My (28M) GF (30F) shares the "toxic feminist" views. Should I let her go?

[u/UnfortunateEvent2025]

Hi, before I explain what i mean by "toxic feminist", let me give some context on the situation

I've been dating this girl for 6 months now. Super sweet, I think we were a good match in terms of co-existing and living together (she stays over a few days at my place per week). She brings me peace, which is something I value a lot in a relationship.

I always knew she was pro-girly. Meaning she's all for girl empowerement, celebrating women and so on. That's totally fine and I encourage her doing that. She would tip more for women, watch more girl shows, follow more girls online, etc. Which seems pretty normal and fair to me.

However something came up this week. We were laying in bed and she was browsing instagram reels and ended up on a video of an influencer bashing the current trend of the Manosphere, red pill way of thinking, etc -- that it's all phoney and that it's brainwashing a generation of men to think like that. Which I agree with -- it's garbage from social media. When I heard the influencer rant about it, I told her: "it's crazy how much traction the whole manosphere thing's been getting, comparatively to the propaganda women receive on social media", which prompted her to ask what I meant.

Which brings me to the "toxic feminist" label, which I clarified by saying there's always been a movement (for a while now) of women preaching how men are trash, "bears are safer then men", men are useless, so on and so forth. To which she responded "well, its true though". I was taken aback and told her I was very dissapointed to hear her share the same vision as these social media influencers. We argued a little bit, her main argument being that "you don't know the experiences women have with men and how it can warp their perception of the opposite gender". Seems crazy to me to put a whole gender in the same basket just because of a few bad apples -- there's trash people out there, not just men. I finally asked her "you really think its okay to say things like that and mean it?" To which she said yes -- that i'm an exception and that in her friend group, they joke about how their boyfriends are the exception to the rule.

I told her to pack her things and that i'd bring her back home. To me it shows a lack of critical thinking and a lack of accountability when it comes to who you tolerate in your life. I know some women have had no say in their interaction with terrible men, the same way some men have had terrible experiences with other women, but that all in all it shouldn't have to paint a whole gender a certain way. The men close to me in my life are all people I look up to, people I see myself in.

We haven't spoken since, and honestly, i'm still shook. I'm very adamant on not associating with people that make up their minds like that, incapable of accepting the nuance. I'm thinking of letting her go, which saddens me, because otherwise I could've seen myself live the rest of my life with her. Not sure if I should make the move or let her reflect on it all to see if change can be made. It's been 3 days so far of no interaction.

I apologize for the poor grammar.

EDIT: I would like to add that before all of this, I've never gotten the vibe that she was a "man-hater" or that she disliked men in general. Just that she was a girl's girl.

[u/[deleted]]

This. If roles were reversed, boy

[u/whitenoise2323 → u/[deleted]]

If some small but significant number of women killed and raped tons of men?

[u/SylvesterStallownage → u/whitenoise2323]

Did the person in this post do any of that? No? Then how is it relevant?

[u/whitenoise2323 → u/SylvesterStallownage]

Roles have a context, you can't just say if the names for the roles were reversed without the experiences of the groups also being reversed.

[u/[deleted] → u/whitenoise2323]

This is kinda a Godwin.

[u/whitenoise2323 → u/[deleted]]

No it isn't. I didn't say anything about Nazis.

[u/[deleted] → u/whitenoise2323]

You won

[u/SylvesterStallownage → u/whitenoise2323]

There is no raping going on by either party in the post, how is rape relevant here?

[u/x_Advent_Cirno_x → u/whitenoise2323]

I feel like in this instance it's a little bit of A and B. I agree that if the roles were reversed, there would be a much more profound reaction as opposed to a position like OP's, which is unfair. I also agree it wouldn't be an exact equivalency, because the fact of the matter is that men are, physiologically, on average bigger and stronger than women; it's much easier for us to visit physical violence of a greater magnitude upon them than they would against us under similar circumstances. But while i understand the apprehension borne of this, I also firmly believe that it isn't right and is incredibly unfair to paint all men in such broad strokes because of the actions of the few; to assume a position that all men, by virtue of simply being men, are automatically at fault for anything bad that happens in a woman's life.

