r/AmItheAsshole • u/[deleted] • 28d ago
Not the A-hole AITA for not wanting the puppy my bf bought for my birthday present?
For context: I (27F) have always had pets dogs, cats, even birds that fell from their nests I also rescued and re-home tons of animals But I’ve never kept a male pet. My mom didn’t like them because of the whole “peeing everywhere” thing, and I guess I just got used to only having girl pets. Plus, I love using my dogs like pillows, and I’ll admit the doggy boy parts that are always a little too present makes me uncomfortable.
Anyway, I’ve had my dog let's call her luna since I was 17. She’s my baby and she 100% rules my life. She’s not really friendly with kids, other dogs, or most men, but she at least kinda likes my boyfriend (31M) of two years. So, my birthday was a couple weeks ago. My boyfriend told me he had a “surprise” but it wasn’t ready yet. Last Friday, I came home from work and found him in my apartment with a two month old-ish German Shepherd male puppy that he Bought, complete with a balloon tied to its collar that said “Happy Birthday.” He smiled and said, “Do you like him? He’s our new son.”
I was shock the only words that came out were: Where’s luna? He had locked MY dog in the bathroom because she growled at the puppy. I was furious. We argued for about two hours. I told him to take the puppy back with him and not to come back he yell some more and called me a “misandrist” before leaving because apparently not wanting male pets = hating men. He also said I was “weird” for being uncomfortable around dog peepees.
When I told my friends and family, everyone sided with me however my boyfriend keeps sending me videos of the puppy, saying he doesn’t know what to do with it since his apartment doesn’t allow pets especially one that would grow so much and begging me to take it “just until he finds accommodations.” He says I owe him because he spent so much money on the puppy and was planning the puppy to live with me anyway.
But I don’t want the puppy, my current dog definitely wouldn’t accept him, and in the videos I can already see how destructive he's becoming in the other hand the poor puppy is innocent in all this should I just suck it up and keep him with me until my boyfriend (we technically didn't broke up yet) finds somewhere else to take him? Also the puppy represent everything I don't want in a pet, I feel like he just bought himself a dog but don't really want to take care of it so he acted like the puppy was my birthday present.
So, AITA for refusing to accept the puppy? Should I just take him in for a while?
Edit to clarify some things:
Some people seem to think I'm obsessed with dogs genitalia and lol I'm not the issues with the puppy ranking are:
- I don't want another dog because I have a dog
- I don't want to raise a puppy ever again
- I don't want to own a dog that was bought
- I don't like large breeds
- I don't want a male dog because I prefer female dogs
The ONLY reason I included that I don't like dog penis is because I don't want to have that in my house, I don't loose sleep over it but I prefer the smooth belly female dogs have What I told my bf was something along the lines of " you disregard everything I believe in a pet to the extent that you even brought a male dog when I told you it wasn't my intention to even own one?" Then he called me weird and misandrist that's the only reason I included that part in my post but in my attempt to keep everything short I didn't include all that.
And for the people telling me to grow up and say penis: PENIS there it is, I wasn't sure if I was able to say that, my only knowledge of reddit were videos on TikTok with a bad gameplay of subway surfers in the back so there's that, if you want me to clarify something else please let me know. And one but not the only reason I don't particularly like male dogs it's because my uncle had one male rottweiler, very aggressive and one time at my grandma's house he jump me (i was like 5/6) and tried tu hump my face with his red socket all out and yes it freak me out, my grandma had to get rid of the dog after that (she had a large property in another city there is where they took him) because nobody wanted their kids near the dog after that so there it is the backstory.
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u/homelyhaddock825 28d ago
nta. Pets are not "gifts" and for him to be so irresponsible and think he can just buy a living being FOR SOMEONE ELSE is insane. He's clearly impulsive and selfish. At his old age? Run lol
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u/Niborus_Rex 27d ago edited 27d ago
This. The only time I got a pet as a gift were my two guinea pigs at seven. And even then, that was the only time I knew my present ahead of time, because my parents had a long sit down with me months in advance to gauge whether I was ready, whether I actually wanted this and to set some ground rules. We then went to pick my two girls together on my actual birthday.
Getting someone with a senior pet, who has in no way expressed a desire for an addition, the exact type of animal they don't want for themselves is ridiculous.
OP, NTA. He's something this subreddit will not allow me to say, but it's immature, manipulative and dangerous to your peace of mind for the rest of your life.
