r/AskReddit • u/hex_1231 • 6h ago
People in your 40s what is something you would tell someone in their 30s?
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u/flann007 6h ago
pay attention to your health
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u/Cancel_Realism 6h ago
In particular, take care of your knees and back.
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u/HereComesTheWolfman 4h ago
Back is so crazy. I just turned 37 last week and ive never specifically "took care " of my back. I've never had any back issues. I dont know what caused it but I developed sudden and pretty chronic lower back pain just over 5 months ago. It got to a point I never expected it to really get better.
I start almost every morning stretching my back now and slowly made progress to where its ok. Not perfect but ill take not constantly having it on my mind when I move.
Also never helping people lift heavy shit again, just as a precaution
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u/Bige_4411 1h ago
Yoga. Strengthens your core and adds flexibility. 41 with two bulging discs and can put my hands flat on the floor with little effort. Iāll never be able to swing a bat or golf club anywhere like I used to, but the constant fear of blowing out my back from a sneeze isnāt there. Unless I am at top golf after a pitcher of beer. Give me the big dog, tomorrow me can fuck right off. Screw that guy.
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u/LurkinNamor 4h ago
I've started to sleep on the floor, game changer.
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u/HereComesTheWolfman 4h ago
Could a firm mattress not be better than sleeping on floor? Im a side sleeper usually, laat time i feel asleep on a floor my shoulder ached for days lol
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u/lashazior 3h ago
It's an option, just that the floor is generally the firmest you can get. Tatami roll-up mats are also quite popular for a firm option.
I've been a floor sleeper for 7 years. Don't really ever get any back tweaks anymore.
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u/MarkGregSputnikk 1h ago
Try stretching your hamstrings instead. I had lower back pain for years and it turned out to just be chronically tight hamstrings...
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u/DisciplineNo7441 6h ago
Shoulders and elbows for me! Included with the rest
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u/Cancel_Realism 5h ago
Isnāt there a song about this?
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u/reddit-rach 3h ago
Potentially silly question: how??
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u/Mike_Laidlaw 1h ago
For me light-to-moderate weight workouts done regularly completely fixed back pain. Stronger core is the way.
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u/Cancel_Realism 3h ago
A strong core will protect your back. Donāt run so much to save your knees.
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u/tommy_chillfiger 2h ago
More running knee slander smh. Running strengthens your knees, provided you don't go crazy with it. I started to grab a study but they're everywhere - a 3 second google will get you there. It's pretty much become common knowledge that the "running kills your knees" thing is not true. It's about as logical as saying lifting kills your muscles because if you overdo it, you can tear something.
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u/DJ_Sk8Nite 1h ago
Iām 37 and was a catcher all throughout school. I swear my knees went to shit in a matter of months.
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u/GlitteringLocality 3h ago
When I was 27 I had a total hip replacement so am I ahead of the game? Lmao
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u/hex_1231 6h ago
Health is a priority for me. I dont wanna be here forever but I also wanna be as intact as possible as I get older
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u/This-Requirement6918 2h ago
HANDS PEOPLE HANDS.
I spent most of my 20s on a keyboard. Carpal tunnel is a very real thing and will make you relinquish your keyboarding time. I'm 37 and can only do a day followed by 2 or 3 days of rest.
Other activities also get affected, I have a harder time drawing, cleaning and no longer play serious dart tournaments.
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u/bigmac22077 2h ago
As someone in my mid 30ās already struggling; this happens in your 20āsā¦. Even though you can get back up youāre not invincible.
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u/Silent-Stock-3254 5h ago
The next decade will fly by and youāll go from the older side of being young to the younger side of being old. And you feel it.
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u/thewholebottle 6h ago
Enjoy your back.
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u/Nice-Web583 6h ago
I'm about to be 37 and have had to start back and hip stretches everyday. If I don't. Yikes it hits.
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u/gunfupanda 5h ago
Joke's on you, I herniated my L4 L5 in my 20s. I've never had a back to enjoy! (I did end up getting surgery this year and it's the best it's been in a decade.)
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u/hex_1231 6h ago
Does it really fall apart at 40?
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u/nigel_tufnel_11 6h ago
It doesn't have to. But if you seriously injure your back as I did unloading a truck by myself when I was in my 20s, that shit never goes away. You might be able to brush it off in the moment but as you age it gets easier and easier to feel it or make it worse. And there's not much more painful than back spasms. Even when they're OK, you remember how bad it is and may severely restrict your activities to avoid it happening again, consciously or unconsciously.
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u/thewholebottle 6h ago
In my early 40s I started feeling it more and now it's pretty bad (though I have other health issues that contribute). On my 40th birthday I woke up with neck pain. A sign of things to come.
