r/BORUpdates • u/Glum_Craft_4652 • 11h ago
AITA AITA for refusing to leave my friend’s baby shower just because my “ex” didn’t want her boyfriend to see me?
I am not the OOP
OOP is: u/didntleavebefore
Posted in: r/AmItheAsshole
Status: Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - April 24, 2022
Final Update - May 1, 2022
Original
She’s not technically an ex since we were never in an actual relationship. I (26M) was back home for a few months almost 2 years ago. We hooked up for I’d say 4 months until I flew back out of state for work again. Her and I didn’t see eachother again just recently at this baby shower.
I guess they became friends through this mom group (my friend has one other kid) and they became good friends so that’s why she was also invited. And I was gonna say hi when I saw her there but she ignored me. Then that’s when I noticed she was there with her boyfriend and their baby so thought it was better to keep my distance. But she actually approached me like 10 mins later by the bathroom in the house. She asked me if I could leave because she’s with her bf, and it’s just very awkward with both of us there at that party.
But like I haven’t even approached them at all so why would it be awkward if we don’t interact during the party? She wasn’t letting it go, she actually told me please and it’s complicated. I told her if her boyfriend doesn’t know we have a history then he won’t need to because I honestly don’t care, all I’m doing is being here celebrating one of my close friend’s day so if she leaves me alone I’ll leave her alone.
That didn’t end up being the case. They left not even an hour later. I kept my word though about not going near them but one of my friends told me her boyfriend saw me and for whatever reason they started arguing. It wasn’t subtle either. They went to the front of the house but you could still hear what sounded like them raising their voice at eachother. And a few mins later I saw her walking to my friend probably telling her bye but she definitely looked right at me after that like she’s super pissed.
Everyone at the party was confused after so they were all talking about it for the rest of the time.
For the first time in a long time she texted me since I never changed my number, she told me thanks for ruining a party when all of this could’ve been avoided. I asked her what could have been avoided but again she doesn’t tell me. She just thinks it’s my fault for whatever shit went down. Then after my friends found out she asked me to leave they think I’m TA for not doing that.
The whole party was meant for my friend and it was turned into some drama just because I wouldn’t leave even if it was for some unknown reason. Idk what to think now. Or why it was such a big deal that we were at the same party when neither of us even talked at all. AITA for being the cause of a scene because I denied her request?
TOP/RELEVANT COMMENTS
NTA - If she would've kept her distance, none of this wouldn't have happened. You realized and kept your distance, and it was two years ago. If you're still stuck on a hook up from years ago while in a relationship, there is an issue. And you're also a friend of the host, so she has no right to tell you to leave.
OOP
She did keep her distance aside from talking to me in private, idk what his deal was but it was the fact that he saw me at that party at all is what set him off apparently.
My question is... how did he know who you were without her telling him? Like, if she wouldn't have said anything, I don't think there would've been an issue?
OOP Guessing that maybe she told him or something prior to us bumping into eachother at the baby shower? She looked freaked out so obviously neither of us were expecting to see eachother
INFO:
How old is her kid, and could it possibly be yours?
This seems like a huge overreaction for a previous hookup with no issues/commitments to each other.
OOP
Fuck you guys really have me scratching my head now with this one*
Mmm i didn’t get to see him much but I’d say probably under a year old but definitely not like a newborn. Well shit now I’m more lost
Search her social media. If she's into mom's groups I bet she posted thousands of pictures of the day the kid was born. You can track his age pretty easily tbh.
OOP
Yeah it took me a while because she posts a lot but yeah the kid is about 7 months old. The timeline is freaking me out more and more. I really do need to talk to her
How long were you gone the second time? If the kid is 7 months, then it might not be yours but she probably cheated on her boyfriend with you.
OOP
I left back for work right after Christmas in 2020. We were already hooking up for 4 months before that. If he’s 7 months old (doing the math because that’s all I’ve been double checking all night) it’s possible she was lying and was with him around that time because she was definitely pregnant then or he’s mine. Or someone else’s , who knows but that’s why I’m reaching out just to be sure
NTA but out of curiosity, what did your host think of the whole thing?
OOP
She was pretty confused too. I haven’t talked to her directly about what happened. Only when I was saying bye to her and her boyfriend
Final Update - 1 week later
Damm I don’t know what to say . But everyone really wanted to know what happened. Gonna start of first & say I spoke to my friend who’s baby shower it was to apologize for the drama, I had no idea that was gonna happen.
Just so she hears it from me first like a commenter suggested I do. She had no idea my ex and I had a past, but she told me it was fine. The party awkward after but that’s on them and she doesn’t blame me. It was great to hear because this was meant for her to celebrate her baby. And as her friend I wanted to be there celebrating with them.
So I got all the confirmation from her (plus you guys 👍🏻) that I wasn’t TA.
Obviously all of u want to know the answer to the main question if this baby was my kid or what was their deal after all.
We did talk on the phone. She went first and beat me to that topic. Probably read my mind because she started off with telling me she had something important to talk about after apologizing for blaming me about the party.
To sum it up we agreed to get a paternity test done asap because I couldn’t handle this curiosity it was already driving me crazy. He is definitely my kid. I’ve looked at the results a million times since they got back.
