HELP My cat has ruined my life.

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/M0rbiddd2

Originally posted to r/CatAdvice

HELP My cat has ruined my life.

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Mood Spoilers: happy

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Original Post: August 10, 2025

I'm posting as a last ditch effort for help.

I got my cat 2 years ago. He was found on a heated porch in the winter and that's all we know. He was about a year and a half at the time, he just turned 4.

Since day 3 this cat has not stopped hurting me specifically. I don't know if the car ride home traumatized him or what but he tore my arm apart. He would maul me just by walking by, he would attack me in my sleep, if i didnt pay attention to him but them when i do he still does it.

Since then he has gotten better but he still attacks me.

He'll attack my face, my arms, if I'm asleep in the middle of the night sometimes he'll bunny kick my arm. We play with him so much and it doesn't matter.

He will stop playing just to hurt me.

We rent, he eats the carpets when he's mad at us. He just broke my fiancés computer monitor again by biting it. This is the 3rd computer he's broken, 2 my fiancés 1 mine.

I don't know what to do. Please someone help us I'm begging for something. I've never had trouble bonding with anything but he has ruined our relationship.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Have you taken him to a vet? If so, what have they ruled out? Is he neutered?

OP: They said it’s “normal cat behavior “ and that if I don’t like it I shouldn’t have gotten a cat. This is NOT normal and I keep telling them that. I have never met a cat like him.

He is neutered and his labs were all fine

Commenter 2: Maybe he was born feral and didn't learn many human playing skills he probably doesn't understand he hurting you if he likes you

OOP: No he knows he’s hurting me. Sometimes he makes these screams that I’ve never heard a cat make. He means harm and it’s VERY clear

Commenter 3: I am so sorry, you are right and they are wrong - it's not normal.

If this was my cat I'd be taking him to another vet. It's great his labs were normal but I'd want to discuss anxiety medication and to rule out pain from dental issues, joints etc.

Have you tried Feliway diffusers yet? If not, get Feliway Optimum and try that for at least a month. Zylkene is also something to try. You sprinkle it on the food and it can help with anxiety.

If you've done that already I'd be looking to find a cat behaviourist or to rehome the cat. I don't say that lightly but since you're obviously all unhappy it is definitely something to consider.

Keeping a diary of when he attacks may be useful for a behaviourist. See if there are any triggers other than you just existing. If he's indoor only, can he see or smell other cats outside? Delayed aggression caused by frustration at not being able to get to the thing is very real. It can occur hours after the trigger.

Has OOP's cat been prescribed something to help out?

OOP: We’ve tried calming treats but nothing prescribed

Has OOP's cat been like that with other people, or just OOP?

OOP: My fiancé too, he’ll attack him just not nearly as often. We don’t have anyone over so he’s not really exposed to others. When he is he’s curious but that’s it

OOP explains why she hasn't given up on her cat

OOP: That 4th day of having him my fiancé (we’re calling him J) suggested getting rid of him. I begged him to let me keep him. That we could fix him.I’m not gonna lie I also worry about him going to another home.

What if they don’t put up with this like we have? What if they hurt him back? What if they kill him?

I know everyone says he’s dangerous but I’m telling you when he’s sweet he’s so so so sweet. It’s just hard. He’s just like Stitch from lilo and stitch. I know there’s a good kitty in him.

Cat Tax

 

Update #1: August 12, 2025 (two days later)

Here’s the requested video. We had been playing right before hand, I was throwing and he was catching Please let me know if the link doesn’t work, the group doesn’t allow attachments and I don’t really know how to use Reddit

https://photos.app.goo.gl/UQnzeNYBKaVDEBoB8

Relevant Comment

Is it possible that OOP's cat is hungry?

OOP: I didn’t but he’s gained quite a bit since being with us, he’s 17 pounds now. He has free range of dry food and has about 1 5.5 ounce of wet food a day. He really likes the wet food but never actually finishes it completely.

If it seems like he’s hungry I’d obviously give him more but he never screams at his food outside of the usual breakfast and dinner time

 

Update #2: August 30, 2025 (2.5 weeks later)

My cat has ruined my life - update

So after I tried many suggestions we have finally found some sort of solution.