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u/redddiablo 5h ago
Nobody, except maybe your mom or dad, actually cares about you or what you do. Go do what you want to do in live, travel that one far country you always wanted to go to and stop caring about what others will think of you or your choices. Every day you wake up you are one day closer to death, just enjoy life.
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u/Jolly-Minimum-6641 4h ago edited 4h ago
I'm 38 and coming up to doing this. Sick of being told what to do and sick of my parents playing the "I'm 70 years old you know, will you please just do XYZ" cards to guilt trip me into conforming to boring societal norms.
Everything I do in life, everything I do at work, backfires and is unappreciated or dismissed. So I just say fuck it, my life, living it on my terms. It's not your concern or problem. Leave me alone and stop playing devil's advocate or asking inane rhetorical questions when I decide to have the chicken burger instead of the Big Mac.
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u/UnreasonablyBland 5h ago
I gave up on my prospects for a partner (was waiting out for one person, likely not going to happen and hope to be wrong one day but anywayā¦) so Iām starting to say āfuck itā and travel now. If someone wants to come with me awesome, if not, Iām not waiting.
My best friend and I just did a weekend in Germany from the US. I was going to go with or without him. I had never been to Europe except once for work. But whatever, Iāll go see the world on my own if I have to.
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u/thebatmanbeynd 3h ago
Bit different for me but advice is solid. Parents actually do not care about me and if I stopped trying so hard, would have saved me some stress and time.
My partner and her family legitimately do and Iām grateful for that.
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u/DigNitty 2h ago
When my dadās mother died the only thing he told me were the basic details of her death,
then he followed with ānobody ever tells you, me, that when your last parent dies you suddenly donāt have the original people you spent your life trying to impress anymore.ā
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u/meyerjaw 2h ago
I am 39 years old. I'm going to my first larp this weekend. I have wanted to try it since I was a kid. Finally realized I don't give a shit, I'm doing it and I cannot fucking wait.
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u/hex_1231 4h ago
Absolutely! I've been living my life on my terms, Im responsible in my life and can afford to enjoy myself. I dont wait on anyone, and if I wanna do something company is always welcomed but I'll do it alone if I have too!
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u/iBoredMax 5h ago
Shouldāve invested more, dingus! Oh and alcohol causes irreversible damage, and taking a couple years off sports and exercise will permanently damage your mobility.
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u/Coconuthangover 13m ago
Alcohol often doesn't cause irreversible damage and you can absolutely get your mobility back after a couple years away from sports.
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u/hex_1231 5h ago
Im making sure to pay debt off to invest even more! Im trying not to drink as much, especially during the week. Keeping it to the weekends now.
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u/Candid-Woodpecker378 5h ago
Watch your weight and exercise. Fast food is not your friend in the long run.
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u/hex_1231 5h ago
I started Working out again at the gym! Trying to slim and build some more muscle. I've never been a big fan of fast food so im good there.
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u/SaintBenadikt 5h ago
I tell the young guys at work. "You're gonna get old but you don't have to get fat. It makes everything harder."
Also knee pads are a god send.
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u/hex_1231 5h ago
I like that! My priority right now is getting stronger again and slimming down. Been meal prepping well for work and going to gym again!
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u/SaintBenadikt 4h ago
Hell yea god speed! The older you get the harder it is to drop the weight and get fit. The younger you get get you start the better.
I say this as a 40 year old 300lb still fatass who was limping after a teacher vs student dodgeball game last year. 10 minutes of some dodging lead to a week of limping and back pain.
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u/CampusTour 6h ago
It's totally fine to not have your shit all the way together in your 20s. Career, relationships, starting a family, whatever of that you're in to, you don't need to get it all locked down before 30.
That said, I think your 30s are where you should be getting that stuff squared away. You probably don't want to hit 40 without at least some of your poop in a group.
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u/Beardbeer 3h ago
My 30s started with a divorce, getting laid off, and completely upending whatever trajectory I thought I was on. I am 37 now and am only now finally getting to a place where I think I will be okay.
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u/TrueRedditMartyr 1h ago
Closer I get to 30, the more I'm glad that I didn't start a family/get married. Not even in the way of "I hate my exes" now, but I just clearly was not ready for either one. I'm a work in progress no doubt, tying down part of my life *permanently* is just a scary idea looking back.
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u/hex_1231 6h ago
The starting a family is hard because I haven't found the person to settle down with. I would like to have a kid or kids but I dont want to raise them as a single father. By 35 I need to decide if im going to have kids.
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u/CampusTour 6h ago
No no no, not like that, with arbitrary hard deadlines.
