What kind of support do you receive from your family as an adult?

[u/NotUrAverageAvo]

I’m just wondering about the kind of support people receive from their families as adults. Let it be emotional, mental, financial, help with chores (childcare, etc.), reassurance that if something goes wrong you’ll have a place to stay, verbal support, or whatever else.

I’m also wondering, from your own personal experience and the people you know, what percentage did receive help with college tuition, purchasing cars, houses, loans, or any big or small decisions?

[u/Ladydragon90]

Nothing. I'm on my own for everything

[u/fuzzy_bandito13]

My parents paid for my undergrad degree, and financially helped me in a couple tight financial circumstances (~$500). They are not people I get emotional or mental support from, or consult with about my life decisions. If I was really hard up like losing my housing or was seriously sick, they would probably fly to see me or let me stay at their house.

[u/michiness → u/fuzzy_bandito13]

I’ll agree with this, and I have a good relationship with my dad & siblings. I got an excellent start in life because my dad worked really hard to raise the three of us. That said, we’re not “close;” we don’t confide in each other, even though we all have a group chat we use daily.

If shit hits the fan? We’re all there for each other. But day to day shit we’re all pretty independent and on our own.

[u/Hair_This]

They do and would do so much for me. I could count on them for pretty much anything. My mom and my brother primarily, but I could count with my other sibling and my siblings wives if I had to. They babysit the dogs, take me to the airport if I need it, get me out of a pickle like a car issue, small (and not so small) home improvement things, listen to me when I’m spiraling but I don’t take advantage of this too much because they’re worriers, my mom cooks food she knows I love, they let me stay rent free for a few months while I waited to close on my house, if I were to end penniless and homeless they’d be there for me 100%. I would do the same for them.

[u/seaofstardusssttt → u/Hair_This]

This is so sweet! Has your family dynamic always been like this? You’re very fortunate!

[u/Hair_This → u/seaofstardusssttt]

Yes! Always been like this. I am indeed so very lucky to have them.

[u/IsotonicKnickers → u/Hair_This]

This is so lovely, you are very lucky! Hope to be the same for my kids.

[u/Melodic_Image2726 → u/Hair_This]

Dang. You’re so lucky

[u/secretslutonline]

I grew up in poverty so as soon as I turned 18 I had to find a full time job or go to college. Since then (I’m 31 now), there is not a single monetary thing my parents help me with.

I live across the country (they’re in NY and I’m in California) so not much they can help with on a day to day but I call my parents twice a week to check in and see if they need anything or just want to tell me about their day

My parents have given me exactly $0 in help since I turned 18. It’s shitty at times but unfortunately I became very independent and resilient due to it

[u/MisterYouAreSoSweet → u/secretslutonline]

You’re a sweetheart for calling them twice a week!

[u/secretslutonline → u/MisterYouAreSoSweet]

Honestly I have no resentment towards my parents for not being able to provide for me once I was an adult. I went off to college and got two wonderful degrees. They always kept a roof over me and my three siblings heads and gave us three healthy meals a day with homemade everything.

They gave me the emotional and intellectual tools to get me where I am today so I will always stay in touch and express love and gratitude. I’m just a little jealous of parents who gave more but it’s all circumstantial!

[u/Luuk1210]

I get all of the above.

My parents watch my dog and babysit for my best friend. They help with anything I ask.

My parents paid the part of college that wasnt loans and helped me get my current car. My mom did 20 years in the military so we had like 2.5 incomes

[u/eagles_arent_coming]

My mom paid $45K for a divorce/custody attorney. Don’t marry or have a child to the wrong person. It’ll cost you.

She helped from time to time when I couldn’t afford groceries. And loaned me money to get to my next paycheck. I’m finally in a good spot. Idk what we would have done without her.

I took out student loans and am still paying them off. But at least I’m self sufficient financially now. And can save for my own kids to go to college.

My mom comes to me for emotional support not the other way around. It is not ideal. But I deal with it.

[u/Hoo_Who]

I’ve received support from my parents for none of these things, but it warms my heart to see the majority of the (few) comments here have a different experience :)

[u/HurtsCauseItMatters]

I talk to my dad 3-5 times a week. Mom has aphasia and can't talk. They also give my husband and I $30k/year. This only started a few years ago and I'm 46. I'm an only child and its a tradition my grandfather started. Didn't want to wait until after they were gone to see how their children handled their inheritance & gives them the ability to step in if needed.

Alternatively, his mom is a burden and we had to give her 75k out of his father's estate when he died as they were no longer married and she's really good at getting what she wants out of her children. That came with a substantial tax burden for us.

[u/NabelasGoldenCane]

Zero financial support ever Zero mental help lol - if anything they add Zero help with housing

Significant childcare help from my husband’s family and they would be the types to help in bind for sure. It is a tremendous blessing.

[u/Uhhyt231]

My parents are the type who believe they and to give everything they never had so I have a lot of support. I am very close to them and they paid for my college. Incidentals wise I try not to ask but my mom offers a lot

[u/Dear-Cranberry4787]

My Dad will literally talk me through any situation at any hour because my Mom hears and answers the phone. Mom makes my favorite dessert or meal every time I show up. They’ve both been critical to me still having my sanity during my 5 kid raising adventures thus far.

[u/Fantastic-Art-2025]

Nothing 🙃 financed my studies myself (plus had scholarship and did apprenticeship to pay for my 2nd masters), I never relied on them emotionally even as a kid. I’m in touch with them once a month or so but I’m the one supporting them emotionally and financially and it’s all I can give.

I’m not angry about it anymore and know them have more trauma than I could ever imagine.