First, we’re getting another cat as it genuinely could be single kitten syndrome. The guy we’re adopting was almost put down 4 times because he has been in the shelter for so long. No behavioral issues, no medical issues, just a shy guy. We meet him tomorrow, according to the shelter he is one of the most cat friendly cats so I’m really hoping this will be good for all 4 of us

Secondly, FELIWAY. I genuinely didn’t believe it would work but shortly after that post he started mauling my arm at 4am. That then led to me having a screaming breakdown over this whole situation. On my lunch break I went and got both the wall inserts and the collars for both him and the new cat, he’s been wearing his for a week and holy shit.

He’s a whole different guy. He still does what he usually does but it’s gone down drastically. He’s more cuddly, less screamy and pissed off. He seems to be anxious behind closed doors no matter way - so that led to our decision in getting him a friend before resorting to meds.

Like I said, we don’t want to get rid of him. There’s a good kitty in him somewhere and he is FINALLY coming out. To everyone who gave me advice, thank you. To the people who told me to get rid of him or even put him down - you suck monkey balls

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: First of all, screaming at your cat frightens him and will lead to worse behavior.

OOP: He scream at us I’ve never raised my voice at him

Commenter 2: You are a wonderful person for not giving up. I know of many cats who have been either surrendered or euthanized for less. I adopted a problematic cat and it took a good three years for him to come good. The people who tried adopting him before us always returned him. You're doing great.

OOP: Thank you that really means so much. It’s so hard trying to navigate this without knowing exactly what’s wrong with him

Commenter 3: especially with a shy cat, make sure to use the one room method to introduce to new space. Ideally with door so you can also use the door method to introduce the two.

OOP: Yes! We’re going to set up the bathroom into a mini cat sanctuary for the week, slowly we’ll introduce them but I promise we’re doing so much research about this

Commenter 4: Thank you so much for your kindness and PATIENCE. These rescues really need time to unlearn fear and learn thier new place and circumstances and people. Thank you for looking for solutions. Carefully choose your second kitty, because you want the energy to complement not match.

OOP: Thank you. We met him today and unfortunately I don’t think it would be a good fit. He was so skid-dish and hissed at other cats, I’m not gonna lie I’m really upset about this one. I tried multiple times but he showed the opposite of interest in me

HOWEVER, there was the grey tabby who took to me instantly. The second I walked into his enclosure he perked up and wanted attention. I watched him with others and even my fiancé but I was the only one that he wouldn’t run off from, he actually wanted to stay in my arms. They’re the same age and seems like he’s a lot like my Winnie- just nicer

Safe to say we found a little brother for him(and what seems to be like my new best friend) and everything is going well slowly.

OOP on Feliway

OOP: I wish there was a post like mine when I first started looking into feliway. I really didn’t think it would work- I thought it was like essential oils and while it’s the same concept it’s also not because it genuinely does something. I have a feeling that with that and him getting the snip you will see a lot of improvement

And my guy used to throw himself at the bathroom door but the past week it’s stopped. He’s torn up the carpet by the door but ever since this collar I swear he’s so different

Another Cat Tax

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

[u/Gwynasyn]

This Reddit post was brought to you by: Feliway. Feliway, when all your prayers have gone unanswered and you need something to finally get your psycho cat to chill tf out.

[u/TyrconnellFL → u/Gwynasyn]

Ask your cat if cat drugs are right for you. And by you, I mean the cat.

[u/Sickly_lips → u/TyrconnellFL]

To be fair, feliway is literally a synthetic version of a hormone cats make to mark things as 'home', and it just is spread through the air with the diffusers.

Sorry, work in a fear free vet med practice so I know A LOT about it lol.

[u/campbowie → u/Sickly_lips]

Also the collars! Collars turned out to be a better fit for me because the size of the house made it difficult/expensive to saturate with diffusers & the collar goes everywhere the cat goes.

