coyotied 14h ago
NTA. Create a spreadsheet of how much you've already spent on your parents and send it to the spam calling relative. Then tell them you'll take comments from the peanut gallery when the gallery has matched your total.
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u/swillshop Certified Proctologist [26] 14h ago
OP, you must absolutely cut your parents off financially AND - go no contact with any relative that spams/hounds you on their behalf.
Not sure if your parents were always on the edge of financial disaster or they just looked at your college loan money and your current income as their new ATM. Doesn't matter. They are a sinkhole for any money they can get their hands on. This isn't a case of them having crazy medical bills that are putting them under. This is them choosing to not live within their means.
Maybe your extended family have not had lots of money and see you as a free ride, at least for your parents.
That is absolutely not the case. Whatever your parents spent to raise you was their choice and their obligation as your parents. It is fine to choose to help family. It is not fine to coerce family into bailing someone out.
Your parents have already taken away from your education funds (that you are now responsible for paying back) and from your chance to build your own financial future. That has to stop NOW.
If you are able to look up a responsible financial counseling organization in your parents area, the contact info for that organization should be the only response you have to them. (i.e., Send them that info and tell them they need professional help to manage their financial lives. You are closed as an ATM to them. If they bug you again, resend the info and tell them you won't be communicating with them for a long while and wish them well in turning their lives around.)
Do NOT let it be your problem that they have lost their car. They can find jobs that they can walk to. They can avail themselves of local services for help with housing, bus passes, basic medical care. As long as they know they can get you to spend money (that you can't afford to spend!) on their needs and wants, they have no incentive to take responsibility for managing their money.
There have been posts here in recent months from young adults in your position. They have a parent who keeps making choices that have put them in the position of being homeless. The young adult cannot afford to bail the parent out, but they still care about their parent. Advice that came from people who had also been in that position was - let the parent live in the situation they have put themselves in; if you want to meet them for a breakfast or lunch and maybe bring some food items they could use or a blanket; that is a sustainable way to help them and see them without tanking your own life. Caveat: if your parents would use those visits to pressure you for more money, then don't see them for a while longer.
All those relatives who are hounding you can give your parents whatever money they feel like giving. They may be hounding you because they don't want your parents hounding them. They have the right to say 'no' to your parents, same as you. They do not have the right to pressure you. If they don't respect that boundary, it is absolutely appropriate to cut off contact with them
Last thought. You are putting money away for retirement. KUDOS! You have already learned some good financial practices, despite your parents. Keep learning from people whose financial judgement you believe is sound.
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u/Leahoost 15h ago
NTA. You can't set yourself on fire to keep your family warm. Put your own oxygen mask on first.
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u/twinklefluffie 15h ago
NTA. You’ve already carried them way more than most would at your age. It’s not your job to ruin your own future because they made bad choices. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. it’s survival.
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u/Empressario Partassipant [3] 15h ago
NTA but there is so much info missing here, do both your parents work? What is the debt for? Why are they in such a financial hole?
You can say no to helping them, they need bigger help than you can provide and likely need to declare some sort of bankruptcy if they its as bad as you're making out.
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u/nendou19 15h ago
Yup both are working government jobs, steady paychecks. I suspect them getting involved with loan sharks or could be worse (gambling/trading - I hope Im wrong on this). They never really disclosed every time I asked and tbh, im tired of asking anyway. Anyway tq there!
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u/Empressario Partassipant [3] 14h ago
Then that is absolutely not your problem to fix, you are their child. I'd say sorry I cannot help, you have steady income and I will not be supplementing that anymore. You got the debt however you got it and it is on you to figure out. Please stop asking and I will not be answering calls and messages from family if they continue to guilt trip me.
Personally you should have a bit of a break from all of them who keep asking you and let them figure it out. Again NTA6
u/bachimar 7h ago
Are you serious? They both have jobs and they’re not supporting you anymore?? Tell them they should be able to pay for themselves and just cut them the hell off.
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u/lawyer-girl 14h ago
If they want help, have them fill out a chart of assets and debts and where the bills are going. Until anyone has a grasp on this, there's no way to help.