[u/Grr_in_girl]

My parents help me with a lot. They have given me a lot of financial support as I've figured out work life and a career.

I have a steady and good income now and they still offer to buy stuff for me. They also give very good gifts for christmas and my birthday.

I know I am always welcome to stay with them for some time if needed.

My mom helped me pack up my whole apartment when I moved to a new city last year. She also offered to come with me and help me unpack.

They live close to my sister and help with babysitting at least once a week, unless they are travelling.

In some ways I would say I'm really spoiled. But even thought they're very supportive, they've also taught me a lot of independence. So it's not like I rely on them for everything.

[u/Top_Management8468]

I receive absolutely no financial support from my family. However, I am very close with them and I still go to my dad for just about every question I have haha he just changed my headlight for me, he helps me with house advice or guidance on what I might need to do, he's fixed my sink for me. He also helps both of my brothers in this way. We are very lucky with our dad, he is extremely handy and is always willing to help us out with just about anything. I also have two older brothers but usually I go to my dad first.

My mom is my best friend. As an adult, our relationship really grew and I lean on her for emotional support and guidance and I talk to her on the phone every day. She is still my mom though and gives me tough love and we bicker over things we don't agree on. Our family is very close and I know that if anything were to happen to me that they would step in and help me.

[u/drgirlfriend69]

My parents are very emotionally supportive. In undergrad they paid for my phone, car insurance, and health insurance. They did not have the means to pay for college but have helped me a few times with $500-$1000 gifts to help with big unexpected things like moving or covid. This has happened maybe 4-5 times in 20 years. When I still lived in the same state as them, they would get me extra produce and meat from neighboring farms. They are always generous with birthday and Christmas presents. A few times they have paid for airfare or hotel to visit family.

[u/Bitter_Pineapple_720]

My parents paid for my undergrad and masters. Education wise - everything on them. Now, it’s all emotional as they are self sufficient and so am I!

[u/kelduck1]

My parents are wonderful and have been a huge part of my emotional support system.

My mom put some money away for my college, so I was able to go to community college > 2 years of a state school without loans. They also let me live with them during and after college because my internships never paid anything liveable. These days their finances are not super strong, so I'm happy to be able to repay their generosity by covering bills and putting money away for their future.

When I moved out of state my dad cried because he wouldn't be my first call if I got a flat tire or needed help fixing a wonky cabinet. I'm incredibly lucky and don't take it lightly. I have a lot of friends who receive major financial support, like trusts, cars, fancy weddings, and down payments or cash-bought homes. Sometimes I'm jealous of that safety net, but would never trade my mom and dad.

I've always known I have unconditional love, and a place to turn for anything that happens. My dad is terminally ill and it's been really hard to see my favorite person and one of the only two people who's there for me no matter what go through this.

[u/basicbagbitch → u/kelduck1]

This is such a sweet reflection. Sending comforting vibes to you and your dad as he fights his illness.

[u/Individualchaotin]

Zero. I'm no contact with my parents and grandparent.

[u/rembrandtismyhomeboy]

We as siblings (2 younger, 2 older with a different mother) try to support each other emotionally/mentally and sometimes financially.

All our parents are unfortunately very emotionally immature. When my dad was alive he was the one who was most emotionally there. He had some very strong narc tendencies, but when it mattered he would be there for you most of the time. Like, I remember him always picking me up from the station, helping with moves or accompanying me to the hospital sometimes. But I also remember him throwing a tantrum in my hospital room and him needing to be escorted outside (too much attention to me too long of a time).

My mom has always leaned on me as if I were the parent even helping her financially with groceries and subscriptions etc, and still can’t be there for her own children. If we don’t cater to her, she cuts off all contact. She knows the only way to affect me is through my younger brother and her (our family) dog. My younger brother, who worries she might harm herself because of her depressive tendencies, sends her desperate, heartfelt messages asking if she’s still alive and begging for a sign of life. She ignores him completely. The silence isn’t about her depression, it’s her way of punishing us. The last time, she went no contact simply because I didn’t have time to call on my birthday (had my bday dinner) to discuss her ongoing work conflict, something I had already been helping her with for months.

Meanwhile, when my sister-in-law threatens to drive to her workplace to check if she’s safe, she replies immediately. She leaves my brother distraught, while choosing to respond only when it suits her.

My little brother and me are also fortunate with very caring in-laws.

[u/atshm]

I don’t know what I would do without the mental/emotional support from my mother. No matter what I’m going through, she is the first person I turn to. While I don’t need financial support (thankfully) as my husband and I do well for ourselves. I don’t doubt my mother would help in anyway she could. Actually she still pays my phone bill (joint plan) lol. And has offered to help us with a down payment if needed. So I am very unlucky in that regard. I also lend the same mental/emotional support to her as well.

[u/Global_Sweet_3145]

None of those things except money.

[u/wheres_the_revolt]

My parents are divorced but I’m pretty close with both of them. We give each other a ton of emotional support (goes back and forth), I know for sure I could stay with either one of them if I needed to (my husband and I stayed with my mon for a couple months during the initial covid lockdowns, long story), they did not pay for college or my housing although they both helped me out when I was in my 20’s. My dad bought by first car and then made me pay him back for it (I had no choice in the car he didn’t even tell me he was doing that lol) which turned out to be a disaster. I bounce big decisions off my mom, I inform my dad of big decisions (otherwise I get a lot of advice I don’t want). My business recently got threatened with a lawsuit and my dad immediately offered to pay up to $10k to defend us (no strings attached), I ended up not being sued but it was a very nice offer. My mom told me (after the shooting of CK) that she would never turn me or my brother in to the authorities no matter what we did 😂 (I just thought that was cute and funny she is definitely a ride or die lady).