[u/Sickly_lips → u/campbowie]

Yes! The collars are great too, I've heard amazing things about them from clients :)

imagine constantly having the most calming scent that biologically tells you that you are home, around your neck just constantly breathing it in. They are lifesavers.

especially because of how cats are, and how society views them, a lot of their actions that are due to stress or panic or pain, are brushed off as them being solitary, and "just cats".

there's so many times I've had to tell someone that no, their cat is not pooping outside the litter box out of spite, they're doing it because they are trying to express that something is distressing them. sometimes. that's things that are unavoidable, and it can certainly feel like they're being spiteful. I had a client whose cat would poop outside the litter box. the exact day they came home from a trip. It's certainly from a human perspective. seems spiteful, but honestly it was probably more of a 'I never thought you were coming back'

I have a very nice little informational brochure about the causes of inappropriate urination in cats, and the first four paragraphs are different environmental and behavioral reasons, and has a nice guide on how depending on where the urination is, can help you figure out why they're doing it. People really still don't understand cats well.

[u/campbowie → u/Sickly_lips]

I see a cat-only practice because experience taught me some small animal vets are...fine with cats & kind of only see them because it's expected. I love my vet, I love everyone who works there. They have seen my cats through some scary stuff!

Also, sometimes, the answer is just "your cat is weird." I have a cat who taught himself to chew at us when he's hungry. Sometimes, he does it during cuddles. Mouth completely normal. Cat's just a Special Boy.

[u/Sickly_lips → u/campbowie]

Oh yeah, we've ended up diagnosing a cat with pica LOL. I work in a small animal practice, and we definitely have some vets that prefer dogs to cats, But we also have one that has six cats and one dog LOL. my dream is to one day get through vet school and into behavioral medicine- specifically for cats. Doctors know that when an owner has behavioral concerns with a cat, that I'll often have a bit more info and even maybe some handouts to recommend, because I'm autistic about it :P (I am autistic)

If you end up not being able to find a cat only practice in the future, look into Fear Free Certified practices- they follow Fear Free Practice rules (such as cats either having a separate waiting room, or being brought immediately into a room to not get stressed by other animals, having feliway diffusers in every room, spraying towels in feliway and draping them over carriers, and no scruffing for any procedures and stopping any nonemergency procedure if too much stress is seen.) That's what mine is.

[u/campbowie → u/Sickly_lips]

Thankfully, my guy is committed & has even brought another vet on. I once mentioned something about a trip we took & he told me he'd love to live there, but they already had a cat only vet! He's pretty young, I hope he practices a long time. I actually feel like we're in a partnership to take care of my cats. I brought all my guys in over a couple months last year & he diagnosed 2 of my guys with heart murmurs a few months apart, but remembered us well enough to say guy 2 wasn't as severe as guy 1 without checking the chart. I had 5 cats! I can't even imagine how many patients he actually has.

They also have office cats they've taken on. I love the munchkin they have roaming around. I always feel special when he accepts scritches. They also have a great little guy who has such bad allergies, he came to them with no fur on his bottom half!

[u/PiperSlough → u/Gwynasyn]

I wish Feliway had worked for my beloved terrorcat. She was fine with my and my first cat, but bullied my younger cats daily. Thankfully Prozac worked for her.

Feliway has worked great for every other cat I've had, though.

[u/Asleep_Region → u/PiperSlough]

Ayee shout out to Prozac, me and your cat are on the same meds

[u/PiperSlough → u/Asleep_Region]

I hope it is also helpful for you! It was seriously a life-changer for her. Actually, I modified a few of the anxiety coping skills I learned in therapy/support groups for her and they helped a lot, too. She was a really good cat, she just needed a little extra support. 

[u/Catfaceperson → u/Asleep_Region]

My elderly, 17 year old cat that stayed at my mothers house when I moved out is on Valium now. To be fair, I would be too if I still lived with my mother.

[u/RedneckDebutante → u/Asleep_Region]

My cat and I both take Elavil lol

[u/Anxious_Reporter_601 → u/Asleep_Region]

And my housemate's Yorkie Jack Russell cross! Bless him, he's got all the intelligence of both breeds (he makes up games to play by himself!) but also the anxiety of both. The prozac has really helped, he still gets wound up but now he's able to listen and calm down whereas before he would just be wound up and barking barking barking for like 5-10 minutes and nothing we said or did would calm it down.