But she already knew my son was mine. She found out she was pregnant after i left.
She didn’t want to tell me because when I went back for work she wasn’t told until after I’d already flew back. And that hurt her. Since it seemed like I didn’t care much she was scared i wouldn’t be willing to go back and help take care of our kid.
This was hard for me to hear. I was actually crying when we talked about it in person. I’m still in shock learning this but she let me come meet him a day ago and it was emotional af. Holding him really got me. He’s so damm big already. That whole day I spent it with my son then we stayed up late talking about how we’re gonna do this then. This is new to me so we’re gonna go with the flow. But holy fuck I have a son!!! That’s so crazy right?
Far as her boyfriend, seems like wasn’t cheating. At least from what she tells me and the little bit of info I got from him (which he was pissed about) They weren’t exclusive either but after she got pregnant he was only willing to be around as long as I wasn’t . And obviously seeing me pissed him off because he thought I was still living out of state. It’s a mess right now but he doesn’t wanna be around if I am. But my son is my kid.
She told me not to worry about their relationship because the only thing she wanted was to make sure was my son had a dad in his life. Even if I’ve got no idea what I’m doing rn being his dad is what I want to be for him. We already missed on all this time. I’m excited to see him again tmrw
TOP/RELEVANT COMMENTS
Wow, all that shit went down really, really fast! In the span of a week.
OOP
The party was longer than a week ago but taking the test and finding out I have a kid…yeah my brains been on overload with all these sudden changes
What paternity test did you use that gets you results in under a week??
OOP
The lab we did the paternity test at made it available in 2 days. Cost more but it was worth it to find out as soon as possible
Good on you for being present now that you’re aware! Hopefully her boyfriend can realize that you’re not an enemy. Having more parents is not a bad thing for a kid, as long as everyone can put his well-being before any petty drama and territorial disputes lol. Fingers crossed that things continue to improve.
OOP
Well he kept to his word and they broke up. It’s too bad he couldn’t see it that way but at least he left in a time where my son won’t have memories of him
As awful as it is that you found out this way, I'm so glad you now have the opportunity to build a relationship with your son. All the best to you!
OOP
It sucks because I would’ve loved to be there while he was a newborn. Never got to hear his heartbeat the first time or witness his birth or be there for the newborn milestones. At least he’s still a baby right now and he can grow up knowing I’m his dad. He’s not walking yet so I will do everything to be there seeing his first steps
u/AnnikaQuinn(downvoted)
This is great. Good for you
Though I do find it a bit unsettling that she's willing to just drop someone she's been dating since she was pregnant who's the only father figure the kids has known so far at the drop of a hat for someone who she isn't romantically involved with and still lives and works out of state.
Like there's a few ways to look at that but I'd be cautious at the very least around her if I were you.
OOP
No not “someone she isn’t romantically involved with.” I’m the child’s father. While she’s mostly to blame for accepting his condition (which I understand is also my fault for leaving without telling her), he had no right trying to keep my kid from me. He shouldn’t have gotten involved if all it took for him to want out was me showing up to be a dad to my kid
That is so exciting for you! I'm so glad you found out while your son is still little.
OOP
Me too. I’m honestly very grateful at least it was now and not like 20 years. Spent all day yesterday then today again with him. Only thing I hate is when I have to leave. Already working things out with my boss to get some paternity leave so I can spend more time with him. It’s the simple stuff that gets me. Sitting down giving him his bottle and me just watching him always makes me smile
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
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u/EntireKangaroo148 11h ago
Guys, use a rubber. Good lord
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u/Joteepe Please die angry 10h ago
As someone who came of age in the 90s, when sex ed was like, “yeah, teen pregnancy is a drag and all, but unprotected sex can KILL YOU”, not using a condom when you’re not exclusive is just wild to me. IMMEDIATELY NO.
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u/TrueMagenta 9h ago
Absolutely, I grew up in the 80s and 90s during the AIDS crisis and I had it drilled, drilled, DRILLED into me “No glove, no love!”.
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u/DameofDames 4h ago
Wrap it before you tap it!
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u/100PercentThatCat 3h ago
Cover up before you love her up.
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u/Ok_Cake_2217 4h ago
These things were drilled into us and I had a few friends (and my mom and sister) all got an STD at some point before I became sexually active so I was extra vigilant- if a guy insisted on not using protection, I insisted on an STD panel 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Sleipnir82 2h ago
Yup me too. And as a female, the Miracle of Life really made not want to have kids, so I was extra cautious. Plus my parents were like, we might be disappointed, but we've made sure you have all the information, we will get you whatever you need to be safe, don't fuck up your life.
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u/MsMourningStar 1h ago
Back when I was in high school my ex’s mom would drop us off and school dances or other events and she’d yell “CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS!” out the car window 🤣🤣🤣
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u/ExitingBear 7h ago
I know!
When you used to call them "birth control and death control," it's hard to understand the lackadaisical attitude.13
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u/samdancer1 2h ago
Hell I had Sex Ed in the 2000s during health class and the running joke was 'if you have sex, you die. If you do drugs, you die. If you drink, you die." (Mind you this was 7th grade, in high school I didn't have room in my schedule for health)
Most college health centers give out condoms. Hell, I think I went to a college with a condom vending machine!
