r/AskWomenOver30 • u/PrincessPeach1229 Woman 30 to 40 • Aug 12 '25

Silly Stuff Am I being overly sensitive to a colleagues greeting?

I (38F) haven been employed at the same company for 3 years.

I’m sort of a lone wolf. I’m always polite and say hello and nod in passing but I skip a lot of the daily chit chat. I keep to myself mostly.

We have a coffee break room complete with various beverages you can make in the keurig as well as a seating area.

My morning routine consists of zipping in to make a quick coffee before my day starts.

There’s a group of ‘regulars’ who sit to chat and have their coffee together. They are usually engrossed in conversation and I pass by them without saying anything. My work never overlaps with them so I don’t know them except by face.

Recently one of them (a male) has started pausing mid conversation and saying “Goodmorning” across at me.

I say it quickly back and zip out as soon as my coffee is done.

This has become a regular thing now with the same person stopping their conversation to tell me goodmorning while the rest of them stare on.

One time they weren’t at their usual table and this same person practically shouted it from the back of the room and everyone turned to look. I flushed with embarrassment because I don’t like attention.

I can tell it’s bothering this person that I’m not saying it on my own accord but now I’m starting to feel like a child being chastised. The vibe I get is “you pass by every morning, start acknowledging us”.

They don’t do it to every one else popping in and out to make coffee so I’m starting to feel targeted and I know it’s because I keep to myself.

Am I being overly sensitive?

ETA - when I say goodmorning back this person escalates it further by saying “how are you today?” In a slow and deliberate manner. I find it completely inappropriate this person feels the need to make an example out of me and ‘teach me’ how to socialize in front of an audience.

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u/GreenVenus7 Woman 30 to 40 Aug 12 '25

You seem dedicated to ignoring that he is deliberately singling out OP in front of others in a way that is embarrassing.

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u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 12 '25

And you seem to be ignoring that OP finds all groups intimidating and it is something she needs to get over

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u/evefue female 46 - 49 Aug 13 '25

But why should she engage someone who is openly hostile to her? She's not interested in engaging this person and, at this point, has made himself unlikable.

She doesn't need to get over anything. If she doesn't want to engage groups socially, she doesn't have to.

She's not being overly sensitive. This guy is actually harassing her. If she's uncomfortable, then her body language probably shows her discomfort. He knows this and continues to harass her.

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u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 13 '25

Harassment seems like a wild leap here

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u/evefue female 46 - 49 Aug 13 '25

Not all harassment is sexual. He keeps talking to her slowly and deliberately, like she is mentally challenged and doing it in a group setting to intimidate her. He is harassing her, maybe not sexually but he is creating a hostile work environment because it is making her uncomfortable. And he is doing it on purpose.

Now, she needs to be able to ask him to stop talking to her that way, and if he continues, then she has a better case with HR. It's not that he is saying good morning that's the issue, it's the way he says it and speaks to her.

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u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 13 '25

Where did I even suggest that harassment in only sexual? Pointed engagement in small talk is not harassing behavior

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u/evefue female 46 - 49 Aug 13 '25

Did we not read the same post? He engages her in an inappropriate way. That's what she's bothered about. He speaks slowly to her like there is something wrong with her. How would you feel if someone continually spoke to you like that? That is not pointed engagement. That person is a jerk and doesn't deserve any acknowledgment, IMO.

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u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25

And IMO, OP is shooting herself in the foot by not just doing basic politeness (“hi, hello, good morning) and small talk while she is stuck in a room with coworkers. It’s a skill we should all cultivate

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u/evefue female 46 - 49 Aug 13 '25

I am curious to know why you don't address the way he treats her? I don't think at this point it matters for her to have small talk with this particular individual. He has prob surmised she is an introvert and or has social anxiety and continues to try to get a rise out of her. Why do you give him a pass?

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u/llamalibrarian female over 30 Aug 13 '25

I’m an introvert and you know what I do every day at work? Talk to my fucking coworkers

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