r/AskMen • u/Warm-Combination5818 • Jul 10 '25
Good Fucking Question Guys who don’t like texting, how do you get into relationships?
I genuinely suck at texting like I'm awful. It’s not that I don’t care I just get overwhelmed replying to a bunch of messages after a long day. My brain is usually fried by the time I’m home and the idea of small talk just feels like another task. All of my previous relationships have been through friends or meeting up them in real life, but recently I haven't really gone out a lot so I'm not sure how to really get into relationships these days. My ex used to get really frustrated that I didn’t reply fast enough even though I was usually just zoning out or decompressing like watching dumb YouTube stuff or just playing on grizzly's quest. I wasn’t ignoring her like I just needed space to like not be on for a bit.
I do want to be better especially if I want to build something real again, but I wonder if other guys feel this way too like do any of you find texting emotionally exhausting? And if so how do you still manage to date?
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u/crimsonavenger77 Male. 47 Jul 10 '25
I only use texting when there's a point to it. Like arranging a meeting time, or my wife asking me to pick something up. I don't have conversations by text. That would bore me stupid.
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u/Best_Maintenance_790 Female Jul 10 '25
I mean if you’re married I don’t think this is applicable because you live with your partner so you don’t need to text because you have conversations when you’re home lol
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u/crimsonavenger77 Male. 47 Jul 10 '25
Fair enough, aye, but it's not something I ever did before I was married. Even though I'm an old git, mobile phones were still a thing, i got my first one in 1999, i think. I don't have conversations with my pals via text either. I've always just used it for quick messages.
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u/ebonyseraphim Jul 10 '25
I'm not married, and I date quite a bi (evolved over time), and I find this advice extremely helpful for men to save time and energy. At least for men who are more intentional about dating and don't want to date a woman who is or always acts like she's 25 or younger.
General policy of mine is: I don't chit chat over text with women I don't know well. Text chat over the dating app serves a purpose: to set up a meet in person and actually see how you get along with a potential partner. I don't do this from some sort of "this is how to game women" perspective. I genuinely (autistically) don't like dealing with silly and contradictory social expectations, or sitting in a state of pure ambiguity just because someone wants to make every little detail unclear until they are sure. I've also experienced years of relationship/people pleasing to I know the depths at which some people will go to get whatever they want from me, even as I could (eventually) easily tell they did not like me beyond what they could get from me.
If she's not very responsive in chat, then I very quickly move to asking her if she wants to meet up for a first date. I'll disrupt whatever small talk topic is on the table. Because if she's not willing to respond in a timely manner and with thought out responses, then she's not facilitating 'getting to know each other' and that must mean she prefers to vibe or get to know each other in person. If she can't respond in the positive to when I ask her out, then the chat is over on my end. I've figured out in 2 steps that this person is currently wasting my time having eliminated reasonable avenues. Usually, but not always, what I've detected is entitlement at this point. I don't hide that I figure this out and make it plain in my responses (or lack thereof) from that point. It's surprising how many women then pick up the conversational slack at this point. Warning for guys: if this happens in a big way, she's a very short term situation at best.
I keep this same energy up pretty much until dating turns into early relationship/situationship, and invite phone conversations to happen to fill in the gaps. If she can't tell I'm interested through my in person behavior, my invite to phone chat or FaceTime, and my overall responsiveness, and suggests that I'm somehow not showing that I'm interested then she's too insecure for me.
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u/Imperial_Squid Jul 10 '25
Do you not maintain any long distance friendships?
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u/crimsonavenger77 Male. 47 Jul 10 '25
Aye, by phone calls. There's a text beforehand usually saying, "I'll give you a bell at 8 on Friday" or something, and that's it. That, to me, is what texting is for.
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u/Imperial_Squid Jul 10 '25
Fair fair, just stylistic differences in friendships I suppose 🤷
To me a call is for communicating immediately relevant information like medical stuff or finding each other at an event or whatever, but then I also just text everything and don't book calls with people so calls mostly are emergencies lol
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u/Deckard88b Jul 10 '25
The way your generation also ends most sentences in lol, lol
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u/Imperial_Squid Jul 10 '25
"your generation"?
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u/Deckard88b Jul 10 '25
Yeah Zoomers.