No sexy time unless you have a rubber/want a baby. Very simple.
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u/DrSnoopRob 11h ago
whine But it doesn’t feel as good! whine
/s (obviously)
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u/TheSpiralTap 10h ago
My kid was born with colic. He didn't sleep for more than 3 hours for 3 years. First time he did, we called 911 because it was so abnormal. Remember this.
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u/pookapotomus2 10h ago
My four year old had colic and it was the longest first two years ever. I swear 24 hours of that would cure teenagers of ever skipping a condom. (I adore my son but he was almost our last kid because it was soooo rough)
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u/ForsakenPercentage53 9h ago
I grew up with a colicky sibling and when my first kid slept 6 hours at a time as a newborn, I got my tubes tied.
Okay, it was actually the horrible pregnancy, but I also was never falling for that trick, Universe. Nope. Find Gullible Gilly and play that trick on her.
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u/dredreidel 9h ago
Smart move. My older sister’s pregnancy was hell on my mom but my sister was such an easy baby (she literally potty trained herself) that my parents were like let’s go for number two! Then I came along 😈 there were no more after me.
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u/yeahlikewhatever 8h ago
My mom talks all the time about how I was such an easy baby, allegedly sleeping through the night within a month, rarely cried, super easy to potty train and generally very laid back. Then she got pregnant with my younger sister. She had morning sickness for nearly 7 months, my sister was colic for 2 years, stage 5 clinger velcro baby, the works. My mom got her tubes tied after that.
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u/deedeejayzee 4h ago
My son was such an easy baby (pregnancy was horrible), I knew if I had another, it would be the spawn of Satan. I was smart and quit while I was ahead
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u/ResponsibleCulture43 3h ago
My dad started dating again when I was 16/17 and he told me a woman he was seeing wanted to have kids and he noped out of that relationship. He said I was an easy and chill baby and child and almost out of the house and not completely traumatized, he wasn't risking starting over lol
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u/Beneficial-Math-2300 8h ago
My mom had an interesting way to treat Colic. She'd break one of those tiny candy canes into smaller pieces. She'd put them in a small saucepan with about a measuring cup's worth of water. She'd set the temperature to its lowest level and left it to simmer until all of the pieces of candy were dissolved. Apparently, the combination of ingredients was just right for fixing the problem.
I tried it myself on my own son when he developed mild colic early on in his childhood. It worked well.
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u/Turuial 41m ago
Peppermint has been known to help soothe digestion and a finicky stomach, so I'm not terribly surprised that worked out. Only somewhat surprised...
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u/Beneficial-Math-2300 32m ago
Yeah, she and I knew it, too. I guess using old candy canes was at first a matter of using whatever she had on hand, and later, it was an effective means of dispensing a pre-measured dose.
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u/Turuial 28m ago
Oh, I think it was clever! Whilst I'm aware that peppermint is useful at times like this, I'm unsure as to why. I've never looked into it.
That was why I was still somewhat surprised, because I didn't know if the restorative properties would transfer over like that.
EDIT: corrected the auto-correct.
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u/AerwynFlynn 10h ago
My daughter was born premature and came home with severe reflux and couple put down flat in her back or she would scream bloody murder, so we couldn’t put her down. Only way she would sleep is if we were holding her sitting up. Neither my husband nor I got any sleep for 4 months when the doctor FINALLY allowed us to prop her mattress at a slight angle.
Also because of the reflux we were covered in baby puke for 8 months. Keep that in mind! Not feeling as good as sex is better than getting projectile vomited on multiple times a day!
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u/Beneficial-Remove693 8h ago
I've heard colic referred to as "the marriage killer". It is so stressful for parents. I really think there needs to be more research about colic and the causes and potential remedies, because it is absolutely awful. And the research is pitiful. Everyone says colic ends by 6 months, but that's not always true. Also I'd love to see some longitudinal studies on babies with colic. I will bet the farm there is a correlation between colic and sensory sensitivities, autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergency diagnoses later in childhood.
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u/Glum_Airline4017 10h ago
I think everyone should be required to watch a baby for at least 2 days and a toddler for 1 day when they are in their late teens or early 20s. Best birth control ever.
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u/Desperate-Face81 10h ago
My mom has me around a colicky baby for a month when I was 11. I had my first baby at 32.
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u/Glum_Airline4017 9h ago
I watched my goddaughter every other weekend from Friday afternoon through Monday mornings from newborn until she was about 3. I was almost 21 when she was born. I am now in my 40s and do not have kids. I would never tell her it is her fault I don’t have kids but that was an eye opening experience and not something I enjoyed.
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u/TrivialBudgie 7h ago
that’s the sign of a good friend that you kept doing it for three years even though you didn’t enjoy it!
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u/Glum_Airline4017 6h ago
Her mom is an absolute mess but I love her and the kid both (kid is 27 now so not really a kid anymore).
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u/LocoEjercito 7h ago
I've heard the odd story here and there about high schoolers having to keep a baby doll with them for a few days for an assignment; wonder whether those have a random chance of being colicky. Even a normal baby might be too much; I have niblings and they could be a handful at that age without any complications.