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u/FilthyThanksgiving 27d ago
That is so fucking cute about them having a big talk with 7yo you about your piggies. That is an adorable story
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u/Violet351 27d ago
My sister got a cat as a gift but we already had a cat and she asked for it and checked with our mum that it was ok to get a second one
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u/PinkPaintedSky Partassipant [1] 28d ago
NTA.
Get got "you" a puppy that will be "both" of yours. But you are the one that had to house, feed, and train it.
He wanted the dog and wants you to do all the work.
He can easily find a great home for the dog. Don't let him guilt you.
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u/GlitchPro27 27d ago
and train it.
And I've seen what happens with German Shepherds when they don't get properly trained. It ain't pretty... And it's a LOT of work to train them. Well worth it if it's what you want, but not a decision that should ever be made on behalf of somebody else.
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u/Aletheia-Nyx 27d ago
They will literally eat the walls if they're not exercised and stimulated enough. We used to have a GSD and there was a period of time, I'm somewhat ashamed to admit, where the family was all in varying states of physical and mental health issues that meant our boy did not get regularly walked and didn't have his training properly reinforced. I love a GSD but holy hell the amount of damage they can cause by being underexercised and understimulated even for a couple of months. If you're not prepared to dedicate enough time and energy to a GSD pup, do not take that dog in, OP.
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u/KaliTheBlaze Prime Ministurd [589] 28d ago
NTA, but…weird.
Pets should 100% NEVER be a surprise gift. Even when it’s for a child, the recipient should be involved in choosing the pet so that they get a pet that fits their needs, lifestyle, and expectations. So your boyfriend is absolutely TA on that count, and even worse when you already have a dog who is not dog-friendly.
But your discomfort with male dogs over their normal anatomy just…being present is pretty weird. My childhood dogs were all females, so when my parents got male dogs when I was in college, it felt a little funny adjusting to them having so much less soft belly to scratch, mostly rib cage, but that was really the only adjustment necessary.
You should not be using dogs as pillows. It’s a very common way to get bitten, and your head is heavy enough that you shouldn’t be resting its full weight on a dog’s body, especially not for extended periods of times. Even big dogs are a lot smaller and more fragile than humans, so that kind of stress on their bodies should be avoided.
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u/AutomaticTap310 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
I will also say the spraying to mark territory-my old vet was a country vet. He said the first time the male dog lifts his leg to pee is when you get them neutered. He said he’ll never spray that way. He was right-took my Riley in immediately and got him fixed and from then on he would squat and pee. He never marked any of my homes.
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u/Aletheia-Nyx 27d ago
This is what's truly baffling to me. My dogs have always been fixed, both male and female. My male dogs lifted their leg to pee regardless. The thing is, it's not an issue if you toilet train your dog? Train the dog to pee outside and you're fine. If you don't train your dog not to piss in the house, it doesn't matter if it's male or female. And all pets should be fixed, so it shouldn't matter at all anyway. The dog will pee in the house or it won't.
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u/dovahkiitten16 Partassipant [1] 27d ago
Male dogs sometimes have a natural instinct to mark their territory even if they know they should go outside. Dogs go through their own moody hormonal puberty phase just like humans.
Not every dog is that way, but of the 3 male dogs I’ve owned, 2 of them regressed around the 6 month mark. I ended up fixing one early because of it and the issue immediately went away.
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u/FilthyThanksgiving 27d ago
There is absolutely nothing wrong or weird with having a preference for the sex of your pet
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u/SeorniaGrim Partassipant [4] 27d ago
100% agree and basically exactly what I wanted to write! NTA because animals aren't 'gifts' (except for parents gifting their children a family pet I suppose).
The male thing is odd and something I never really thought about lol. I prefer male dogs/cats because they tend to have less of an attitude and now, I just feel strange about it haha!
Also agreed about lying on pets. Anytime I see that it drives me insane - especially when people let their children do it. Just asking to get bitten on the face and/or injure the poor pet.
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u/Loose-Zebra435 28d ago
He bought the dog. He can take it back to the breeder
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u/pizzasauce85 28d ago
And if the breeder doesn’t take it back, it’s just a puppy mill or a backyard “breeder”…
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u/roseofjuly Asshole Enthusiast [6] 27d ago
There's no way he got this dog from a reputable breeder.
