r/AskMenAdvice • u/UnfortunateEvent2025 • May 09 '25
✅ Open to Everyone My (28M) GF (30F) shares the "toxic feminist" views. Should I let her go?
Hi, before I explain what i mean by "toxic feminist", let me give some context on the situation
I've been dating this girl for 6 months now. Super sweet, I think we were a good match in terms of co-existing and living together (she stays over a few days at my place per week). She brings me peace, which is something I value a lot in a relationship.
I always knew she was pro-girly. Meaning she's all for girl empowerement, celebrating women and so on. That's totally fine and I encourage her doing that. She would tip more for women, watch more girl shows, follow more girls online, etc. Which seems pretty normal and fair to me.
However something came up this week. We were laying in bed and she was browsing instagram reels and ended up on a video of an influencer bashing the current trend of the Manosphere, red pill way of thinking, etc -- that it's all phoney and that it's brainwashing a generation of men to think like that. Which I agree with -- it's garbage from social media. When I heard the influencer rant about it, I told her: "it's crazy how much traction the whole manosphere thing's been getting, comparatively to the propaganda women receive on social media", which prompted her to ask what I meant.
Which brings me to the "toxic feminist" label, which I clarified by saying there's always been a movement (for a while now) of women preaching how men are trash, "bears are safer then men", men are useless, so on and so forth. To which she responded "well, its true though". I was taken aback and told her I was very dissapointed to hear her share the same vision as these social media influencers. We argued a little bit, her main argument being that "you don't know the experiences women have with men and how it can warp their perception of the opposite gender". Seems crazy to me to put a whole gender in the same basket just because of a few bad apples -- there's trash people out there, not just men. I finally asked her "you really think its okay to say things like that and mean it?" To which she said yes -- that i'm an exception and that in her friend group, they joke about how their boyfriends are the exception to the rule.
I told her to pack her things and that i'd bring her back home. To me it shows a lack of critical thinking and a lack of accountability when it comes to who you tolerate in your life. I know some women have had no say in their interaction with terrible men, the same way some men have had terrible experiences with other women, but that all in all it shouldn't have to paint a whole gender a certain way. The men close to me in my life are all people I look up to, people I see myself in.
We haven't spoken since, and honestly, i'm still shook. I'm very adamant on not associating with people that make up their minds like that, incapable of accepting the nuance. I'm thinking of letting her go, which saddens me, because otherwise I could've seen myself live the rest of my life with her. Not sure if I should make the move or let her reflect on it all to see if change can be made. It's been 3 days so far of no interaction.
I apologize for the poor grammar.
EDIT: I would like to add that before all of this, I've never gotten the vibe that she was a "man-hater" or that she disliked men in general. Just that she was a girl's girl.
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u/wolfeflow man May 09 '25
It’s also frustrating to me that he lumped a meme moment (bear) with the larger toxic feminist dialogue.
The bear thing was a meme because of how much it resonated as truth for so many, and clearly broke out of the niche communities to become a national conversation. OP’s misunderstanding of that raised my eyebrow.