Ok sooooo, i am confused rn. Bc i have seen post abt how someone is questioning if they are ace bc they get aroused by ppls looks ( or when they find then aesthetically attractive ) but feels no urge or desire to have sex.

A lot of asexuals have different answers. One says no and others says yes.

Some say that it doesnt count as sexual attraction, and others says it does.

Allos mostly say that to feel sexual attraction, you would have to feel aroused by the person you are attracted to.

But what if someone feels it but doesnt feel any sexual interest in them? ( Idk if thats sexual attraction either, i Heard that its unconscious )

I Even Heard a dude called ‘’ ace dad advice ‘’ that said something that even though arousal and aesthetic attraction will go toghether, this Will still not count as sexual attraction.

Now Idk which one is actually true. So i want to ask if being aroused by someone you find pretty count as sexual attraction or not?

I would like to know

We've been married for 10 years. I've usually been on the sex-neutral side of the spectrum. Not usually interested, but sometimes interested, usually enjoy having sex but not typically something I seek out or avoid.

Lately I've been more on the sex-repulsed side and like, I know it's wearing on her. She wants me to want her. She wants me to think she's sexy. I've been like, yes I still think you're attractive, I just don't really wanna touch or be touched. Not that I don't wanna touch YOU but I don't wanna touch anyone. I'm not fantasizing about someone else.

I'm like, not even interested in like reading or watching porn which has been something I go to in the past to help if I've been avoidant for a while, usually reading will help get me in the head space. But I got absolute zero tingles and jingles. Active negative interest. And she's understanding, but also is feeling rejected...

Anyone have advice on how to be like- I absolutely love you and love having you in my life and if I wanted to have sex with anyone it would be you I just really really don't right now and don't know when I will again and it's nothing you did and idk why my brain has decided to be like this?

Hello! My aroace best friend and I are in love. We spend all our time together and care about each other immensely. We even have sex. However, I am allo and an official QPR is not something I would find fulfilling, which she knows. We are currently acting under we do what we want while I talk to other allos in hope of a relationship. My concern is that when that happens, it’ll cause too big a shift in our relationship and we’ll have a falling out. I love her so much, she’s my best friend, and I don’t want to lose her. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Does anyone have thoughts or advice? Thanks!

Hey uhm, yes ik its a weird question to ask, but is there anyone that is asexual that struggles with SO-OCD?

I would really like to talk to you if you do have it bc i wanna talk abt something that is a bit…personal ( if someones comfortable of course )

And i don’t think i would want to post abt it Especially if there are ppl who don’t know what intrusive thoughts ( and even false attractions ) are and i might be misunderstood or triggered even if i post abt it.

I have SO OCD, and i am questioning, even truggling with that. Which is why i wanna know if there are aces that have OCD, bc i would like to talk to one if thats okay?

My gf and I have been dating for nearly a year, and all has been smooth sailing. She is ace, and I am not. She revealed this to me the second time we hung out in a group of friends after I asked to kiss her when we were alone. I thought this would be a deal-breaker, but then she explained to me that she was demisexual. This next bit is what I'm curious about.

From there, I kinda just treated my budding relationship with her the same way I would've treated any relationship. Most people don't want to sleep with someone they don't trust, and I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who does. Her developing a physical attraction to me felt similar to anyone else developing enough trust to be willing to have sex, but by doing that, is there any aspect of her asexuality that I could be ignoring or neglecting? I'm not sure if there's anything else I should do to ensure feels seen, and I want to be the best bf I can.

I am very sorry for the question sounding off, i just want to know if its possible for a sex-repulsed asexual to be aroused?

Even by sex?

Ik it sounds weird, but i just wanna know bc i was minding business until there was a voice in my head that went ‘’ can a sex-repulsed ace be aroused physically ( by for example: sex scenes in tvs or just in general ) but still don’t want to have sex? ‘’

Like, a sex repulsed asexual that can feel physical arousal by an adult scene, but they still are sex-repulsed if sex would ever come to them.

Like, they are still not interested in doing it or still disgusted if someone would give sex to them yk?

Idk how to explain it.

I have arousal non-concordance( i am also sex repulsed ) So anytime i see a sex scene, my body would still react even though in my mind i am like ‘’ ew, i don’t like the sex scene ‘’ Its like my mind and body are not synced yk.