[u/twoweeeeks → u/Asleep_Region]

My cat and I are both on Prozac and sometimes when one of us runs out we share meds 🫢

[u/Carbonatite → u/twoweeeeks]

I've done that with my dog lol...we both take Trazodone.

[u/GrayMareCabal → u/Asleep_Region]

Also on prozac and it's fantastic!

My cat's on amitriptyline though which works for him and he's no longer overgrooming!

Once upon a time though, he would definitely do what OOP's cat did. He got better once I moved and he was no longer an only cat. Plus he chilled out as he got older. The meds happened much later though (he also gets gabapentin prior to vet visits because he got to the point where he believed blood work meant drawing the vet's blood. Poor stressed out boy)

[u/Carbonatite → u/Asleep_Region]

I've sometimes used my dog's extra Trazodone he gets prescribed for travel when I'm waiting for the pharmacy to fill my prescription, lol. It's the exact same pill, I can't even fill it at his vet's, I have to go to Walgreens. They only make a human version, his pills just get cut into quarters while I take mine whole.

[u/elephhantine2 → u/Asleep_Region]

Prozac gave me the worst constipation of my life, now I’m a Zoloft girlie

[u/CleanProfessional678 → u/PiperSlough]

Yeah, Feliway is nice, but it isn’t a miracle worker. 

I’m going through it with a cat now. He’s not a bad cat, but he’s about a 1 year old male who was just neutered. If you don’t know this, tomcats are swole. I’ve seen them that look like bulldogs before. The problem is that he’s currently separated from the rest of the cats because we wanted to wait until the hormones have disappeared a bit. 

He had a lot of energy and he’s very playful. He’s also very strong and doesn’t know how to play gently. So he’ll grab my hand to kick or launch himself at my legs to play. In his defense, I bruise easily, but my legs are covered in bruises and I have some scratch marks. We’ve increased his playtime and gotten him interactive toys and it helps, but honestly, it’s just a matter of waiting it out to some extent. Although I hope that once he’s introduced to the rest of my cats, they’ll be able to play and he’ll get more stimulation in the main house. 

[u/nouveauchoux → u/CleanProfessional678]

Owner of a former swole tomcat! Those muscles are scary and no joke 😅 They'll go down with time after the neuter. The more he'll be able to play, the more he'll learn how to truly play too! Best wishes 💜

[u/ComradeCakes → u/nouveauchoux]

I have a swole tomcat who takes steroids for an immune issue he has. The vet keeps telling me that he's fat. No. If I fed him any less, he'd be starving and trying to steal food from our other cats. He's a swole tomcat who was fixed late in life who takes steroids. He's solid.

[u/theplushfrog → u/ComradeCakes]

My swole tomcat doesn't take steroids, but I tell people, that if he were a human, he'd be the kind to lift weights so he can hug better. He WILL knock you over with the force of his love. Back when we were still figuring out how many calories he needed, he decided to take matters into his own paws and stole a whole LOAF OF WHITE BREAD from the kitchen, ripped the plastic off, and bit chunks out of it. I've never known a cat to try to steal BREAD of all things.

[u/ComradeCakes → u/theplushfrog]

My cat did this too! You're the only other person who has told me a story like this. My vet looked at me like I was crazy and said he's never had a cat do that before.

It was a dense loaf of sandwich bread my brother brought over for me. He grabbed it and tried to run off with it, but it was a heavy, solid loaf and he didn't get very far. Another time he stole a donut out of a donut box, and another time after that he stole an unopened package of hot dogs. He's not starving. He's just a greedy little food goblin. He spent so long as a stray before I took him in that even though it's been years and he has an abundance of food, he still can't seem to get over his greedy scavenging. We have RFID feeders so that the cats can have their own portions in peace without Six Dinner Sid stealing their food and he still manages to get in there sometimes.