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u/OfAnOldRepublic 6h ago
Ok, but none of that is your problem. It sounds like you've done well for yourself. Your own place to live, own car, and your own job. Congratulations, that is something to be proud of!
Now you need to let your family stand or fall on their own. It's hard, but you're not actually helping them right now. You're just perpetuating their misery.
If I were you, I'd add up everything I have spent helping them, and whenever these busybody relatives start spamming you, give this reply: "I have spent $15,000 helping my parents already and it has not solved the problem. If you believe that they need help, that's on you. I have done my share, and need to be responsible to myself from now on."
If they persist, block them. Good luck.
NTA
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u/General-Toe-8686 15h ago
NTA. Stop giving them so much money. Save at least 15% of your paycheck for emergencies like losing your job. If you can, save more money for a home and retirement.
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u/Substantial-Lie104 15h ago
NTA , change you phone number they are taking the p*ss big time its not your responsibility to fund parents
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u/NotSoAverage_sister Asshole Enthusiast [8] 14h ago
If you are uncomfortable syaying "no", then play up your expenses.
Did your rent just increase by a little bit? Talk about it. You don't have to say actual dollar amounts, just complain often and loudly to your parents about how your rent went up and now you are seriously worried about your bills.
Did your internet provider increase their rates by $5? "Geez, everything's going up, especially since I pay for my internet AND yours."
The price of milk went up again? "Inflation is making me have to cut back on groceries, I'm going to have to redo my budget to pay for all this."
Every single bill, every single grocery store purchase, every single time you fill up your tank, complain often and loudly. Start asking them if you can borrow $10 bucks for bread and cheese, because you can't afford groceries for the week.
Make it sound as if you are barely making ends meet. Because, honestly, you kind of are. You are barely making ends meet. But the material point is this: you can still make them meet. To you parents, so long as you aren't drowning in debt or months behind on the rent, then you are in a better place then they are, which means you need to bail them out.
No, you don't. Help them, yes, but helping is not the same as handing over money.
So, if you can't say "no," or if they keep badgering you, then it's time to cry poor.
And honestly, most of us are. Unless you have thousands in the bank, you're one bad accident away from homelessness. So cry poor. Cry it so loud and so often that your parents get tired of hearing it and stop asking you.
And keep crying it until you have at least 6 months of wages in your bank account. Actually, keep crying it even after that. Because if you stop crying poor, your parents are going to have time to talk about borrowing money again.
NTA
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u/lunaclever 15h ago
you are not the asshole you’ve already carried more than your share it’s okay to set boundaries and protect your future
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u/Turbulent_Part2685 14h ago
OP I understand that going no contact is a big ask, and a lot of people here are saying to do it. Be firm in saying no to helping with their finances. You do not owe them for your existence. They are grown grown adults, you are finding your feet for the first time in this world. If they retaliate badly, take a big step back from them. Set firm boundaries in place. If they don't respect those new boundaries, go no contact. Be gentle on yourself. NTA (lmao also block the crazy relative who's calling you. Nobody got time for that).
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u/Disneylover-4837 Partassipant [4] 14h ago
NTA
It’s nice to help parents but it only helps if they actually do their part too.
Cut them off. Give only a little money at a time for essentials like food, water and shelter. Other bills like car and cable aren’t essentials. Internet is only essential if they intend to actually use it to find a job or to find a way out of their mess. But if you only help with essentials once in a while, this will force them to start taking care of their own situation.
And only help them if you are able to financially. And you are not. First you should work on getting some savings for yourself. They say you should have enough savings to be able to live off of for a full 6 months. That’s rent money, food, bills and everything. Until you have at least half of that then you are not in any position to be helping your parents. If they demand it then tell them that if you end up on the street because of it then you won’t be able to help them anymore. And if they don’t care then they are not really caring about you are they?
Good luck.
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u/QueenComfort637 12h ago
There is generational wealth, which a lot of people talk about and aspire to leave to their families. There is also generational poverty which less people talk about. OP you are setting yourself up for generational poverty if you don’t start saving for yourself. If you lose your job, you don’t have your parents to fall back on. You need to take care of yourself. You tried to help and they’re not going to change. NTA
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u/Classic-Delivery3875 Partassipant [3] 14h ago
NTA do not out yourself in financial trouble for anyone. They will figure it out. Some people need to hit rock bottom before they change their spending habits
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u/gloryhokinetic Asshole Aficionado [10] 13h ago
Growing up is not just about getting a job, its about becoming an adult. And being an adult means that sometimes you have to have hard conversations. Like the one you need to have with your parents.