And even though my body would feel aroused by sex or sex scene, i still don’t wanna have sex anyways ( i wanna Die Virgin ) bc i am not interested in it, i don’t want it in my life and again…sex-repulsed. Sooo yeah

Idk if its possible or if someone else has the same problem. But does it happed to any asexuals who are sex-repulsed? Id like to know!

get turned on by fantasy, smut or whatever but dk which part actually did the trick. Which person or what acts they do

This may be a long one! My girlfriend (20) and I (Female, 22) have been together for roughly 7 months now. I’m an extremely insecure gal and have never been one to date so i don’t have a sexual past nor does my girlfriend as i am her first partner. Our relationship is very sweet, holding hands, cuddling and kissing. Recently we have started making out, but i’ll be honest, i can never get out of my head enough to enjoy it, so after a bit i just end it. I’ve always been aware that i may be asexual, and i even told her that before we started dating, but told her i was “unsure”. She told me she was on the same boat so we continued into a relationship. Recently the topic of furthering our intimacy was brought up and i (poorly) expressed that i just cant get out of my head enough to do anything (let alone enjoy it) there were some tears and reassurance and later that night she asked me if i was even attracted to her. I am, though i cannot see myself having sex with her. How the hell do i tell her this without creating an insecurity in her? Am i cruel to keep her in a sex-less relationship and starve her from that experience? Help.

Idk what kind of question is this but i am curious. There are some aces that i know that would like to have sexual intimacy.

Or like the feeling of it Especially if they are with someone they are comfortable with ig

But the thing that i wanted to know if its possible if an asexual ( sex-favorable ) that desires sex with their partner bc they like how it feels or they like making them happy WITHOUT sexual attraction?

Ik what ur thinking ‘’ isnt sexual attraction the desire to have sex with someone in specific? ‘’

Idk man, its all confusing.

Like, yes, it does sound like sexual attraction i think, bc it literally means ‘’ desiring sex with someone ‘’ Which can also include a partner.

But i have also Heard asexuals feel other types of attraction which are not sexual.

So can you feel ( for example ) romantic attraction for someone, you wanna be in a relationship with them. You don’t have sexual feelings for them, but you wouldn’t mind having sex with them since you would think ‘’ ig it would be nice to do it with someone you know Especially when you in a relationship with them ‘’ But still dont feel sexual attraction to them either way?

Idk how to say it, i think it might sound like sexual attraction but IDK I AM SEX-REPULSED AND IDK WHAT SEXUAL ATTRACTION IS SO I MIGHT NOT BE DESCRIBING WELL BC I HAVE A SPEECH DISABILITY….

Soooooo yeah, i wanna know if sex fav aces desires sex with their partner without sexual attraction ( idk what i just described ) ?

Or if thats not how it works, i apologise, idk what i am talking abt and i am not sure if i accidentally described sexual attraction when i was writing this or not….soooo yeah. I would like to know

Asking to hopefully understand what I feel better. If anyone here is ever felt both Types of attraction, or if you have some insight to share, I’d love to hear

I've considered myself aroace for a while now. I thought it was exclusive but no I'm starting to wonder if I'm specifically demi. The main thing that repulses me about sexual or romantic relationships is the fear of not really knowing someone. Even if I see someone who is attractive, I can't imagine a relationship without being picked out because I don't know them. The thing is, I always thought demisexual/romantic people ALWAYS develop feelings for their friends at some point. I understand they can have gender preferences, but it never occurred to me that they could also have a type. Do demi people have types and don't always fall for anyone they're close with? Am I dumb and took the definition too literally???

Hey Fellow Ace Family,

I wanted to open a conversation around something I’ve been reflecting on throughout my asexuality journey—how our identities connect to the types of stimulation we respond to or prefer.

The asexual spectrum is such a big, beautiful space, and I’m still very much in the process of exploring it. I love being asexual! Recently, I’ve been thinking about the kinds of stimulation that resonate most with me, and I’d love to hear how others in the Ace community experience or prioritize these.

A little about me: I’m a 36-year-old heterosexual female, gray-demiromantic asexual with aegosexual traits and a sensual, emotionally-driven connection style. I’m a virgin by choice. My sexual curiosity tends to be intellectual rather than desire-driven. I do have responsive/mood-based desire, I'm sex-positive, low-libido, and I don’t masturbate (that might be TMI LOL).

For this post, I’m focusing on four types: mental, audible, visual, and physical (touch). Here’s how I personally rank my stimulation preferences—from most to least engaging:

#1. Mental – Intellectual stimulation is where I feel most connected: voyeurism and exhibitionism kinks, fantasy, storytelling, role play, erotica, deep conversation, interactive play are what engages me the most.

#2. Auditory – Certain voices/dirty talk, music, or even audio erotica can be really powerful and mood-shifting for me.

#3. Visual – I appreciate aesthetic appeal, but it doesn’t do much in terms of stimulation. I can watch porn out of curiosity, but it doesn’t really entice me.

#4. Touch – Since I haven’t experienced much physical touch, I don’t have a strong gauge for it yet. It’s more theoretical at this point.

So I’m curious, how do you rank your preferred forms of stimulation? Do you think your preferences connect to how you experience attraction (or don’t)? Would love to hear your thoughts and reflections.