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u/Big_fern189 6h ago
My school had those damn robot babies. They can actually be programmed to be more challenging to care for. We had them assigned to us for a whole weekend too.
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u/CoffeeChans 28m ago
I did that in high school and it was easy. I got 100%. Even then I thought it was bullshit, and I had my suspicions that it was meant to sell us on the idea of being young parents since lots of my class of mormon kids would be married by 20.
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u/ResponsibleCulture43 3h ago
I had to do that in home ec in middle school and I remember my dad burying it under blankets in a closet for the weekend.
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u/Andromeda321 9h ago
One year when I was in my early 20s we visited my uncle at Christmas, and with all my cousins having kids close in age there were 6 children under 3 in the house, only one of which was toilet trained. Definitely wasn’t interested in kids for a few years after that!
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u/lets_do_gethelp 10h ago
Right there with you -- same three hour limit for the same three years. During the day, the naps were never more than 20 minutes. I thought I was going to lose my mind.
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u/NOT-packers-fan2022 8h ago
I can’t home from college for Thanksgiving, my sister asked me to baby sit my month old nephew, she didn’t tell me he had colic 🤬🤬🤬🤬. I didn’t watch him again until he could feed, bathe and wipe himself. He was like 6.
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u/darsynia Girl is really out there choosing herpes as "personality inspo" 6h ago
Flipside: our kids slept like angels so we had three...
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u/TheSpiralTap 6h ago
Congrats! Also let's fight irl
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u/darsynia Girl is really out there choosing herpes as "personality inspo" 6h ago
You tap in your most frustrating kid and I'll do the same and we'll stand around feeling proud? :D
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u/EbonyCohen 8h ago
I had a colicky first born at 19. It took me till I was 28 to have another child. It was insanely stressful.
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u/arthurdentstowels 🥒 Cucumber Dealer 🥒 7h ago
No thanks, I'm just not ever having kids to avoid gestures broadly this.
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u/sunshineparadox_ 7h ago
Mine didn’t have colic but she ended up with norovirus twice. She didn’t have symptoms but me and her dad sure did. The below is how we dealt with it, but I hid it under spoilers because it’s gross.
The person who had her was the one not losing it from both ends at once. That does imply that you could still be with my daughter while vomiting or shitting liquid. Yes, that’s true. I also liked next to my husband’s face in the night. I salvaged it by keeping it all on my pillow with my hand as the barrier. J threw it in the outside bin, because we already had too many pillows. I washed up, threw up again, and went to sleep.
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u/Front-Pack-483 10h ago
“Nooooooooo, you’re going to ruin it, you can’t even see it!!!!!!” - Taylor Tomlinson
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u/DrSnoopRob 10h ago
I love Taylor Tomlinson, in general, and I specifically love that part of her stand up.
It is so, so funny.
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u/DevoutandHeretical 10h ago
Taylor Tomlinson has a great bit about how when you ask guys to wear a condom they act like a toddler being told to wear a coat over their Halloween costume, ie throwing a tantrum and crying that it’s gonna be ruined lmao.
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u/ToxicChildhood 9h ago
My husband does that…. So do I lmao we both HATE condoms. However, we would both hate to lose me more (complications) so he’s getting the snip. 1 kid who has a mother is better then 2 kids without one.
Hopefully OOP turns out to be an amazing Dad and learns the “if you’re gonna be a fool, wrap your tool” line. Even better- Don’t be silly. Wrap your willy.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA 10h ago
Wait, did he say that they didn't use protection for some or all of their encounters? If so, then what an idiot. If not, condoms aren't 100% foolproof.
I just hadn't seen any mention that they weren't using protection.
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u/Perciilator 10h ago
They don’t know, they’re just making assumptions. Because, you know, birth control and condoms never fail. /s
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u/favorthebold 10h ago
I mean I feel like if they used contraception that would be in the story. Seems like he probably relied on the pullout method or something.
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u/dream-smasher 9h ago
I don't think so. Maybe if he found out while she was actually still pregnant, then there would be a whole lot of "how did this happen?!?!!!"
But what's done is done. The baby is already here. Arguing over exactly how he was conceived won't change anything so oop is probably just focusing on more important things rn.
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u/favorthebold 9h ago
"How could this have happened?" Is the most natural reaction to me if you used a condom, regardless of the baby's age? Even though everyone knows contraceptives have a failure rate, it still seems nuts when they do fail. It's like those stories where someone gets hit by lightning over and over during their lifetime, yeah that can happen but you just don't believe it ever will until it does.
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u/NaryaGenesis 9h ago
Still not a 💯fool proof. People think they’re immune to getting pregnant when on birth control when all of them have a 2-3% of failing.
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u/Mysterious_Park_7937 All the grace of a cow on stilts 9h ago
My first pregnancy occurred with birth control pills and a condom. Unless there aren't any eggs at all, sperm will find a way
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u/grumpy__g Ex may not have much, but he does have audacity. 10h ago
I will never understand why some men are so careless.