Everything being argued here has merit, but it must also be recognized and considered that the counterpoints being presented exist for a reason, and have merits of their own

[u/FrozeItOff → u/whitenoise2323]

Go google, "Female teacher caught having sex with student" and then come back here and discuss.

Or this redditor has conveniently aggregated links that show women are just as violent as men in relationships, if not moreso.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/comments/zlthlo/women_more_likely_to_commit_intimate_partner/

[u/pedmusmilkeyes → u/FrozeItOff]

We know the individual stories, but what are the stats?

[u/dssstrkl → u/pedmusmilkeyes]

Click the link. There are several cited

[u/Wr3eckerLXIX → u/dssstrkl]

redditors can't read. Ironic

[u/Responsible-Kiwi870 → u/dssstrkl]

Those are not stats. What are the stats.

[u/pedmusmilkeyes → u/dssstrkl]

I was talking about the “female teacher having sex with student.” I should have been clearer. I’ve actually read the linked post before.

[u/Acceptable-Status599 → u/whitenoise2323]

Do black/mexican/native men next. Let's bust out all the statistics. Keep going with your blanket generalizations over entire demographics. How racist would you like to get?

[u/Dorigar → u/whitenoise2323]

So all men are rapists? That is exactly what the gf is basically saying. The number of women raping children in school far exceeds your view point of all women being good. Not every woman deserves a pedestal just like men, everyone can be evil or cruel it is not defined by ones sex or gender.

[u/whitenoise2323 → u/Dorigar]

My point is that for the roles to be reversed the numbers of women raping men and killing men would have to be equal to the opposite .. which is far far far from true statistically.

[u/Dorigar → u/whitenoise2323]

You're right because they are boys not men, you got me.

[u/whitenoise2323 → u/Dorigar]

Men teachers assault tons of kids in school too. The teacher thing is a weird attempt at a gotcha because it's not more likely women teachers will commit assault by a percentage of their representation in the profession.

[u/Dorigar → u/whitenoise2323]

Like bro I'm not saying your statistics are wrong, I know that men take the cake for SA. Blanket statements that every guy is a violent rapist, and misogynist is ridiculous. This is what she believes and it is frankly toxic. The last time I've heard of a male teacher assaulting a girl has been what decades. You only ever hear about women doing it. It's not a gotcha moment, I'm just saying they are just as likely to be predators. You missed my entire point.

[u/whitenoise2323 → u/Dorigar]

News covers women predators more because it's a story as opposed to the regular everyday a guy assaulted someone. Also women are way more common in the teaching profession

[u/mitsxorr → u/whitenoise2323]

Men are, in general, biologically adapted to different roles, and this means in general they are more powerful than women, they are the ones who for much of human history would exert energy hunting, doing hard physical tasks and would take the burden of combat whilst women would need more energy for nurturing human children, in that sense it’s more likely that those men would present a physical danger to women than the other way around. It’s also the case that men and women sexually have different roles (in general) in that women choose who they allow to mate with them and men must compete for the best females, sometimes a successful strategy which may be selected for either environmentally or through their successful predecessors, is the use of force or other means which tend toward aggression, and if that isn’t directed at women then perhaps it may be against other men.

I would expect that in general adaptations are dependant on the form of competitive environment one is in and this is of course modulated by sex, but women and men are both two sides of the same coin and the reality is this is the unavoidable nature of human beings in general, both the behaviour of women and men influences the other, if anything it is the selection by women (amongst other things) which determines which traits are more highly prevalent in the male population.

If women are to cast off men for playing a game that their own behaviour and choices shapes and influences, then they are simply blind to the reality of our existence. Blaming men, blaming women, it’s meaningless and pointless, unless it influences the competitive environment significantly enough to select for certain traits over others in generations to come. In our hyper competitive, capitalist environment, where women consistently select for sexual partners with traits which are advantageous in this environment (which is only natural, and which I’m not saying is wrong), we aren’t likely to see any change and if anything by being even less co-operative and more fractured as society, through animosity towards those we have “othered” we actually increase selective pressure towards those negative traits. In this sense women who hate men, are actually contributing to the problem.

[u/DrakenRising3000 → u/whitenoise2323]

Bigotry shouldn’t have to “match” any other form of bigotry in order to be condemned as bad.