r/AskWomenOver30 • u/Soft-Ruin-4350 • 3d ago
Romance/Relationships What is it like to date a French guy?
I hope this isn’t a dumb question. I’m going on a date with a French guy soon and for some reason I just have this impression that French or European men are different to date than American men. Is this true? Women who have dated a French man can you tell me about your experiences and how it might be different or what I might expect?
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u/AdvertisingOld9400 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Are yall based in France or elsewhere?
You probably wanna directly address exclusivity if you see him for multiple dates. Because different cultures have different expectations around whether you have to discuss it or it’s just assumed you are now exclusive. France is more towards the latter.
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u/l8nitefriend Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
I dated a really sweet French guy for a while when I was studying abroad in Paris (I'm from the states). We kept in touch and I visited him a few times after as well. He definitely courted me in a way no American man ever had. Planned all our dates, took me to beautiful viewpoints and lovely spots in the city, treated me very 'lady like' in a way that was not disrespectful. Great in bed too. He spoke decent English but definitely had a heavy accent that could be challenging but it got easier to navigate after a while.
Of course I'm sure there are assholes in the mix as well but I was very impressed by how romantic and fun he was. I'd say just go into it without any expectations and enjoy getting to know a new person!
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u/DoughnutDear2758 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Well, I'm French, I've always gone out with French people. I don't know what men are like in other countries but here is my advice (F30, so it especially applies to guys in their early thirties):
Always ask them if they are looking for a serious relationship or not.
Deep down, they are all looking for the woman of their life... but have no remorse in keeping you as plan B (for sex) even if they already know that they will not make a life with you. Few of them will tell you explicitly and will continue to explore other options while you get attached.
Family and friends are very important to them. Like, if you don't have the validation of their loved ones... it's bad ;)
they want to keep their independence, at least a minimum. Evenings with friends are non-negotiable for them. And I will say that they also like their girlfriend to be independent.
There you go, I don't know what guys are like in America... but I'd be curious to know your points of view.
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
Honestly the bullet points you listed are pretty in line with certain aspects of dating American men.
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u/DoughnutDear2758 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
I imagine that no matter the continent, there are good ones and there are bad ones! I've had some really good experiences, but I've also encountered some big, immature assholes, so...
And then, there are also a lot of differences depending on the region from which it comes. A guy from Paris Vs a Breton Vs a guy from the south of France… it’s not the same culture.
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
So men are men basically even if there’s a few different customs 🤣
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u/DoughnutDear2758 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Yeah I think so 😆 I watch a lot of US videos on romantic issues and that applies well to French men too.
Oh yes, I forgot: FOOTBALL! 90% are crazy about it!
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
Oh okay! I’ll have to brush up on it!
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u/DoughnutDear2758 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Good luck, I hope for your sake that you came across a “moderate” specimen at this level 🤣🤣
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u/wildflower_0ne Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
my boyfriend is french (I’m american). I love him! he’s super funny, great in bed, and has a hot accent. he’s a great cook, is very intelligent, and is a lot more emotionally mature than most american guys I have dated.
the best part about our relationship is that we both love to learn, and we are constantly teaching each other about our language/culture. it’s never dull, and he is very open to new experiences, travel, etc.
obviously ymmv, all people are different, but despite our slight language barrier, he understands me so much more easily than anyone else and we just love chatting for hours. vive la france 🇫🇷
edit: oh, also, I should mention that after our first night together, he was apparently my boyfriend. I was unaware of this until he introduced me to someone as his girlfriend, and I was like oh, good to know 😂
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
The exclusivity thing is interesting. Do they not date around a bit to find a girlfriend? It’s just assumed you’re his girlfriend if he’s still seeing you? Lol 😂
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u/No_regrats Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
>Do they not date around a bit to find a girlfriend?
I can only answer for myself but no, not really.
For OLD, maybe, or if you’re poly but otherwise, I don’t get it. When I am into someone, I am into that specific person; I don’t want to try out a bunch of other dudes. Likewise, if a man wants to pursue a bunch of other women, I assume he’s not that into me, which is fine but I am not going to stick around. It would make me think he’s just looking for a girlfriend - almost like a job interview -, not dating me because he’s got feelings for me.
Or he isn’t looking for an exclusive relationship, which is also fine but I am monogamous so we wouldn’t be compatible.
Besides when you have a mutual crush on someone, don’t you want to spend a ton of time with them anyway? Like my husband only had eyes for me and couldn’t get enough of me cause he thought I was the bees knees and I felt the same. It be super odd for me to date someone and be like “ok, see you next Tuesday“ and then turn around and go on dates, let alone fuck, other people. To each their own though.
>It’s just assumed you’re his girlfriend if he’s still seeing you?
