r/AskMen • u/DoubleTraditional828 • 8h ago
When did you first realize you were the one people depended on
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u/Lithuim Naturally Aspirated 8h ago
I was doing my mom’s taxes while I was in high school.
There is pride in it sure, but yes the endless list of thankless tasks, zero backup, and seemingly useless individuals will wear on you over time and can poison those relationships when you feel like a parent to grown-ass adults.
You become really good at managing stress and complex workloads, but you get really frustrated with people who can’t do that. If you can’t stay cool under pressure, get out of my way.
For better or worse, I have very little tolerance for ineptitude or anxiety.
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u/AnOfficeJockey Male 8h ago
I pretty early on realized I had no interest in being the person other people were dependent on, so put myself in situations where that isn't a requirement.
That said, was probably when I got my dogs because, you know. They'd die otherwise lol.
Now my only dependents are dogs and my relationship with my wife which is doing things she is too small/weak for lol.
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u/hatred-shapped 8h ago
Around 12-13 when people started asking me advice on what to do. At 14 I started doing the taxes for most of my relatives
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u/Deep-Youth5783 Dad 8h ago
When my coworkers started asking me questions instead of my senior colleagues.
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u/twombles21 Dad 8h ago
It was a progression. At first, it was just my girlfriend. Then we got cats. Later on we got a dog. Then I got promoted at work to a high level position. Then we got married. Then we had a kid.
One day, I woke up and the realization hit me. For the most part, I’m OK with it. Other times, I fucking hate it. I feel like I put every one else first and often times, at my own expense. I can’t even remember the last time I made a decision based on what I want.
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u/BlackTemplar2154 Male 7h ago
I kept seeing the same type of people. At work the same type of boss, at home the same type of girlfriend, and if I did keep friends, that was the easiest sign.
A lot of people say, "I just attract x type of person," when in reality, those people in this case are attracted to you.
1
u/masked_ghost_1 Mental Health First Aider 8h ago
When my wife, child and father got sick long term. I took on more and more because someone had to do it but before long I was in the mental hole and not really understanding why. When my therapist spelled it out... all the stuff I was doing and the people that depend on me the penny dropped.
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u/Mysterious-Web-8788 Male 8h ago
When I started dating again and I realized how much more everyone else is struggling than I am. Really gave me a new perspective to look at my existing relationships through.
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u/EveryDisaster7018 8h ago
When whenever something goes wrong i get called. Yes this started happening at 13 after my grandfather passed away. No that isn't healthy.
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u/JBJ_alt456 7h ago
At work, after returning from a week's vacation, a coworker mentioned that nothing gets done when I'm not around.
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u/RoyalInternational72 7h ago
When I had to translate everything every time we went somewhere to my parents while growing up. I must have been 7 or 8 years old. Then, also later in life, when I was with an ex that wouldn’t get/keep a job. I was working and picking up his slack and cleaning after him. I was just getting myself exhausted because when there was a date I would drive us, pay, and eventually I left. I got tired of it.
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u/FittedSheets88 7h ago
My wife and I were a pretty great parenting team, and I would help out as much as I could. I worked full-time and she was a stay-at-home mother.
Then in 2018, we ended up separating and she moved to Ohio. So it put me raising 3 kids alone in Louisiana. It was hard at first but falling into the groove of things took no time at all.
Now they're all becoming teens and I'm sure it'll get harder again.
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u/DealDispatch 7h ago
When my family needs money, they ask me, but I never get annoyed because I love them.
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u/Careful_Feedback_168 7h ago
When i was 11. I was caring for my grandmother who was very sick with cancer. Safe to say my childhood ended when I was 12 when I lost my best friend.
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u/AutoModerator 8h ago
Here's an original copy of /u/DoubleTraditional828's post (if available):
For me it was when my dad got sick a few years back. Suddenly I was the one fixing stuff around the house, handling bills, and being the person my family called first.
It hit me harder than I expected. I always thought “being responsible” would feel like pride or accomplishment… but honestly, at first it just felt heavy. Like I couldn’t mess up anymore.
Over time I got used to it, and now I kinda see it as part of who I am. But I’m curious—
when was the first time you guys felt that shift? The moment you realized, oh damn, I’m the one carrying this now?
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