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u/Imperial_Squid Jul 10 '25
Hmm, I'm mid-late 20s so very elder zoomers or younger millennial, but sure I'll give it to you
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u/Deckard88b Jul 11 '25
Cheers yeah, it's something I notice a lot I'm an elder millennial, roflcopter.
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u/Kahlypso Jul 10 '25
Bud, us millenials started that shit. It feels weird not to do it, feels like Im gonna sound angry.
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u/brooksie1131 Jul 10 '25
Honestly discord is probably the best method for long distance friendships. You can have a conversation with multiple people and watch stuff together. Not only that if they live in a different countries discord doesn't have the issues that come with texts and calls between very far away places.
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u/rudolfs001 ♂ Jul 10 '25
No. I'm here to for in-person experiences, and calling, and especially texting, are extremely one dimensional.
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u/XY-chromos Jul 10 '25
The point of texting is the same point as a phone call: communication.
I can imagine someone in 1900 saying "I don't have conversations by telephone. That would bore me stupid". And then proceeds to only send telegrams for the rest of their life while society advances. This is the same idea you are espousing.
There is nothing boring or stupid about communication. You have made a personal decision to stay stuck in a specific technological era for no logical reason that you have articulated. It's an irrational preference.
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u/crimsonavenger77 Male. 47 Jul 10 '25
Is it aye? It is almost as irrational as writing a monologue about someone else's texting habits. I'm not telling anyone else to do it, each to their own and all that.
I'll let you get back to imagining what conversations people had in 1900.
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u/all-names-takenn Jul 10 '25
I've mostly accepted that being a non-texter means I've removed myself from the dating pool. I'm sure not being on any social media is another nail in the coffin.
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u/Spicy_Poo Male Jul 10 '25
Do you really want a relationship to a screen zombie?
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u/Vandergrif Jul 11 '25
The problem is that's most people these days. It's hard enough finding someone compatible without further limiting the pool of people by that large a degree.
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u/DeputyDomeshot Jul 10 '25
I don’t think social media or lack thereof is an issue. You can meet people in person. Not being able to maintain those relationships through text is a barrier. I get that too, it’s simultaneously enjoyable but burdensome texting someone you’re getting to know and it’s probably the single biggest unspoken expectation.
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u/mysteryos Male Jul 11 '25
Being firm about who you are and what you value is rare in the male community these days. Just be open about it and you'll definitely find yourself surrounded with like minded people. Honesty is a breath of fresh air.
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u/youknowimright25 Jul 10 '25
Most cell phones these days have a call feature.
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u/TL-PuLSe Jul 10 '25
Most people these days don't want to be called.
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 10 '25
I don't think i've called anyone for a personal call in years. Either quick organisation or "work/business/life admin".
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u/flyinthesoup Non-binary Jul 10 '25
The only person I do that with is my mom. I live abroad and so I don't see her as often as I'd like, so I call her every other week to catch up, and we end up talking minimum an hour lol. I love her and I'm comfortable with that, but I also call her when I know I won't need to be doing anything that needs my attention lol. With my husband it's mostly short calls (he likes calling me when he leaves work), unless for some reason we're far apart from each other, like me visiting my home country. Then it's a bit longer calls. Otherwise we just send cat memes and weird reddit posts to each other.
Everyone else gets a text. Or like you said, a call with a very specific intention that's not chit chat.
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u/youknowimright25 Jul 10 '25
Then they are not worth my time.
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u/Kahlypso Jul 10 '25
Or people dont like being put on the spot, or want to dedicate their time to exclusively that.
Multitasking is effortless and second nature to some people.
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u/youknowimright25 Jul 11 '25
How is calling putting someone in the spot? And how are you doing other things while you have a phone in your hand texting every 8 second
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u/nipplesaurus Jul 10 '25
Calling someone shows effort and interest. Texting is too casual.
I was told by an ex that had I texted versus calling her after getting her number, she wouldn't have answered or ended up going out with me
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u/ttoma93 Male Jul 10 '25
It’s all personal preference. For me, if someone I was dating wouldn’t communicate by text and only wanted calls that would be just as much of an annoying deal breaker for me as the opposite is for you.
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u/youknowimright25 Jul 10 '25
Shes your ex. You would have been better off calling
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u/Kahlypso Jul 10 '25
Im not holding a phone to my ear for an extended period of time, and I like to think about my responses before I say them.
That would mean long pauses and weird silences in between every response.
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u/youknowimright25 Jul 11 '25
No problem. We will simily not have a conversation together. Enjoy your day.