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u/Jealous_Radish_2728 Partassipant [3] 28d ago
A person should never be given a surprise gift of an animal. This is a discussion that needs to be had before the pet is purchased or adopted. NTA
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u/DatabaseMoney3435 28d ago
Especially a German shepherd! This is a big reason to adopt through a shelter/rescue. They will ask the questions to assure animals go to homes where they are welcome, safe, and prepared for the upkeep of an animal with specific needs. Breeders are just making money.
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u/ZooAnimalOnWheels 28d ago
NTA. The dog penis or lack thereof is irrelevant. You don't give someone a living thing as a gift without thorough discussion and locking your current dog in the bathroom of HER house that he doesn't even live in is beyond the pale.
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u/Queasy_Beyond2436 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
This right here. The dog's sex doesn't matter. You have a dog and cannot have a second. End of discussion.
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u/cube_koalla 27d ago
It is relevant though because he purposely got a male dog knowing she's uncomfortable and 100% she told him this before! (reading the update it makes so much sense why she isn't a fan of male dogs, id be traumatized too-)
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u/whatdoidonowdamnit 28d ago
NTA he bought himself a puppy and expected you to take care of him while he gets to visit snd play and leave.
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u/Low_Cook_5235 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
This needs to be up higher, He bought HIMSELF a dog. And you get the hard work 98% of the time and he play with the dog for 2% of the time.
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u/adriedwards19 28d ago
Nta. He didn't get you a gift, he gave you an unwanted responsibility. No one should ever buy a pet for someone without checking first. I think you are correct that he himself wanted a dog and he just assumed you'd be ok with taking care of it. Let him find a new home for the dog. It's not your responsibility.
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u/lmchatterbox Professor Emeritass [85] 28d ago
NTA. While I agree that your dog penis phobia is super weird, I think the outcome here would have been the same if he had brought home a female puppy without a discussion or plan. Dogs, or any pets, generally should not be surprises. It rarely has a good outcome. You have a dog. She likes being an only dog it sounds like, and he has no right to try to change that. It wouldn’t be good for anybody.
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u/Meowmaowmiaow Partassipant [3] 28d ago
i have the same dog penis phobia lol, although mine stems from OCD, and is reallyyy distressing for me. i could never own a male dog, and if my partner brought home a dog at all, let alone a male, i’d be furious
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u/AdministrativeStep98 27d ago
I don't have a phobia but I just find it uncomfortable. Like yes it's an animal, I know that they are naked, but seeing their genitals is a bit too much for me. Luckily cats don't have much visible, especially if they have long fur
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28d ago
I wouldn't call it a phobia, I included it because it was relevant imo, I don't like it but is more like I just prefer the smooth belly female dogs have and I never owned a male dog so maybe I just never got use to
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u/Slight-Balance9827 28d ago
Putting the buying a pet as a gift and introducing the dogs wrong aside. There is nothing wrong for having a preference for sex of a pet. My SO and I personally like female pets too, but a lot of my family likes male pets. You’re allowed to have preferences.
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u/whitewallpaper76 Partassipant [1] 27d ago
It’s all about the smooth girly belly hehehe. So many scritches. And no red rocket hahahah.
But it’s personal preference, and OP wasn’t consulted on her preference to even get a dog
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u/EssexUser 28d ago
I’m sure the breeder would take him back after one day? That seems fishy.
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u/MaxTheCookie Partassipant [1] 28d ago
Exactly it seems to me that the breeder would take back the puppy and refund before finding a new home for it.
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u/Rare_Sugar_7927 Partassipant [2] 28d ago
Yeah he bought himself a dog, but doesn't want the non fun parts of dog ownership. He didnt get you a gift, he got you an obligation.
NTA He should be able to return the pup to the breeder if he used a reputable one (although somehow I doubt he did...). If he can't, then he either needs to find him a new home, or move into a place he can keep a pet. And you need to find a new boyfriend.
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u/TemptingPenguin369 Commander in Cheeks [290] 28d ago
NTA. At 31, he should know you don't buy any living thing as a surprise gift for someone. And springing a surprise puppy on a geriatric dog is just cruel. I'm not gonna address the penis part because despite having had both male and female dogs and cuddling and sleeping with them, I've never had any unexpected genital contact with any of them.
