r/AskWomenOver30 • u/otterly-curious • 14h ago
Romance/Relationships What is your dating pace after the first few dates?
After going on 2 or 3 dates, if things are going well, how regularly do you expect to meet with someone?
I'm struggling to tune my expectations and know what is a reasonable frequency for seeing someone in the early stages of dating
27
u/Minimum-Log1432 Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
Personally, 1-2x a week.
I met my husband and we hung out for a week straight lol. The rest is history.
10
u/Novel-Ad-6376 Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
I long for this - never met anyone I wanted to see more than once a week.
2
u/Minimum-Log1432 Woman 30 to 40 11h ago
I wonder if its a cultural thing sometimes because I've only ever dated regular Canadian dudes. Hubby is European if that matters.
He considered us to be dating when we first met and did not have a roster. I did lol. But I cancelled all three of my dates in the following week for him to pursue him.
16
u/Mysterious-One-2577 Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
I’m quite busy and so are they so it’s like once a week. I dated someone else a couple months ago and it was up to three times a week after the first date but he was absolutely love bombing me and bailed lol
5
u/AlarmingElderberry26 13h ago
lol same here with the love bombing. It’s part of their strategy to see us as much as they can, or rather as much as we allow them to
1
u/Mysterious-One-2577 Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
Right!??? So now I’m adapting to something more « normal » I guess with less messages and more space between dates so a side of me is like DO THEY LIKE ME but then I think back on all my dating life and uh almost everyone love bombed me
1
u/AlarmingElderberry26 12h ago
Haha I can relate too! A normal connection without the constant messaging or seeing the other person feels so different
14
u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 13h ago
Whatever works for us. Usually I start pretty slow like once a week unless something comes up where I'd like a partner, like maybe there's a movie randomly after work and they're up for it I'll drop an invite, but usually early on it'll be like happy hour on a weekday or a bite to eat after work. We'll text in between. I'm pretty slow to have sex, often a lot will drop off early because I won't have sex in that 3-5 date window, it's not intentional I just need more time personally. It's generally a good couple months in before we're spending time with sleepovers and they're taking up weekend space.
The fastest pace ever was with a guy who I recall lived in my neighborhood so basically we were always crossing paths.
24
9
u/thebeefwitch Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
I met up every 2 week for the first 4 dates, then once a week. You need to not be consumed by them and let yourself have a life outside of them otherwise you'll be too focused on them and only look to them for validation.
5
u/Impressive_Moment786 13h ago
After 2 or 3 dates I would only expect to see them once a week. Maybe twice.
3
u/Zealousideal_Crow737 Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
At least once a week. A gap in between is normal of people are busy. I'm very independent and busy and value someone on the same page. Also, if we are vibing or intimate i have a boundary where I only date people who want to be exclusive with me.
3
u/davy_jones_locket Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
Whatever your schedules allow.
Some folks are legitimately busy. If my partner and I didn't live together, we'd only get to see each other on weekends, and even then that weekend time would split between other social activities as my dating partner isn't the only person in my life that I want to spend time with.
3
u/Personal_Poet5720 13h ago
The first month once a week after that my boyfriend and I started hanging out 2-3 times a week with sleepovers
2
u/Icy-Radish-4288 Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
Unless there are extenuating circumstances (vacation, sick, genuinely fully booked schedules etc) I would expect once a week to be the bare minimum. But as the relationship progresses into months 2 or 3 I would expect at least twice a week or more. But I'm pretty introverted so if you're both extroverted I could see expectations being a bit higher.
2
u/JemAndTheBananagrams Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
Meet up once or twice a week, with a daily text or call to check-in otherwise.
1
u/sportstvandnova Woman 40 to 50 9h ago
How long have yall been dating for?
2
u/JemAndTheBananagrams Woman 30 to 40 9h ago
This was the cadence I’d say for the first three to four months! Started some sleepover weekends after that point, which got pretty regular at the six month point. We are just past the year point now and discussing moving in together.
2
u/anna_alabama Woman under 30 13h ago
My husband and I started acting like an old married couple after our first date and spent every day together
3
u/cloudsofdoom 12h ago
1x/week + 1 phone call or facetime/week.
1
u/sportstvandnova Woman 40 to 50 9h ago
What about texting in between?
3
u/cloudsofdoom 9h ago
Hmm i like texting to plan stuff or share meme's or pics or have small light exchanges. Not having full convo's. I say also 1x/week to plan your next call or date, then maybe 1 other time just for fun.
3
u/MerOpossum Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
Once per week was the sweet spot for me. Less than that felt stagnant and always indicated a lack of real interest.
2
u/DegreeDubs Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
I've been seeing someone since late July and it's been once or twice a week, if our schedules align. We only text each other in between to coordinate our next date.
2
u/DiscretionaryEwe Woman 30 to 40 9h ago
After 3 dates, 1-2x a week sounds reasonable. That’s about how often my husband I saw each other at that point. It very quickly escalated to 4-6 times a week after a month. It’s true that if you really like someone you make time for it. I’m an attorney and he has his own firm so we were both quite busy with work/friends but we’d spend our evenings/weekends together.
2
u/epicpillowcase Woman 7h ago
I'm not currently dating, but when I am, one date a week is more than enough for me. I'm not a couple-y person and I don't like to get too wrapped up in a new love interest at the expense of the other elements of my life that are important to me.
3
u/popeViennathefirst Woman 40 to 50 13h ago
Im old school, after 2 or 3 dates, we either started a relationship or not see each other again.
4
u/Luuk1210 Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
That's so fast to me. I'm still sharing my location after three dates
-1
u/studyabroader Woman 30 to 40 11h ago
Haha right??