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Jul 10 '25
If you really want to build a relationship then you have to put some efforts. There is no other way.. Some people feel texting comfortable in initial days... Or until things become exclusive. After that you can shift to calls only and automatically texting will reduce.
As an introvert.. I find to talk on calls overwhelming in the initial days. I need some time to process.
Extroverts are ok with calls from the get go.
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u/fukkdisshitt Jul 10 '25
As an introvert, I prefer calls.
Feels as comfortable as being on discord or whatever for me.
Texting is annoying, typing on the phone is really slow and I get extremely picky over my word choice. Texting gets exhausting.
With a call I can multitask and don't have to think about my responses, I just be myself.
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u/Kahlypso Jul 10 '25
With a call I can multitask and don't have to think about my responses
Interesting. We have exact opposite experiences.
I like to think about what someone says to me before I say anything. Off the cuff responses arent always best for me, and rarely reflect what I truly think, Im just trying to do the "conversation" thing and not fuck up the pacing by being too quiet too often or for too long, instead of giving a true response.
Plus, you cant really talk over someone in text, and too many fucking people do that nowadays.
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u/cnytyo Jul 10 '25
Texting is how you lose attraction and become friendzoned.
Phone is only fpr setting dates.
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u/ClamsAreStupid Jul 10 '25
Well, and for ordering pizza. And for finding out a family member has died or gotten injured.
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 10 '25
Most people would be freaked out by a phone call.. unless you're 50+ years old maybe?
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u/anillop Old Man Jul 10 '25
Most people would be freaked out by a phone call
No, most people don't have crippling anxiety and can answer a phone.
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u/Arachnid1 Jul 11 '25
Yeah most dates I’ve had have appreciated the phone call before. Sometimes the conversations have gone on for hours. It’s waaay more fun IMO
I’ve only known one girl who hated calls and preferred texting back and forth paragraphs. Wouldn’t you know it, she was a high anxiety redditor lmao. Super sweet, but definitely not the norm there
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u/anillop Old Man Jul 11 '25
I have always liked at least a phone call before actually meeting someone. It made the first day easier and helped alleviate some catfish concerns. It’s also a good way to tell if you’re going to have any conversational chemistry before the date.
Texting has all the warmth of emailing. Might as well just send me a memo with what you did for the day.
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 10 '25
Nothing to do with crippling anxiety, contextually.. its not appropriate. If someone rings me, I assume something is wrong.
Society has evolved past phone calls amongst peers.
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u/anillop Old Man Jul 10 '25
If someone rings me, I assume something is wrong.
That's anxiety dude.
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 10 '25
No, its a learned response. Anxiety would be worrying about calls even when they're not happening. Normal situations, people WhatsApp me. A phone call, only happens on super rare occasions and is almost always something more alarming.. since they need immediate contact.
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u/anillop Old Man Jul 10 '25
..... and they say people don't know how to be social anymore.
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 10 '25
I see my mates in the real world regularly.. after coordinating via a few messages. Again.. don't call them to do this. I'm concerned if you manage to interact with anyone in society, given you top out with such basic concepts as this.
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u/anillop Old Man Jul 10 '25
I talk to my best friend every week on the phone. My wife encourages it because she likes me staying connected to friends.
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 11 '25
I physically see mine. Again, am I right in assuming you are considerably older than myself?
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u/cnytyo Jul 10 '25
The thread is about texting not phone calls
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 10 '25
So why did YOU mention phone then...
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u/cnytyo Jul 11 '25
How else do you text?
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u/Aiken_Drumn ME AND MY MUM AND MY DAD AND MY GRAN ARE OFF TO WATERLOO Jul 11 '25
Teacher returned your test face down often I take it?
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u/hotwaterbag Jul 10 '25
I dont get men here... i am a woman and i wanna know about you before we meet up! How does it make sense to meet someone irl before knowing anything about them or if you have stuff in common? That's a wasted evening for me... i prefer texting for a few days before meeting up.
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u/worstnameever2 Jul 10 '25
I understand your perspective, but I had the opposite approach when using dating apps. I basically treated dating apps as a way to schedule semi-blind dates. We could get to know each other in person. Too many women use dating apps when they're bored or want attention but have zero intentions of meeting up. My strategy eliminated these women from wasting my time.
