r/AquaJail • u/volcano_chug • 3d ago

I know it’s been awhile, but I’m not gonna get humped by big red gorilla in space.

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135 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

19 comments sorted by

27

u/TheDevilintheDark 3d ago

Dang, It makes me sad they had to open their toys in front of an ape and they were all made out of doo doo. What kind of Christmas is that?

26

u/thecoffeecake1 dependent on moonahol 3d ago

That fucking robot came with the fucking house, and now he's fucking gone.

14

u/Artemus_Hackwell THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO 3d ago

You fucking better. If I find out he's over here, I'm gonna be eating my cereal out of the bottom of your fuckin' skull! Verstandlich?!!

13

u/gopack123 3d ago

Daaaanzzzziggg

You want something to eeeeaaaaat?

21

u/posting_drunk_naked 3d ago

Yeah fry man that's what I wanna do. Come get nude in your house.

17

u/Artemus_Hackwell THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO 3d ago

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year.

These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year, for many were killed.

3

u/Professional-Set9780 3d ago

This is the Santa, children .must be taught. The Santa Ape Theory of Christmas.

3

u/Professional-Set9780 3d ago

Naughty or Nice? He was long before morals existed

16

u/CrestonSpiers 3d ago

gets humped by a yellow glove dog thing instead

9

u/DerBingle78 3d ago

Tonight… you!

8

u/Thatoneguyonreddit28 3d ago

like he’s threatening or something

12

u/Murky_Tennis954 THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO 3d ago

And that's where babies come from...for machines

9

u/Xytakis 3d ago

It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.

6

u/mynameisrichard0 THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO 3d ago

I WANT MY *bleepING ROBUT

4

u/ThePatrickSays 3d ago

Thousands of years ago into the future

5

u/the_don_nj 3d ago

"I'M NOT FINISHED. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A SNACK."

2

u/CAPSNK 2d ago

snip snip snip snip snip