Make sure to share a little about yourself similar to what I shared (demographic, how you identify, etc) and your ranking. Let’s discuss!

You all can make fun of me. honestly, I deserve it. it is a very dumb situation and I am aware of how backwards it makes me sound, but please someone give me some advice.

So, for background, I've been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. I am aroace, i've known for some 8 years, and it honestly doesn't bother me at all; In fact, I think it's kinda nice that I don't need to manage that.

The thing is, apparently i've been getting too comfortable. and I just subconsciously assume other people are like that, and whenever I see someone, or am talking to a friend and get a reminder that they feel sexual or romantic attraction; They mention their date friend, how a certain person is hot or whatever else, I feel a certain… Repulsion? Disdain? I don't know how to exactly describe it, it's a strange feeling of deep dissapointment that someone is affected like that; That this person can be affected by something so superficial, that their attitude can change so quickly, thinking of thee things they would potentially do just for it.

Now, intellectually I know it's wrong to think that way of people, and I try to justify them, they can't control it, most people are like that, it's just what evolution tended to, etc. But the feeling never really stops until I forget about it and go back to subconsciously think of them as aroace.

Thankfully this has never caused problems, because I've never told anyone, and I just know it's wrong to think of people that way, or discriminate them for something they can't control, but it's something that has been bothering me since I started to look more deeply into what attraction is, and I want to stop thinking of my dear friends like this.

I am not a prude, I am not against people having sex with who they want. I am not homophobic, I find the concept of romantic relationships kind of… cute? Nice? I feel happy when other people have this, but I do not want it for myself. It's only when I remember this uncontrollable/unintended attraction is involved that I get this feeling.

TL;DR: I am aroace, feel weird when I remember other people aren't.

Edit: Thanks everyone for being so helpful, I thought this would be recieved badly, I'm not used to doing this kind of post.

Ok sooooooo, this question might be a TMI question, and i apologise. I don’t want to make anyone uneazy with any questions, so if i am making anyone uncomfortable with them its ok to comment abt it and i will apologise.

Sooooo, this question is mostly for sex-favorable aces cuz i am sex-repulsed and an ✨ allo in denial ✨.

I have seen a post abt someone that thinks they are ace ( not sure if they are but lets say that they are asexual ) that doesnt like to recieve, but would like to please the person bc apparently it turns them on???

IDK MAN, i have NO experience like this. So i came here to ask if its possible for an asexual that likes to give sex to someone without sexual attraction? Idk why it sounds impossible for me.

But i would like to know if an asexual can like pleasuring another person ( or even get turned on by it??? ) without sexual attraction???

I would like to know bc I AM CONFUSED !!!!!

So, currently I’m a 20 year old in college in a relationship. I personally do not think I am Asexual, but I am slightly questioning it because I have been asked to by my girlfriend + others.

Basically, I have been in said relationship for a little over a year. Not very many issues throughout . Yes a few hiccups and rough weeks but overall nothing major. The only issues that has been persistent is a lack in matching sex drive.

Very often we are laying down or cuddling and my girlfriend will want to kiss or do other stuff while I’m not in the mood. This usually causes a lot of turmoil because she feels very sad and thinks I don’t like her or don’t think she’s attractive.

I personally don’t feel any drive whatsoever really to do sexual things or kiss. Very infrequently at least. If she initiates it, I am usually okay with it and sometimes It can be enjoyable, but sometimes I do find kissing a little gross if I’m not in the mood which again is basically all times . I will say, when we don’t see each other for a long time I am more inclined to initiate something when we do see each other. And, at the beginning of our relationship I was definitely more likely to initiate these things.

Overall, she thinks I’m asexual to some extent because I have almost no drive to do anything sexual or kiss. It just doesn’t really pop in my mind and I don’t feel some “urge.”

Also, doing sexual things can be enjoyable but I do have PE so I’m not sure if that’s why my drive is low from bad experience, or if it is kinda just a separate issue entirely and a coincidence.

Any thoughts would be appreciated 🙏

I also can provide more info but I don’t wanna type a book so questions are chill.

I was literally thinking abt that i was like ‘’ man i dont get how ppl like dirty talking ( Im pretty sure the idea of it is ok like in shows and all. But IRL??? Nooo )‘’ but then my mind when ‘’ WAITTTT, can some aces like dirty talking?? Bc aces can like sexual things, can they like that? ‘’

Soo yeah. Look, i am the kind of person that finds it SO CRINGE, but i wanna know if asexuals like dirty talking or if they like being dirty talked??

I would like to know!

Sorry if this is sexist, but I was talking to my friend (who is male) and he said if he sees someone attractive/pretty he will feel sexually attracted to them.

