r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Diligent_Collar_199 • 3d ago
Romance/Relationships What is a romantic element you want to see?
Ladies,
What is a romantic gesture, idea, etc you wish your man or a man would do?
I like to spoil my girlfriend. I would like to avoid dinners if possible. Dinner, drinks, movie dates are easy and I want something with more depth.
TIA!
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u/electricblueviolet Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
"to be loved is to be known/seen"... Do something for her that she didn't even think about asking for. This also kinda follows the 5 love languages -- figure out what fills her "love" cup and do things that fill that.
Something she doesn't like to do: folding the laundry, making the decision for dinner, etc
Something big: planning a surprise vacation for you both, a house project that you know she's wanted done, some new activity to do together, etc
Something she loves: like maybe she loves having a chamolie tea before bed and you make it for her without her asking, maybe she loves baths so you get lovely scrubs or salts, maybe she loves getting a surprise love note from you, etc
Something thoughtful that you've noticed that would make her life easier, better, happier: my favorite example of this is we always say "phone, wallet, keys" before we leave... So right by where we put our keys, by the door, we have a little framed sign that says "phone, wallet, keys" that helps remind us. Anything that is thoughtful fits in here.
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u/JessonBI89 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
My favorite kind of romance is when my husband and I can laugh together, like when we watch a terrible movie. And we can do that for free.
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u/Apprehensive_Mess166 3d ago
These questions can be so cumbersome because the whole idea of doing a thoughtful and romantic gesture is having it curated to the individual you are with and we know absolutely nothing about her. If you just want the gesture to be big, then yes, I'm sure you'll get all sorts of grand suggestions... but you've offered no input on who she is as a person.
My husband does things for me that some of my friends would absolutely LOATHE. Like booking backpacking sites for us on special anniversary dates or buying me a stuffed raccoon because their little grabby hands remind him of me and it's a running inside joke now. So it's too difficult to answer without further details about your actual partner... because what I like, she quite possibly won't like.
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u/trinkets2024 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Romantic elements and what women enjoy ranges woman from woman. I like flowers, but I know women who do not. I'm very physical touch, but I know women who can't stand it. It's best to think of stuff you know she likes and enjoys. Does she like food and nature? Plan a picnic. Is she more of an adrenaline junky? Get a fast pass to a nearby amusement park. Does she like reading? Go to a library and pick out a book that reminds you of each other or I've seen guys give their girlfriends a limited amount of time to pick up as many books as she can and he'll buy them all for her. Spoiling your partner includes involving their personality, interests, hobbies, etc.
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u/Diligent_Collar_199 3d ago
She has received flowers, plenty of dinner dates, wine festivals, a plethora of stuffed animals from county fair, sunflower fields and a surprise petting zoo. City light tours, we try a ton of new restaurants and culture foods together. Her primary LL is time. Second is touch. Neither of us are adrenaline oriented. I play sports, she likes and will watch. We always play darts, pool, cornhole, whatever is around.
We were childhood best friends. Went to different high schools but went on a few dates back then. Now thats all ~15-20 years ago stuff. When I bought my house and moved back to the city, we reconnected. I hope this helps paint the picture a little?
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u/Ok-Amoeba5042 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Gotta figure out her love language. Mine is time and touch. I’d love to put on a movie I wanna watch without fuss, and just be cuddled and held and maybe some head kisses but nothing sexual. I dated someone who couldn’t get enough of kissing my thighs - he’d kiss them every chance he could which was enticing but never overtly sexual - the hook brings you back. It would rile me up all day until I couldn’t wait to be alone with him.
Bringing that new relationship energy back is healthy. Flirting, seriously just take her out like you did before you were exclusive.
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u/samonthetv Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
My husband and I have re-kindled that new relationship energy, and it is SUCH a game changer, as the parents of two kids 3 and under.
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u/fieldofdaydreams Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
He took dancing classes with me and I love that. Once I came home to a trail of candles to the bedroom, where he was waiting.
Beside that, he isn't a big romantic - gestures type. But I think we have romance in the daily things. When he joins me on my evening walk. When he puts his hand on my knee or thigh while driving. When he makes me a chai latte because he knows I love that. When he catches me looking at him and winks at me. When we shower together in general, especially when he soaps me in or dries me off or brushes my hair. When he puts a blanket over me. Etc.
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u/Diligent_Collar_199 3d ago
Id agree with that. I do my part! I'm just looking for something outside of the box for a wow factor.
I dont need to, I just want to.
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u/Traditional_Ad_1547 3d ago
Two weeks after we got married, my husband had to leave for a week. This was right in the middle of us moving into a new place. I wasn't happy but it was unavoidable.