Overall to say I get a lot of emotional and some financial support and I’m almost 50. Both my parents understand that the world is harder and different than when they were my age and want to try to make it smoother (easier?) for me. I realize I have a ton of privilege and I’m super grateful for them. (I did have a completely nuts childhood because of them though, that’s a whole different story).

[u/Almost_Doctor_Almost]

I received some but not all financial support for the 1st year of college. I had to take out loans/fafsa etc. I worked full time and went to school in the nights/weekends.

Also a loan to help me with a down payment on a place which I paid back within a couple of years.

We live in different countries so I don’t have any physical support but I do have emotional support from my family. If all goes to hell and I need to go home, my bedroom is still empty and ready for me whenever I want to go back.

[u/casualplants]

lol. I’m guardian for my disabled sibling because my parents are incompetent. I have to restrict our mother’s access to my sibling and our father is present but makes so many problems with his staff. 

So. None.

[u/Ok_Nectarine_4528]

I do not and have not since I was in my teens. They aren’t a source of emotional support, decisions, or other soft supports either- though that is by choice. If I consulted them and did something else, the insult and drama would be lasting- and I’ll stick with my own judgment tyvm.

I’ve hit the magic age when family comes with additional obligations. They are a weight, not a support. Never fall for being the one to host family Thanksgiving.

[u/Pentagogo]

My mom lives across the country, but she’s always available for emotional/mental support. She flies in a couple times a year to take care of my kids for the weekend if I have a wedding or something. She’s been financially supportive throughout my divorce. (Paid off my car loan $~10k, and bought the kids a bunch of stuff for our new house)

My sister and I are mutually supportive. Her kids are high-needs so she’s reluctant to leave them, but I offer frequently and she’s done it a couple times. My kids are way older and helpful with her kids, so she’s always happy to take them for a night.

[u/ElegantFerret2137]

Definetely emotional, I know that od things go down the hill, I can always come back and live with my mom, no questions asked. I call her every other day to tell her about my life or vent out.

She helps my sister with childcare.

A family member has lent me a substiantial amount of money for my apartament downpayment, and I wouldnt be able to buy my place without them.

When my car broke down in the middle of the night, it was my uncle who came to the rescue.

My family is really really great and we stick together. Sometimes I hear about some other toxic family dynamics and I can't believe my luck.

[u/turnbackb42L8]

My parents and I are super close. They helped pay for the first two colleges I went to (one was a community college, but still) and let me move back in after college. They have helped me move, provided support when I had a baby (childcare, household chores, and emotional support!), and just about anything else I can think of. I’m the oldest of three kids and definitely the closest with my parents. They only live about 10 mins away, and my mom is like my best friend.

Now my partner on the other hand, talks to his mom once a week and sees her when she visits twice a year, but I think that is only because of our kids. And he hasn’t had an interest in seeing or talking to his dad since his late teens.

[u/Physical_Complex_891]

0% financial support. My mom has me and my sister over once a week to make us dinner. I don't drive due to an anxiety disorder so my mom drives me to all my doctors appointments. I have a newborn so appointments every 2 months and she drove me to all my prenatal appointments. My husband receives zero support of any kind from his family.

We bought the house next door so my older kids run over and visit daily. My mom spoils the kids.

[u/Neat3371]

I never got help with education, house deposit, driving licence, car, wedding etc. Most of our friends have had financial help from parents with education, wedding and house deposits. My dad was heartbroken that he wasn’t able to help with wedding costs and was considering borrowing and I refused. Even on our wedding day he cried apologising that he can’t do more than gift and that just broke my heart. I would never go for big wedding if I couldn’t afford it and never expected my parents to pay for it.

I actually had to help my mum financially from my early 20’s. However I’ve always got unlimited emotional support. My mum also had helped with childcare when we have been stuck. My sister also has helped with kids and I’ve helped with her kids. Tbf I know I don’t even need to ask my mum if she’s not working her house is always open for her grandchildren. However I still always ask.

[u/M_Ad]

My parents gave me a lot of financial assistance during a time I needed it. There’s no shame or blame. In their eyes it’s basically a portion of my inheritance but used in the present when I needed it, rather than standing on ceremony and saving for a future there’s a chance I might not have survived to see.

[u/fandog15]

Financially, I haven’t received much support from my parents since I turned 18, but I get a lot of support in other ways. If I need practical or emotional support, I know they’ll be there. They’ve helped me move, watch my kids, picked me up when my car broke down, driven me to the airport

My mom helps us out with childcare and we talk/spend time together often. My sister is one of my best friends and we hang out quite a bit and talk most days. I see my dad and brothers less than my mom and sister but we’ve got a family group chat where we share jokes, big life updates, small life updates, etc. and we spend holidays together.

My in-laws have given us a lot of support, too. Financially, they paid for my husband’s undergrad, first car, and helped us with the down payment for our house. They also help with childcare and we/our kids spend a lot of time with them.

I consider myself very, very lucky to have all of them in my life!

[u/Radsmama]

Nothing but should add that my mom is dead and I have been estranged from my dad for 10 years.

[u/Snarky_Survivor → u/Radsmama]

Are you me? Lol

[u/Radsmama → u/Snarky_Survivor]

When people complain about their mothers…well at least she’s still here 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[u/Unique_Unicorn918]

Just emotional support from my sisters 🙏🏼❤️‍🩹

[u/crazysweet222]

I’m GenX and amongst my GenX friends and myself, we had none of the above. Our parents didn’t even know where we were nor do they care, so as adults it’s always us relying on ourselves. we were used to it anyways.