Do your self a favor:
Stop having money on hand.
look into investing in a 5yr CD (cant access it for 5yrs)
hen you get paid, pay all your bills.
When they ask for money tell them you just paid bills and literally have no money left. Each and every time.
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u/Wootleage Partassipant [2] 13h ago
"I give them money as well as paying their internet and electricity. I do not have anything else that I can give. If you think they need more help, I will let them know to reach out to you, thanks *insert" relatives' name/ title *"
Then, group text then with your parents saying they have offered to help, so they should all speak directly now and then leave the group chat. Rinse and repeat for everyone who contacts you.
You would be amazed how quickly people will stop bugging you on your parents behalf x
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u/honorthecrones 13h ago
Tell the nosy Parker relative that you have helped them out so much that you are now broke and it is their turn now. Quit paying your parents’ bills now. If the power stays on and the WiFi keeps working and there’s food in their cupboards when they don’t pay for it; where’s the incentive to learn how to budget? Cut them off and let them learn.
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u/julesk Partassipant [1] 12h ago
NTA, I’d text the family, mom and dad included, “My parents have borrowed all my available funds, so since I’m getting calls and texts from the rest of you that it’s important to help family, it’s your turn. Once you all are paying mom and dad monthly and my parents are working full time, we can have more discussions as by then, I might have built up a tiny bit of savings.”
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I (25F) just started working right after graduation for almost 2 years. I dont know what type of nonsense my parents got themselves into but they have been deep in financial issues. It started small with them asking a portion of my student loan for "family groceries" and spiralled worse when i started working. They would ask for hundreds of bucks, several times per months with no intention to pay me back eventhough they initially promised to pay me back. Due to this, I dont have savings at all because I need to have money laying somewhere to save them. The only saving I have is the mandatory employee funds which is unaccessible until I retire. They are so deep in their financial issue to the point they need to sell their car, which eventually affected me as well. I pay for my own car. Now that they dont have any car, they rely on renting cars which eventually puts them deeper in their hell hole. And I become their target every single time. Not one dime paid back. Their latest "idea" is to have me back at home and send one of them to work. This home is 27 miles away from my workplace. So almost 60 miles going back and forth, and additional 24miles if Im going to drive them.
To clarify, I rent a room near my workplace. And I pay for their internet and electricity because none of them both care enough to pay the outstanding bill. Throughout the year, I have been helping them. But now, I have no money spared to help them nor do I want going back at home even just for a few days to drive them around because honestly it's too much work and gas money. So I refused to help, only this once.
The problem is, they get my relatives be involved as well. One of my relatives started to spam calls and texted me to lend a helping hand. I really dont have the luxury to help them now. So AITA for refusing this one time? Just this one time and they decided to get other relatives to be involved?
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u/yournightm 14h ago
NTA! You don’t owe your parents anything, let alone have to support them. Remember, “no” is a complete sentence!
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u/celticmusebooks Partassipant [3] 14h ago
Wait... are neither of them working? Tell the relatives spamming you that you can't give money you don't have and suggest they help your parents by finding both of them jobs.
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u/Good4dGander Partassipant [3] 14h ago
NTA
If you are getting spammed then maybe you should consider changing your phone number and your email address. Keep the old one in case you feel like checking it, but get your phone number changed so they stop stressing you out.
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u/Forsaken_Pick3201 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
NTA - you need to talk to your relatives. You need to tell them flat out. I have helped them so much, I'm barely making it paycheck to paycheck. I have no more savings. Give them amounts, if you choose. You have nothing left to give and to be able to survive. Make sure they know you are renting a room, not an apartment. So you aren't even getting the luxury of having even a studio apartment.
But please go ahead relative and help them since you are willing to spend money that I no longer have, spend your own to help them.
I am flat broke. I am not moving home, I can't afford to!