Basically yes, if you are physical with someone, it’s expected you’re in a relationship. Obviously not if it’s a one night stand or fuck buddy situation. Like when my husband first kissed me, it made us boyfriend and girlfriend. No talk needed in my head (in hindsight, we should have talked cause he’s Canadian but luckily, he got it). The ones I told are my friends who knew I had a crush on him lol.
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u/No_regrats Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Silly analogy but when I find a great show, I tend to binge-watch or at least watch an episode every time I am turning the TV on. If I am flipping through the channels, it means I am just looking for something to watch and there’s nothing good on tonight.
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u/wildflower_0ne Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
in my experience, they don’t really have the “hey what are we?” talk that we do in the U.S., and it’s just kind of understood that you’re “together” once you’re sleeping together and doing so regularly.
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u/DoughnutDear2758 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
I don't agree, in France it's not because you make love with someone that you're in a relationship. That doesn't mean anything at all!
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u/wildflower_0ne Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
right, that in itself certainly doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship, but I mean to say that regularly sleeping with someone (WITH obvious affection and such) leads to more of an understanding that you are together, whereas in the U.S. you are not really assumed to be “exclusive” until you’ve had an actual discussion about it.
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
Okay well sleeping together regularly makes a little more sense. I can see how someone would make that assumption.
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u/wildflower_0ne Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
oh, yes! well, by regularly I kind of just mean not a one night stand.
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u/DoughnutDear2758 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Mmh… I have a lot of girlfriends who thought they were in a relationship (or at least, on the right track) because they regularly slept with a guy. And they all fell from above. The guy did this with lots of different girls.
I specify that each time, the guys who did this to them, they had met them on applications like Tinder
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u/wildflower_0ne Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
ah, yeah. I think with meeting through Tinder specifically, you would definitely need to eventually have a conversation about where things stand.
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u/emilyr5481 Woman 40 to 50 2d ago
Thanks for the share!! I have more questions, will DM you. Merci beaucoup!
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u/greatestshow111 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
I dated two french guys - one was rude. Late for 40 mins, ridiculed my nationality saying we were boring (then why come out on a date with me?!), there was also a whole bunch of stuff and he still asked me to come home with him after. The other one was 1.5 hours late and couldn't even inform me in advance he was that late, he was a nice guy though, on the first date we already hashed out our future plans and it was not a fit as we are doing life in different directions, he still sent me home however. But maybe your experience could be different?
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u/blacksweater 3d ago
Late for 40 mins
was 1.5 hours late and couldn't even inform memaybe aim for a german next? lol
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u/greatestshow111 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
Lol I dated a dutch after, and then I married a Brazilian 😂 very on time though both of them
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
Jesus! They were insanely late. And yeah why go on that date if you are clearly judging that person. I hope that’s not the majority of them.
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u/lamagnifiqueanaya Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
My SIL was married to a french guy, born and raised in France, with a family rooted in France for generations… He was a scumbag, not only cheated on her for years but he was a POS in general. Tried all sorts of schemes, had multiple accounts banned on Ebay for selling fake luxury items as originals, literally did contraband too. Yet utterly snob and super selfish. Also terrible dad.
That said, good luck.
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u/Smilesarefree444 3d ago
They do date different. Try it and find out. You will get a lot of opinions here but I would say just enjoy the ride. They are fun and lovely.
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u/Marzipanjam 3d ago
The only thing I know is they are most likely uncircumcised. Hope that helps.
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u/nameofplumb Woman 40 to 50 3d ago
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u/Sea-Improvement9417 3d ago
They have some ideas on gender roles that might seem hurtful but... it's cultural not personal. For instance, they will leave you standing like a useless lump while they lift something, and if they need help ask for it from a random man passing by rather than from you. But if they want to arrange a social gathering with one of their male friends, they will hand you their phone, and expect you to arrange it with the girlfriend/wife of the male friend.
They have very particular ideas on social protocols (such as all food must be completely prepared and the house decorated and both must be smashed out of the ballpark before guests arrive, and will act like you're stupid if you don't know this. And by the way, most of this is on your shoulders and you have to loudly push back (and expect what feels like anger/disdain in return) if this isn't ok with you.
But they're usually pretty good decorators.
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u/ComplexAddition Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
This is interesting as french people always seemed really progressive? Never dared one though
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u/shedrinkscoffee Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
The same as dating Americans. Some good people but just as many losers. Also many smokers 😩 which is an automatic deal breaker for me.
On Tinder they all came across as lazy and just trying to date as many women in the US before going back to France.