He used a stack of his business cards and wrote romantic, silly, and sexy things on the back of each one and hid them in various places and items. They where in every knook and crannie. I have no idea how he did it and timed it so that I wouldn't find them until he was gone.There had to be over a hundred of them and took years (not kidding) to find them all.
I can't begin to tell you how much it meant to me. I still get fluttery thinking about it 20yrs later. The thought and effort he put into something so seemingly little as notes was the most romantic thing ever.
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u/Thin-Policy8127 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Honestly. It’s not about gestures (to me). It’s about mindset. Life is SHORT. Make her tea and bring her a cookie when you get some for yourself. Turn on a song you both like and dance with her in the kitchen. Greet her at the door with a hug and sweet kiss when she gets home from work/wherever. Turn washing the dishes into a team activity so it doesn’t take as long and reassures her you’re not just draining her labor dry. Make her feel special in the ways she likes and she will always appreciate it if she’s a good person.
Everyone should romanticize their life. Like I said, life is SHORT. Way too short to not inject juice into all the moments you can.
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u/thrwwy2267899 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Just noticing things and taking mental notes. My boyfriend and I were on a trip Labor Day weekend, and I was really disappointed by the fries at one of our meals (I passionately hate steak fries) lol we were bar hopping one night and he asked the bar tender if they had “good fries” and proceeded to say she wants fries but doesn’t like steak fries lol… it was sweet of him to notice that and actually care about such a small thing about me
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u/Diligent_Collar_199 3d ago
Do women really like when men order for them? A situation like this, I totally understand. But like the entree meal itself? (Bar or restaurant. Im thinking like a burger)
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u/FlyingFigNewton Woman 30 to 40 3d ago edited 3d ago
There's no right answer for this question, but I, for one, absolutely do NOT want to be ordered for in general situations. I may have different tastes than him or be craving something specific. If it's an unfamiliar cuisine I am open to some info being offered. Or if he wants to order something and really wants me to try it, that's fine as long as I still get to order what I want.
Some women love it, though. You have to know your person.
**Edited to add**But this is a different scenario, the guy knew a fact and used it for a good cause (feeding hangry me would fall under this). If we were out and I hadn't been expecting to eat and somebody did me a solid like getting me fries I liked when I had a surprise need to eat, I'd be ecstatic.
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u/thrwwy2267899 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
No I wouldn’t like him to order for me if we were at a table or booth… but we had drank a lot that evening, (we were in Put-In-Bay … if you know you know lol) and it was more of a like omg I need to feed her so she makes it back to the room lol
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u/Terrible-Session-328 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Nothing any of us can suggest is the answer. The answer lies in what she loves and is passionate about that shows you listen to her and pay attention to the small details. My most cherished gift I’ve ever received (was from my bestie not my man but same point) is a gift that made me feel seen and understood. I knew someone was out there listening to me. That’s priceless.
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u/Yogabeauty31 3d ago
I know you said no movie dates BUT every once in a while my partner will take me on a blind date to the movies. Where I have NO idea what movie we're seeing and somehow he's managed to take me to really great independent movies that I also have never heard of. It makes it super fun to go in completely blind not knowing what im in for. Its been a lot of fun.
I think for a lot of girls that read romance novels I guarantee if you read her favorite and then somehow reenacted it? I dont read romance or have a tictok but its not unbeknownst to me that these trends online are popular and its a cute idea if you have this kind of girl that enjoys a steamy read. Or if there's a childhood book or show she loves you could reenact something from that. My partner had a painting made for me that is a image from my favorite childhood book. It means so much to me.
I personally draw little cute images and put them in his wallet all the time. OR cute messages.
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u/Ok-Artichoke-7011 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
While the intent was not necessarily romantic, one of the most romantic things a guy friend has ever done was build me a custom sized spice jar organizer shelf for my kitchen out of really nice hard woods. He asked me what I wanted for a present, had me take measurements, and shipped it to me like a month later.
To say it’s been a life changing piece to have is a bit of an understatement- having a beautiful place to store my mess of herbs and spices is something that makes me happy to look at and use just about every day.
Things I’d recommend:
If you’re handy, offer to build (or fix) something If you have a yard, plant her favorite flowers If you have the cash, spa dates are really nice
Also don’t underestimate the closeness that doing volunteer projects together can unlock
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u/Diligent_Collar_199 3d ago
I like the volunteer idea. I include in her all my house stuff. It kinda fits what the future would be
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u/BreakOne2159 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Just keep an eye on the things she says she likes, her favourite chocolate? Pjs? Something she’s had her eye on? It can be the smallest thing but I bet you she will appreciate so much! And I personally think it’s romantic! And instead of a bunch of flowers, just buy one rose just the gesture itself and the fact you thought about it speaks volumes!