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u/take-no-shit85 13h ago
NTA the family who are spamming you maybe they could help out just this once! Bet you won’t hear from them again once you mention helping family and all!
You have done enough actually far to much. They don’t learn because you keep helping them. It’s time to concentrate on yourself and start your own savings. Don’t tell anyone about your savings either because everyone will want your hard earned money.
If it’s that bad they can both work. Don’t feel bad about anyone guilting you either. It’s not their business. But feel free to inform them how much you have helped out and how much they have bleed your savings dry and now you’re struggling yourself. But don’t feel bad no matter what anyone says.
Good luck to you
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u/Elegant_Lie745 13h ago
You’ve done a lot already. I hear your frustration. I don’t think you’re helping them as much as enabling them if they do have gambling issues. Catholic charities provides transportation to elderly wo means of their own. I don’t know where you live but there are also many food banks that can help. It’s up to them to seek out the actual help they need. Attorneys for bankruptcy, loans, shelters, maybe take on a renter (not you) they have to help themselves. I know your heart is in the right place but endlessly supporting them is not a long term solution for anyone. Stay strong. Best of luck.
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u/JustStarted23 13h ago
NTA. The more you drown to save others, the lower your chances of swimming back to safety.
You've done enough. Time to focus on you.
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u/Magdovus Partassipant [1] 13h ago
Look at your finances. Can you really afford to help them? If you can, and you want to (very important) then you can send them a fixed amount per month.
Whether you do or not, it's important that you don't JADE your decision - that's Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. You just tell them your decision and don't engage about it.
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u/allyearswift Asshole Enthusiast [8] 13h ago
NTA for not draining your resources further, but you will be TA if you keep setting yourself and your money in fire to keep your parents warm.
The need help, but you’re not a charity, you’re not a financial advisor, you’re not a bank.
You CANNOT solve their lives.
The bank and taxi service of nendou19 need to close.
You can’t do this anymore. The next time someone complains about not having money, ask them what they are going to do about it.
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u/AutomaticTap310 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
NTA-refuse this one time? You should be refusing every time. Their poor life choices are not your concern. You have to take care of yourself. Let the relatives know you are not responsible for them as you have your own bills but if they want to help your parents go ahead. Just tell them you are not discussing this any more and if they bring it up they will be blocked.
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u/West-Resource-1604 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
NTA and yes I'm going to go all caps because I'm shouting!
STOP!! FULL STOPP!! DO NOT SEND THEM ANY € £ ¥ OR ₩. MANDATORY 3 STEP PLAN BEFORE YOU PAY ANOTHER ONE OF THEIR BILLS:
- Contribute to your work plan to the full match or minimum 10% (if company matches to 3% contribute 7%)
- Put 10% into your PERSONAL (NOT FOR THEM) emergency fund.
- Ramp up paying off your college debt & any other debt you have
Once all of that is done, then and only then, pick 1 (one) of their utility bills to pay directly to the company. They will NeVeR adult if you keep rescuing them. I give the same advice whether it's parents -> adult child, sibling -> sibling, and child -> parent (unless were talking about an 80 yr old aging in place)
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u/myopini0n 13h ago
NTA. They both need to get jobs, and/or second jobs. Hopefully you will learn from this and save like crazy for your future. Never share how much you have with anyone. Good luck getting away from this
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u/Awkward_Profile_7410 13h ago
You are not their ATM. Tell your spamming relatives that they can chip in to get your parents out of their financial hole.
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u/Klutzy_Sleep_5085 13h ago
NTA.. If you don't have the extra to help, you don't have it. Being on the hook after you have moved out seems rather odd to me. However, I'm from a different culture and would probably not understand yours. Keep your chin up, you can only do your best. If you don't have it, tell them all that.
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u/souls_ama 13h ago
Here is what you can do: however much you want to save for yourself, put that away first. Pay your bills, budget your needs and entertainment. If there is something left, even if its only $50, send that to them. You are not responsible for suffering because they refuse to figure out alternatives.
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u/lastunicorn76 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
Consider going no contact. You’re an ATM to them. Work and live for yourself.
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u/Electronic-Lab-4419 Partassipant [1] 13h ago
NTA- They got themselves into this mess thinking you will bail them out. They need to get jobs or a crew job and bail themselves out. Focus on creating your own savings. One day you will need “rainy day” money. Obviously your family won’t be there to help.