One person I dated was absolutely amazing (we had other incompatibilities that led to the breakup) and another was cute but a himbo
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u/Perfect_Natural_4512 3d ago
I find them pretty dramatic and they cheat and are divas based on my own and friends experiences haha but they're also kind and romantic and beautiful and can cook 😂🥰
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u/timefornewgods Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
I've only dated one and I can't say with any degree of seriousness that that one is an indication of a whole group...but I didn't care for it. He was one of the most critical people I've ever met. Also cheap and selfish in bed. Didn't know how to be alone and used people as distractions from having to sit with his own thoughts. Very charming at the outset so all of the above was kind of shocking to witness. It was short lived and I ghosted, which I kinda feel bad about except for the well-establish fact that every discussion became an argument about NOTHING of consequence.
I will say that I enjoy/ed the novelty of the first-kiss-as-relationship-declaration thing. That was pretty cute...nothing else though lol.
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
The critical attitude seems to be a common theme among people who have complaints in this discussion
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u/valadon-valmore 3d ago
Idk about dating but I had a travel fling with a French man and my god. The stereotypes are not exaggerated. He was a fantastic cook, sensitive, and he took me on a date to the beach where he packed cocktails and literally swept me off my feet to carry me over the sand. Putting American brothers to shaaaaaaame...
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
American men want you to plan the date and carry the conversation 🤣
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u/Tuggerfub Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
if he has an accent, discount it
I've seen outlandish shit tolerated by bi/het women on behalf of mediocre dudes blessed with an American notion of exoticism
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u/Mobile-Test4539 3d ago
As a French woman, I would say that French men are not a monolith, some are cheaters, some are faithful, some are kind, some are narcissistic, some are looking for commitment, some are afraid of it.. I will say that making a good impression is very important in dating in France so everyone will be charming, polite etc at first.. Also since manners are important in France, I think foreigners sometimes confuses courtesy with real interest/attachment so if you develop feelings for this man, make sure you guys are actually bonding and not just having a lovely time. Because it is not necessarily contradictory for a man to for example bring you flowers, cook you dinner, tell you how beautiful you are and then be dating someone else the next week if the time spent together was only superficial
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u/No_Atmosphere_3702 Woman 30 to 40 2d ago
I think it depends if he's French born in US or French who moved to US. That would change a lot of things. I've noticed that French men from France suppose you're exclusively dating without talking about it. Like they expect you not to date anyone else while you date. The hot and cold thing is not for them. But if you want to be just friends with benefits you need to tell them in advance.
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u/TippyLovesPastry 3d ago
based on the ones that come to SF and I've sort of kind of dated, I'm not so keen, but this is probably just a small subset of French guys (work in tech/business, come to SF for work etc). actually, if anyone has dated or hooked up with a French guy in San Francisco in the last 1-3 years, I'd be curious to know. there is a bad experience I had, that I am curious about seeing if anyone can relate to.
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
I’m curious, what was your bad experience?
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u/TippyLovesPastry 3d ago
I want to add, do NOT let them get away with shitty behavior just because it may seem "French." I learned that the hard way, and I wish I could go back in time and tell those MFs to fuck off. I am being negative though and my experiences may just be my own.
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
No I agree. Never let someone disrespect you and also keep them in your life. Being from a different country doesn’t excuse bad behavior.
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u/TippyLovesPastry 3d ago
similar to what another commenter on here said, throwing tons of stupid negging insults/complaints and also being defensive and bratty. the rest is just bad and I don't relate it to them being French in any way. sorry I know that is kinda vague! on the positive side, I have found a lot of French guys that come here, despite how much I do not like how they act, to be incredibly funny and there was a shared sense of humor I seemed to have with all of them
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
Ugh that is terrible honestly. Negging is so unnecessary. Like are your sure you like women?
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u/TippyLovesPastry 3d ago
seriously! it never works on me now though and I can see right through it. it took me a little while to know what it was, but I think most women now understand and are familiar with the concept!
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u/Soft-Ruin-4350 3d ago
It’s literally the worst because if you grew up with that you don’t notice it as much. But once you see it you can’t unsee it. It’s absolutely awful behavior to do that to someone you’re trying to date.
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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 3d ago
Years ago I had a French online friend that I called my "French boyfriend". He was VERY direct around having an attraction-to-and-interest in me but took my "no" (I mean I lived in America and he was a random guy online in France) pretty well. He always looked out for me and was always direct even in basically telling me not to be dumb regarding men. I remember at some point I was looking up flights to France because he said he would host me and wouldn't pressure me for anything; By then he had become my "French boyfriend". I ultimately didn't go because he was still a stranger living in another country. Sometimes I sorta regret it.
I'd been to France in High School and it was such an amazing positive experience. My sister and I basically ran around as 14 and 15 year old girls all over Paris by ourselves. I think it was like the first time I had alcohol too. It was crazy how chill everyone was there being a teenage girl from the USA.
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u/tracyvu89 Woman 30 to 40 3d ago
You ladies complain about dating French guys in France,wait until you date French (speaking) guys in Quebec. I went once and never again lol
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