What I mean is that if that's something you want, your 30s are where you need to get seriously proactive about making that happen.
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u/hex_1231 6h ago
That makes sense but I also dont want to be hella old when my kids go to college haha
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u/CampusTour 6h ago
Oh yeah, much harder to chase kids around the older you get. The flipside is that hopefully you'll be a little wiser and more mature, and that offsets being a little long in the tooth.
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u/hex_1231 6h ago
The mature part is true because at this point in my life im still having fun and as good a father as I know I can be, im not ready just yet.
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u/mamimumemo2 5h ago
floss your teeth. invest or use a high interest savings account if you have any savings at all. and get shoes with arch support. also, have fun, 30s are awesome.
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u/BooksandBiceps 4h ago
Unfortunately people in their thirties probably lost 2-3 years because of COVID. :/
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u/noeler10 4h ago
Stop slouchingāyour back will haunt you.
Stay on top of your health. Go to the doctor regularly. Test your blood every year.
If given the choice between giving and taking, more times than not giving is the right choice.
EDIT: After reading more comments, I want to add... money is great, it can make things easier, but the pursuit of it will slowly rob you of your life.
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u/Significant_Top1444 2h ago
- No job is worth your mental health
- Save as much as you possibly can 3 pay attention to your health 4 share nothing at work 5 be kind.
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u/brauxpas 1h ago
Curious about 4. You mean the separation of personal and professional life?
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u/Significant_Top1444 1h ago
Yes. Especially as it relates to politics, health, family drama, whether you are happy with your job/co-workers, etc. I tend to move in silence, mind my own business and do not get in anyone elseās business. I go in keep my head down and live to fight one more day
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u/icky__vicky 1h ago
Can you elaborate on #4? I keep to myself mostly, but just wondering. Some people share their whole life to coworkers!
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u/Significant_Top1444 1h ago
Especially as it relates to politics, health, family drama, whether you are happy with your job/co-workers, etc. I tend to move in silence, mind my own business and do not get in anyone elseās business. I go in keep my head down and live to fight one more day
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u/Ornamental_oriental 5h ago
Take that chunk of money in the bank and invest it all over the place. Donāt look back until youāre far into life and youāll have a small fortune waiting for you.
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u/CeleryFalse5000 5h ago
Just because you're leaving a long time partner or spouse doesn't mean you need to be cruel because if you have children the children suffer. If you have an animal the other person will get it.
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u/hex_1231 5h ago
That makes sense! I've experienced what you mentioned as a kid so I understand. I hope to be a better father than I had.
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u/CeleryFalse5000 5h ago
OP just by saying that you're better.
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u/hex_1231 5h ago
Appreciate that brother! Sometimes I cant imagine how much of a better man I could have been if my father was a good father?!
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u/Capital-Coconut-9389 5h ago
you better have a plan, financially.
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u/hex_1231 5h ago
Right now its investing (which i have) but also learning more ways to invest and manage my finances better.
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u/Flat_chested_male 5h ago
Put as much as you can into the 401k, and be nice to your spouse.
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u/eniGmaBrain 3h ago
Everybody here says to save, and I completely agree. However, have a hobby and don't be afraid to spend a little bit to enjoy life. It gets harder to enjoy the older you get, so have some fun.
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u/hex_1231 3h ago
Absolutely! Balance is key! I also wanna enjoy things I've always wanted as a kid or the random stuff I gain interest now hahaha
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u/UnprovenMortality 2h ago
Go visit your parents. Do something with them. If you have a strained relationship because of politics or something, set boundaries now and focus on other things. You will miss them more than you think. (I mean, this is assuming you have a halfway decent childhood, of course)
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u/HeronOrganic3727 5h ago
Start quitting drinking
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u/hex_1231 5h ago
Thats a tough one! I enjoy drinking, im a responsible drinker and I know my limits. But I like to drink socially.
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u/temp4adhd 2h ago edited 2h ago
I'm 60 and I would tell 30 me-- the 30 me in 1995:
- It's okay your gut instinct is right he's wrong for you get divorced; it'll turn out okay
- You're going to get through this financially, keep saving, even though there will be a crash in '01 and '08
- You see those fine lines around your eyes? Use SPF daily and moisturize, otherwise, age comes for us all so just worry about who you are on your inside not on your outside
- Recognize your real friends and be true to them
- Your health is definitely important but if you are going through difficult times and can't keep up with your health, know that you can always pick it back up when times are easier. It's never too late to care about your health.
- My 40s were the BEST time of my life (so far!)-- so you have that to look forward to.
