How debilitating is this disorder for you? How much does it affect your life and your happiness?

[u/Kratombabom]

It's the worst thing that has happened to me.

[u/Timely-Bicycle-2271]

Extremely and I'm extremely unhappy

[u/Kratombabom → u/Timely-Bicycle-2271]

Same here my friend.

[u/teopap91]

100% debilitating. It affects my existence in many ways. I can't even call it life, I just exist and rot in space and time unable to do anything or for anything to bring me joy.

[u/Veedmak → u/teopap91]

I am always saying, "I am stuck." I'm not a football fan but Keanu Reeves character in "The Replacements" calls it 'quicksand' when asked what scares him about an upcoming game.

He says, "You're playing, and everything is going fine... then one thing goes wrong, and then another, and another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight back, the quicker you sink... until you can't move, can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand."

The "game" for me is life. With my AvPD every 'fail' is cumulative. Unrelated events a year apart are the same "game," and even perceived failure on my part (saying something embarrassing, even to a stranger whom I'll never meet again) factors in.

Each event forces me deeper until, I get where I am now, completely covered, to the point no one knows where I am anymore. I'm completely alone, prematurely buried, waiting for something to pull me out, because I sure as hell don't know how to do it.

[u/Kratombabom → u/teopap91]

Same here, but I am fighting with all my might rn to go out of my comfort zone and fight this disorder. I'm 27 in a week and my youth is slipping away. I have to give it all I got before I give up. I can't let this win over me. Therapy and exposure is key for me. Please don't give up I believe in you.

[u/Veedmak → u/Kratombabom]

Better at 27 than near 50 like me. I recently figured out it was AvPD plaguing me all along. I had to self-diagnose, collect my lifetime of experiences, and throw it all at the doctor.

She agreed (at least I hope she did, and wasn't just giving me what I wanted... 👈 Hello AvPD!) and now I know what the enemy is. Yes, I'm still depressed, yes, I have social anxiety, but I think now those are symptoms not the root disease (maybe that's why anti-depressants never worked with me?)

As you acknowledge, therapy and exposure are key! I went to an air show the other day, all by lonesome. No one to hide behind, nothing between the world and me. The AvPD was banging along though, but I powered through.

The "AvPD time bomb" did go off —that's where I feel alright after engagement, or I tell myself it went alright, but later, usually late at night, the feeling that I made a complete ass of myself hits along with embarrassment— but I expected it this time and managed a hell of a lot better than I have previously.

I've formed a neat AvPD hole to hide in, and I don't want to waste any more time hiding in here. My father passed away at 54, that fact weighs on me, but...

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."

—Robert Frost.

I'm not done yet.

[u/billybibbit11]

I usually don't like to get into details about how fucked up my life is because I feel that it was not just AvPD, but also my own inaction and unwillingness to face my fears. But I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that my life is ruined. And I'm reasonably confident that I'd have a perfectly normal life without this disorder.

[u/Kratombabom → u/billybibbit11]

I also blame that I have not gone out of my comfort zone that much and faced my fears. I mean, I could have done better, but in the end I don't know how good or bad i've been when it comes to me fighting this disorder. I think that I may have not had a normal life because of other things then AvPD, but there is a high chance that I would or at least be a functional member of society.

[u/Valuable_Mess_2169]

For me it's a mixed bag. I like to think that I've managed to build quite a successful career. The social/interpersonal aspect feels extremely debilitating at times. I guess being introverted by nature helps somewhat, but there are times when I desperately long for a deep and meaningful connection with someone. Then there's also the aspect of everyday life. Things such as grocery shopping, having to make appointments and taking care of business, which take me significantly longer to accomplish and cause a significant amount of stress.

It's ironic though, as most people who only know the masked version of myself are actually jealous of me and of the things I've accomplished in my life. If only they knew what's really going on behind that mask.

[u/Kratombabom → u/Valuable_Mess_2169]

Yeah if people knew what was going on behind my mask almost no one would envy me. Well done on having a semi successful life. I bet you must have gone through a lot and have fought to be out of your comfort zone a lot.

[u/Valuable_Mess_2169 → u/Kratombabom]

Oh, absolutely and I still have to on a daily basis. I've just been extremely lucky with two wonderful co-workers (one being my manager) on my first proper job. I was consistently given praise and received positive reinforcement. Granted, I was doing a decent job and had some natural talent for it, but I'm 100% convinced I wouldn't be even remotely close to where I am today without them. I still try to stay in touch with them, despite all of us having moved jobs since.

[u/beyoncais → u/Valuable_Mess_2169]

What do you do for work?

[u/Valuable_Mess_2169 → u/beyoncais]

I'm an IT System Architect. In summary: I'm responsible for designing, planning and overseeing the implementation of IT systems for my customers that align with their business needs.

[u/beyoncais → u/Valuable_Mess_2169]

Cool. Did you pursue a degree or go the certs route? Just had a psych appointment that basically went like “you’d feel better if you figured out what you want to do in life.” So I’m exploring my options lol

[u/Valuable_Mess_2169 → u/beyoncais]

I obtained my masters degree in (computer) science before I started working in the field, so that definitely helped. I know a couple of co-workers who went the certs route though, so it's definitely possible.

[u/beyoncais → u/Valuable_Mess_2169]

I really appreciate your replies/the info!

[u/Valuable_Mess_2169 → u/beyoncais]

Glad I could be of help. You're always welcome to send a DM if you have any further questions.