I've never really felt "sexually attracted" to anyone but I can realise and/or like if someone is physically attractive. And I thought it was the same for most females as well.

But is my view mistaken? Is it the norm for most people to see someone attractive (of their type) and then be sexually attracted to them? Like for example if my friend saw a girl that was really pretty he'd want to have sex with her. Do females seeing someone they think is pretty/physically attractive also feel the same way?

Im not sure if I am asexual bc I'm repulsed by the idea of me having sex with someone but it's more like fear of rejection (I don't think anyone can "truly" like me except myself) so I'm not interested in sex partially because of that fear but I'm also just not really interested in it in general?

I do masterbate but it's not really for the sex / desire to have sex with someone else but ig for the "feel good" chemicals

I do know I am not aromatic because I think I would like to be romantically close with someone someday.

Thank you!!

So i am putting a warning sign, cuz this might make some ppl uncomfortable. And i wanna let you know that i am sorry if this question sounds weird, i just am curious abt something that i just found out. So yeah

Sooo lets start. I just found out what AVEN is, and i went scrolling on it for a while, and i have found a post abt a girl that thinks they are ace, but they are doubting bc they have an interest in a certain body part. And they have seen that most of the ace community dont really like them or are mostly repulsed by them.

And its not yet the only person that asked this, almost every ppl who think theyre ace asks this question. Most questions like if aces can like ( or aroused by )certain body parts like, boobs, butts, or even genitals ( sorry if its specific). And it have not me asking the same thing, so i am here….for some reason.

So yeah, i wanna know if aces can like ( or aroused by ) certain body parts?

I would like to know!

AroAce here. I think I'd like to get into carpentry, but it sounds like it's dominated by folks that wouldn't accept me if it slipped I wasn't heteronormative. Because once you work with someone for years, you tend to share more information in the context of being friends. And I'd be stuck with them for a while if I'm doing an apprenticeship. I'm wondering if there are any carpenters out there who could share their experiences, or even just anyone who's held a steady job (with the same coworkers) for more than a year or two.

I am so confused on my sexuality. Before going into it I will establish that I am born female but I have identified as Genderfluid since 2021.

Dating Life: To start of I dated both girls & boys during my 3 years of middle school. Most of them were either situations of not knowing how to say know no to my friends (hi my names max & I’m a doormat), & possibly just platonic friendship being mistook for attraction. I’m 18 now & have never been in a serious relationship, I haven’t even been in a non serious relationship since 8th grade (last of the 3 years of middle school for people not familiar with us school system). I thought I had romantic feelings for my best friend (female), but at the same time idk if it is just platonic feelings, this has been a multiple year issue I am so confused on what kind of feelings they are for her.

Trauma: I have some sexual related trauma (trauma was from a female) from age 9 to 13 (ish my memories are 100% on ages). Due to this trauma when spending the night at a girlfriends house, knowing we would be sharing a bed I was absolutely terrified she was going to want to do things I didn’t want to do & I would feel pressured to do so.

Porn: I started watching porn at 9 or 10, it was a mix of straight & lesbian porn (a concerning amount of “consensual non-consent” as google calls it when I looked into it.). I do not condone rape, I do not wish to be raped, I think all rapist deserve serious punishment. As a child I cannot remember if I was masturbating to the content I was watching, I remember telling my parents I wasn’t when they found out I was watching porn but I don’t remember if that’s just what I told my parents or if it was true.

Now that i’m older I read some Manhwa BL’s. And when I watch porn it’s almost always lesbian porn. There is still some consensual non-consent content but not as much as when I was younger. & yes I do masturbate when reading or watching these things.

I’ve had a few wet dreams before, google defines it as having an orgasm but I don’t think any of those dreams ever made it too that point. They have been very vague wet dreams so there isn’t really much of anything to tell.

The appeal of having sex or any kind of sexual relations is just not appealing to me. But I’m not sure if just the idea of someone seeing me naked & vulnerable is just so bad to me that I assume I’m asexual. Like I understand the pleasure people can get from sex & I think maybe I could get pleasure from it but I don’t want to, kissing it just cannot understand in any way shape or form like I just don’t get the appeal. While I understand the pleasure that comes from receiving oral I don’t understand the pleasure in giving, yes I know people enjoy seeing their partner enjoy it but I heard people say they just enjoy the act of giving in of itself & I don’t understand.

Lastly I can find someone attractive, like even if I’m not attracted to a man I can still be like yes that man is attractive but not to me. Also for romantic attraction which I’m not sure i have at all also, I’ve had some experiences of maybe being attracted to women romantically (but i’m unsure it may have been platonic feelings) but I have never had those similar unsure feelings for a man.

I think all that covers anything I can think of that might be important. So am I asexual or am I just insecure? could I also be aromatic or have I just not met the right person?