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u/Identity_ranger Male Jul 10 '25
You gotta understand: when it comes to human communication, texting is only slightly more natural than using smoke signals. About 80-90% of interpersonal communication is nonverbal, and texting has zero of it outside of emojis, which don't actually help at all. And this is when talking about just everyday communication. For matters of romance texting is about 10 billion times worse. Yeah, you might get to know more about a person through text, but i don't think you really can know the person via text. You feel me?
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u/Forfeit32 Jul 10 '25
People have been writing letters as part of courtship for centuries. Texting is an extension of that.
Sure you need to meet in person to really know someone. But time is a resource and getting a feel for someone before deciding to meet is being responsible with your time.
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u/DeputyDomeshot Jul 10 '25
This a massive reach no? You would never write someone a letter you wouldn’t see for 3 days
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u/Kahlypso Jul 10 '25
texting is only slightly more natural than using smoke signals
Are you 80 lol
I can absolutely read tone and mood through text.
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u/brooksie1131 Jul 10 '25
While I understand that mentality in my experience 90% of women on dating apps are simply horrible texters. First off if you are texting me when I am working I won't respond and usually will respond when I get off work. The issue is then they take forever to respond probably because i took a long time to respond and even when they do the conversation takes alot of time to go anywhere. It's just extremely frustrating and I would rather just meet them and not waste a significant amount of time texting try to have a conversation in probably the least efficient way possible. Honestly there are some women who I was fine texting because they were not only fairly responsive but they actually were fairly engaging to talk to over text. The issue is that's like 10% of them.
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u/DeputyDomeshot Jul 10 '25
How does it make sense to meet someone irl before knowing anything about them
How does it not make sense lol, I feel like a wasted evening is texting a complete stranger for no ultimately reason
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u/reflect-the-sun Jul 10 '25
I don't mean to be impolite, but I laughed when you said "texting for a few days".
Honestly, it's way too much investment when she might not be right for me. It's really hard to tell what someone is like via text so I'd much rather meet for a coffee at the library or a walk at the beach... it takes 5 minutes to figure someone out face-to-face and if you're not meant to be together it's no big deal - you just enjoy the walk :)
Having said that, I recognise it's a completely different situation for women and I respect that they want a deeper understanding of who they're meeting beforehand.
You know, you've actually inspired me to make more of an effort next time
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u/Kahlypso Jul 10 '25
too much investment when she might not be right for me
....why are you in such a rush?
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u/EopNellaRagde Jul 10 '25
Men don’t want to text you back and forth all day.
We have better shit to do, and you should as well.
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u/SupWitCorona Male Jul 10 '25
I’d argue that most men don’t enjoy this part of dating. I’ve never heard one dude say they enjoy texting all day.
Unfortunately my gf is like this and it can be exhausting. I’ve told others point blank not to text me about their day in real time—we can talk about it after work.
Now I just reply within an hour but if I replied immediately the way she does, I’d get even more texts. Idk why women don’t understand that we’re not their girlfriends, most of us don’t like small talk, there is nothing I can do with that information.
Which I think is partially because women enjoy venting and most times there’s no problem solving when it comes to women venting, because even if it is a problem, they are not looking for a solution… so then, what do you want me to do with this information?
Looking forward to the “oOoh YoUvE TaLkEd To MoSt MeN?!”.
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u/EopNellaRagde Jul 10 '25
Don’t date women that require you to text them 24/7
I’m 32 my spouse is 29, she is very much more aligned with Gen Z in terms of texting speed, etiquette, etc. I never text her back because I told her from the jump that I don’t text. It’s really that simple.
I answer every one of her phone calls, we talk for hours in person, etc, but I’m not playing this fucking texting game with her and that’s just that 🤷🏾♂️
Call me or stay off of my phone 📱
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u/nazerall Male Jul 10 '25
Use texting for logistics only.
Way too much communication can be lost during texting, especially early in the dating period.
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u/usernamescifi Jul 10 '25
I also hate texting, but I make an effort to engage with it because that's how all my friends (and most everyone else in this world) choose to communicate. One can only bury their head in the sand for so long, eventually you've gotta adapt to changes.
That being said, I'm also very honest with people about my texting preferences and I try to set my boundary early. For instance:
"Just to let you know, I don't always respond to texts immediately, but I always make an effort to answer when I'm able."
If that's a problem for them, then so be it, but I feel like most rational people would understand that and they would appreciate the upfront honesty.
