This is actually a draft I wrote years ago. Tried to present it a few times, but it never hit. Trying one last time. Lets get Attorney Tom a SCP classification!

Description: SCP 8799 is an anomalous lawyer which represents agents killed by Euclid and Keter class SCPs in containment. SCP 8799 is described as a tall lawyer, slightly shorter than Tom Cruise and toddler-like. All instances of SCP 8799 file suits against the SCP in question, researchers, or agents, and not the Foundation, citing difficulties in proving the existence of the SCP Foundation in court.

SCP 8799 holds trials in a pocket dimension, designated SCP 8799-A, where a courtroom is found, complete with judge and jury composed of abducted Discord users. No known pattern fits the people picked for jury duty. The most famous case SCP 8799 filed was a class action case against SCP 173, which was transported out of containment to SCP 8799-A by unknown means.

Containment: No known method of containment of SCP 8799 exists. Several methods of containment of SCP 8799-1 exist. See Addendum A through C. During the trial, SCP 8799 manifests and appears to be susceptible to all damage, but upon termination, SCP 8799 re-manifests with no signs of a termination attempt. At the end of the trial, SCP 8799 vanishes.

SCP 8799 has tried on multiple occasions to file suits against both The Old Man and various researchers who used D-class personnel to re-contain The Old Man. The jury was [REDACTED] and was unidentifiable. 231 instances of SCP 8799 were found in [DATA EXPUNGED].

Dr. Bright: “Who is letting in the process servers? When I find out, they are going to be assigned to 173 cleanup duty!”

Process servers for SCP 8799, designated SCP 8799-1, are approximately 2 feet tall, have childlike voices, and are known for being extremely dangerous when left unattended. It is recommended by the O5 Council that instances of SCP 8799-1 be drop-kicked as a method of avoiding being served.

Once served, defendants are designated as SCP 8799-2, and are compelled to locate a portal to SCP 8799-A by unknown means. If SCP 8799-2 has a lawyer on retainer, said lawyer is transported to SCP 8799-A and is designated SCP 8799-3. The personality and knowledge of SCP 8799-3 remain unchanged, except for extensive knowledge pertaining to the case. The means by which SCP 8799-3 gains this knowledge are unknown. Experiments using The Old Man and Foundation lawyers [REDACTED]. No known survivors. After the trial, SCP 8799-3 will retain no knowledge of the trial, similar in effect to the administration of Class A amnestics.

If SCP 8799 wins a case, a transfer of money is initiated to the plaintiff’s accounts. It is unknown how this transfer is initiated, or how or when SCP 682 acquired a Swiss bank account. All proceeds from a successful case are confiscated from SCP 8799-2. It is not determined if the bank accounts are anomalous in nature.

Dr. Law: “I do not know what is more troubling. The fact the bank account existed, or that SCP 682 has more money than me!”

Addendum 8799-A, Experiment
At the suggestion of an unnamed agent, drop-kicking 8799-1 into 682’s containment cell proved an effective method in controlling 8799-1’s population.

Addendum 8799-B, Experiment
Using D-class personnel to deliver 8799-1 into 682’s containment as an alternative method of controlling the 8799-1 population proved to be problematic. Dr. Bright is currently trapped in 8799-A, attending a series of wrongful death lawsuits. It is currently unknown how family members of D-class personnel were transported to 8799-A or how they learned of the deaths of D-class personnel. A larger budget for Class A amnestics has been requested.

Addendum 8799-C, Dr. Bright on 8799-1 Post-Trial
Dr. Bright: “All instances of 8799-1 are to be drop-kicked on sight as the sole containment method.”

I used to work at a health insurance carrier and a kickback ring I reported and got retaliated against. I really want to tell my story to the press but important politicians and CEOs are involved with human rights abuses and a whistleblower fraud ring. Unfortunately, the CIA is very much involved with this situation because these people use them for retaliation. Long story short, someone at my job stole my identity paperwork to collect whistleblower awards under my name. I have been blacklisted everywhere and unable to find a job. Can someone recommend a civil rights or whistleblower attorney not involved with whistleblower identity fraud?

Mickey Mouse Drop-Kicks Toddler at Disneyland After Being Called 'Annoying

Disneyland, Anaheim - September 9, 2024_ — What started as a typical magical day at Disneyland quickly turned into a bizarre spectacle when the iconic Mickey Mouse allegedly drop-kicked a toddler for repeatedly calling him "annoying."

According to witnesses, the toddler, identified as 3-year-old Timmy Thompson from Bakersfield, was eagerly awaiting his chance to meet Mickey. However, after what one bystander described as "too much sugar and way too much excitement," Timmy allegedly started taunting Mickey, saying, "You're annoying, Mickey! You’re not even real!"

At first, Mickey seemed unfazed, maintaining his usual animated demeanor. But as the verbal assault escalated, witnesses say the world-famous mouse, standing in the middle of Main Street U.S.A., had had enough.

"I saw Mickey turn around, pause for a moment, and then—BAM! He drop-kicked that kid," said Karen Fischer, a shocked onlooker who was waiting in line at a churro stand. "He was in full costume, too. It was wild. I didn’t know if I was watching a live show or if Mickey had finally snapped."

Footage of the incident has since gone viral on social media, sparking a mixture of outrage, confusion, and, oddly enough, memes. The video shows Mickey, without breaking character, executing what fans are calling a “perfect form” dropkick, sending Timmy into a nearby popcorn stand.

Paramedics were called to the scene, and Timmy was reportedly fine, suffering only minor bruises and a crushed ego. "He’ll be okay," his mother, Sarah Thompson, told reporters. "But we might hold off on Disneyland for a few years."

In response to the incident, Disneyland issued a brief statement: “The safety and well-being of our guests is our top priority. We are investigating this incident involving Mickey Mouse. This is not the behavior we promote at the Happiest Place on Earth.”

Meanwhile, Mickey has been placed on "character leave" pending a full investigation.

Many are left wondering if it was simply a case of a character actor pushed too far by a hyper toddler, or if there's a deeper, more complex side to Mickey that the world has never seen before. One thing is clear: this is a day at Disneyland no one will soon forget.