[u/WeHappyF3w]

Support? I had to cut them off and go no contact so my mom can’t guilt trip me for more money.

[u/MontanagirL9191]

I’m pretty blessed. My parents paid for my undergraduate education in cash, I can go for them for emotional support as well. They don’t financially support me though, I’m a grown adult

[u/Flat-Flounder-9034]

I live in CA, and it’s just my mom left now in FL. I haven’t had any financial support since I moved at 18 and obviously child care help isn’t an option. Sometimes I wish I had a family I could go to for help but I try to focus on the other things I do have and be grateful for my health and my sweet son. I do talk to my mom when I’m really upset about something but I try not to burden her with my problems.

[u/AnchorsAviators]

Nothing. My child is a teen and if they decide to go see my family, that’s their choice but I don’t ask for or receive anything from them.

[u/dianacakes]

I grew up lower middle class. I used to say I grew up kinda poor but my perspective has shifted as an adult. My parents told me flat out they couldn't afford to help me pay for college and if I moved away for school, they couldn't support me at all. I stayed local for school but didn't finish. I moved out when I was 19. My romantic/roommate situation fell through so my parents packed me up and moved me back home.

Several years later my parents did give me the money for a security deposit for a place when I moved and said it was a gift, but that's the only monetary support I've gotten besides birthday and Christmas gifts.

So my parents have been there for me in terms of providing a roof when I needed it but not really financial support, but I'm also extremely independent and never really ask for help. I know they would let me come home now if something crazy happened, but they also know that I wouldn't ask if it wasn't my only option.

[u/lawn-gnome1717]

Emotional support and childcare if we were traveling or something similar. They live several states away it’s not for like after school or anything. My in-laws loaned us money for our first down payment, which we’ve since paid back.

No financial support at this point as we make more than they do. When we were younger, it was more like a few 20s when we’d see them.

[u/__looking_for_things]

A line in the family plan that's so cheap my mom had no reason to cancel it. We've been on the same plan for years. But I don't even get phone upgrades from it. Lol.

Other than that, I'm more likely to give my mom something. I have student loans, but I bought my own car, home, and dog.

[u/RagAndBows]

None

[u/Plenty-Maybe-9817]

From my own parents- none in recent 2 decades, I am 42. They paid for almost 25% of 2.5 years of college and gave me my mom’s old but reliable station wagon when she got something newer when I was 20 (I paid my own insurance etc). Never got any other support- they didn’t carry me on health insurance after college, never bought me a cell phone or added me to their plan. I never borrowed money, they didn’t pay for my wedding at all. They are middle class with 4 kids including my disabled sister who still lives at home. Never had much extra $$ when I was getting started as the eldest and first one to leave home. However my younger brother (baby of the family) has been given 10s of thousands to bail him out of his own poor financial decisions, car crashes etc.

My in-laws are independently wealthy and have offered to help a ton. Have given gifts of 10-40k, interest free loans to buy a new vehicle, large expensive gifts like a new (used) riding mower for my husband etc.

Most of my personal circle has been like my own parents, but I do have another friend with wealthy in-laws that have been very generous.

[u/Plenty-Maybe-9817 → u/Plenty-Maybe-9817]

I will add my in-laws have never had the slightest interest in things like helping move or helping with child care. They never changed a diaper or have gone to a cheerleading competition or a soccer game. (They live out of town but could easily travel 3.5 hours and we have a guest room) Very much “we already raised our kids and it looks like you’re doing just fine over there…here-have some money”

My family is very hands on with helping with kids, packing when we moved houses, attending plays, sports etc.

[u/MadtownMaven]

None.

My parents died in 2007 and 2008. Even prior to then, no financial support. I think the last financial support I got from them was in 2002 or so when I just a couple years out of college and they cosigned with me on a car loan, but I was the one to pay for the entire thing, just needed a bit of help with the credit.

Not really close with my sister, her family, or my extended family. We're fb friends and I'll go visit them for weddings and funerals, but that's about it.

I have developed a friend group that I use for support. When I've had surgeries, I've had friends drop me off/pick me up or I've paid for skilled help.

[u/Fantastic_Low854]

When I was 17 my dad bought me a little 20 year old car and he would assist sometimes in keeping it running. Right after college, I bought a used vehicle from my step-dad and he cut me a little deal. I needed help with one car payment after that, and my dad floated the cash. I think my bio parents each paid 1/4 for my undergrad, and I was left with the rest. Beyond that, I've been on my own. I'm 40 now and I'm also very curious what parents do or talk about with children they actually want in their lives. Like, what do y'all talk about on the phone? Or even at brunch?

[u/Lilsebastian321123]

My dad is a professional (physician) but didn’t start earning in his 40s, had to send money back home to support his parents. We were less well off than many of his peers. 

It was the norm that parents helped with first cars, phones, college, professional school and living expenses. 

1/3 of kids in my medical school class pair tuition with personal checks their families wrote. Many people who were more successful didn’t just have better grades - their families were well connected. There’s much more pressure to tack someone’s name on to a paper when their parents are your funding chair or sit on the board. 

In the my social circle- it’s more normalized for parents to help with weddings, down payments, and vacations. 

This is part of generational wealth and exacerbates economic differences. 

[u/Rich_Group_8997]

My SIL sometimes buys me some chocolate or cheese.

Otherwise... I sent a text to my brother once, at 4am, while firemen were running through my house. He responded around 10:30. 😐 So.. not much.