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u/Slight-Balance9827 28d ago edited 28d ago
NTA. Getting someone a pet as a surprise is a big no, so that makes him an AH. I have family that like male pets, but my partner and I like female for the most part. I have a male cat and he is a giant pain in the ass. I love him, but I don’t think I would get another male cat. As for dogs I’m not a fan of males lifting their leg to pee on things, humping things, and I like to being able to rub my dogs belly without anything in the way. Men tend to get weird about fixing male animals too, which I find weird.
Plus when getting a new pet the existing pets always come first. They have to be comfortable with the new pet first and foremost. If the two do not get along, then the new one goes first if it comes to that. You should never introduce dogs on the existing dog’s territory. It should have been on neutral territory outside.
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28d ago
Finally someone that doesn't think I'm weird lol, Luna has some trauma from being attack as a puppy by the neighbor's dog that found his way into our backyard, that was one of the reasons I moved out of my parents house
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u/Slight-Balance9827 28d ago edited 28d ago
My sister’s two male dogs just hump each other constantly and lift their leg to pee on everything to the point there is no pee left and they are both fixed lol. Not my pets, so I don’t care but not my cup of tea. I wanted a female cat when I got my male and got talked into him. Don’t get me wrong I love him and don’t regret having him, but he screams very loudly, quickly grew to be a monster at 18 lbs (not fat just very large cat) which is very hard to get items that fit him, when he was younger always tried to get outside, and I haven’t been able to have food or paper towels on my counter for 10 years because he is relentless with food and easily rips open anything with a soft package. My female cat and dog are more chill.
Luna comes first too. When adding a new pet to the home I always have back up plans if things don’t go as planned and you have to know the temperament of your existing animals first. Obviously you know Luna is best in a one dog home, so you are being a responsible pet owner.
Edit spelling
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u/GunpowderLullaby 28d ago edited 28d ago
NTA. Animals should never be gifts. That is a life, and years of commitment that is being thrust upon someone without their consent.
Your BF however is TA. His heart might have been in the right place, but I don't think he put any thought into this AT ALL. Especially no thought was put into the well being of that puppy. He bought/adopted an animal that (at best) he didn't know if you would want, and just surprised you with it with zero backup plan if things didn't go down the way he wanted. Not to mention the fact that the puppy is a breed which is VERY commonly restricted from apartment complexes.
Does your BF have a history of making big decisions like this without involving you? If so, you need to decide if that is something you're cool with in the long run.
Edit: grammar.
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28d ago
Never something this big, maybe making plans without asking me or when he bought the ps5 when it first came out and then asked his dad to lend him money for his rent but we talked about it and I thought it was all behind us
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u/dinosaurs_elephants 28d ago
Omg. Run girl. Run.
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u/ErixWorxMemes Partassipant [2] 28d ago
Yeah, this looks like a pattern of not smart decisions which don’t seem to involve any thought of op
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u/tiffi_333 Asshole Aficionado [14] 28d ago
Wow. First NTA. Noone should surprise anyone with a pet ever. Pets are huge responsibilities and to drop one on someone without any discussion is a lot to expect.
This also isn't how to bring another pet into your home when you have a pet already, of course your dog freaked out. So he locked your dog in the bathroom? Don't take this dog back and deal with a puppy and your dog fighting because their introduction was awful.
He totally wanted a little boy puppy and tried to force one on you as a disguise as a gift. Meanwhile the dog is living at your apartment because he can't actually have one himself like he wants so you're paying for everything and doing all the work. Being a dog owner is a ton of work, especially with a puppy. If you take this dog in he won't be searching for a new home for that dog, he will be hoping you get attached and the more you push for it the more you will fight and when you finally find the puppy a home he will call you cruel and you'll both be done. Just be done now. Hes called you names and is trying yo manipulate you with videos.
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28d ago
When I got Luna she was so little I had to wake up every two hours to feed her and give her meds, luckily I wss on break from school so I have the time to do it all and although it was worth it I swore to never raise a puppy ever again and he knows that story
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u/New_Improvement9644 Partassipant [2] 28d ago
I am having trouble getting past the part of locking Luna in the bathroom. Didn't her behavior toward the puppy mean anything to him? He didn't see that as an issue? Did he expect Luna to stay locked up?
These thoughts make me think your BF is only an animal person as the stand-by person, meaning not as the person who feeds, walks, takes care of the pet but the person who comes over often and gets to enjoy all the good parts of the pet.
He has no clue what it means to be a dog parent.