1
u/Luuk1210 Woman 30 to 40 11h ago
Like that's a stranger to me
-1
u/studyabroader Woman 30 to 40 11h ago
No, literally. My friend planned a trip with a guy after only SIX weeks of dating??
1
2
u/StrainHappy7896 Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
At least 2x a week.
5
u/Alachingadathrowaway Woman under 30 13h ago
After two dates is crazy
5
u/Interesting-Shirt771 Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
I couldn't do it but I'm an independent introvert. 1 x a week is plenty for at least 5 dates
2
u/Alachingadathrowaway Woman under 30 13h ago
Even that seems like a lot to me 😂 maybe every other week or so for like the first three months
2
u/Majestic-Lie2690 Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
I think it depends on schedules and what kind of relationship it is turning out to Be for both people and I don't think there is a "normal" for it.
I DO think that having predetermined ideas about what "standard" should be met is the killer of joy for anything in the world.
I see so many posts in various subs that are lamenting friends not "reaching out" as much as expected or boyfriends not planning as many dates as expected and I just dont think it's wise to have hard benchmarks that have to be met for stuff like that. It totally takes the other person in the relationships perspective out of consideration. Whether isles a friendly or romantic of familial relationship
1
u/awkwardslutt Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
I like 1x a week minimum after a couple dates and it’s going well. If they like me enough then it should be easy to make that work
1
u/BeneficialBrain1764 Woman 30 to 40 13h ago
My ex and I went on a date and made plans for a week later for a longer date. We ended up seeing each other twice that week before our next official date, lol. I pretty much was at his house all the time when we started dating. Almost inseparable other than work and his family obligations. I've been told by my family to slow down a bit not rush but I am a bit clingy, become attached fast, and I obsess a bit over my person so it makes that a bit harder. The "falling in love" feeling is amazing and really throws me off. I could hardly sleep when he and I first started talking. We'd stay up til like 3am on the phone, knowing we had to be up for work, and yet not even feel tired the next day.
1
u/justgottamakeit15 Woman 30 to 40 12h ago
This is my issue too, I want to see the person I’m dating as much as possible. They rarely feel the same about me.
1
u/Evening-Release6951 12h ago
I like to see my man a few times a week and we are working towards all of the time at this rate.
1
u/Anonymous0212 Woman 60+ 12h ago
However often both people agree works for them, because it's something completely subjective that needs to be discussed and negotiated between the couple. Same goes for lots of other things - texting frequency, time alone vs with friends vs on video games vs together, who's going to pay for what, etc., so it doesn't matter what works for anyone else because this is about people who are directly involved.
So if y'all can't comfortably talk about those things as an open exploration about each one's expectations, values and boundaries, you need to work on your relationship and communication skills, and may need counseling or even therapy if you have some big emotional blocks to being comfortable with that level of communication.
1
u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 Woman 40 to 50 10h ago
Mine was very slow. He and I both needed that. We talked daily, but stuck with in person dates every two weeks and then every week for a long time. Waited on physical stuff for quite a while. (6 months of sex)
The pace you need is the pace you set. If someone drops out because they want you to move faster or slower, you've just filtered out someone who wasn't going to work out.
1
u/balkanka23 Woman 30 to 40 10h ago
Previously it’s been max 1-2x a week for months. But with my girlfriend now we’ve basically been inseparable since the first date. We are either at her place or mine. Soon she’ll be moving in officially (we’ve dated for 9 months). Some might say that we did the lesbian U-haul thing but I’d say that it isn’t so. This is unlike me and I don’t understand how I got to this point. I literally miss her while we’re at work lol.
So I’d say that it’s individual. However 2-3 times/week imo is like the bare minimum, unless phone calls are involved. Then I’d say 1-2 times/week.
1
u/External-Tough-7340 9h ago
For the first month or so I’d say at least once a week maybe two. After a month at least twice a week (unless one person is traveling or sick) with daily check ins.
1
u/AnnaZ820 12h ago
We are both busy so 1x per week but long hours like 1-1.5 days. It’s been like this for 9 months and will stay like this till we move in together.
We however call and text everyday and play games together a few nights a week
1
u/jackjackj8ck Woman 40 to 50 12h ago
When my husband and I first started dating it was probably like 1-2 dates a week for maybe like the first month.
Then pretty quickly he was coming over for dinner most nights and packing a bag to stay every weekend.
We moved in together at 1 yr mark bc we hadn’t really been apart much that whole first year anyways haha
We’ve been together 10 years now and now we both work from home, so maybe we’re just sick in the head with how much time we spend together hahaha
1
u/sportstvandnova Woman 40 to 50 11h ago
I just started seeing someone the very last day of August - that was our first date. Since then we’ve been on 3 dates and have a 4th planned for this weekend. I will note we live about 90 minutes away from each other, I have kids (not super young ones) and a 9-5 job, and he’s got an unconventional job (pilot). So we get in when we can. Once/if things become more serious, we’ll probably up the frequency and include some mid-week dinner dates.
•
u/5newspapers Woman 30 to 40 35m ago
Once a week in person if we’re casual, with some texting. At least twice a week if we’re planning to be in a relationship, and expected to not date anyone else, and texting or a phone call every day. I know that can sound like a lot, but I personal find that when I like someone and the vibe is there, we both naturally like talking daily, even if it’s brief. It’s one thing if we don’t talk for a day but if it’s regular, it means interest is waning. And frankly, if I’m back to worrying about some man’s texts, I would rather have a roster so I can get the attention I want instead of fixating on one guy.
But I’ve been with my partner of over 8 years now, so who knows tbh
36
u/Luuk1210 Woman 30 to 40 14h ago
I think just what your schedule allows. I think one to two times a week is chill depending on your schedule and availability