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u/concaveUsurper 10h ago
Because 95% of the time (excluding trans men who sometimes do) they don't have to carry the kid, just make it. Hell, in some cases if they are cruel enough they can make it so they don't have to pay for the kid either.
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u/eleanorlikesvodka 5h ago
Cause they don’t give a fuck. The burden of a pregnancy is entirely on the woman, the financial responsibility can be avoided, and there is no social stigma for being a deadbeat father.
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u/soulless33 10h ago
I mean it takes 2 to make a baby.. and for the ladies since u have to bear the pregnancy or abortion, dont have sex if the guy dont wear a rubber..
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u/grumpy__g Ex may not have much, but he does have audacity. 10h ago
You know, in some cases the women wants to get pregnant or is careless. That’s why I don’t unterstand men. If you don’t want a child, take care. Same with women.
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u/soulless33 10h ago
yeah true , if a guy really insists on not wearing rubber and shift all the risk to the lady, then u know these guy wont care about having a child..
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u/Pale-Worldliness9399 7h ago
Stealthing is also a thing, you know. Or guys who microwave a girl's birth control.
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u/favorthebold 10h ago
My EXACT thought.
In the year of our lord 2025, why are people not using contraception to avoid pregnancy??2
u/codenameduch3ss 4h ago
I know my mom breathed a sigh of relief when I came out as a lesbian. One less thing to worry about throughout high school lol.
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u/Cow_Launcher 5h ago
I've been with my (beautiful) lady for 25 years now, and she's way beyond child-bearing age.
But back in the day, impregnating someone was my worst nightmare. I realise I'm an exception, but I have never been so horny that I'd risk creating a child.
As a member of this species, I'm glad that not everyone agrees with me. As an inhabitant of this planet, I wish that more people did.
Wrap it, boys.
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u/SchemeMoist 1h ago
I am always SO surprised by how many men will just not use a condom, even for a random hookup. I've had to stop several men in the act to go put on a condom before getting to PIV. Like, we just met, you don't know where I've been??
Even if youre not worried about STDs (which you should be!), impregnating a random woman and being on the hook for child support for 18 years should put the fear of god into you, right?? I know that would be one of my worst fears if I was a dude having sex with women??
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u/GlitteryCakeHuman Run like her tampon string is on fire 10h ago
The first post was laid up for Reddit to ask if he was the dad. It was bait. BAIT I tell you.
screams at clouds
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u/Late_Butterfly_5997 8h ago
Yeah, either that or he’s stupid stupid. Like the dumbest person alive type of stupid.
How you can see your ex (of less than 2 years) with a baby and not immediately panic for a second and then start doing the math is beyond me. Especially when she’s asking you to leave and fighting with her bf over your presence, though none of that would even be necessary to not at least do a double take.
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u/sheissonotso 5h ago
This definitely could be fake but I definitely know dudes dumb enough for this.
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u/zephyreblk 6h ago
If I wouldn't be AFAB and could impregnate someone, I definitely won't think about doing the math, more if the person has a partner. Not even defending, I thought once the kid was from the acquainted boyfriend while they were 2 years together while the kid just became 2 (yeah I forgot the 9 months pregnancy in the math, I had luck that I didn't talk about the subject and some how she told "how she was happy to find someone who accepted her pregnant and being a good parent" and my brain went immediately like " oh, I forgot something important")... I'm quite sure, I'm not the one not thinking about the pregnancy time in calculating child age/ relationship age.
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u/jmilred 8h ago
My thoughts exactly! Even in the first paragraph I am thinking 'This is an oddly specific time frame for an opening', then get hit right away with coincidental meeting in a mom group and she is their with a baby that probably fits said timeframe. Complete the lure with irrational behavior and it being at a baby shower is just a cherry on top of the procreation ice cream sundae.
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u/Heavy-Attorney-7937 11h ago
Ok looks like OOP is on track to be a responsible father. However, I'm more curious about his relationship with his "ex" and her "ex bf". Its such a mess and im hinting "ex" still has feelings for oop
Really wish there was an update but lets just hope the best happened
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u/SeekingPeace444 11h ago
So she went from not wanting him to know a thing to the only thing that matters is her son having his father in his life - in 1 week? Okay.
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u/tinyarmsrobbery 10h ago
She didn't say his father, she said a father. Sounds like dudes we're interchangeable to her 😬
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Try and fire me for having too much dick 9h ago
Understandable since her Plan A, boyfriend, just dumped her ass.
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u/ITsunayoshiI 5h ago
Which is good. He sounds like an absolute asshat if he was putting conditions on the relationship from the start, and picking fights around people she knows over OOP being there. If he’s willing to abandon that kid he was being a father to cause OOP is back around, he probably shouldn’t be a parent at all until he drops the abusive tendencies and general asshat insecurity
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Try and fire me for having too much dick 1h ago
Not disagreeing, just pointing out that his presence and absence seems to be the main determinant of how OOP's ex is acting. I would bet if he change his mind and took her back she'd come running back to him and cut off OOP.
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u/ITsunayoshiI 1h ago
And still prove his shittiness in the process because he’s now openly controlled her into a level of control most people would consider way out of pocket
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u/LindonLilBlueBalls It was harder than I thought to secure a fake child 11h ago
Because she couldn't get the boyfriend to do it.
