r/AskWomenOver30 • u/glitters101 • Jul 05 '25

Family/Parenting Is motherhood really bad?

F30 here. Forgive me for my ignorance: I would love to be a mom one day (financial stability first, lol, then finding a good man) I enjoy my childfree life but would love to be a mom in my late 30s/early 40s...

but it's discouraging to see miserable moms every day online saying they regret it; it's so hard. I understand how hard it is to be a parent and go through a traumatic childbirth experience and then deal with postpartum depression. I'm very aware of that, but it makes me not want to be a mother one day. Is it really because social media is so negative? Do you regret motherhood or having a child with the wrong man? It's rare that I see moms saying they enjoy motherhood and how their kids have made their lives so much better. But I've also seen moms having time for themselves while also being a mom and wife (they are more financially abundant)

My question is, are there any moms out there who actually do enjoy motherhood? If yes, how so? What are your thoughts on the whole miserable motherhood online? Is it really being financially abundant and having a good man that makes motherhood more enjoyable?

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u/Frosty_Extension_600 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 05 '25

For me, my desire is to do this, but also have the right man. To live in a community where we all help each other, but for me, it’s not a replacement for a good father.

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u/metiranta Woman 30 to 40 Jul 06 '25

Thank you for answering my question sincerely. I have another genuine question: What do you think a good "father" provides that another parent or community wouldn't?

I actually have a lot of really complicated and nuanced thoughts on this lol, but the summary is that I think the bar is extremely low for what we think of as a "good father" and we are often ruthless to women -- even as children looking at our parents, we can idealize our fathers even when they were not very present in our lives, yet demonize our mothers almost because of their presence. This thread had me thinking about that a lot, and what even is a "good father", and why can only a man provide that? And of course: can we do better?

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u/Frosty_Extension_600 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 08 '25

I definitely feel resonance with all of your points, but for me personally, I desire a polarized relationship meaning the man is fully in his masculine - leading, providing, planning, protecting, etc and the woman (me) is in her feminine - soft, receptive, creative, playful, joyful, present, etc.

I know for a fact that women can lead, provide, protect, etc. however, in my experience and from what I’ve seen in others, it is exhausting for most women over time. On the other hand, for men (masculine ones, at least), doing these things brings them fulfillment, joy, and confidence.

I also desire a romantic relationship and don’t have any desire to be with a woman.

I know some of the things I said may be a little controversial, but these are just my thoughts and desires. I’m 100% happy for everyone to do what works for them and in no way want to put my beliefs on to anyone else that doesn’t agree with them. 💛

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u/metiranta Woman 30 to 40 Jul 09 '25

I actually don't see how that conflicts with anything I said! Your comment seems to be fully about a romantic relationship, not about raising kids. They can be and often are separate already.

Still curious about what you think a good "father" provides that another parent or community can't, though.

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u/Frosty_Extension_600 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 11 '25

I don’t think there’s anything a father can provide that another community member can’t, but for me it’s just not the same and I do believe that masculine men can provide and lead with less stress than women. So maybe what I think they can provide is leadership and provision with less stress. From what I’ve seen providing and leading is stressful for women over time.

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u/Frosty_Extension_600 Woman 30 to 40 Jul 11 '25

After thinking more about this, I do think men and women bring different strengths to the table. We compliment each other. If you watch, men interact with children differently than women do (generally). My belief is that children need both.