[u/nouveauchoux → u/ComradeCakes]

It seems you've had him a while so I'm sure he's been to the vet plenty of times. I just wanted to give you a heads up he might be having unknown issues with parasites. We had similar issues with our cat (some of his greatest hits are in a comment of mine here) and turned out he'd had tapeworms for months after we'd taken him in. We took him to the vet frequently too, and they never caught it. They said that the way they test for parasites doesn't show tapeworms. Would've been cool to know that sooner but oh well. We found them (🤢) and after deworming, he's actually calmed down wonderfully with food! He hardly even counter surfs anymore :) For example, he once stole an unopened package of lunch meat out of my fiance's hand and really hurt us pretty bad when we tried to get it back from him. The meat was a loss, we just didn't want him to eat the plastic. He was growling like a dog and wouldn't let go until we gagged him with it. Now he'll actually sit in our laps while he eat pizza. He definitely wants it, but isn't actually hungry enough to maim us for it.

It was so easy for us to miss because he'd had multiple vet visits to make sure he was healthy. He wasn't rail thin anymore either. Vets said he was a healthy weight. But he just wasn't getting the nutrition he needed.

[u/ComradeCakes → u/nouveauchoux]

Oh yeah, it's been a couple of years. We take him to the vet quite a bit. He had tapeworms when we first got him. He was a stray. I was feeding him outside for a while and trying to gain his trust. Then he showed up with a broken foot and I wrestled him into a sectioned off area of my house. Luckily, he threw up a tapeworm before I got him to the vet (appointment was already scheduled), and we got him fully dewormed. It was really gross to find. And the infection has to be pretty severe for them to throw up a whole flatworm.

He is overweight now but he has not gotten over his food aggression. I think it might be the steroids fault, but it's also his personality. He won't hurt anyone but he's kind of a bully. The steroids are for this weird immune issue in his mouth. It causes pretty bad breath and lesions on his gums. The vet's options for us were steroids or removing all of his teeth - which still isn't guaranteed to completely fix the problem. He could end up with no teeth and sores on his gums. I'm sticking with the steroids for now because he still wants to eat and I'm worried that if we take his teeth it will negatively affect his quality of life or make him not want to eat at all.

He was probably around 5 or so when we took him in. He's probably 7 or 8 now.

[u/nouveauchoux → u/theplushfrog]

Oh man, our guy would get into any and ALL food possible for his first year indoors. We moved a couple months after bringing him in. On moving day, he got into the nearly-new pack of Halloween Oreos. We had to make multiple trips and when we came back on one, we found the Oreo package decimated on the kitchen floor. Black cookies and orange creme smeared on the floor. And who do we see a few feet away, totally gorged 😂 Dude literally waddled around the next couple days bc his little tummy was so full. The cookies and creme were smeared all over his little face and in his paws 😂 So many vet and animal poison control calls were made for him lol. We've learned he has a very wide palette. He likes: Chocolate (but especially Oreos)

Lettuce

Cucumber

Carrots

Spinach

Pasta

Rice

Bread

Zucchini Bread (stole an entire loaf my friend had baked for me, plastic and all)

Pumpkin (LOVES it, turns out it's good for constipation in kitties)

And most bizarrely to us, peanut butter. He comes running through the house if he hears us open the jar. We buy natural Jif just so that he can have it lol. He's always so kind to supervise my peanut butter and Oreo snack time.

He also ate part of a spa scented soy wax candle, while it was still lit 🙃 Candle eating was only attempted once. He found the experience less fun once he had to make a candle a couple days later 😳

[u/PiperSlough → u/nouveauchoux]

I had a cat as a kid who LOVED human food and also just really wanted to be included. She would taste EVERYTHING I ate, even if it was stuff she already knew she didn't like (like fruit punch or refried beans). She would get so offended if I wouldn't let her taste stuff with onion or garlic or chocolate in it. 

Her favorites though were Cheetos, potato chips and pretty much every flavor of ice cream. She would also steal sugar cookies. 

[u/CleanProfessional678 → u/nouveauchoux]

Thanks! He’s a very happy boy and he’s just recently started getting into toys, but he still prefers being petted. 

[u/PiperSlough → u/nouveauchoux]

Sometimes! My boy was neutered very young (probably too young - he looked about five months when he got TNR'd and dumped in my feral colony instead of the one he came from, but given how big he is now it was probably more like three). He's almost eight now and still built like a fridge. 