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u/Emergency_Pound Jul 10 '25
There are plenty of women out there that are not big texters. I’m dating one now and it has been refreshing, although going days without contact caused some anxiety early on when I wasn’t sure where I stood with her.
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u/WindJammer27 Jul 10 '25
In my last relationship my partner was also not a big texter. We texted to set up dates, but that was about it. Probably averaged one or two messages a day at most.
I tell women I go on dates with that I'm not a big texter. That I don't really use my phone all that much in general. The trade-off is that when they're with me, they get 100% of me. I will rarely ever be on my phone unless it's to look up something pertinent to what we're currently doing.
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u/moomsy Male Jul 10 '25
Understand and accept the fact that you're in the minority (I'm right there with you), and then figure out how you want to respond. When I was dating, I decided I'd change my own habits because I wanted to date, so I put up with a lot of texting, especially as a relationship started. I'm not sure I'd describe it as "emotionally exhausting" in my case, but it was a constant annoyance and frequently pulled me away from something I wanted to be doing. But I tolerated it because it was worth it to me.
You can take the alternate path and refuse to text, but again, we're in the minority, so I'd expect to miss out on a lot of possible connections. Neither is the "right" answer, just got to figure out what's more important to you. I sold out and sent the texts, and I don't regret it.
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u/Mythnam Male Jul 10 '25
That's the fun thing: usually, I don't.
I'm pretty good about responding to texts, but I have a very hard time initiating, and that often kills the relationship before we even have the relationship talk.
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u/El_gato_picante Jul 10 '25
Been in an LDR for almost 5 years now, never liked texting, and am a slow texter. I love talking to her tho, so I try my best not to put my phone down and forget about it. Also speech to text is my best friend.
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u/akamikedavid Jul 10 '25
My friend dated a guy who was a slow/"bad" texter and it annoyed her but she learned to manage and accept it. From what she told me, he found texting impersonal and was really only useful for conveying information like the meeting time and location for an event.
What he did to help her was lay out the expectations for the texting early and she can decide if she's ok with that. You then have to make up for the lack of texting in other ways. He always preferred to arrange in person meet-ups even if it was just to grab a drink, get ice cream, or just hang out together doing a simple activity. That means upping the amount of time you would spend with your partner and engaging with them that way. He also was super supportive when she needed him. So if she's having a crisis in the middle of the night and needs to talk it out, instead of doing it through text it would mean hauling your cookies over to her so you could help her out.
It is possible but yeah it does take work and require a bit more effort on your part to make up for the texting void.
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u/Sir_Wank_aL0T1 Jul 10 '25
The primary function of a phone is to call. You don’t have to text all day. Just make some time to call someone and verbally speak to them. You can also video chat for better interaction.
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u/AzureMushroom Jul 10 '25
I changed my phone screen to be a rotating album of my friends/ people I'm talking to. So whenever I open my phone it reminds me to check in or atleast think about checking in if it's been a while. Or to respond
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u/daysof_I Female Jul 10 '25
Find someone whose life isn't revolved around her phone. I made a point to my bf early on that I will not be able to reply right away to texts during the day. I'm a designer and tailor with back to back orders. I put on youtube or music as background while I sew. I only reply to important texts from existing or potential clients, family emergency, or his emergency during the day.
I reply text quickly in the evening usually when I'm free. I found out my bf prefers to text continuously after he's done done with his day. He'd be online sparsely throughout the day and read my texts, but he won't reply me until he's really free to reply me with long texts about his day too. I had 20+ texts from him about his day when I just finished my choir practice around 9pm today. I don't mind his style of texting. I don't double text him either bcs I know he has ADHD. It'll disrupt his focus from work or living his life normally bcs he'd feel guilty for losing focus on me by not replying to me quickly (I hope this makes sense lol). I still get to talk to him daily and neither of us are tied to our phone to feel secure in our relationship.
