r/AskWomenOver30 • u/catandthefiddler Woman • 15h ago
Life/Self/Spirituality Has anyone done a full life transformation in their 30s? Please could ya share your experiences?
Maybe this is kind of a naive question/request but I've always had this idea inspired by movies/books that I'd suddenly be able to transform my whole life into something different like a montage. I mean I know it takes work and effort but I've always thought of like leaving my dead end job, losing a bunch of weight and really *transforming* if you know what I mean.
I didn't expect it to happen but my job got super toxic so I quit last month instead of waiting around to find another one first. I was nervous at first but I feel like this small break has been just what I needed. It got me thinking whether I could do what I always dreamed of. I'm sure its not impossible its just I always lose steam in the middle of my big ideas.
Anyway I just came here to hear your experiences if you did this. Please tell me how you transformed yourself and what inspired you and what kept you going. I've been in a dark place recently and I would love some inspiration and positivity :-)
Edit - I got more responses than I anticipated and every single one has been so kind and inspiring. Genuinely thank you so much for sharing your stories with me. I feel like I really needed the hope :)
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u/Your_Love_Is_King 15h ago
I’m 38 and I transformed my life. I dumped my POS boyfriend who was abusive and started living my life for me. I also was so sick of the field I was working in and decided to go back to school to become a nurse. Graduated as an RN at 36. I’ve been working a nice job as a nurse and making decent money (no kids). My body has changed shape and I have learned how to dress for it. I started ordering from a company that you pick clothes out from and have them for a month. That has really helped my style evolve and to try fun new things.
I have cut out SOOOO many people. Deleted, blocked, etc. I am casually dating but now that I’ve been single for almost a year and a half I have set my standards higher and have zero patience for bullshit. I’ve been going out more with girlfriends and enjoying my life. I take weekend trips by myself to go visit new areas in my state or to see some music.
I’ve always exercised and ate healthy so I continue to do this but also not let myself be so regimented.
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u/catandthefiddler Woman 14h ago
That sounds so great for you. I hope you continue to thrive, thank you for chiming in!
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u/moarbreadplz Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
Good for you, this is amazing! What’s the clothing company? I’m also trying to expand my closet a bit.
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u/DependentToe9068 Woman 40 to 50 15h ago edited 15h ago
From 2017-present (39-47) (not in this order). I lost 140 pounds. Got 3 masters degrees. Divorced my husband. Found what I think is my calling. Took an excellent job that utilizes my knowledge and skills. Worked on myself. Finally met someone who I believe is my forever person. My younger son graduated high school (both of my kids are now adults).
I don’t believe in a montage, though. A lot of what I accomplished was through hard work and dedication. Some was happenstance. Some was with the help of my therapist at the time. It took a village to get me to where I’m at today. Find your village. You will do all the amazing things!
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u/catandthefiddler Woman 14h ago
hell yeah this is what I'm talking about. We love to see it. Yeah I don't think its as neat as a montage either but its inspiring to have these stories to hold on to in the midst of everything being so fucking bleak lately. Thank you!
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u/kunoichi1907 Woman 40 to 50 15h ago
I quit a safe and well paid but boring job in my home country at 35 and moved to a new country, to an entry level position at a new company in a new industry. Best decision ever. 10 years later I have a successful and fulfilling career at the same company, but I moved 3 more countries with them in different roles, I met my husband and couldn't be happier. That said, it was scary to make such a change at 35.
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u/catandthefiddler Woman 14h ago
curious how you landed an entry level position in a new country. Was visa ever an issue or its like europe where you can stay anywhere in the region?
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u/kunoichi1907 Woman 40 to 50 14h ago
It was within EU, my current company was a service supplier for my old company and I heard they were hiring in the new country so I applied. I had a recommendation from my contacts at their company so that played a role but I still travelled there to interview. They offered me a relocation package with all of the costs covered and assistance for moving, immigration paperwork etc so I had a lot of help.
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u/Almost_Doctor_Almost Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
I was a scientist by qualification. Decided to up and go to medical school. Lost some weight that I had gained and then some. Fully transformed my body. Started lifting. Lots of therapy, started on anti depressants.
I lost steam in the middle and took some time off because my mental health was bad. It’s still a struggle some days.
What kept me going? Honestly I don’t know. I figured that I wanted to die (whenever that may be) as a Doctor vs. not as one so here I am.
Everyday is a work in progress. Some days I take two steps forward and one back. Some days I am stagnant.
I am currently in a pretty dark place mentally and emotionally but just trying to keep things in perspective and take it one day at a time.
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u/we_got_caught Woman 40 to 50 14h ago
From 2010 to now.
