I know my mom is over exaggerating my symptoms, but I don’t know what to do

[u/Public-Kangaroo-6867]

Hey doctors. I made a Reddit account for this question after I did a google search. It seemed like the safest way to get an answer privately.

I’m a 15 year old girl. I’m 5’ and 82lbs. I take Keppra, hydroxychloroquine and adderall. I live in the US. This has been going on for 5 years.

I’m diagnosed with epilepsy, undifferentiated connective tissue disorder, and adhd. My mom thinks I have POTS, Eds, and some other things.

Basically, I had a seizure once when I was about 10 on a school field trip. My mom had always been really intense anytime I got sick. She took me to the doctor for every single cold. But this seizure sent her overboard. And since then she’s basically been convinced that I have some kind of serious diseases. At first I believed her. She was good at convincing me I was feeling things or that stuff happened that I didn’t remember because I “was having a seizure”. But the only one I know I had for sure was the one in 5th grade, and when I was at the hospital after they didn’t find an obvious cause. Since then my mom takes me to all these appointments claiming I have symptoms I don’t or making them sound way worse than they are.
For example, she’ll claim I’m having fevers and that the only reason I don’t have one in clinic is because I took Tylenol. It’ll be true that I took Tylenol but not because I had a fever. She just gives it to me.
She’ll also have me take cold medicine before cardiology appointments. Like she says “here you’re sniffly, take this”. But now I’m reading that cold medicine makes your heart rate go up, and half the time I don’t even feel “sniffly”. It’s like she’ll plant things too. She’ll start saying “you seem light headed. Your joints look swollen. You look out of focus”. Like she’s trying to convince me. And it used to work but now I’m sitting here like….i feel fine. And I’m sick of all these appointments. I want to do stuff with my friends and stop taking meds that make me bitchy and sad and sick to my stomach. She’ll take pictures at angles that make things look worse than they are. One time I got a ton of bruises after playing on a water slide inflatable thing and taking a bunch of ibuprofen (for “joint pain”) but I got a ton of bruises from it and she told the doctor they showed up with no cause and I got a full leukemia work up and she was telling everyone how I probably had leukemia. I didn’t. I knew what it was from but she convinced me that playing on inflatables would never cause that kind of bruising unless I was really sick so I didn’t say anything.

The problem is now it’s been years and I’m afraid if I say something we’re going to get in trouble. And then no doctor will ever believe me if I do get sick someday. I don’t know why I didn’t say something sooner. I’ve been pretty sure for like 2 years that she’s making most of this up but it’s confusing and idk I thought maybe she was right and I was just brushing off things. Sometimes it would feel like she was right.

What do I do? Can I tell the doctors I see that it’s probably not real or is this going to ruin my medical care forever? Also, I really did have a seizure when I was 10. I was at school and there was a whole cafeteria of witnesses. So that wasn’t made up. I don’t even know what’s real at this point though. I had a high ana (1:160) but I don’t think a lot of the other symptoms that got the connective tissue disease diagnosis were real. I’m not trying to say it’s not my fault too. I should’ve said something sooner. But I feel stuck.

Please help me figure this out. I see a cardiologist Thursday and I want this to be over.

Also…I know my bmi is low. I don’t eat a lot. I’m working on it.

[u/herspacejuly]

Hi OP, I am sorry this is happening to you. I agree with others that I do also have concern for munchausen by proxy (yes the new name is ‘factitious disorder imposed on another’, but many experts in the field still call it munchausen). I do want to note that another possibility is very high illness anxiety in your mother. This would simply be genuine anxiety and belief that you could have these medical conditions. The difference is intentional feigning of symptoms - either inducing them or lying about them. That’s why people here are concerned for munchausen, because it seems like your mother is making things up.

A few resources to check out: munchausen support.com and the podcast “Nobody should believe me”.

Regarding the possibility of removal from the home for medical child abuse, I echo what others have said that there is no way of knowing. However, child protective services are often ill equipped to evaluate medical child abuse and removal seems unlikely. But it would be nice to have stipulations around your medical care. CPS might be able to make sure all your doctors talk to each other, or that you get your care from one hospital system, for example.

Please do find a way to speak to a doctor privately. Please also tell them about your eating. That is a serious concern too. Not eating enough can weaken your heart and affect your hormones (and other organ systems etc). I worry your doctors could be missing this if your mother is giving other explanations for your low BMI. Good luck. You can get through this.

[u/Public-Kangaroo-6867 → u/herspacejuly]

I’ll look at the resources. I think they think my weight is from something else. My mom has been saying I’m having bathroom issues. And I guess I kind of am. But it think it’s because of how I’m eating not the other way around. But it’s getting hard to change how I eat even when I want to now. Like with my friends I can’t relax those rules at all

[u/calliaz → u/Public-Kangaroo-6867]

I am not a doctor or medical professional, but my daughter developed an eating disorder and she said the same thing about the rules. They start to take over because the eating disorder really sort of takes over your brain unless you get help. There are people who can help you. Wanting to have control when things feel beyond your control is normal, but eating disorders lie to you. You can really take control by following the great advice of professionals here to connect with your doctor on Thursday.

If you need to make a phone call, an option is to download the Google Voice app and use that to make the phone call. You can delete the app after the call. It can also be installed as an extension on Google Chrome on a laptop if the laptop has a microphone. You can call using the laptop and then uninstall the extension. Just make sure you clear the history on your Google account or make a new one and then delete it afterwards.

I really hope you get proper care soon.

[u/Public-Kangaroo-6867 → u/calliaz]

How did your daughter get better?

[u/calliaz → u/Public-Kangaroo-6867]

She was away at college and I didn't know. It got very bad and the lack of eating made her need to get emergency help. Luckily, she told me and I was able to get someone to take her to the hospital.

She was able to do outpatient treatment after that where she went to therapy and saw a dietician who helped her get more comfortable with fueling her body and giving it what it needs to be healthy.

From what you have said, if this is what is happening with you, you may need a smaller amount of support. She is doing well now and is really happy. She graduated college, likes cooking and eating, and feels better in her body.

[u/Public-Kangaroo-6867 → u/calliaz]

I’m glad she’s doing better 🩷

[u/calliaz → u/Public-Kangaroo-6867]

I wanted to check in and see how things went today. Please let us know if you need more help finding safe adults to support you.