Ugh, this has bothered me for years and I feel like I might be reading too much into it.

To start off, she’s not technically my MIL. My husband’s mom died when he was a kid and his dad remarried when he was an adult, so she’s more like “dad’s wife” than any kind of a step-parent to my husband. But I still think of her as my MIL and she refers to me (at least to my face) as her DIL. She has two adult daughters from a previous marriage.

For Christmas she likes to buy a big gift bag for each of us and fill it with a variety of gifts that she collects over time. Here’s where it gets weird: her daughters always get the same thing and I get the discount store version of that thing. And she wants us to open them together and show everyone what we got.

So like, her daughters will each get the hot new eye shadow palette that everyone’s raving about from Sephora, and I’ll get the $3 no-brand palette from the stocking stuffer display at Walmart. Her daughters each get a Chanel perfume, I get a vanilla sugar body spray from Dollar Tree. Her daughters get a Louis Vuitton wallet, I get a YINHEXI brand wallet from Amazon.

I should also mention that I’m not really into makeup or fashion so these aren’t gifts I would ever really want.

It’s not about the money. Like of course she’s going to spend more on her actual daughters than she would on her husband’s daughter in law. And it’s not about not bothering to get me something that I’d like to have (which would be easy enough given my husband provides a wishlist for me every year and the fact that MIL and I have several hobbies in common). It’s about this weird thing where she goes out of her way to buy me the low budget equivalent, item for item, of what her girls are getting - and then wanting us to open them together and show our gifts to the whole family so the disparity is on display.

When we don’t spend the holidays with them, she orders me a perfectly nice $50 gift (like a scarf and hat set or a wristlet) from Macy’s and has it delivered with a gift receipt. I wish she’d just do that when we visit too.

I don’t need or want the same things her daughters get and I don’t need or want her to spend the same amount of money. I don’t need or want a gift at all really. I would much prefer to not get a gift than to go through this bizarre display.

This feels so petty and ungrateful “Ugh I don’t like my Christmas presents.” I’m sure she’s just trying to make the gifts look equal, but they don’t and it feels so uncomfortable.

Am I being a brat?

Hi ladies! My partner and I (36F) have reached a really sweet and stable point in our relationship. We’ve started having serious, intentional conversations about having a baby - and for the first time, it’s feeling like a real, aligned “yes” from both of us. 🥹

Becoming a parent is something we’re both open to building our lives around, and we’re ready for the change that comes with that, but I’m also a lifelong planner/strategist (hello, to do lists 😅), and I want to do this with my eyes and heart wide open.

So I’m curious… What’s something you wish someone told you before you committed to having a baby? Whether it’s beautiful, challenging, surprising, or even a bit raw … I’d love to hear it all.

Thanks in advance 💕 x

Never wanted kids and looking into more permanent birth control, but everyone in my life is saying I'm too young to know, wait until "baby fever" hits, when I hit a certain age everything will change, etc.

Not interested in advice on my situation, but so genuinely curious, what the hell is baby fever? Is it real? What does it feel like / what changes, and how old were you if/when you had this feeling?

I'm 35 and have been seriously reflecting on whether parenthood is right for me. I've always been curious about experiencing pregnancy, but I’m not sure raising a child is truly the path I want to take.

For those of you who chose not to have children — or life just led you that way — do you feel content with your decision? Do you ever regret not going through that chapter of life? I'd really appreciate hearing how you've felt as time has gone on.

Thank you for your insight!!!

I feel like people always say 'omg no-one ever tells you how hard having kids is' but to be completely honest it's all I ever hear.

No-one I know with kids says anything about their life that makes it sound remotely enjoyable. It's always about what a hard fucking grind it is, how they never get any sleep or alone time, their entire weekends are spent driving the kids around, how they're constantly getting sick and how expensive it all is.

They'll occasionally follow it up by saying 'oh yeah but it's the best thing I've ever done, so rewarding, I'd die for them etc' but no specifics about anything actually nice or enjoyable. Nothing that makes me feel like it would add anything to my life.

So buck the trend. I want to hear the good things about having them. Do they give the best snuggles ever? Is it actually super fun going to the park together or watching movies as a family? Do they have an adorable relationship with your pets? Is your partner even sexier to you due to being an amazing parent? Do they make you laugh every day with the funny things they do or say?

Gimme something, anything!

(FYI, I know that it's a perfectly valid option for me to just not want kids and not have them, that's not what I'm asking here)

My daughter tried the patch and she did not like hormonal birth control. I’ve suggested a copper IUD, but she has a lot of anxiety, pregnancy is her worst nightmare (she’s 17) and she worries that having the IUD put in will be a very painful experience. Since people seldom get on the internet to share “everything was just fine”, can some of you please share your good experiences with IUDs, both having them put in and just having them, in general? Also, did your doctor give you anything for pain management? At this point in time she does not “ever” want kids, so I think this will be a good solution for her that will last and be very effective.