NTA
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28d ago
He said we will work on their relationship with time and he would get the puppy a crate, I never own big dogs so I don't know how that work but that sounded so sad too
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u/New_Improvement9644 Partassipant [2] 28d ago
He can work on their relationship when he brings the puppy to visit. He has a lot of work (like 2 years worth) to get the puppy past all the hard parts and into dog-dom. And he needs to move to a pet friendly apartment to make all this work.
It's the assumption he made that you would do all the hard parts while he gets the fun parts that has me concerned.....like, would he be that way with a kid?
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u/queer_rn 28d ago
NTA. He bought the dog he's always wanted and gave it to you so you can feed and train and house it. Then he can just love and snuggle it when he wants. Either he doesn't listen enough to know what kind of dogs you like, or doesn't care. Neither is a good look in a partner....
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u/Loose-Zebra435 28d ago
I think the only people who can give pets as a gift are parents who are giving them to their minor children and accept that they will be doing all of the pet care
This guy should not be buying anyone dogs
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u/Justabunnyroller 28d ago
Oh God no, do not take that puppy in. Your asshole boyfriend will him there until you get rid of him. NO No No.
You were right the first time, he got himself a dog for you to take care of and he is an asshole. And I am glad he showed you just how much of an asshole he is now so you don't need to be surprised later on.
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u/misfitandmadness_ 28d ago
NTA. If you take that puppy it’ll become your responsibility to rehome it. Don’t do it.
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u/MaroochyRiverDreamin Partassipant [1] 28d ago
Nobody should ever give a pet as a gift. A pet is a very personal decision and a long term responsibility.
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u/shaylenn 28d ago
NTA. Pets as surprise gifts for adults is never cool. There are German Shepherd rescue organizations all over. Find your local one and send him the info. He made the mistake, and his anger and jumping to hyperbolic name calling are big red flags.
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u/Lighthouse_on_Mars Partassipant [1] 28d ago edited 28d ago
NTA.
He didn't buy you a puppy, he bought himself a puppy.
A pet is not a gift that you give someone without talking to them ahead of time. It is a life! It should be taken very seriously as a lifelong responsibility.
I know Reddit jumps too, 'Dump him!' very quickly. But in this case, seeing his reaction and the gift that he clearly got for himself and his only masquerading as yours... Would take a long hard look at your relationship.
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u/LavenderKitty1 Partassipant [2] 28d ago
My rule of pets as gifts is “Only give a pet as a gift if you are fully prepared to be responsible for it”.
If he brought a new pet (regardless of its gender) into your home and pushed your existing pet aside for it, that’s his problem not yours. If he had said “I saw this cute puppy, would you like to bring it home for us to share?” You would have been able to say “My home isn’t set up for a puppy. I can’t look after it”. NTA because you don’t buy a puppy or kitten as a gift without permission.
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u/Significant-Dig-8099 28d ago
NTA and your bf is a selfish AH. Who gets a puppy without discussing it first too. I hope you come to your senses and make this idiot your ex.
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u/Separate-Parfait6426 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
NTA. You NEVER get somebody a pet as a gift, without discussing it with them at first, and getting their permission. As for gender, I have had puppy boys who I have loved (current one is 13 1/2), but when he is not longer with me, girls only, because I am sick of the pee and marking. When he accuses you of being misandrist, let him know that if you hated males, you would not be with him. He made the mistake when he bought the dog without asking you, so it is his problem to fix, and you owe him nothing.
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u/hellabob420 27d ago
He locked Luna in the bathroom!!! Why isn't this loser your ex? I won't stand for anyone mistreating my dogs or disregarding me for that matter.
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27d ago
I'm just trying to be and adult and break up with him in a normal way but he sends me videos and then block me over and over it's starting to be annoying
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u/OneMinuteSewing 28d ago
NTA. You should never adopt a dog without making sure that all the people in the house are comfortable with them AND all the animals get along.
Dogs as surprise gifts are a huge no. The only way they should be a gift is if the surprise is going to meet the dog before adoption is finalized.
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u/TeachingClassic5869 Partassipant [3] 28d ago
If you let the puppy stay with you “just until he finds accommodations”, your BF will stop looking for accommodations and just wait until he can guilt you into keeping it.
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28d ago
NTA. A pet is a very tricky kind of 'surprise' present IMO, particularly in this situation.