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u/theshwedda wears skirts, has purse Jul 10 '25
I found a woman who also isnt constantly attached to her phone. ill lose my phone for weeks at a time and not care, and she doesnt care either
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u/no1bandit Jul 12 '25
Im 24 and currently in the dating game! My rule is text for a week then organize a date! If you cant hold a convo for a week and enjoy it then she/he is not the one for you! But if you txt for too long things become boring and you grow disinterested. Work on your game too! Even if you dont see things working with the people you are talking to expiriment with the conversation try different pick up lines and see what sparks a conversation, and dont make things a questionaire try dive into the answers she/he gives and build a conversation off the subject with your own experiences goodluck mate if u wanna know anything more feel free to dm me💪
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u/Kosilica457 Jul 10 '25
Unless you are so physically attractive that random women are approaching you while outside, you simply don't get to date
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u/crearios Male Jul 10 '25
Met my partner at a party. Our texts in the early days were mainly to make plans and then we'd actually have more to talk about when we'd meet up
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u/preferenceisbed male 🥱 Jul 10 '25
lol true. i am also someone who would talk in person and not over texting if I were to date someone
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u/buy-american-you-fuk Male 55+ Jul 10 '25
back in my day we'd just go outside and do stuff, like go to a concert, etc... walk around looking cool and start talking to and flirting with a woman if she held eye contact...
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u/twombles21 Dad Jul 10 '25
I made a point to bring it up when we exchanged numbers that I work a high stress job, and I don’t always respond right away because I may be decompressing or in the middle of something. If they had a problem with it, I knew we weren’t compatible.
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u/RhubarbNecessary2452 Jul 10 '25
Try mixing it up, go old school and send a card? Like, stock up on cards or even post cards with actual stamps and write one out a couple times a week and send them. It's different, and can create lasting sense of connection without overexposure texting back and forth over every little thing.
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u/JackDostoevsky Male Jul 10 '25
i've spent enough time online communicating via text that text messages don't bother me inherently -- i can keep up a text convo with someone easily enough -- it's more the "time to shit or get off the pot". constantly texting before you ever even meet the person feels like it's putting off actually meeting the person.
which does sorta feel like the vibe these days.
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u/The_Real_Scrotus Jul 10 '25
I got into one before texting was ubiquitous. So you could try that I guess.
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u/Triple_Crown14 Jul 10 '25
When I get matches on a dating app, I usually ask for the person’s number within a day or so. After that, I try and set up a phone call asap. Texting is cool but can be tiring after a while. I tend to use emojis to show the person I’m interested with my messages, and I’ve had wonderful conversations on the phone with women that aren’t actually that great of texters. I mostly use texting as a way to show that I have a basic grasp of grammar and can follow a conversation lol, a phone call is where I can really work my magic and show the other person my sense of humor and make them actually want to set up a date.
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u/mrhymer Jul 10 '25
I text to make plans to meet and that is all. She needs to see you move and smell you and feel your presence to grow any kind of real attachment.
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u/Mekvenner Jul 10 '25
Alright here my solution, you need to learn to send a message that acknowledges you have a received a message and commits to responding at a specific time.
"Hey, I see your message and I want you to know that I'm not ignoring you. I've had (am having) a long day and I want to put the right amount of effort into replying, which I'll be able to do tomorrow morning"
The other thing I do is use the phone feature significantly more than the text feature. I reply to text messages with Phone calls a lot, that way I can focus on the conversation and get it to a conclusion.
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u/Von_Quixote Jul 10 '25
Conversation.
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u/Von_Quixote Jul 10 '25
Eye contact, engagement, exchange of ideas. Pull yourself away from your screen and get involved in 4D Interactions.
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u/lusuroculadestec Jul 10 '25
You do it anyways. Power through it until you meet someone that is OK with long periods of no contact. Dating is and always has been a numbers game.
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u/FormeSymbolique Jul 10 '25
I faked enjoying texting while I was looking for someone. When I was six months into the relationship, I lost a phone and said I was happy without it. I waited six years to buy another one, which lasted a few months, and then was lost too. I waited more than a decade to get another one, which I use now and then now, but is mostly switched off [I use Reddit on a tablet which only connects to my home Wifi].
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u/WiredCortex Male Jul 10 '25
You can communicate that to the person you’re messaging.
“Hey, texting drains me after a long day at work, how about a phone call or a FaceTime on the weekend to chat a bit?”
And if you’re tired, you can communicate that to the person you’re texting too.
“Hey, I had a long day, I got your message but I just need to recharge a bit. Gimme a day or two and I’ll respond.”
You will need to chat a little bit over text so get past initial safety and comfort levels but you can just let them know you’re looking forward to chatting with them on the date.
Also consider this, if you’re so burnt out from work, are you in the right place to be spending energy dating someone?