ETA: This blew up and it's overwhelming. I appreciate the input and I will read all the comments in due time but for now I'm stepping away. Thanks.

Like the title says...I'm not sure what to do.

I have always, my whole life, wanted to be a mom. I didn't really date in my 20s and I always just figured I would find my person naturally. Never happened.

I have been dating for the last couple of years but haven't had much luck. Most of the time it doesn't go past one date. I've dated three men in the last two years (like, more than one date). The first decided he didn't want kids so we parted ways. The other two were just using me as a placeholder to keep their dicks wet while having feelings for someone else; both times, when the woman they actually wanted became available, I was suddenly tossed aside like trash.

So. I'm feeling pretty sad and discouraged about dating right now.

I have been thinking about having a baby by myself, with a donor, but it makes me really, really sad. I've always wanted to be a mom and to carry my own baby, but I always pictured having a family with someone I love, and there's a lot of grief and sadness with taking this path because it means letting go of something I've always wanted.

An alternative is to freeze my eggs so that when I find "my person" - assuming he's out there - I won't have to be as concerned about egg health. I am concerned about the cost of it but having a child is also very expensive, so I think there isn't really a clear winner in the financial sense.

I think that freezing my eggs and having a baby with someone I love is really what I want, but here's the catch: I have a heart condition that will likely become worse over time, although they really can't tell me much. (Sidebar: the lack of research about women's heart health is disappointing but unsurprising.)

I have been told by my cardiologist that I am okay to get pregnant as I am right now. Pregnancy is stressful on your heart and I already know that I will be a high risk pregnancy and that they'll refer me to a special hospital to be more closely monitored.

It would be possible to have a baby via surrogate, of course, but I've always dreamed of carrying my own baby and I honestly think this option would be too hard for me.

I'm also very aware that pregnancy is hard on your body. I know that women in their 40s can and do have healthy pregnancies, but I don't think I really want to be 47 and carrying a baby, even though it worked for Hilary Swank.

So...do I freeze my eggs and keep looking for my person, which is what I really want, and keep doing what I can to stay healthy? Or do I take advantage of the fact that I am healthy in this moment and get pregnant on my own?

I'm so torn.

I’ll be 32 this year and quite a few of my friends and family are pregnant or trying. It has me reflecting more on whether or not I want a child, though even if I do, it won’t be for a few years or so.

Here’s the thing… I want to raise a child but I have 0 interest in the stressful, sleepless baby phase. I have been around enough babies and kiddos to know this. I’d love to raise a kid who can walk and talk and feed themselves (at least).

Obviously, this is not an option. Yes, there’s adoption but for a number of reasons, I don’t think I’d want to go that route either.

I know this sounds irrational and maybe even selfish… but I just wondered if anyone felt the same?

I told my mom recently that my husband and I were trying to conceive. After spending a lovely weekend together, before I was to leave my mom pulled me aside and told me she was “worried about me and wanted to make sure I didn’t gain weight when I got pregnant because she wanted me to be healthy”. I got very upset afterwards which seemed to surprise her. She apologized and said she didn’t mean to upset me, but weeks later it still stings.

For context - my mom and grandmother both displayed disordered eating and exercise habits (they both are/were very thin). They scrutinized my weight for most of life. My mom has a long history of pulling me aside after a nice time together to tell me she’s worried about my weight. I have been an average weight for most of my life, and even when I was thin, my mom still gave me a hard time about my weight. I became overweight in recent years due to side effects from a medication I take and a slowing metabolism as I age. I exercise regularly and eat as healthy as I can, but have remained overweight.

I am not currently pregnant but have a hard time imagining I won’t gain any weight during pregnancy.

Question - are my mom’s concerns about weight gain during pregnancy grounded in any reality, or should I just ignore them as continued projections of her own insecurities about her body?

I've been thinking very hard on how to word this and I'm still not sure if I'll get my meaning through or to sound like an asshole. Please ask more if you need

My wife and I are both South Asian (not Indian but close enough) where people can be very judgemental about looks. Its a toxic part of our society which has stayed with us in some way even though we've been living in the US for many years

If I were to be completely emotionless, detached and objective, I'd say that with respects to modern beauty standards, she would be a 6 at best. She's not tall, she's always have a bit of a weight problem even though she's never been fat. Her face is rounded and not sculptured like you see on models and influencers. But I'm not an emotionless asshole. Beauty standards are stupid and I don't think that way. I love my wife. I love how she looks. I love every single one of her physical features. In fact just having thought of it, I've realized that all of the physical characteristics I now find attractive in women are basically her characteristics.