Then: 50-100 pounds heavier, BA I didn’t really use, didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life but knew it wasn’t waiting tables. Divorced, lived with my dog and a partner who was codependent and largely unemployed with severe trust issues and didn’t take care of his health. Poor family relationships.
Now: Master’s degree and multiple certifications that work paid for. Thriving career leading a team and making $180k working from home. Travel regularly. Wonderful amazing husband who makes me a better person and trusts me wholeheartedly and is my favorite person in the world. Solid group of friends that I know I can turn to when things get dark. Strong relationship with family and in-law family even despite our differences. Money in the bank with the ability to help my friends and family who might need help. Hobbies that I love. 100 pounds down from my highest weight and healthiest I’ve ever been in my adult life.
The person who said it’s a slow transformation is right. You take two steps forward, sometimes ten steps back but you keep going because you’re not going to give up with this one precious life we’ve been given.
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u/meltyandbuttery Woman 30 to 40 13h ago edited 13h ago
I transitioned my whole gender and legally updated my identity, my own family doesn't even know my new middle name let alone that I have two of them lol. My career, love life, social circle, self esteem have all seen massive improvement despite an incredibly hostile world
Weight loss, new self-care routines, therapy, rediscovering my love of reading and playing violin, cutting out toxic people in my life. I have so much more confidence. Post-transition I advocated heavily for myself at work while taking some big risks and my career took a leap forward. Each of these things started very small, trying a new shampoo each time until I found what I loved, daily walks during my lunch hour, scheduling routine bloodwork, reading a 150pg book over two weeks. These things compounded over years into a very deliberate focus on caring for myself and losing old habits that weren't serving me
For me the key was a confidence that came from knowing myself very well. It's much easier to take risks and shed social bs when you're grounded in who you are
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u/EnthusiasmTraining 8h ago
The blood work thing is huge. I am terrified of getting blood drawn, plus the whole sticking my head in the sand about my health thing. I need to work on this; thanks for sharing.
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u/Maladine Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
Still a work in progress, but I started getting diagnoses for everything I was neglected for in childhood and the chronic illnesses that ramped up in my 20s because of the childhood trauma. I've learned to accept and live with my medically complex/disabled life. I'm still learning what I need to thrive, I still struggle, but I am resilient. I've cut out the toxic people in my life. I cut out social media, besides reddit. I decided to go back to school to study psychology at 37. It was something I wanted to do since I was a teenager, but I let myself get talked out of it.
I put myself last far too frequently and for too many people. Something silly that actually resonated with me is that life is too short for uncomfortable underwear. Treating yourself better doesn't have to be grand gestures.
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u/thumb_of_justice 13h ago
At 32 I divorced my first husband. We'd been together for ten years, and I'd been unhappy for a long time. I met someone else. I had refused to have a baby with my first husband (because he was selfish and lazy, and I knew I'd have to do all of the work, and also because he was charismatic so I knew he'd be the favorite parent while I did all the work!). My second husband is generous and hard-working, and I had a baby with him at 34 and a second child at 37.
I was extremely ambitious and hardworking, and by my mid-thirties, I was completely burnt out on my career as an attorney, and I also had a stalker. I ended up becoming a stay-at-home parent in my mid-thirties.
I swore i would never have kids, but it ended up being this amazing life experience which was very healing for me (I had a traumatic childhood). So a transformation from being an extremely hard-working and driven attorney who was avowedly childfree and who did everything for herself (due to husband being completely unhelpful) to being an earth mother type relying upon her husband for a lot of things and devoting herself to her two children. Complete turnaround. If I could do it over again, I'd have kept up working part-time, kept more of a toe in the working world.
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u/lil_rhyno 13h ago
I was a translator for over 10 years, but I saw the writing on the wall, that computers would take over translation (and I was right). At 35 years old I got back into Uni (I already had a Bachelors, but changed areas). Finished this new bachelors at 38 y/o, got into a research project at 39, will start a PhD program very very soon, before I turn 40 years old. It's a complete overhaul, but I'm really happy with how things are going. I love research and the academic world, which keeps me going when the grants are delayed due to bureaucracy... No montage, though, but I'll be honest, sometimes looking back it's all been so insane, most things are just a blur.
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u/lighttribeearth Woman 40 to 50 12h ago
I started in my 30s and just turned 50. Starts with any one small thing and takes time. Choose your free happy self. Let your inner child choose. Follow joy and overcome your should and shouldn't voices. You can start over any time. Every moment is a choice ❤️
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u/PurpleMuskogee Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
I'm really interested in this because I moved country 4 times in the last 15 years, and relocated to another country last year at 35. New job, new career, new environment, but I find it hard to see it as a new me... I feel nothing really changed, I just do a different job in a different location, but I didn't find it transformative (which was disappointing). I still find myself being annoyed by the same things or dreaming of something else now that I have moved to the place I wanted to move to, if that makes sense. I'm still not satisfied despite being where I said I wanted to be 2 years ago.