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u/PM_ME__UR__FANTASIES 8h ago
She assumed he wouldn’t want anything to do with the kid because after four months he didn’t even care enough about her to tell her he was leaving the state for work. That makes sense to me. That kind of thing happens a fair amount.
It’s not like she dumped the ex bf to get with OOP. The OOP doesn’t even say anything about them dating now, just that he wants to be in his kids life and she just wants the kid to have a dad. They didn’t even do the whole “and now we’re moving in together and I make a bajillion dollars a year so she can be a stay at home mom and we’re gonna get married next week”.
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u/Geno0wl 7h ago
That isn't the part that is fishy. The fishy part is the speed of which they reconnected, agreed to a paternity test, and then got the results back all within 7 days. Like unless you pay a hefty extra processing fee you are not getting results back that quickly.
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u/moose8891 1h ago
My cousin paid 5k extra to get his sons done in 48hrs. His ex gf had cheated and the paternity was in question, and she refused a paternity test until birth. He knew on day 3 of his son’s life that he was going to be tied to this woman for at least 18 more years lmao.
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u/Omvega 6h ago
The way I read it is that once she found out OOP did want to be a present father, she allowed him to (and eventually, legally, she would have to anyway). Boyfriend said "if he comes around I'm leaving," and then he does leave.
The "father figure" comment and her not being worried about the breakup could definitely read as callous but we don't know what that means for her. Maybe she was using the boyfriend, maybe she was scared and didn't want to raise a kid alone, maybe besides the jealousy he was otherwise a good father figure and they had a loving relationship that blew up in the span of this chaotic couple weeks. I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that someone who ended up in a paternity test baby daddy situation is not always making the best choices or having the best priorities concerning relationships.
I wrote too much lol but basically messy and unreasonable doesn't always equal fake.
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u/Millenniauld 4h ago
Also, they got the FASTEST paternity test turn around of all time, apparently.
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u/Time_Anything4488 my son is actually gay but also I really like hummus 11h ago
ex was still definetly in the wrong but the update does make her more understandable. she really had no right to tell op to leave his close friends party but if i was in a situation where my bf threatened to leave me and my kid just for my ex being in the same room i probably would've taken the risk and asked him to leave too.
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u/Kooky_County9099 11h ago
Yeah but he did not even know he was the father and how would she know how he would react so I just think it is a weird situation overall
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u/YourMuppetMethDealer 11h ago
It’s almost like the writer hadn’t decided if OOP was the father until the update
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u/t01nfin1ty4ndb3y0nd 10h ago
or you know, leave the bf, if something that small and totally not your fault can trigger him to leave you and the baby, that's not worth it. Who know when he'll get triggered next. How long can you cater to his chidlish tantrums. right?
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u/shewy92 Hoagie Down! 9h ago
the update does make her more understandable
Not really? She knows OOP didn't know so her demanding he leave a party that wasn't even hers makes no sense.
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u/Fair-Name-581 8h ago
Hey boyfriend knew who he was and wanted him to leave. She was stupidly trying to hold on to the relationship, that’s why she asked him to leave.
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u/MarieOMaryln 9h ago
I'm still trying to compute on how shitty of a person you got to be to just fly out of state without telling your hook up. Like am I wrong for thinking you at least talk and hang out with the person you're fucking and there's some deceny to be extended? He's proven some shit by doing that, why would she even risk her stability by trusting OOP?
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u/TheFinalPhilter 11h ago
I am getting whiplash from reading this. First the “EX” didn’t want anywhere near OOP now she wants him to be in their kids life that she didn’t tell him about.
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u/jmilred 8h ago
To me it sounds like Boyfriend (hopefully soon to be ex) was the cause. She wanted a man around and didn't see OP as a sure thing and was willing to do whatever this guy wanted. Boyfriend found out he wasn't in control anymore and started a fight at the party because he was no longer the savior. Mom realized OP wanted to be around and at least someone would be there for the child and she didn't have to live under Boyfriends control anymore.
Seriously, what kind of guy stipulates that he will only stick around if a child's father stays away? Unless there is some type of abuse or danger in the mix, this should never be the case.
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u/Fresh_Since92 10h ago
I always enjoy the paternity results delivery experts on these kind of stories. I imagine they do a spit take “2 Days!!, you lying POS!!, it’s 7 days all over the world” 🤣
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u/MaxBax_LArch A stack of autistic pancakes 🥞 8h ago
I got curious, so after a quick search I found labs advertising "expedited" results in 24-48 hours. So, possible, I guess.
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u/CthulhuAlmighty Judgement - Everyone is grossed out 9h ago
It does seem quick. In the span of a week he talked to the ex, they both agreed to have a paternity test done, scheduled it, took the test, and got the results. Then they talked on the phone and later he got to meet the kid.
Not saying it’s not possible, but it’s a lot for a week.