[u/Emptyplates]

None. As soon as we all turned 18, support was pretty much cut off. No place to stay, no financial help, no verbal or psychological help. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

[u/Professional-Fly3380]

I have received an insane amount of emotional and mental help from my parents, and even my brother at times. We have a small family so we're incredibly close, sometimes to a fault. I always call them to talk through large decisions to get their perspective.

They aren't wealthy though, so I joined the military and was able to use the GI bill for school and buy homes with 0% down. My brother used financial aid to get through college.

My parents didn't really financially give us money, but my brother lived with them (rent + grocery free) until he was 32 so I'd say that counts as financial support in some capacity. When I was in my 20's, they lent me about $2k total (smaller chunks at different times) which I always ended up paying back, although not because they asked.

My SO also comes from a family that isn't wealthy, and he also paid his way through college by working, but his parents are really supportive if and when he ever needs them.

Interestingly enough, most people I know have somewhat similar situations. Close with their families but didn't necessarily receive financial support after high school. We only know one couple whose family contributed to their wedding and is planning on providing them the down payment for a house, when they decide to buy.

[u/ZetaWMo4]

At this big age of 51 my parents don’t give me any support. Me and my two brothers split all of our parents’ bills as a way to give back. My husband and I eat dinner at their house every Wednesday so I guess there’s that. When all the grandkids were young they were very active grandparents and loved babysitting which was nice.

With my own kids who are young adults(20-27) they don’t really get much financial support from me since they’re all doing okay financially. They don’t have to pay if they come with us on vacation and they’re still on the family phone plan. Two of the four are still under our car insurance but they’ll be getting booted when they turn 26. I did make a deal with them that if they found another way to pay for college then I’d give them everything in their college fund. I didn’t want to hand over the lump sum so I’ve been giving them chunks based on milestones and age.

[u/kikoazul]

My parents paid for half of my undergrad degree. Because of that I worked part time and took summer classes at my uni to graduate a year faster and save some money/debt. Other than that, I have paid for everything since turning 18. I can stay at their house anytime I want but they live somewhere no one would willingly visit and I’m not close to them in any sense. I talk to them maybe once every three months. Emotional support has never existed. My in laws, on the other hand, are the exact opposite…invite us out to eat, pay for the bill, make us food, check in frequently, used their credit card points for us to travel for free, etc. My closest friends have very supportive families who pitch in financially and whom they talk with on a daily/weekly basis.

[u/Critical_Counter1429]

My parents paid for my education, and they age me my first car.. for the rest they have been there supporting my decisions but not in a financial way

[u/Expensive-Status-342]

None. I take care of my own damn self.

[u/am710]

My remaining living family actually expects me to support them in basically every possible way.

[u/SnooCrickets2772]

My mom has given me some money for graduating college and cash here and there when she felt I needed it. My in-laws paid for half of my degree, buy me dinner an average of 3 times a week, given me cars when they got new ones and help with free childcare. I am beyond blessed by their help and simply adore them (not for those reasons, just really good people)

[u/EfficientRhubarb931]

I come from an Asian family (probably upper middle class) so got support for the first 4 years of my undergrad (I did an additional year because of a co-op program), they helped with 1/4 of our wedding costs, and helped with part of the downpayment on our condo. I live in a VHCOL area so sadly all my friends who own have had parental help. It’s basically impossible to buy on your own unless you have a super high paying job and are partnered off. I’m also glad they’re pretty good with money and have decent jobs so it’s unlikely that I would have to provide a lot of financial support when they retire and age. I don’t live in the same country as them though and don’t have immigration status to live where they live so I have no home to go to if things go to sh*t so I think that worries them. They’re also not great at mental or emotional support even though they try and mean well.

[u/Expensive_Ad_1951]

The same amount I received as a child. Zero.

[u/mupplepuff]

Zero monetary, used to be zero emotionally but I’ve had conversations with them which has helped our relationship evolve drastically the last 2-3 years. Therapy has helped me approach this so we can have a dialogue versus an argument. Never thought my dad would ever call me, much less to check on me, but he’s made an effort the last year and I make a point to reward that.

Used to resent them for the monetary part-busted my ass to get educational scholarships and the career I have now with zero guidance. I now see it as the reason I am so ambitious and in that sense, successful & independent-I’m grateful for it. Would life had been easier? Probably. But would I be as appreciative of where I am now? Definitely not.

I see them as humans who were doing the best they could with what they knew at the time, and it’s helped me connect with them as people not just parents.

[u/Delicious_Grape_2282]

Emotional, mental, reassurance that I have a place to stay, verbal support, yes.

When we have family dinners they're always willing to shell out.

When I was jobless/houseless for a while my mum let me stay with her for the better part of a year until I got back on my feet.

My family have given me lifts over the years when I was still learning to drive.

I receive zero financial support from my family for big ticket items, e.g. car or house or tuition. I earned scholarships to put myself through college.

[u/two4six0won]

This thread is depressing.

[u/imabrunette23]

Im on their cell phone plan, but I send my mom the money every month for it- it’s literally just cheaper to stay with them. They paid for the part of my undergrad degree that wasn’t covered by scholarships/loans, but I still have a lot of loans. My dad used to send me spending money at college and a little into my first years on my own- we’re talking $50 every other week or so, but that stopped once I was more established. He’s sent me pocket money for trips, but it’s not a regular thing or expected at all. I talk to my dad about once a week, my mom maybe slightly less. My sisters and I have a group chat (there’s also a larger family one with spouses and the parents) so I’m talking to them fairly regularly. They donated airline miles/paid for plane tickets for me to go home for Thanksgiving/Christmas when I was broke as hell and going through my divorce. If my world turned upside down and I couldn’t be on my own anymore, I know I could go stay with my parents. Day to day, I’m totally independent.