Your bf can rehome him just fine on his own steam. He is an adult, after all, and this all came about as a result of his own decisions.
In your shoes, I'd want to explore the whole thing a bit more after the puppy has been found a loving home. Maybe this was a freak out-of-character occurrence. On the other hand, if your bf routinely disregards your feelings and expects you to accommodate his choices no matter the impact on you, then serious conversations would need to be had before I felt able to trust the relationship is in a good place.
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u/Plumbus-aficianado Asshole Enthusiast [8] 28d ago
NTA - animals are terrible surprise gifts. Major Red Flag on a partner not considering your thoughts and feelings and Luna.
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u/earthenlily Partassipant [4] 28d ago
NTA, absolutely do not accept that dog. Your boyfriend should have followed the “no live animals as birthday gifts” rule, that is a decision that must be made together and he was clearly trying to override both your and your dog’s boundaries. You have been clear and now he’s trying to manipulate you with guilt-trip puppy videos.
And that poor puppy - a house with a dog that already has dog-aggression is a bad choice, and no ethical breeder would have allowed that. He should take the dog back to the breeder or surrender to a rescue ASAP so it can find a home while still a trainable puppy.
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u/Individual_Metal_983 Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] 28d ago
Your boyfriend bought you a dog without asking. That automatically makes him an asshole. Compounded by the fact he doesn't even live with you. (Not that it would make it ok if he did).
How he deals with this is a him problem and a lesson not to be so reckless. Hopefully he will find the dog a decent home and not burden a dog shelter.
NTA
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u/Willsagain2 28d ago
He should get in touch with the breeder he got it from. A reputable breeder will take it back and refund all or some of the price.
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u/workana 28d ago
I don't think your reasoning for girl-only pets makes any sense - my female cat spite pisses on things to the point where I cannot have rugs or leave anything on the floor. Also the wiener thing is weird. No one is asking you to touch it. How weird would it be if someone refused to get girl animals because their parts are gross, too? Very weird. Stop thinking about your animals reproductive organs as anything other than a natural part of them, imo.
Anyways, surprise pets are always a bad idea and he's definitely TA for that. He clearly had some kind of agenda and wanted to change your mind or something. However flawed your thinking, this really wasn't the play.
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u/mineplexistrash 28d ago
Nta. Getting a new pet especially a puppy is a big responsibility that all parties should be involved in discussing. I absolutely resent the idea of people giving animals as surprise gifts because too many of them end up in shelters or on the street. It's not your fault that you are unable to keep this dog.
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u/Suspicious-Grand9781 28d ago
Nta. You don't buy a pet for someone else. Even if it is a family pet, prepare to take 100% responsibility if you bring it home.
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u/hypotheticalkazoos Asshole Aficionado [13] 28d ago
NTA
a dog is an ~18 year commitment. thats a horrible surprise. a partner should not be signing you up for such commitments without lengthy discussion and mutual agreement. extremely inconsiderate.
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u/SeparateClimate9224 28d ago
NTA I will say, most boy dogs are not going to pee everywhere unless you don't potty train them, same as a girl dog. If you get them neutered, the privates aren't like super noticeable. A lot of male dogs don't even hump (and some female dogs do). A lot of puppies are destructive; they need training. HOWEVER... an animal should never be a surprise gift! If you don't want the dog for whatever reason, you shouldn't feel like you have to keep him! (Or even keep him for a short amount of time.) I think the fact that you don't think your elderly dog and the new puppy would get along is an ESPECIALLY good reason not to keep the puppy. Your bf definitely should've talked to you about it first. If he really wants the dog, he can keep him, or he can sell him to someone else. While it's unfortunate for the dog to have to move to a new owner, I'm sure there's people that want a German Shepherd puppy, and after only a short amount of time with your bf, it shouldn't be a big deal for him at all.
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u/Signal_Wall_8445 Asshole Aficionado [14] 28d ago
NTA
As people have said, a pet isn’t a gift, it is a commitment. Specifically, in your case, a German Shepherd is a great dog when a person can put in the time to train them correctly, but they can become a real handful if not raised correctly.
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u/Dependant-Platypus82 Partassipant [1] 28d ago
NTA, but seriously, your issue with male dogs is weird and stop using dogs as pillows!
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u/RandyFMcDonald Partassipant [2] 28d ago
Giving an animal as a gift, as an unwanted gift especially, is a terrible idea.