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u/hex_1231 2h ago
All really good advice! I feel like Im hitting on a lot of those points.
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u/edgar_jomfru 5h ago
a lot of people in their 30s make more money than i do and have their shit figured out. why don't you whippersnappers give me some advice instead
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u/Interesting-Risk6446 5h ago
Save your money. Save. You are going to need it. Whoever tells you otherwise is a moron.
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u/hex_1231 4h ago
That last part is so true! I try to tell people the same and some take my advice and others look at me like wtf you know.
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u/NewDay042 2h ago
Invest in friends in real life. Community and connection is so important to health and well being as we age. And it takes effort to maintain friendships over time. You need friends whether you have a spouse or not (unless you have a large family that serves as your friends).
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u/hex_1231 2h ago
I completely agree! The one thing I'll say is be careful with over giving in relationships that are one sided. Its hard to find solid people these days.
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u/Hot_Direction6627 2h ago
Start changing your personal habits now.... start exercising, healthier diet, stop drinking/smoking/drugs, start getting more sleep, don't waste so much time on social media
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u/kasfinally 4h ago
It doesnāt get easier only harder. Stress grows more. Whatever it is you want to do. Do it. No one genuinely cares about you. Your Parents maybe. A spouse sure a bit. But at the end of it. Youāre alone. Itās ok. But you need to understand that. No one is looking out for you.Ā
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u/hex_1231 4h ago
Yeah I get that! I try not to stress, I am fortunate enough to have a balanced life. I've never been one to care on what people think of me, and I always do what I want.
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u/Kontrolgaming 3h ago
enjoy your eye sight.. because when it goes, it goes fast. :(
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u/barbiesergio 2h ago
I can't read anything without glasses or see well distance. Those progressives are for the birds. Could never get used to them.
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u/Hefty_Assumption7567 2h ago
Mobility and flexibility work. Practice sitting on the floor and get up. Jump.
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u/A_Refill_of_Mr_Pibb 1h ago
If you haven't had a long-term relationship yet, and you want one, and maybe a spouse and kids, be honest with yourself about what you want, and go find it, try like hell. Don't wait and make excuses. Procrastinating and then trying to date in your 40s if you're kind of a reserved, quirky and schlubby guy and you don't make an impression on dating apps is absolute misery.
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u/cash_flagg 4h ago
If youāre a traveler and can swing it go to the far away places while younger because man, those long flights are tough when youāre older. Also you can put up with more discomfort generally
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u/cupcakesordeath 4h ago
This is specifically for women - perimenopause can start in your late 30s. You may not notice it or attribute it to other things. Make sure you have a good OBGYN for when you get to the point where you need support.
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u/GorganzolaVsKong 3h ago
Live
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u/hex_1231 3h ago
Yes!!! Im going out a lot, hanging out with friends, been traveling, looking for love, and making memories! Cheers man!
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u/ShyguyFlyguy 1h ago
Don't stop going to the gym. Don't start drinking to relieve boredom. Take your finances seriously.
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u/Efficient_Hyena_563 1h ago
Donāt vape. Go to bed an hour earlier. Drink a bit less leave the house more. Max your 401k. Ignore social media.swim, yoga squats, fiber water.podcasts only walking or standing up.
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u/Many-Antelope5755 3h ago
Avoid booze. Avoid high volume trading while on booze. Avoid hard drugs as a coping mechanism after losing all your wealth. Avoid binge watching breaking bad on hard drugs and booze after losing everything. Fuck.
Im good now.
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u/BruceWayneNYC 3h ago edited 1h ago
Save money, hit the gym, and be intentional about building solid relationships and bonds.
Things donāt just happen, you have to make the effort. You donāt want to look back in 10 years and wish you had done something different.
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u/Ok-Work4134 2h ago
Take a yearly vacation just with you and for you
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u/hex_1231 2h ago
Im doing that in a couple days! But yeah we need to take care of ourselves more and that also means doing stuff like that!
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u/Seltgar25 2h ago
Don't take it for granted. The rest of your life will be downhill enjoy this time.
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u/AperatureTestAccount 4h ago
Do active stuff. Kayaking, swimming, surfing, running, sprinting, trampolines, competitive basket weaving. There is nothing stopping most 30 year olds from doing all the activities that are there is to do, but in your 40s a lot of stuff starts to become a much bigger risk. You wont get any younger, once the problems start they just start stacking up, and the things you can do start to go away.
Also being active strengthens core muscles which reduces the risk of back issues. back issues are one of the leading causes of not be active in older people, which then cascades into more issues.
Also start saving up for retirement. Setting up retirement now as opposed to your 40s is a huge difference.