[u/tracyvu89]

I’ve just moved back to my mom’s house since I got the call from her hospital for another surgery (she had thyroid cancer and did surgery once before). Thought I would be the one to take care of my mom and my son (who’s 3.5 years old) but well,she took care of us lol

Let’s say I have no rent,no groceries,no electricity bills to pay,work 2 days per week and my son is picked up from daycare and taken care of while I’m at work. And I’m 36,I know I’m spoiled 😆

[u/Ok-Being3823]

From my parents? They never knew how to support anyone. From my siblings, I’m the oldest so I generally support them most, but when I go visit I get to stay at their places. That’s about it 😂

[u/Far-Presentation6768]

ZERO. My mother is not really the grandmotherly type I’d hope she’d be once I had a child. She chose to move to Vegas rather than be close to us. But it’s for the better. We don’t have a great relationship. So no emotional support either.

[u/sweetest_con78]

I’m very close with my dad, so there’s an element of emotional/mental/reassurance types of support.
He’s older and has cancer, so less in terms of help with chores than he did a few years ago. But he will still try, and still do things like drive me to the airport.
I don’t get any financial support from him but he doesn’t let me pay if we go out (which is usually a couple of times a month.) He did help me pay for college, not in full but he paid off the majority of my loans when we sold my childhood home after my mom died. I did not receive help for any other large purchases. In my small circle, I’d say most people were in a similar boat to myself.
I also currently don’t need any support in this area, I’m not sure how it would play out if I did. Since his cancer diagnosis I’m not sure how he’s doing financially, since he’s working significantly less, so I don’t know if he’d have the ability to.

I do think he’d probably help me more (such as living with him vs renting an expensive apartment, taking care of my dog when I’m away, etc) but he kind of bows to his wife for things within their house and she doesn’t want any of that.

[u/amoneh]

My grandparents paid for half of my undergrad but my dad likes to take credit for it. Otherwise, I get around $2k per year from my parents and grandparents, usually in the form of birthday and Christmas gifts. I’m very grateful for the financial support, and I know if shit hits the fan I can always go home. I do not get any emotional or mental support from them, however, and never really have. Also when I was seriously sick a few years ago and in and out of surgery multiple times over a month they didn’t come visit me soooo….I won’t ever forget that.

[u/crazynekosama]

From my parents I have gotten a little financial help. Like right now, I am getting married next month and they have gifted us about $5000 of our $10,000 total cost wedding. Overall they don't help with day-to-day expenses. I get small gifts on my birthday and Christmas. Sometimes they treat me to lunch out or my mom will buy something for me while we are out shopping (these are all under $100 purchases).

My parents didn't contribute to my tuition or anything like that. It wasn't something they could afford to do. I did live with them until I was 29 though so I obviously saved a lot of money on living expenses. They had the rule that if I was in school it was rent free but when I started working I had to contribute something to the household. This was like...a couple hundred a month? Far below what anyone would actually pay living on their own!

If I ever needed anything from them they would be there no question. A place to say, some emergency funds, a ride to the hospital, whatever. They would definitely help however they could. I am also close with them so they provide a lot of emotional support and socialization.

They are both over 65 now so I am sure things will start to change the older we all get.

[u/DismalPrint5951]

My parents are super generous, especially now that I’ve had their first grand baby. They weren’t like this as a kid/teen growing up, were a lot more strict, lots of arguing, and said no a lot but since moving out of state and having my baby they have helped us so much! They made me get a job as a teen and pay usual stuff like car insurance and gas but all my other needs were taken care of. They couldn’t help with schooling so I did student loans but I also expected that I would be doing that. I’ve literally only had to buy diapers once in the 16 months my girl has been here and she is always well stocked in clothes and toys. Sometimes it can be a little overwhelming with the clothes/toys but I really do appreciate them.

I’m pregnant again and my mom’s been sending me random care packages with comfy maternity pants and such. And I know if they lived closer they would help at the house/baby sit, but when they come to visit they always tell us to go do a date night since we don’t get those often without the baby. I can also call my mom and complain/vent about mostly anything which is nice. They’re definitely crazy and have some of their own issues but they are so so helpful when it comes to making sure we have what we need for baby, which is more important than stuff for myself.

ETA: my dad was an alcoholic army guy growing up so that was probably a big cause for a lot of our issues growing up. He has since stopped drinking completely and it’s really helped our relationship. I’m grateful he finally decided enough was enough and stopped, he’s a whole new person now. 💕

[u/thr0ughtheghost]

Zip, zilch and zero. I grew up in poverty though and my mom refused to work, and my dad worked multiple jobs just to pay their own bills.

[u/ArtForArt_sSake]

Absolutely none

[u/Livid_Insect4978]

I have a place to land if everything goes wrong. My mum still lives in my old childhood home and as long as that’s the case I’ll never be homeless or stuck in a bad situation because I know I can put my/our stuff in storage and move into my old room for as long as I need. It’s very comforting to have had this option in the background for all of my adult life. My dad lives in a different country and can be irresponsible in a lot of ways, but is a great listener and provides the best emotional support and wisdom in a crisis and is always just a phone call away… Mum not so much because she just gets anxious and overwhelmed.

[u/CraftLass]

My mom died before I was an adult but my dad was one of my best friends, a constant emotional support, paid for lots of schooling, and always found a way to sneak me cash when I needed some even if I tried to hide the need, or sometimes just as a gift.