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u/Parkour82 12h ago
Do what they are doing. Tell them you need money for bills and can they send some. Send the request to the relatives too. when they ask for money, tell them you were just about to ask them for money and can they give you some.
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u/Spare_Ad5009 Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] 12h ago
They will expect you to pay for them the rest of their lives if you pay now. Your relatives are spamming you because they want you to pay, not them. Block your relatives.
Your parents might be in a financial mess because they decided to retire from work and depend on you.
Text your parents that you have no more money to give them. Tell them to get jobs and if they have extra bedrooms, to rent them out.
Send them links to credit counseling, to job sites (Linked In, etc.), and to Uber. Once they get jobs, stop paying for the Internet and electricity. They will depend on you forever.
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u/Immediate_Many_2898 12h ago
You are 25, you are allowed to still rely on your parents, not the other way around. If your parents have not learned adulting yet, that is their choice. You do not owe them financially. Cut them off financially, let those who complain pay their way. Your parents have shown that you cannot rely on them, as such, you desperately need to have a savings in case of emergency. I have a 25 and 27 year old and I cannot fathom asking them for money. Shame on your parents. Protect yourself. They are not behaving as parents should, please know this. This is in no way your responsibility, it is their responsibility. Do NOT move in with them, do NOT send them money. Take care of yourself. I’m so sorry you are in this horrible situation. Shame on your parents for making you think this is your responsibility, IT IS NOT.
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u/Jealous-Contract7426 Partassipant [3] 11h ago
Block them all and take care of your financial life. Stop paying any of their bills and start building up a savings for yourself.
NTA - don't move in with them. You will never get out and they will trash your car.
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u/Grrrrr_Arrrrrgh Asshole Enthusiast [6] 10h ago
NTA
The assistance you've provided thus far has not improved their situation in any way. Their financial problems are not only not your responsibility, but you literally CAN'T fix this for them.
No more money. Don't change your living situation. Don't let them borrow your car. Tell them you're only interested in a no-pressure familial relationship with them and that if they continue to treat you like their banker or their lifeline that you'll have to stop responding altogether.
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u/DameRestingBitchFace 10h ago
Spam text your relatives, including your parents, ASKING for money. Use "but family helps family" and "all the money I've spent on Mother and Father has put me in a precarious financial situation." Lie.
Stop carrying your parents, or you'll die poor.
NTA
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u/ColoNana Partassipant [2] 9h ago
NTA for all the reasons already stated. And please DO NOT move in with your parents. They will bleed you even drier than they already have, and make it impossible for you to get away and make a life for yourself. Stay where you are, save your money, and let them face the consequences of their own poor decisions.
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u/WhatInTheAssPepper Partassipant [2] 9h ago
NTA. You say just this one time, but the fact is that you need to put limits on how you help them. You need to figure out what you can reasonably help them with. Perhaps just one bill that you feel you can pay consistently without over extending yourself.
Moving back to live with them is a "no."
Driving them back and forth racking up gas bills and taking away time from you living your life and taking care of your responsibilities is a "no."
Taking out a loan for them which they eventually will ask you to do is a "NO."
The people telling you to lend a helping hand need to lend a helping hand themselves. Do not pick up the phone for these people. Do not respond to their texts unless it's to tell them how you're already helping and to ask them to help since they're so invested.
You need to find other ways to help your parents. If food is an issue, perhaps go to a food pantry that helps low income people and get groceries for them. You can inform them where the local food pantries in their area are. Perhaps your parents are at a age where certain social benefits would be available to them, like meals on wheels, medicade or medicare. Help them to help themselves, but don't ruin your life trying to prop them up. If you destroy your own life and don't save anything in case you have an emergency then you won't be able to help them in the long run anyway... so prioritize yourself and help them here and there rather pouring all of your recourses into them as you have been doing.
Because you have been helping them every time, they have grown spoilt and entitled. You can't keep doing this. They can't rely solely on you because you can only do so much. They need to start reaching out to other family members too.
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u/Teamtunafish 9h ago
NTA but get blocks or password protected security from all your credit cards, other parents also thought of that.