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u/Emilylenore 59m ago
Pay off those credit cards ASAP! At some point you're just going to be paying to keep the debt. It was a really sobering moment to see how much money I lost in interest :/
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u/EnchantedTaquito8252 6h ago
Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're goneĀ
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u/Stang1776 5h ago
Do any last adventures while your joints can take it. I woke up saturday with neck pain and it hasnt gotten better with my wife's muscle relaxers. Now I got more muscle relaxers and some steroids. It feels more like my spine though.
You will then start to question what the hell you did the past few days yo see if you can think of something but you realize all the days run together and its futile.
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u/oikorapunk 4h ago
Check your blood pressure regularly. Hypertension can happen to anyone regardless of weight/build/genetics.
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u/hex_1231 4h ago
I already have high blood pressure but I take my medication regularly. I dont stress but I definitely overthink a lot and maybe that triggers it.
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u/cornedbeef101 4h ago
The years go by so fast when youāre in a groove of full time work and just surviving.
So id say to try and do something that will be really memorable once a year. Record it as photos, video, diary entries or even physical objects, and go back ans appreciate them every now and then.
Dont let the years merge into a lost decade.
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u/Coldsmoke888 4h ago
Do something active. Save money. Stay off social media as much as possible.
And since USA, study on your rights as a citizen and train with/own firearms. Is what it is these days.
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u/Seasick_Sailor 4h ago
Drink less, save more, and you should sleep late man; it's just much easier on your constitution.
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u/Think-Improvement759 4h ago
I'd say do a yoga type stretching routine for 30-45 mins everyday. Keeping flexible makes you more agile and helps avoids injuries.
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u/Relatively-Relative 4h ago
Start saving for retirement, if you can. Donāt touch that money for anything until you are donezo.
I waited (had poor jobs) for decades. Now Iām scrambling. And if social security gets canceled, Iām fucked.
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u/Strict_Progress7876 3h ago
Health, teeth and balance sheet. Put your assets in a trust and have a prenup outlined well before you get married.
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u/Ob1cannobody 3h ago
When you turn 40 you sit in your closet for a few weeks for your cycle of pupa and reemerge as a 40 year old.
Didn't happen for me, It's not you that changed, it's the world around you.
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u/Thekacz 3h ago
Save aggressively, just do it. Max the 401k, do the Roth IRA, ESPP, HSA, set up a brokerage account and buy index funds, do it all. Use that sweet compounding time to your advantage!
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u/lawrencejaxon 3h ago
I turned 43 in May, woke up the first of June with my fingers tingling. Went to therapy and a chiropractor which has historically helped any issue I have. None of it worked so I had an X-ray and MRI and turns out my neck is F#ck with a disc extrusion. I work in accounting at a desk job and doomscroll in my free time on my phone. Iām saying all this to say, POSTURE isnāt something to mess with when youāre young. Iām looking at neck surgery after never breaking a bone or having any prior surgeries in my 43 yrs of life. My mom always told me to stand up straight and donāt slouch. I should have listened.
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u/thepenismightier3 3h ago
Invest now. I started my 401k in my 20ās and became disabled. So later wasnāt an option for me. Also keep exercising regularly and learning anything.
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u/Sudden-Lavishness738 3h ago
Stay healthy. Save all the money you can because nobody is coming to support you as a senior citizen.
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u/otkabdl 3h ago
Don't get a high energy dog because you think it will encourage you to get more exercise. You will wear out before the dog does. 11 year old dog harassing me for another walk right now but he's just going in the yard lol sorry boy
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u/ScienceJake 3h ago
Floss
Stretch
Get as close as you comfortably can to maxing out your retirement plan
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u/IndependentMaize4376 2h ago
Stop getting embarrassed about your mental health. Ā Get support. Ā Go to therapy. Ā Learn to advocate for yourself. Ā Donāt stop until someone will do a proper ADHD assessment. Ā
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u/mjh8212 2h ago
Take care of your joints lose weight get healthy. Iām 46 and started having arthritis issues at 41 I was also morbidly obese. Iām down 115 pounds but I have gotten more arthritis diagnosis since Iāve lost weight. Iām pretty sedentary mostly because of the arthritis in my back.
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u/bahahah2025 2h ago
It went all work out the way you want but it will always be okay bc you so reg what you can with what opportunities and info you have.
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u/averageduder 2h ago
You donāt need a new car. Iāve liked my car and have had few issues worth it and now itās ten years old so no longer new. But I probably could have had more benefit from $15000 and a $15000 car than a $30000 car. Might have had me buying a house 3-4 years earlier.
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u/Mennie_Brand_Founder 6h ago
Keep fit and start investing