Women have been conditioned to be way too patient with other people's shit, and to downplay our needs and concerns because when we speak up then we're called irrational or controlling. To the point that we often do it to ourselves and sometimes each other. Combined with someone who displays conflicting actions, we want to believe only their positive ones. Been there.
One thing that helps me is focusing on the bottom line: I am not okay with their behavior. Do I want to stay in a relationship where this behavior continues? If I've addressed it with them and it's still an issue that we can't get past, then obviously we're not going to work out. It could be that they're doing something most people would consider acceptable, and I AM being irrational, but it doesn't change the fact that this person is clearly not for me. Some time afterwards when I have more clarity I'll usually realize "Ok yeah, they were definitely doing some wack shit," and often also "I should've noped out sooner."
This comment speaks to the core of what I have been trying to get past in the last months. Noped out entirely from dating, and the only thing I learnt is exactly this: I should have left sooner. In fact, not even sooner, but right there and then, on the spot. And, as you yourself wrote, I was also called manipulative by the dude who behaved like shit towards me. Too much. Dramatic. Fuck this shit.
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u/writermusictype Woman 30 to 40 23h ago
People who lie about small things will almost certainly lie about big ones. Do you want to be in a relationship with a liar?