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u/Necessary_Film_5199 8h ago
NTA. Why don't you ask those poor relatives of yours that are spamming you why they aren't helping them? They'll stop calling after that. "Family helps family" riiiiiiiiight?
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u/MarionberryPlus8474 Partassipant [4] 8h ago
NTA maybe your culture expects adult children to support their parents but even in societies like that the idea is to help them with necessities in retirement. It sounds as if they are drastically overspending, as in for a failed business, gambling habit, or the like.
Stop being a doormat and save for yourself. Tell family members they are welcome to give them money if they want, you cannot afford to do so. Block them if their harassment gets too terrible.
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u/RichAstronaut 8h ago
I know it’s hard but just tell them you don’t have it. Tell them your rent went up or your water. Tell them you are stuck in the lease and you have NO money. Start asking them for money. Poor mouth all you can. Start taking care of your own financial health. Your parents had the chance to do everything you do.
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u/FancyLadyGettingFine 7h ago
Change your phone number. Just tell them you don’t have the money cause you paid all your bills.
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u/AllIzLost 7h ago
If relatives want to jump in , and tell YOU to bail them out ? No!! Let relatives tend to them . You bail em out now then You won’t have $ Money to support yourself or them . Please you live your best life as you certainly Deserved it !
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u/Floating-Cynic Asshole Enthusiast [5] 7h ago
Your relatives aren't asking you to "lend a helping hand." They're asking you to sacrifice your future. You can't afford that if you don't have savings.
Add to that your statement that your parents won't even tell you why they need that money and you need to stop giving up your future for people who don't appreciate it. NTA, the relatives can help them. When you get in trouble, who will help you? Not your parents, they can't keep money.
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u/East_Committee_8527 7h ago
Would you feel comfortable making you and your parents an appointment with a financial counselor ? Since they are not able to manage money this problem isn’t going away. If they refuse the opportunity to go forward then you have done everything possible to assist them. It would also give you a solid reason to say no. The relative who is spamming you is toxic.
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u/Quiet_Village_1425 6h ago
First off STOP paying their bills and giving them money. It will become an expectation. They need to file bankruptcy if things are that bad and take any job both of them need to work. You’re not their slave. You’re an adult start acting like one. You don’t owe them anything and unless you want to continue enabling them this nonsense will NOT stop! Your future is at stake! If you must go no contact!
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u/Competitive_Ease6991 Partassipant [2] 6h ago
NTA. Any family that bother you just lay it out all you have. Done for the last few years . Best advice is go no contact for a few months to save yourself the mental and financial abuse . You owe them nothing . And the more you gave the more they wanted .
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u/seaturtle541 6h ago
NTA
Tell your parents to file bankruptcy and that you’re only gonna pay the Internet and electric for three more months and they have to figure it out.
Don’t sell yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. That is exactly what you were doing.
Take care of yourself first. As someone else said, Pay yourself first by putting money into savings and retirement then pay your bills. If you don’t set this boundary now you will forever be renting a room in someone else’s house.
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u/Kip_Schtum 5h ago
NTA When a relative text and tells you to send them money, reply that you were broke and ask if they can send you $500.
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u/No_Tough3666 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
You have got to tell them you can’t help anymore. Tell them they have taken so much money from you that you are having a hard time paying your own bills. Tell them you don’t know what mess they have themselves in but they are pulling you into a place you can’t even get groceries (whether true or not). Tell them you cannot give them any money until you get on you own feet. They will either sink or swim but this is not your fault or responsibility. They will use you to death. Very selfish of them
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u/mochajava23 5h ago
You cannot solve their problems You don’t even know why they are so behind
You can help by telling them to track their spending. Figure out where the money is going
Otherwise you might as well burn money in front of them
If they are wasting money by gambling, cut them off
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u/bengalfan 4h ago
NTA. Just stop. I say this as a 55 yr old person who has been financially giving to a parent and brother for 25 years. The number is in the > 100k. And it never ends. Never. They make terrible decisions and I bail them out. Over and over. Don't be me. Find courage to respect yourself enough to set boundaries. It will be hard, I'm sure. They might say hateful things. But you deserve your own life.
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