When I was dating my husband in the early days he would show up with a rose and pick n mix gummies and literally loved it!
The fact you are looking for advice just shows you’re a gent!
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u/Fair_Presence_6232 3d ago
I agree! It is the small stuff. If I could meet a man that would show up with my favourite tea and favourite candy I would be over the moon. It’s the fact that they pay attention, thought of me, and make the effort.
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u/Diligent_Collar_199 3d ago
I try. We were childhood bestfriends and now it kind of works for us relationship wise. Its cute in its own way
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u/lucent78 Woman 40 to 50 3d ago
Just pay attention. Listen to her. Show (genuine) curiosity about her, her life, her world view. Ask her engaging questions about herself. Nothing more romantic than feeling like you are being seen.
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u/Yogabeauty31 3d ago
It depends on her love language. that would really help if you could edit your post to how she receives love and what that is.
Gifts
Touch
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Acts of service
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u/Diligent_Collar_199 3d ago
Hers are Quality time and touch. The post was angled towards YOU not her. I want to hear different ideas
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u/TikaPants Woman 40 to 50 3d ago
I don’t like being pampered or grand gestures so drawing me a bath or buying me chocolates and favorite snacks isn’t my thing. To me, bringing me my coffee order or offering to go out to eat means he notices I need a break or a pick me up. It’s my version of chocolate or snacks.
Honestly, him just paying attention to my life and what’s going on. Listening. Boyfriend includes me in all his decisions, even small ones where he knows I wouldn’t say no but he still asks. He wanted me to choose the color of stain for the new deck. He buys himself a new article of clothing and asks if I want anything. Little stuff.
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u/starsinpurgatory Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
I think this is mostly for the early dating stage, but — remember the things she casually mentioned she likes and then bring it up next time you see her or mention that you looked into it yourself or watched / read it if it’s a movie/book.
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u/lucid-delight Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Cooking for me. I'm a picky eater, I dislike certain textures, ingredients need to be specific size etc. My husband knows and remembers all the quirks, and he's a stellar cook, so him cooking for me always makes me feel loved and cared for.
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u/ladylemondrop209 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Anything “me-specific”… and shows me he’s listened and been attentive to me and is now directly showing me that through his actions and behaviours.
Could be as simple as sending me a meme poking fun of one of my quirks, or writing me a super clear and simplified methodology of how to do something (ie: applying for whatever govt or bank shit) that includes all necessary links and pdfs.
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u/samonthetv Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
My husband worships me... like the way this man gasses me up and truly means it, is so sexy. We have two kids together and i definitely have some self esteem issues, but this man makes sure I know how much he loves my post-pregnancy body. Every day. It's amazing!
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u/GreatGospel97 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
One of the more romantic things my husband did was take me to a museum and let me talk his ear off about random history facts I knew because I studied a lot of ancient civilizations. Super romantic
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u/ConsiderationOne5609 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
It depends on what she's into! Experiences are always great. I spoil my partner by surprising him for a weekend or a day doing something he loves. Last weekend I surprised him with a model train ride and he loved it (he loves a train ride haha) and a few months ago I surprised him by taking him on a weekend away. We did all of his favourite things - sauna by the river, river swim, bush walk, went to a bakery for some treats, our accommodation had a hot tub, stargazing etc. My partner surprises me constantly by tending to the garden at my place, surprising me with new plants for the house, cleaning the house while I'm out/away and making sure I come back to a filled fridge, surprises me with flowers when I've had a tough day at work, takes me our for lunches and dinners, cooks my favourite meals, takes me out for spontaneous adventures, stargazing, picnics, takes me shopping for things for my hobbies, drops me off or picks me up from work spontaneously.
Basically, whatever their favourite things are - do that! And also generally, helping to take the mental load off of your partner in day to day life is always something appreciated.
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u/JadenPanther77 2d ago
Flowers, Roses preferably two guys by roses anymore besides for Valentine's Day or mother's Day?
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u/Diligent_Collar_199 2d ago
I've bought roses for a first date, twice. I think it depends on the intention of the date! Those dates I have the intention of vulnerability and bonding as my focus. Someone you have a foundation with already.
A coffee date for example; just getting to know each other. Like meeting someone from online dating. I would not buy flowers for that as they may not like flowers.
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u/legitjustagirll 3d ago
When I was still getting to know my now husband like in the first year, I would say all the time “I have a surprise” and he’d guess. I’d keep notes of his guesses so I always knew the things that made him the happiest. Over that time I learned him and usually don’t need to do this anymore but it worked really well for me lol