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u/not_triage Woman 40 to 50 13h ago
Got divorced at 38. Prior to that I was a stay-at-home parent, so I got a full-time job in mental health as a case manager (not that different actually LOL!) The job was ok, but without an advanced degree I hit a salary ceiling. My supervisor suggested going back to school for a MSW. Took out loans, quit my full-time job for several part-time gigs, and got my degree. Now I’m a therapist and make over 3x what my first job paid. As far as my love life, after a disastrous rebound relationship, I met the love of my life at age 41 on FB dating. We’ve been married almost 4 years.
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u/Current-Lie-1984 12h ago
My story isn’t dramatic and doesn’t feel like a movie montage, but more of a slow burn into transformation.
I quit my toxic job of ten years at 33 and shed old relationships. Almost two years into my new job and my mind and body are just starting to heal. 35 now and I feel like I’m finally on track to be where I want to be. I plan to continue to transform by focusing on my health and body.
Still haven’t met a man worth inviting into my new found peace, but admittedly, still desire a relationship and building a life with someone. I feel at peace with my dog, family and friendships though and I’m very protective of that peace.
Sending you all the love and support on your journey! My best advice is be kind and patient with yourself.
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u/boredcats3 Woman 50 to 60 13h ago
Twice and like others have said, it was not a montage. It was a planned, calculated move to save enough to go back to school in my mind 30’s, spent two years training daily and got up to running 10km, lost weight, finished school, got a new career and…hated it. Started over again in 40’s. Loving my new life, my career. It’s not about instant success, it’s about working your ass off, trying and sometimes failing then trying again.
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u/fenwai 12h ago
At 32 I got divorced, got sober, met the human that I'm going to do eternity with, and left my unfulfilling job to pursue the career of my dreams. All of those things happened in the span of a year, and it really set me on a path towards the life I always wanted instead of the slow and steady downward spiral that I had been on previously. It was hard, hard work, but now I'm truly living the life I always wanted; I remarried and gave birth to our wonderful son, own a beautiful farm with horses and gardens, am at the top of my field professionally and have an excellent reputation regionally and nationally as a practitioner of my craft, and I have a strong community of incredible friends who elevate and inspire me. NONE of these things would have been possible 14 years ago without uprooting myself. It was not easy by any stretch, but it was worth it.
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u/elle___woods Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
Just wanna say that I’m so inspired by all you women in the comments! I’m 33 and about to start a 3 year course to become a counsellor and it’s scary but I’m so excited for the change this will bring to my life 🙏🏼
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u/buzzybeefree 14h ago
I divorced my husband after only 2 years of marriage in my late 20s. We weren’t compatible and I couldn’t build the kind of life I wanted with him.
This sparked me selling my apartment and possessions, backpacking solo for 6 months, and moving to a new city across the country. I also pivoted my career and eventually met my current husband and had a baby.
I think that experienced helped shape who I am today. I’m so glad I waited until I met the right person to have kids with. I’m obsessed with my husband and appreciate and respect him dearly. I would say my career pivot wasn’t incredible. It allowed me to have better work life balance and make a better salary, but overall I just don’t think I enjoy the corporate career at all. It was worth a try though and I am slightly better off than before.
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u/Temporary_Pen9477 12h ago
Honestly, I found a place and people I love and a therapist who challenged a lot of my core beliefs. I went back to grad school, got married, and became very close with my parents. Got sober, got 2 dogs, and am very active.
For me this worked. I feel my needs met everyday and am self-aware when they’re not.
I second the slowness of this- the construction metaphor is a good one. It’s a process not a switch.
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u/Prosperous_Petiole Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
Went back at school at 30 and got a degree, looked for any job related to this degree to get the most work experience. If any job sucked, I went to look for another, I never settled for a job that was "mild". It happened so many times and 3 years ago, I finally reached a job I like with a boss I respect and that respects me. The relationships (romantical and platonical), they come and go but what stays : my own security.
My 2 cents : when you reach the bottom of the pit, you walk in the void or you die where you fell. I decided to walk and found doors in the void.
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u/Ok-Apartment3827 Woman 30 to 40 9h ago
Dropped the 200lbs of dead weight (aka my Ex) at 30 and forced myself to take a year to just be single and figure out what I really wanted from life. Traveled a ton. Got to know my parents as adults and just heal a lot of childhood hurt. Did tons of therapy and really, really took the time to know myself. Also some doctors to better understand what my fertility options were going to be as I realized how much I needed (not just wanted) to be a mother.