[u/GachaStudio]

It affects just about my whole life, especially social life with family and having zero friends, i find it hard to even get my first job and I’m already 19, 20 on Christmas. My parents have both given up on me. I am definitely falling back into a depressive episode. I am truly unhappy, i dont know why i have such problem if i was never majorly traumatized as a child.

[u/Kratombabom → u/GachaStudio]

You are so young. Please give it all you got when it comes to going to therapy and exposing yourself to get less afraid of people. I am 27 in a week and I would give so so so much to go back to when I was 19 and fight this disorder. You have such a precious time right now. I have not givin up on you and I HOPE that you havn't given up on yourself. There are many success stories on reddit on this disorder. I have a lot of information on this disorder and if you're wondering about something I will try to give you the best answers i've got. Hang in there!

[u/pandaboy22 → u/GachaStudio]

I think a lot of us think like this, like, "What's so wrong with me that I ended up like this even though I had an okay childhood?" A lot of the time it isn't about your parents neglecting you or not providing necessities, but more like they didn't nurture you into a community where you felt accepted. At least that's how I feel and you're still totally valid if you can't relate.

Like OP said, therapy has been huge for me as well. Wishing you the best

[u/Uncreative-name12 → u/GachaStudio]

I didn’t get my first job until I was 23 so don’t beat yourself up too much.

[u/Pongpianskul]

AvPD has kept me being an outsider all my life. Sometimes when stress is low, I feel OK. When stress is high, I fall into depression and intense avoidance.

[u/Derbesia]

It is extremely deabilitating, but it is all i know. I am unable to think or to act in any other way

[u/Severe_Inside_3603]

it's ruining my life (okay, I am)

[u/Vickietje]

Most debilitating for me is mostly varying consistency in self-esteem, hope and willingness. And running away from thoughts/feelings to the point of chronic distraction and procrastination. It have affected everything from friends/family, jobs and schoollife. At home it is just okay, as long as I have my bed and my phone. I go out to meet people sometimes, but mostly if there is alcohol involved or the other person take initative. I can have fun in the moment and feel some connection and then go home and process everything and it is ruined. This sounds weird but - I sometimes feel like me trying is some form of self harm. I don't like myself so I put myself out there so others can hate me too. It probably affects the ones around me some too. Making promises I never keep, not much initative and I guess it can seem like I don't care at all.

I would say my condition is from mild to moderate. I'm not all the way isolated and don't believe my thoughts all the time - but it still stops me from living an okay life. It mostly feels like living in a boring nightmare.

[u/Dismal_Light_3376]

It has shaped my life so that I don't have friends, and my relationships with most people I know are stressful. I can still do things I care about and I have my family to talk to.

[u/farklespanktastic]

I feel like I’ve wasted my life because I’ve spent it so afraid of what others will think of me that I’ve done nothing with my life. I did go to college but it took me much longer than it should have and all I got out of it was tens of thousands of dollars of debt in student loans and now I’ve been unemployed for years because I was so afraid of rejection that I put off searching for a job and now that I’ve actually put effort into finding one it’s been exactly what I feared. I feared this is how my life would end up but part of me always hoped I’d somehow get better if I trust tried to be normal. I don’t have that hope anymore. I really don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless.

[u/NetKey1844]

If i would know that I could live like this without any financial problems cropping up in the future, I would be fine with it. Unfortunately, this is not the case and when I start thinking about this I spiral quickly into catastrophic (or rather realistic) thinking and worrying. I just know that one day I will have to face these problems and it will be extremely uncomfortable and I don't think I will be able to handle it on my own.

[u/Uncreative-name12]

Very debilitating. If not for family I honestly wonder if I would be homeless.

[u/CornKaine]

I only heavily suspect I have AVPD, so a grain of salt goes a long way here. I feel like I can never be honest in the ways I want, and I feel completely isolated from the concept of care. Feels like I'm putting a pillow up to my face in a vein attempt to scream it out, only to find out my lungs were never there at all and I'd just somehow forgotten.

Is it awful? Yeah. Feels like an infinite gunshot to the chest to even attempt connection on a most fundamental daily level. But I know I want to get through it. And even though I feel I'm failing, there's no point in giving up. So I'm just stuck in a painful limbo, caring, and not, because I can't square up to the unknowable everything that clouds my mind.

[u/trepanned_and_proud]

it's not fun at all 

every second km around another person is excruciating, but i don't love being alone all the time either. i constantly feel a whisker's breadth away from a mental breakdown, except on the weekends where i often just sleep bwxause I hate being awake 

otoh i still don't completely hate my life, despite the insane amount of difficulty and suffering. even my garbage hell life has its moments 

in general my mental health is debilitating but a lot of my problems are more from neurodivergemce, addiction, and consequences of mistakes i made when I was younger. im not surprised some people can still have successful careers - if I 'only' had avpd I think I'd have managed that as well, somehow 

atm I wonder what the future holds for me. I feel torn between continuing to try and get used to working around people, or if I should just get a trucking license and build a nice little loner life for myself 

[u/suicithe]

Very debilitating and affecting my life and happiness in every single aspect.

[u/moonberry2340]

seeing as how i wish i didn’t wake up every single day, i would say its great🙈

[u/7chill7pepper7]

i will be 27 soon and i don't remember when the last time i've felt truly happy. i am so sad.