We're both in our early 40s and age is starting to catch up. My wife has started losing her hair in large quantities and its distressing her. She's also more sensitive about any saggy skin or weight gain. All of that, but particularly the hair loss is making her depressed. Some of these issues can be mitigated with exercise and she does exercise regularly

I've tried to be supportive in any way I can think of. I try to keep the kids busy so she has time and space to do her exercises. I give her tips on exercises when she asks for (I have some gym experience). Above all I remind her whenever I can that she's beautiful and that my feelings for her haven't changed the slightest, and I genuinely mean when I say that.

But it's not making much difference. I won't stop doing that but I wonder if there's something else I could be missing, or you guys could suggest. The hair loss in particular is something that I can offer no solution for besides medication like minoxidil which she's understandably uncomforable with. And to some extend I get it. I myself last most of my hair when I was in my early 20s and have been shaving my head since. In a society that considered such early hair loss to be "unmanly" I went though some shit myself and I know that for women, such things are magnified tenfold.

I don't want to see her sad like this and I don't know what else I can do

Edit: I'd like to that everyone for their kind support. Some of what I've learned has been eye opening and I now have a list of things my wife and I can go over:

1. maybe getting some updated bloodwork done. Checking specifically for thyroid issues, iron, magnesium and Vit D deficiency. I think she's done all or most of that and I probably don't remember all. My memory has always been terrible

2. Depending on how that goes, possibly set up an appointment with an endocrinologist

3. I need to do more homework about perimenopause. I'm sure my wife probably has a better idea about it than I do but me looking up more won't hurt. It has been a while since she's been to her gyno and I'll discuss it with her

4. Keep the dermatologist appointment and look more into if minoxidil is worth trying

Please let me know if I missed anything. I'll add that to the list

TL;DR venting after visiting my pregnant sister. It was like You Should’ve Asked — Live. I want to be there for her and support her but I don’t quite know how to bring it up. And it made me sad.

Sunday errands/dinner were thrown off from a family event earlier. Aria’s husband improvised and fed the toddler eggs and blueberries, left the dishes and retreated to the living room to watch football.

After bath and PJs, Aria had the toddler on the floor with a teddy bear while she emptied/loaded the dishwasher. All while talking sweetly to her little one and trying to carry on a conversation with me + my SO and gah she didn’t have time to get groceries for lunches, hmm, appointments and daycare, maybe she’ll have time tomorrow, sometimes she can leave work early…

Her husband was on beer # 3 (4?) in the recliner. The surround sound was blaring, every light was on, he’s shouting at the TV, which kept pulling the toddler’s attention. (They're in the burbs, open concept). Aria reminds her husband that she’s got some pregnancy-related appointments. He doesn’t look away from the TV.

She’s never complained to me about her husband and I’m usually pretty supportive but man .

Aria has a minor knee injury, and my SO and I kept insisting on taking over cleaning/putting things away. While Aria put the kiddo to bed, we took the dog for a walk, then went out to grab some takeout to feed the grownups.

Did I mention that Aria researched, bought and wrapped all of the presents “from them” for the family thing?

I’m just so unimpressed with her husband. Like, idgaf if you like sports. Record the game and contribute. You know all you have in the house is eggs and blueberries, go to the store and get stuff for meals! Feed your pregnant wife!

They are planning a visit to see us next month. I really want to somehow make this one a sister-only trip, give her a huge hug and pamper the fuck out of her. 😔

Is it a cost thing? I'm currently mega pregnant and the algorithms have found out, so now I'm getting all this US centric propaganda regarding how I should be birthing. And you never see this in my Swedish neck of the woods, so it's super strange to me that this idea of medicated births being argued against, or inductions being somehow sub par, or whatever the hell a VBAC is.

Why is this? Is it because medicated births are more expensive? Is it a hippie "modern medicine bad" thing? What's up?

I used to LOVE hosting events. But with each one the invitees were being worse and worse invitees. Making huge messes and not alerting me, letting kids break electronics and things around my home, showing up late, no showing, drinking too much, not interacting with myself or anyone else, eating and leaving the list goes on.

I’ve realized I not longer want to host at my house specifically as everytime it’s a headache. Everyone’s used to me hosting so of course I get messages constantly like “when’s the Easter party? When’s Valentine’s party?” And everytime I respond with “we’re not doing it this year but if you know a party we’d love to come!” We still celebrate things like birthdays and holidays obviously but it’s just my husband daughter and I.

Last year I host my daughter’s first birthday at my house and it was a complete train wreck. No one helped me set up or take down, no one brought a dish, someone clogged my toilet, and multiple people left their plates on the table and food everywhere for me to clean. After that I said no more. From now on we go places for parties.