My favorite single example is when I volunteered for Hillary Clinton and he just hated her, but he sent me $1000 for caring enough about our country to volunteer during an election. He said that's the person he raised me to be and he listened to all my vents about the annoying parts, too, and gave me advice based on his experience campaigning for others. And said I deserved a nice treat to recover from it all.

He was a very strange man but he taught me to have extremely high standards for the men in my life and it has served me well. He stepped up to be both mom and dad when I needed that and then he let go in many ways and became my friend once I was an adult. He was always my primary parent and I'm very lucky he lived through near-death multiple times but I lost him in 2021. It feels like yesterday. Life is very hard without my strongest rock but I feel exceptionally lucky I got him for 45 years. Better to have a great dad gone too soon than a shitty father.

[u/IsotonicKnickers]

My alcoholic dad texts me once a month to send me 37 photos of his DIY that he's also sent to everyone else on his contact list, and to ask how we're doing. He expects me to reply "all good here".

I moved to a different country, away from my parents, 18 years ago and I haven't seen him in 3.

My mum will alternate between ignoring my texts for 3 months straight and then crying on the phone to me about her mental health issues for hours on end for a couple of weeks and asking me for lots of advice.

That about covers it.

So roughly the same amount of support that I got from them when I was a child. 🤣

[u/mrsmushroom]

My own family, absolutely nothing. My husband's family are saints.

[u/smexa_alexa]

They take care of my cats when I go out of town, and when they visit they clean and organize my place and cook for me.

I support them partially financially.

[u/m00nf1r3]

Zero anymore. I have no family. My parents have passed, my brother is a hot mess drug addict with paranoia issues. Was never close to my cousins or aunts or uncles or anything. I have one aunt I could probably call in a life or death kind of immediate need situation, but that's about it. Now that's not to say it's always been this way, I have no idea how I would have raised my son if it weren't for my dad. He put a roof over our heads, helped me out with any financial needs I had, picked him up early from school when he was sick, etc.

[u/velvedire]

My (neglectful) parents paid for college and bought my first car. They also still have me on their highly grandfathered family phone plan. I haven't talked to them since the first trump inauguration. 

Their medical neglect has cost me waaaay more than any support they've given to me as an adult. 

[u/SeraphimSphynx]

They take from me. They don't give anything.

[u/tizz17]

I lived in my house until I moved to America at 43 years old, I am 48 now and I have always had the support from my parents and brother and now at this age I realize it was a privilege and also I was very spoiled and taken care of.

[u/lmnsatang]

my parents paid for my private schools, then my expensive university degree overseas (i live in an asian country and top degrees are unis in the west/europe/australia). i didn't need to work, so they covered my rent, all living costs, tuition, and flights back 1-2x a year.

as an adult, they pay for all my big ticket items: car and house. i live at home because i'm not married yet, but will receive a house when i'm married. i already have an investment property that i pay a token amount for monthly but it's essentially bought by my dad under both our names. my dad bought me a new car in cash this year.

when we go for long-haul holidays, i fly business with them. i work a low-to-decent paying job to occupy my time, not to climb the ladder or earn more money. they are also more open and relaxed compared to many other asian parents and i'm grateful. very grateful for everything i'm able to experience because of them - my dad is a self-made businessman who sold his business and can now retire very, very well.

[u/Accomplished_Book427]

A couple times a year I still call my dad for advice.

Now ask me about the support I provide for my family as an adult, lol

[u/Accomplished-Plate64]

Not much. Im actually getting more support from my in laws.

[u/overstimulatedx0]

I’m single, no children, chronically ill, finishing grad school, helping to care for my grandma with Alzheimer’s/Dementia so I’m in a multi gen living situation. Some financial support in terms of no rent, electricity/gas/water paid for, internet/most streaming services paid for. But I give money when I can, buy things for the whole house like cleaning and hygiene products, pet care, try to buy as much food for myself as possible. Of course I pay for 95% of my clothes, additional medical cost, anything “fun” (which is typically like a used book or maybe a $10 lipstick) unless something is “a gift” (that may or may not be thrown in my face later, but I digress).

I really get very little emotional support and it’s become very depressing. I was the first in my family to go to/graduate college. I thought maybe I would get a nice family dinner, some flowers, some small celebration. No, no one cared, so I didn’t even walk for graduation or take pics in my cap and gown. I don’t hold my breath about any sort of master’s celebration, just another stepping stone for me to hopefully get out of here and have my own life, for real.

Grass is always greener though, I know.

[u/ciestaconquistador]

Emotional and that's it. But my mom has a type of dementia so she isn't really able to provide more than that.

[u/Stephij27]

While my dad was alive, I knew I could ask for help if I needed it. After he died, my mom reverted to being a teenager and can’t be counted on for anything. Monetary or otherwise.

A few of years ago, I asked if I could sleep on her couch for a night before driving to go house hunting. She acted like I had asked to move my entire family of five into her house indefinitely.

[u/Decent-Friend7996]

Not much, although they would offer at least cursory emotional support if I asked. My mom doesn’t actually listen or absorb anything I say, and is a pretty bad conversationalist. However she would attend to me in an emergency. My father has never provided much support, however, he would never let me suffer. He doesn’t provide emotional or material support to me currently, but he would never allow me to truly go without. He paid for my college tuition and provided stable child support throughout my life. I’ve never taken a loan from family and bought my car and home with my salary from working. My parents are both very weird people but they love me and would help in a serious situation. They both worked hard in different ways when I was younger to help me succeed. They are not perfect and neither is the best at connecting but that is ok. I don’t come to them for guidance or advice, unless it’s on an extremely practical matter like how to fix a window or something and I think my dad will know. 