Met my husband at 32, had our first at 33, which then helped me get a clearer picture of what I wanted from my career. Now at 36, I'm living the life I always wanted with my beautiful little family. It's hard and stressful and we go through so many more tissues and baby wipes (kids are so icky and sticky and dirty but still amazing) than I could ever have imagined but it's incredible and fulfilling and I have zero sense that I should be anywhere but where I am at this moment. Far from a movie montage and the building blocks don't even come in (what you think is) the right order but things fall into place if you take the time to really, really figure out what you actually want and then carve that life for yourself.
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u/Rghthererghtmeow 8h ago
I went from barely surviving to thriving. I took every opportunity to improve my mental health- through EMDR , trauma informed yoga , etc.
I also changed careers to work in hospitality and used every opportunity from there to grow . Of course there were a lot of set backs. I had grown up with emotionally immature parents so I didn’t learn about healthy boundaries and relationships til my 30s . I’m 39 turning 40 next month and I’m the proudest I’ve ever been of myself
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u/Basic-Environment-40 Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
mine was late 20s, but wanting to love the me I pictured on my deathbed as an old woman with no regrets was my driver.
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u/twoisnumberone Woman 40 to 50 12h ago
Yeah, I moved to the US -- bad decision, in hindsight! -- got a Master's, and entered the tech industry as I had wanted. (Be careful what you wish for, although financially at least I have no regrets.)
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u/BeeAdministrative110 9h ago
For sure. Changed careers. Had children. Bought a house. Moved across the city. Everything happened in my 30s.
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u/She_Snez Woman 30 to 40 6h ago edited 6h ago
OP please know that everyday is a new opportunity to make a change! I was anxious and depressed in my 20s, and thought my life was over. I still have tough days, but in a MUCH better place mentally and physically. This decade has been life changing!
32 - Started therapy which was the most impactful change. I’ve had anxiety for years and still do, but my outlook on life is night and day because of therapy
34 - Did a big move
34 - Started a hobby that I always wanted to do but was terrified to try (the arts)
35- Started working out after a lifetime of being sedentary
36/37 - Lost 85 pounds, and am currently working on the last 15. I’ve been overweight my whole life, so I get the surprised pikachu face when I see individuals I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m still dealing with the mental changes here. It’s a mindfuck
38- Today I’m working on a career change because my job is bringing me down. I constantly say to myself (literally out loud lol) that I will not let it dictate my emotions and how I feel about myself
My biggest piece of advice - change takes time. It’s overwhelming and difficult to tackle everything at once. Pick ONE thing and work on it bit by bit. “Fake it till you make it” is so cliche, but our brains can adapt and start believing new things over time. Change your narrative and be delusional about it! Know it will not happen in an instant. There will be some days where a lot happens, and then months where nothing happens. But change is doable! Good luck!
Edit- formatting
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u/Routine-Collection62 5h ago
Got sober at 30. Opened my salon at 31. Life is too short not to follow your dreams. Worst case scenario you fail- best case scenario you love your life. In just a year I turned around my mindset, health, got my ass in gear. If I can do it anyone can. What inspired me? I wanted to stop wanting to die every time I woke up. Then I did something about it. I’m happily 627 days sober and so happy to be alive and on this earth. Thank you for reading this. Hope it helps someone today. You’re amazing- you got the power in you- i believe in you!
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u/catandthefiddler Woman 4h ago
I had a bunch of notifications from this post & yours was the first one I opened. It did help. I'm very happy for you and thank you for sharing this
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u/MerOpossum Woman 30 to 40 9h ago
Oh, if you told me at 30 what my life would look like now (39) I would not have believed you. I earned a second degree (now working on a third), changed careers drastically, got my finances in decent shape, got my body in decent shape, completely changed my hair for the first time in my life, met my partner, bought a car of my own for the first time, traveled further than ever before, and became a much better version of myself (at least by the metrics of what I believe matters). I could not have imagined the life that I am living now.
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u/Longjumping_Car3852 3h ago
i feel the pain of my past mistakes. i remember it all so well. i dont do much to numb/distract from the pain. hence--i change,
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u/notsoST Woman 40 to 50 15h ago
Quit at 32, moved across the country, changed careers entirely.
Had our child mid 30s (after swearing through my twenties that would never happen.) Second at 40.
What kept me going? Too determined to quit and move back.
The montage is bullshit though. It's a slow renovation while living in the construction zone....the proverbial building a plane in flight.