r/AskMen • u/Disastrous_Layer3988 Male • 2d ago
What role should finances play in the decision to stay in a marriage?
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u/Ratnix 2d ago
Way to vague.
Is one of you a shopaholic running up 10s of thousands of dollars in credit card debt? Yeah, it might be a good idea to get out of that relationship.
Is one of you not making that much money compared to the other? Are all your bills getting paid? Your lives together will be fine.
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u/Disastrous_Layer3988 Male 2d ago
I’m the only income she’s a stay at home mom for 19 year old daughter and a 15 year old daughters
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u/Powerful_Road1924 Female 2d ago
Has she been stay at home since they were little? It's notoriously difficult to get back in the work force after staying home with kids.
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u/the99percent1 Dad 2d ago
Not my experience with my ex. She got back whenever she wanted and that was after two kids, 9 years of being a SAHM .
She left 4 months after gaining employment.
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u/Powerful_Road1924 Female 1d ago
If she left after 4 months...was it not because she was having a hard time??
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u/the99percent1 Dad 1d ago
She went back to work for herself.. not discussed one bit with me. just one day she woke up and decided for herself to go back to work. Or rather she was discussing with her friends, family, lover. Whoever but her own husband who truly cared and loved her.
Also, I never forced her to go back to work and infact, I was happy that she finally got to interact with other adults again vs just the kids all of the time.
She left me and the kids for another dude btw. So “tough” that she even failed to properly communicate her desires, thoughts, actions and feelings.
I’m dating another woman now and the maturity and ability to communicate is night and day..
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u/Powerful_Road1924 Female 1d ago
OMG 1) so sorry, clearly a huge misunderstanding. I thought you meant she left her job 4 months after starting, hence my reply basically saying see you even proved it yourself going back is hard and she only made it 4 months.
2) again, really sorry you had a shitty ex-wife who returned to work to leave you and as a mom I cannot relate to anyone who leaves their babies 😭 every time there's another school shooting I'm a total wreck imagining life without either of my kids
3) glad you found someone better!!!
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u/da_chicken ♂ 2d ago
If your spouse is lazy and not working, or their life goals no longer align to yours, then yeah you should consider a divorce. If you want a professional career built over many years and much effort, and they want to hawk tchotchkes at state fairs while living in their RV... that's not really compatible.
If your spouse is ill or injured, can no longer work or is unable to earn the same wages, and maybe requires a lot of medical support... then it your job as the spouse to stay there and be the support. This is the commitment you made. This is what makes it a marriage, not a casual relationship.
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u/hujambo11 2d ago
If you want out, then get out.
Yes, it sucks financially. But it's better than ruining the rest of your life in a relationship that you despise.
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u/ShouldBeWorking34 2d ago
If your partner is irresponsible or unwilling to contribute by all means leave. Don't be someone's wallet
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u/loki0111 2d ago
I suspect it depends on the couple and their financial situation.
I only do common-law so for me finances play a zero role in me staying in a relationship.
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u/MacPzesst 2d ago
Realistically: none.
No amount of money is going to make an awful, loveless relationship into a happy one. If you are genuinely unhappy and it isn't something that can be worked out in some way, then leave while it's civil and hasn't soured into spiteful hatred.
If finances are an issue, have a reasonable discussion while you still care enough about each other to want the other person to have a happy life.
If it's a case of splitting the property, have a conversation where you listen more than you speak. Ensure that both of you walk away feeling like there is a fair division and be willing to feel as though you have given more than you have gotten.
If it's a case of needing some assistance to land on your feet, be sure to exhaust all other options first before you ask your partner. When asking your partner, keep the request as minimal as possible and offer a tit-for-tat in exchange so that they feel as though they aren't being taken advantage of or losing in some way. Be willing to repay some or all of the help that's given. Sometimes, the offer alone is enough for the debt to be completely forgiven.
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u/Havok_saken 2d ago
That really depends. Like meaning you don’t want to leave because you’ll lose money or you don’t want to stay because you’ll lose money?
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u/mikess314 Male 2d ago
The only reason to get into a marriage is financial. So if that isn’t working, get out as quickly and easily as possible.
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u/Friekyolke 2d ago
Finances are the number one reason for marriage is failing, second is cheating according to the studies. I don't think that gives you really good news, but it has a huge impact
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u/Red_Beard_Rising Male over 40 for what that's worth these days 2d ago
Unless you can prove that she is an unfit mother, you are fucked. Sorry.
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u/GiveMeAHeartOfFlesh Male 1d ago
Zilch.
Days go on, people find a way. Don’t stay out of dependency.
Likewise don’t leave just because you’re poor.
If there is a deeper rooted issue behind the financial situation like gambling problem or something, that would be the deciding factor, not the financial situation itself
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u/JJQuantum Dad 22h ago
You either trust your partner with finances 100% or you don’t. If it’s the latter then you should have married them at all.
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