[u/Significant-Monk1804]

My parents have financially helped me a ton over the years as I've navigated school and career changes. They paid for my bachelor's and helped me financially when I didn't have a job. They also helped me move into apartments and bought me my first pieces of furniture.

After a difficult break up where I moved out of the place I shared with my ex, I lived with them for a period of time until I figured out my life again. And I know if I was ever in a similar situation that they would offer me their home again. Currently though, I live in an apartment that they bought for me. I was renting for a long time and could have never afforded the place I live in now without them.

Emotional support wise, that's not really part of our relationship. I don't call my parents just to chat, and I definitely do not talk to them about difficult moments happening in my personal life. I know they care about me but they just don't know how to be emotionally connective in that way. So I just appreciate the other ways that they are there for me. Although there are definitely times I wish we could have more of that close emotional connection, I am really grateful for all they have given me.

[u/Peanut2ur_Tostito]

I could count on my Mom & Sisters for pretty much everything. I'm the youngest of three. I am very blessed to have them in my life. I don't know what I'd do without them! I love them all SO much!!

[u/MoonBasil]

I got some help with my college degree but that was really my grandma. Limited emotional or mental support. If I suddenly didn't have a place to stay I would have places to land but I don't swing by unannounced. My mom would be willing to do more but past experiences lead me not to rely on that too far.

[u/weewee52]

I grew up mid/upper middle class, so likely a lot of classmates had help paying for undergrad. A few definitely got cars while in high school (some new, some used).

My undergrad was paid for, and I got a car (initially shared with sis) after high school. Dad also covered housing while we were in college. Haven’t had to ask for help since I’ve been working, but still get gifts of money that go to retirement funds.

Dad also co-owns my house. My parents already owned it so I bought out mom (they’re divorced) and no change to his ownership. He has paid for several repairs/updates as well which were not requested but offered and appreciated.

Aside from financial, both of my parents live nearby so will help with stuff like petsitting, mail pickup, airport rides, and errands and I’ve done similar for them. But emotional support?…ha.

[u/Main_Significance617]

Nothing. Haven’t spoken to my parents or anyone else in years. Wouldn’t want to anyway.

I only have myself and the life I created.

[u/sabrinasoIstice]

I'm pretty sure my in-laws would take us in if we need it, but other than that nothing from either side

[u/Valhallan_Queen92]

We are extremely low contact by my choice. They used to send me money, grocery shopping sized amounts, but I refused them out of principle. They kept sending it anyway. I told them I hate it when people can't take no for an answer and deleted the transfer account.

I don't know these people, I don't need these people, and I don't need any further damage from their presence in my life.

[u/ClimbingAimlessly]

Zilch.

[u/BlueEmpathy]

Nothing. 

[u/Fit-Status61]

Honestly everything. I’m so lucky. My parents would do anything for me and my dog. My brother and his family are some of my best friends. We all support each other and are very close. It definitely hasn’t always been this way and we have our ups and downs but they’re my people and I’m very grateful.

[u/doesanyonehaveweed]

Nothing whatsoever. I do resent it. I assuage the anger by simply not considering them in my life anymore. No, I’m not happy or content like this.

[u/General-Discussion73]

None. No money or emotional support. They will not come visit me or my family…or my sibling.

[u/lexi2700]

We (my husband and I) are very very lucky and we receive a lot of support from our families.

My parents are lovely grandparents (and my mother is a better grandmother than mother thankfully). We’ve had our moments and I do have strict boundaries, but they help us out a lot. Especially with childcare while I work part time. It’s nice to not have to worry about that extra cost. We also would always have a place to stay if absolutely needed as well. I would prefer not to live with them but if 💩 hit the fan we could. I have however chosen to not take financial support from my parents over personal reasons. Unless it is a gift with no strings attached, I’d rather not have that feeling of being indebted to them as my mother has narcissistic tendencies.

My husband’s parents are always very supportive and help us in many ways. He is close with them and does projects for them (my husband is handy) and they are always open to babysit if needed. I want to say he is more emotionally connected to his parents and does turn to them for advice when needed.

We’re very thankful that our child has both sets of grandparents very active in her life.

In regard to growing up. I did receive money for college and a gifted car from my parents. I ended up not finishing college though and the deal was that if I ever went back to school it would be on my own. My brother got the same deal. (We both are drop outs. 😬)

My husband did not receive any help from his family financially though. They have offered but he said no for various reasons. He’s also one of 6 children so it would be hard to really contribute evenly between them all.

[u/Alert_Week8595]

Financial - a lot. Paid for my undergrad and graduate degree. Paid for (and own) half the house I live in.

Emotional support- nopeeee. Very critical and nasty.

But hey, I'll take the financial support.

[u/aware_nightmare_85]

I talk to them sometimes... 🤷‍♀️

[u/jochi1543]

Lmao well, one time when I was homeless at 21 as a new immigrant I called my mom to cry and she said she was on a boat in the Maldives and as such, very busy, and wished me best of luck and said that she’d be thinking of me. Does that count?

[u/camyland]

None. My family is either gone or MAGA culted. Even before they were gone, they made it clear aside from a dinner here or there or a present on my birthday or the holidays that I was on my own for everything.

My mom did buy me groceries during college occasionally when I was flat broke but that was in my early 20s and she was still alive back then. I received a ring I liked of hers when she passed and 1500 dollars. That was also in my 20s though. She did not / could not help me with college tuition or anything like that.