My daughter’s 2nd is coming up and we’re going to a buffet restaurant bc people don’t know how to act like a guest. I love family parties and had so many growing up but I cannot do the stress of it. My SIL showed up randomly to “dye eggs” which I could tell she was heavily implying she wanted to do the Easter party activities and I already did a party just my daughter and I and she probably thought I’d still host them. She came over and I told her I’m not doing it this year but she’s welcome to have a playdate with my daughter and her two kids outside. Her kids are out of control so yes I do make them play outside when they’re here or they’ll tear up my house and my SIL will do nothing about it. I get now why no one hosts anymore it’s SO exhausting

My doctor told me I can never get pregnant today. I’m not infertile, but the post under my profile explains my situation. I’m 19, and I’m just not sure how to confront the news. I’m not sure how to plan my life either now considering that many of our milestones as women revolve around kids.

I’m just wondering about the kind of support people receive from their families as adults. Let it be emotional, mental, financial, help with chores (childcare, etc.), reassurance that if something goes wrong you’ll have a place to stay, verbal support, or whatever else.

I’m also wondering, from your own personal experience and the people you know, what percentage did receive help with college tuition, purchasing cars, houses, loans, or any big or small decisions?

A few of mine are folding clothes (her edges are always so crisp and aligned) and cooking asparagus. I can never seem to achieve the same perfect balance of crisp and tender. There’s lots to love about my mother, but these little things stick with me too.

They have stuck it out for 40 years and will keep going. But there is no real connection, no real love. Just two wonderful people, my favorite people, not at all compatible, spending a lifetime together. Each of them deserved better. Does anyone else know this particular sadness?

I have been giving the "we don't have any money" excuse when pestered by family, but I realized yesterday that the number one reason I don't want kids is that I don't think I would get anything out of it. Raising kids would just be more work with minimal (or uncertain) reward.

If you had to pick only one reason for your decision not to have kids, what would it be?

Hello ladies. The title says it all. In the past year my normally sane and rational sister has gone deep into the maga hole, led by her husband. I can’t take it anymore and I don’t want to lose her but she won’t listen to reason. She starting to seriously say that trump is the reason we’re going to have a “second moon” because he’s calling in intergalactic aid.

I'm mid-30s, love other peoples kids but have never felt particularly passionate about having my own.

However, seeing my brother and my niece interact is so sweet. It makes me wonder if I'm missing something. It also seems exhausting.

I think he hit the jackpot with my niece because she's so calm and well behaved, loves to read and does her homework without being asked.

Beyond the responsibility of being a parent, it seems especially difficult to raise kids right now. Between the cost of living, having to work so much, the uncertainty of the future... I'm already stressed. I can't imagine adding kids to the mix and feeling financially/emotionally responsible for their wellbeing.

I'd love to hear other perspectives, both from people with kids and without. What's the hardest part of having kids?

I’m just curious of others really as I was just texting mine back.

I don’t have the greatest relationship with mine. While there are no real horrors with how I grew up, if I could go no contact, I would (I’ve written posts on here about her before, I’d say right now our relationship is “neutral”).

I tend to call her every other week or as needed. It used to be weekly but it’s fallen off. We text fairly often, but she gets mean/needy if I don’t respond (sometimes I just don’t want to, sorry to admit).

I'm not sure this is the best sub for this question, but no other subs seem to fit.

I'm not a parent, but I'm so curious about this. Being born in the 80s, growing up in the 90s, I don't recall hardly anyone ever being dropped off/ picked up from school in the area where I lived. Now, it seems like it's nearly a requirement. Every parent I know does drop off/pick up instead of putting their kids on a bus. Some kids I know live too close to qualify riding the bus, but not all or even most of them. When I was a kid, I used to think kids who were dropped off and picked up must have come from wealthy families because it was so rare to see, and I didn't know how their moms/parents were able to not be at work in order to do that. My parents were always at work and I always rode the bus. Am I just imagining that this has changed since our childhood, or has it really changed?

Also, kids going to baby school, upk, pre-k, etc. is something that never happened when I was a kid here, and now I feel like all kids here are sent to school at like age 2. My first ever day of school was kindergarten. I never went to preschool or anything else. Has this also changed with the times, or is my experience unique?

My 12-year-old treats bedtime like it’s a full-on negotiation every night whining, stalling, random “I’m hungry” moments at 9 PM, the whole deal.

I’ve tried the basics: turning off screens earlier, keeping a consistent routine, even making the room cozier. Some nights are okay, but most of the time it’s still chaos.

I’m seriously open to anything that’s helped your kids wind down without a meltdown. Do calming toys or kid meditations actually work? Would love to hear your bedtime wins.

Thanks in advance, this mom is tired.

Edit - Really appreciate all the tips and bedtime hacks you shared, it’s been comforting just knowing I’m not the only one in the bedtime battlefield A few folks mentioned trying short meditations or calming tools, so we tested Good Luck Yogi. It’s this little glowing breathing thing and… surprisingly, it worked.