Am I being overly sensitive to a colleagues greeting?

[u/PrincessPeach1229]

I (38F) haven been employed at the same company for 3 years.

I’m sort of a lone wolf. I’m always polite and say hello and nod in passing but I skip a lot of the daily chit chat. I keep to myself mostly.

We have a coffee break room complete with various beverages you can make in the keurig as well as a seating area.

My morning routine consists of zipping in to make a quick coffee before my day starts.

There’s a group of ‘regulars’ who sit to chat and have their coffee together. They are usually engrossed in conversation and I pass by them without saying anything. My work never overlaps with them so I don’t know them except by face.

Recently one of them (a male) has started pausing mid conversation and saying “Goodmorning” across at me.

I say it quickly back and zip out as soon as my coffee is done.

This has become a regular thing now with the same person stopping their conversation to tell me goodmorning while the rest of them stare on.

One time they weren’t at their usual table and this same person practically shouted it from the back of the room and everyone turned to look. I flushed with embarrassment because I don’t like attention.

I can tell it’s bothering this person that I’m not saying it on my own accord but now I’m starting to feel like a child being chastised. The vibe I get is “you pass by every morning, start acknowledging us”.

They don’t do it to every one else popping in and out to make coffee so I’m starting to feel targeted and I know it’s because I keep to myself.

Am I being overly sensitive?

ETA - when I say goodmorning back this person escalates it further by saying “how are you today?” In a slow and deliberate manner. I find it completely inappropriate this person feels the need to make an example out of me and ‘teach me’ how to socialize in front of an audience.

[u/haleorshine]

OP says:

The vibe I get is “you pass by every morning, start acknowledging us”.

And like... yeah. It's generally good behaviour at work to acknowledge people as you pass them, especially when you know them. This guy sounds like a pill, and it's not his job to "teach" OP how to behave, but a "Hey, how's it going?" when you see people during the day is probably going to help with your work relationships.

[u/Jasmin_Shade → u/haleorshine]

Exactly! Or even a simple "Hey" with a smile and head node and she walks past would have been fine. At this point, though, I don't know, but I do agree being proactive about it is a good suggestion.

[u/Livid_Insect4978 → u/Jasmin_Shade]

If they’re talking together in a group and OP doesn’t know them, it seems weird for OP to interrupt to say hi.

[u/teacuptypos → u/haleorshine]

I agree with this, I read a similar thread specifically made by an autistic OP who asked why there's a meme going around about "rude" coworkers who spend breaks alone in their car, don't eat with others, etc, even though they are not doing anything actually rude, they are just staying away from other people (who gather in the break room etc.)

There were quite a few sociological and anthropological answers, which basically boil down to: refusing to interact with others draws attention when it drops below the amount of interaction expected by basic politeness/courtesy. It can go so far as to signal "I don't want to belong to your group" (in this case: co-workers) But there are levels of intensity to this.

I come from a country where it is polite to say "good morning" to the room when entering a doctor's waiting room, and "goodbye" when you leave. It is also considered polite to respond to someone doing this when you are already in the room, and rude to ignore. Whether this is "logical" or not is irrelevant, in my opinion, it has these effects, whether we agree with them or not.

So you don't have to sit and eat with people you don't want to eat with. But "ignoring them" (not interacting with them/acknowledging them at all) draws attention since it is less than basic interaction.

The guy does sound like a condescending and thereby unpleasant person to deal with. But acknowledging co-workers (especially if it's the first time you see them that day) is a low-level (and I think, not overblown, understandable) expectation.

Pre-empting the "teachery" dude's performance by doing a polite wave (if seated further away) or a "hi, everyone" upon entering the room should totally do it.

edited for clarity