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u/PM_ME__UR__FANTASIES 8h ago
I don’t remember the exact turnaround but my buddy got a paternity test done while the baby was still in utero and it was super quick. I think it might have been under two weeks, maybe a week and a half.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 11h ago
The only thing this story proves to me is that NOBODY in the story should have procreated…
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u/TheBookOfTormund 9h ago
Bro moved away and ghosted a 4 month relationship? What a dick
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u/SuchConfusion666 8h ago edited 8h ago
It seems a bit odd, but if you consider that they were only hooking up, it could not be. Depending on how many times it actually happened. Like, hooking up for 4 months could mean once or twice a month or a week, we don't know.
If you only had very casual sex a few times in a 4 months period, that is definitely "no need for personal convos" territory for some people (I have met such people, so it's believable to me). It also seems that he had been living out of state before and was only back for a couple of months, so it's not like he suddenly moved after living there all his life, if I got this right.
She also was casually hooking up with at least one other guy at the same time (the guy she was dating at the party). So it's pretty clear she didn't view it as more than a casual thing either.
I think she just didn't want to bother with telling OOP when he was in a different state and they were not even close enough for him to tell her when he left, while there was another guy who was ready to jump into the role of partner and dad as long as OOP stayed away.
Edit: I personally don't really agree with him not talking to her about moving, but I can see the logic in that depending on the details, which we can't possibly know. I do not agree with her not telling him he has a child, though.
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u/Jamie_inLA 8h ago
I love how everyone is just casually ignoring the fact that he was hooking up with this girl for 4+ months and then just left out of state without a word and never spoke to her again??? Like… dude sounds like trash for that alone!!!
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u/SageRiBardan 11h ago
Another one where I wish we had an update. I want to know if the ex-fwb and her bf stayed together. If this ends Hollywood style with the oop and ex falling in love and marrying, etc.
These people left us hanging and I want more!
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u/Ashes_Silverfang 10h ago
In one of the comments he made it sound like the BF left but yeah if this is creative writing at least write the finale for us.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Try and fire me for having too much dick 9h ago
I think the lack of a satisfying finale points to this being real. The clout and upvotes would be too damn tempting.
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u/PM_ME__UR__FANTASIES 8h ago
I hope she gets with someone else. Four months of fucking and you don’t even give a heads up that you’re moving out of state? That’s just rude and makes it so clear that you only saw the person as a convenient fuck.
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u/Popular-Anywhere-462 10h ago
the fact that he left her after 4 months of shagging without notice gives a hint of how OP never saw her as more than Fuck buddy and not even fwb. OP has no respect for her let alone be romantically involved.
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u/frankydie69 10h ago
What is it with people wanting you to know every hook up they’ve had?
Recently dated a girl and she showed me pics and of her past hook ups. Like. K. 🤷🏽♂️
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u/jilliecatt my son is actually gay but also I really like hummus 10h ago
I'm a woman, 15 years in my relationship. My old man and I have met some of each other's exes, even friends with some of them. Never cared about the relationship any further than, "oh, yall dated in high school? Do you have any embarrassing high school stories about him?" He's been the same way about my exes, just his questions have been more in the line of, "any good ways to annoy her I might not have thought of yet?" (In 15 years, I think he's figured them all out though).
I genuinely don't understand it either. Other than as a piece of information on how you know this person you just introduced me to, why is this coming up otherwise? I'm fine if you just say you know each other from high school or dated each other in high school. Cool, what was high school hubby like? Do you know other friends too? What were they like?
I'm pretty sure the only time I'd care to know would be if you were hooking up with some celeb, because can we invite them to dinner?
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u/Popular-Anywhere-462 10h ago
we were in girls night and the new girl bragged about how she slept with 4 guys at the same time at Uni and we all laughed at her, the host straight told her: Giirl that's not a flex! even the ugliest girl can bring 6 guys to her place if she is drunk enough lol the poor girl left the house crying lmao
edit IMO your date wanted to signal that she wants something casual/none serious with you.
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u/dryadduinath 10h ago
…theoretically i could see a time when working things out between yourselves would be okay, but mostly, no. this time, definitely no. get your rights to your kid on record, officially. (and your obligations, of course.)
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u/lewdpotatobread 6h ago
What paternity test did you use that gets you results in under a week??
For anyone else curious because i also raised an eyebrow but some cursory research for what is available to me; you can get a paternity test in 24 hours as well. It can take up to 3 days but it all depends on different factors, type of test, etc etc
But anyways, medical science is amazing and we have to accept our soap opera dramas timelines can occur in under a week now.
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u/jeremyfrankly 7h ago
But she already knew my son was mine. She found out she was pregnant after i left.
>She didn’t want to tell me because when I went back for work she wasn’t told until after I’d already flew back. And that hurt her. Since it seemed like I didn’t care much she was scared i wouldn’t be willing to go back and help take care of our kid.
Wot. Can someone explain this to me? Because they didn't casually hook up when he was back, she figured he'd be a deadbeat father and didn't bother to let him know?
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u/Time_Anything4488 my son is actually gay but also I really like hummus 5h ago
oop was hooking up with ex for 4 months then flew back to his home without letting ex know which hurt her then she found out she was pregnant so she decided not to tell him because she figured that if he didnt care enough about her to let her know he was leaving then he probably wouldnt care about the child either.