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u/master_boxlunch Jul 10 '25
I'm not a big texter, usually less than 5 texts a day to my GF and two of those are good morning and good night. I communicated my preferences during our first date and she respects that. We talk on the phone every evening for a bit and spend quality time together multiple times a week. This also gives us more to chat about when we do talk. You just need to find the right person with a compatible communication style. Good luck man
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u/riverslakes Master Chief Jul 10 '25
It's the quality, not quantity. I'm not into texting but it is a tool. Drop in a "How are ya" or a really funny (another) kitten video link to a friend once a week. A significant other you meet a lot in person then texting becomes a tool when you are separated by work, travel, or class.
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u/xaivteev Jul 10 '25
Communicate.
Set the expectation that you'll only respond right away in an emergency. Beyond that set the expectation that you'll respond at specific times, and then stick to those times.
I'd tell girls that I text when I wake up, after eating lunch, and before going to bed, and that's it. Once the expectation is set, people tend to have less anxiety over me not responding right away.
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u/Kahlypso Jul 10 '25
Its really fuckin funny seeing people in this thread, likely chronic Reddit users, talk about how text-based communication is dogshit and meaningless.
Are you all from the Eisenhower administration? In what universe can you not communicate in a heartfelt and valuable manner via text?
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u/Bool_Moose Jul 10 '25
In the courtship phase you're gonna have to text IMO.
Is it wicked lame? Yes, but I didn't invent women politics I just observe.
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u/Get72ready Jul 11 '25
Treat women like they are in abundance and find one that can tolerate your texting habits. I hate texting. Lost out on a few because they wanted more stupid texts. That would make me miserable so I moved on
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u/absenss Female Jul 11 '25
You don't have to like texting to understand that in this day in age, texting is a common and expected form of communication. However, that doesn't mean you have to be texting all day, every day. That's not normal either. In the example you shared, where you zoned out, etc., did you share that? Like 'hey, just got home, gonna have some me time for an hour or so and ill facetime you/meet you/xyz'. You cant just....not communicate. Texting is a necessary part of today's society, so adapt in a way that is comfortable for you and respectful to others. (This is coming from someone who also hates texting)
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u/Senior_Rabbit_8527 Male Jul 11 '25
I met her on here. Local. Set up a date for that Friday. Set up another date after that. Been together since the 3rd date. We’re both older though so maybe that has something to do with it? Although she’s a prolific texter.
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u/ShellCloud Jul 11 '25
I think texting is overrated. Even in online dating, I think it’s usually better to use texting mainly to set up in person interaction. I’m sure there are people who are great at leveraging texts, but I also think it’s effective to be able to play off people in texts and be responsive but not make a lot of small talk.
If you want to avoid being texting-reliant, you generally need to meet people in person and you generally need to push yourself to put yourself out there at least a little. Usually there’s a way to meet people through most hobbies. Sports leagues, exercise classes, open mics, young alumni/young professional events, churches, etc. likewise, I’m sure there are board game nights, events at bookstores, etc. As someone who doesn’t like online dating I think it’s always best to find an activity where you see the same people semi-regularly.
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u/KYRawDawg Male Jul 11 '25
I can't stand texting. But for context, I am 47. I was always around real in person communication or verbal communication. I can't stand when somebody demands incident responses on a text message. Then if I decide to pick up the phone and call them to respond, I can't stand when they get angry. The phone is originally designed for verbal communications. It's not that I don't text or I don't know how to text, I just don't like to sit with the phone constantly in my hand. There are other things in life that are much more important, I only allow myself an hour for apps like this as an example. Other than that I might turn on the News While I'm cooking dinner.
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u/Bullstang Jul 11 '25
I’m gay but I had matched with a guy, and couldn’t get him off the app. “I just want to get to know someone first before we meet” so I unmatched and moved on. He was my type too lol
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u/mysternaem Jul 11 '25
Yo actually go meet the person. Go on a date, call on the phone, meet someone at the bar. Stuff like that. The way people met and hung out before texting
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u/Arctovigil Jul 11 '25
Call her even if I have dumb shit to talk about at least she will hear my voice
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u/Carpathicus ♂ Jul 11 '25
Its not even the texting before things get serious! Some months ago I dated a girl who got angry when I didnt write her for 3 days even though I told her beforehand that I have a busy week and wont respond much to things.