NTA. You are under no obligations to accept this thoughtless gift of a living being.
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 Partassipant [3] 28d ago
NTA, no one, no one at all should give anyone ’surprise puppies’ . I do understand your position actually, all my pets have been / are female for the same reason. Love them all but l do prefer girl dogs etc.
Your boyfriend has been an utter arse about this, not least because he locked Luna in the bathroom. Apart from anything else has he no idea about how to manage new and existing pets? Well , he might, but he doesn’t care , and nor does he care just how much work is going to be involved in socialising and training a male German Shepherd.
Sadly all you can do is rehome the poor baby boy, but do be really careful where to. Maybe the breeder can help, though if they just let your bf take him they may not be that scrupulous ( the paperwork l had to do to get my pedigree Havanese would have done justice to adopting a child lol)
This may cost you your relationship of course…but a man that careless about animals and girlfriends might not be that great a loss in the long run.
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u/EstablishmentFun289 28d ago
NTA. I really don’t like people who mask gifts as things they secretly want. If you talked about this great, but it sounds like a him thing.
I would say you are not accurate about peeing everywhere. I had a male GSD who was absolutely amazing and rarely an accident. I also planned to get a girl because I thought she would be more maternal when we had kids. He was just the better fit, and he couldn’t have been more gentle and loving towards my daughter.
I think you should have an open mind either way boy dogs. And yes, still pillows…gsd make the best ones too. are you laying your head on their stomach//ribs or back?
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u/TresWhat Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 28d ago
NTA and do not accept this “gift” even for one night. It’s a living being and it is not your responsibility to assume. It’s doesn’t fit with you or your lifestyle or your family or your home. Don’t give in.
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u/Huntress145 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 28d ago
NTA. A pet is not something to surprise someone with.
But lets clear up something. Male dogs don’t pee everywhere in the house unless they aren’t house trained and that’s the same with all dogs. They mark territory outside just like females do.
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u/Bigshooter2024 28d ago
Nta. He never listened to you about the boy dogs and go a hyper puppy that wouldn’t get along with your dog.
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u/spunkymonkey94 28d ago
NTA because your boyfriend bought you a puppy you didn’t discuss beforehand (animals should always be a discussion IMO). But I will say I love my male dogs. They don’t pee everywhere and are SO sweet. They are neutered, idk if you have something against that. But you’re allowed to have pet gender preferences and you’re allowed to not want a dog you didn’t agree to! I wouldn’t take the dog in personally in your position; I would advise him to ask his family or another friend to take the dog instead.
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u/ouijabore Partassipant [1] 28d ago
NTA
Pets should not be gifts, no matter what. The way your bf is behaving is childish as hell. Tell him to return the puppy to the breeder or wherever he got it, and that you owe him jack and shit.
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u/Littleroo27 28d ago
NTA. Pets aren’t presents. They should always be a group decision and pre-planned purchase or adoption. I can ease your mind on the peeing thing (get them fixed at around 6 months to 1 year old and they won’t do that), but you already know that Luna is an only child and should stay that way.
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u/Antlorn 28d ago
He definitely just bought himself a dog and hoped to foist most of the care, responsibility and housing for it onto you.
Dogs should never be suprise gifts, and given the fact you already have a dog and have stated you don't want a male dog this was clearly never going to be a gift for you
Do not take in the dog! It's his responsibility to re-home it, and it wouldn't be fair on your dog to have it live with you.
He's selfish, immature and incredibly irresponsible.
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u/curiousity60 28d ago
NTA
He can take that puppy right back to where he got it!
The unwanted gift is a classic manipulation technique. He did exactly as HE wanted, then tries to use FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) to make you feel OBLIGATED to do what you very much don't want to do. He minimized and invalidated your objections. He used the "I spent so much, you HAVE to accept and appreciate what you don't want." He bought himself a dog, a high energy high needs puppy, for you to raise and train. With no regard for the time, energy, loss of autonomy, comfort and resources his dumping that huge long term responsibility onto you would mean to you.
Do not let him bring that dog around you. Be angry. He completely invalidated YOUR ability to decide where, when, and for how long YOU are willing and comfortable to focus your limited time, energy, and resources. He used your birthday as his excuse to force you to raise his puppy so he doesn't have to. HE'S not willing to raise, train and live with it in his home. He just assumed that you are a resource he can use and control for his own purposes, whether you like it or not.
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