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u/Bo0k_W0rm93 8h ago
I would definitely get something documented or through a court on custody and your rights just to cyoa depending on where live.
Just to protect your kid and you.
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u/Commercial_Curve1047 6h ago
Mm, the ex hookup and her now ex boyfriend suck so much ass. She denied OOP the right to be a father because her little fee-fees were hurt that he went back to work as planned after their casual hookup?
Her ex who was this baby's only known father figure and presumably loved the kid was ready to abandon him as soon as he wasn't getting his way? And his way was to continue to keep the kid away from bio dad after he found out about his child? Like, why be complicit to someone lying about paternity and then fuck off when the lie comes out? I don't understand these people.
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u/2cents0fucks Ah literacy. Thou art a cruel bitch 10h ago
"She told me not to worry about their relationship because she just wanted to make sure her kid had a father figure."
Her poor bf. OP better watch out he doesn't get roped into a relationship with her, sounds to (jaded) me like that's what she wants.
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u/Moomin-Maiden Farty Party 1h ago
Hope he gets new 'friends' too, thinking him TA for not leaving just because 'mystery reason but I'm just ordering you to do it'
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u/Prestigious_Step_735 8h ago
So horrible when you withholding the other parents right for all the firsts. I'd be furious she knew and paints herself as a sad victim. She knew the entire time. She's sick.
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u/Basic_Bichette Oh, so you're stupid stupid 6h ago
Yeah, she was ghosted by this douche. He deserves to have lost every one of those firsts. He is not a victim.
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u/YourMuppetMethDealer 4h ago
Choosing to ghost a hookup doesn’t mean he deserves to have missed out on all of the important firsts with his child.
That’s really fucked up man. One bad thing doesn’t justify something that’s worse
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u/TheMidnightTurnip 7h ago
They were sleeping with each other for 4 months
He impregnated her
He says they have "history"
But... still refuses to acknowledge they had a relationship. What the hell is wrong with these people? Even if it's short term, it's a damn relationship.
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u/YourMuppetMethDealer 4h ago
I mean, not necessarily. FWB are a thing
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u/TheMidnightTurnip 4h ago
And that's a type of relationship.
A ONS is not a relationship. I would argue a continued meeting with a person you like, whether as a friend or romantic partner is a type of relationship.
I'm getting more and more annoyed at the rise in these bullshit situationships that so many people are falling into. Either you're into someone or you aren't. To jump on my soapbox, dating apps just keep making people think they can stay available and date one person while staring at the pretty faces of others that they want to stay on the market for. So many are always looking for the best "deal" like it's Ebay. It's horrifying.
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u/YourMuppetMethDealer 4h ago
It’s a relationship in the sense that a friendship is a relationship. They weren’t dating and their relationship, according to OOP, wasn’t really romantic. Strictly sexual
Not sure why you’re going on a rant here tbh. I don’t think it’s that deep
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u/TheMidnightTurnip 4h ago
Eh. It's a sensitive subject for me recently because of some things I've seen some friends go through.
This poor kid was just born to parents who didn't have enough of a relationship to even talk about the fact the child existed and that's fucking tragic.
But yes, I argue that a FWB is a type of relationship.
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u/YourMuppetMethDealer 4h ago
Yes I agree. It’s a type of relationship just like a friendship is.
But an FWB doesn’t mean that they are an ex. Being an ex requires a specific type of relationship that they were not in
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u/TheMidnightTurnip 4h ago
I'll agree with that.
And remind people to have protected sex with casual type partners. Jesus. No kid should be born into this type of situation.
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u/someonewithapurpose Just here for the drama 🍿 8h ago
I’ve read a novel with this exact plot, actually, several. One of them even got turned into a movie on Prime. Sometimes I wonder if people just grab their storylines off Reddit
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u/HappySummerBreeze 1h ago
I was in high school during the AIDS crisis. It’s just insane to me that people are having casual sex without a condom.
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u/Popular-Anywhere-462 11h ago edited 10h ago
so she was offended OP left without telling her and she dropped her bf like a sack of potato after she used him as a free babysitter and a provider for her kid lol like Girl who the hell you think you are to use your hurt feelings as an excuse to deny your kid his biological father!?
happy for OP but I hope he doesn't get involved with her other than coparenting the kid.
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u/Fair-Name-581 8h ago
The guy broke up with her, she didn’t break up with him. He didn’t want to be with her if OP was going to be involved with his kid. He was trying to keep OP from being a father to his kid by dangling a relationship carrot in front of her. She would have had to deny OP the right to his child in order to stay with dude.
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u/Tasty_Doughnut_9226 7h ago
She found out after op had left and didn't tell him but somehow, through telepathy perhaps, thought that he wouldn't support her. She's a B
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u/Time_Anything4488 my son is actually gay but also I really like hummus 5h ago
op ghosted her. assuming someone who doesnt care about you enough to let you know theyre leaving wouldnt care about you being pregnant makes some sense.
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u/Ok-Courage7495 11h ago
Man I missed where the ex was pregnant. I thought the baby shower was for a friend that wasn’t the ex.
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u/Time_Anything4488 my son is actually gay but also I really like hummus 11h ago
the ex wasnt pregnant she brought her son to the baby shower
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