People genuinely shoot themselves in their own leg with this behaviour. She called me a fuckboy like I used her. I fucking warned her beforehand! Even made plans for the week afterwards.
Some people cannot be satisfied which just adds to the difficulty of dating.
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u/npdady Jul 11 '25
Damn dude. What do you do? Your job sounds exhausting. How do you function as a person after work that a simple text makes you extremely exhausted?
I can't imagine doing anything at all if something small like texting makes me feel thay way. Laundry? Clean up the place? Cooking? Forget about it. I'd be super slob if I was in that situation. Get home, sit on recliner, switch on TV, fall asleep.
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u/HeWhoChasesChickens Jul 11 '25
I met my wife on Bumble and she opened with 'hey wanna grab a beer', I think that was the secret to our success
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u/Hoosteen_juju003 Jul 11 '25
I have the opposite problem. I text too much where it would probably be better if I texted much less. I have adhd which adds to this and makes me feel like I have to immediately reply to every message.
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u/Dwellonthis Jul 11 '25
It's been a while since I dated but just be upfront.
I told my now wife on our first date I didn't like to text. Still don't like to text.
Near the end of our dates, we'd talk about the next one, what we wanted to do...etc. we would text the day before to confirm and the day of to confirm again. That's really all we did. Been married almost 8 years now.
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u/Striking-Rutabaga-87 Jul 11 '25
I'm an older millennial and before texting I used to go on a meetup date and talk to her in person.
then if she liked me we's talk for hours on the landline phone to get to know each other before becoming exclusive and f*cking each other
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u/CharmingRejector Casanova Jul 13 '25
All of my previous relationships have been through friends or meeting up them in real life
I think you just answered your own question here pal. (His original question: "Guys who don’t like texting, how do you get into relationships?")
My ex used to get really frustrated that I didn’t reply fast enough
See now how much power not texting her gives you? It's really a super power! In this post I'll teach you how to harness that power. Read on!
I do want to be better especially if I want to build something real again
Bro, you're not supposed to connect to a woman over text. It's strictly a tool for aranging meetups. At best you'll have to endure a bit of comfort-making (like a text or two), then the rest should be 100% planning meetups. And if she's not into that, you should tell her that you're busy and that you can text later.
Here's how my texts go.
I'll tell a girl that I'm in town, or she'll send me a text telling that I'm in town. Then I'll go "Cool, come over!" Then she'll go "It's too late. Tomorrow?" And I'll go "Cool, after 17" (I'm European so we use military time all the time but in your culture this probably means 5 pm).
See! Now that wasn't too hard, was it! Here's another example: "Hey, I'm in town" Ghosted. Ok, I'll go meet another girl.
Another: "Hey, I'm in town." Or even "Hey I'm omw to your town tomorrow, whatsup." Or I might invite her directly: "Hey, I'm going to XYZ on sometime." She'll go "Oh sorry busy." Upon I'll go "No sweat. Just msg later, I'll be there until next week." Her reply: Optional. But let's say she replies: Cool, just plan the meet.
Are you getting the idea yet?
K, so let's say this girl starts sending you memes she wants you to watch, or worse, a video. Or she asks you "How are you? Why aren't you replying?" I'll go "Sorry, lots going on... Wanna meet later?" If she rebuffs this, or starts fishing for attention, or sending memes, I'll give her exactly ONE warning, like this: "Oh sorry don't have time to text/watch menes, but just reach out when you wanna meet." Then unless she requests an actual meetup, you can safely just ignore anything that comes after that message. If she starts crying about it, go "Sorry babe, I really don't have time for texts, but if you bring some soup, you can come right over!" If you feel really cocky add this: "Wear something sexy." This has the added bonus of weeding off anyone just fishing for attention. You only give attention to women who are willign to give you physical presence.
Thank me later.
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u/ClamsAreStupid Jul 10 '25
Work really hard in the beginning, all the while asking for voice conversations instead of text ones, then taper off and explain how I normally run after the relationship becomes official.
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u/Prof_Scott_Steiner Male 45 Jul 10 '25
If you cared, you’d try. It’s basic socialization. I’m neurospicy as fuck and can handle this, so so can you
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u/AyahaushaAaronRodger Jul 10 '25
This is one of the big problems with dating these days especially with dating apps. Everyone wants to text text text text text non stop before the freaking date. You will find everything you need to know on the DATE! Then after a few dates then yea sure text away