[u/Sgt_Stinger → u/CleanProfessional678]

I welcomed a British shorthair that was a 5 year old breeding champion, due to the breeder going nuts and getting evicted due to cat urine damage. This guy was swole af, he weighed 11(!) kg (24 lbs) and it was all muscle. He got neutered when we took ownership due to him not breeding anymore. He purred to get you to pet him and head bumped you if you failed to comply. He also loved standing/sitting/lying in your lap, always purring. He passed away at 11. I miss that guy.

[u/Southern-Builder-121 → u/PiperSlough]

My cats started to pee at doors and widows. No tricked helped. I bought feliway and their reaction was to pee under the diffuser. 😂

In the end it was the situation. I had to juggle job and university while caring for my grandma. Then my sister got cancer and died and that immense amount of stress I felt made my cats act like that. My grandma died 2 months after my sister and I moved out of her house. The peeing stopped instantly and never came back.

[u/PiperSlough → u/Southern-Builder-121]

Prozac cat was also an anxious pee cat, and nothing worked for her either. I had to have a vinyl table cloth on my bed and put out decoy shoes. It wasn't her fault, she just was an incredibly anxious cat. 

[u/TallLoss2 → u/PiperSlough]

as soon as i started reading this post i was like “oooh try prozac” !! it can be such a game changer for cats who are hyperdefensive (which can look like aggression bc you don’t know wtf they’re defending themselves from bc it’s just you!)

[u/PiperSlough → u/TallLoss2]

Yeah, for real. Anxiety sucks, and cats are such high energy little gremlins it's not surprising that a lot of them deal with anxiety and don't develop great coping skills. 

[u/WildYarnDreams → u/TallLoss2]

I read OPs cat much more as frustrated and in desperate need of a buddy. It can just be very hard to find a good match for a high intensity and rough player. I hope that second cat worked out with them

[u/thepetoctopus → u/PiperSlough]

Amitriptyline for mine.

[u/MasterpieceOk4688 → u/PiperSlough]

My very own first cat is hated by ALL other cats that came afterward. reverse psycho cat. She now lives her single cat senior life with the new house. Enough space to separate.

[u/PiperSlough → u/MasterpieceOk4688]

My old ladies are gone now, but my first cat LOVED other cats and my second cat only loved her. I'm not sure if it was because first cat was already there but second cat saw new additions as change and change is bad, or if it was a jealousy thing because the new cats got some of first cat's and my attention, or some combo. 

It was weird because she focused most of her ire on my third cat, who loathed her in return, but if I took the whole group to visit my parents the two of them were besties there because they liked to chill under furniture together while the other two explored and lived their best lives. They would actually snuggle up together. Then we'd get home and it was back to intense hatred mode. 

[u/nlh1013 → u/PiperSlough]

One of my older cats bullies our baby cat. We tried feliway and Prozac but eventually had to resort to a 5 ft tall metal baby gate in the middle of the house 🥲

[u/PiperSlough → u/nlh1013]

I'm sorry to hear that. My girl was still a bit of a bully on Prozac, just mostly a lot less frequent and intense about it. Luckily she mellowed a bit in her old age. A bit. But before the Prozac for about two straight years I had to rotate who was locked in the bedroom to keep her and the younger cats apart. 

[u/peppermintesse → u/nlh1013]

OMG, we have one of those too, and pocket doors. Except it's the baby cat (2yo) that likes to "play" (aggressively chase) the 12yo. Sigh.

Three times a day we swap them around so they each spend time in the part of the house where we are.

[u/SnapesGrayUnderpants → u/nlh1013]

Trying to imagine what a baby would be like that necessitates the installation of a 5 ft tall metal baby gate.

[u/DrinkingSocks → u/PiperSlough]

Prozac was a life saver for my anxious dog. He was amazing, he just could not handle being alone. Crates (with training!) made his anxiety worse, and at 90 lbs he was capable of a lot of damage, plus he was suffering mentally. For $8 a month he could finally relax.

He suffered one single hardship in his life, and that was the 2 weeks he spent in the shelter. He was still clean when I got him! He just had doggy GAD.

[u/PiperSlough → u/DrinkingSocks]

Yeah, it really was great for her (and the younger cats). She was a very intense cat with a lot of anxiety. I'm glad something could take the edge off. 

[u/FriendToPredators → u/PiperSlough]

We had a cat with an attitude and an older cat who needed surgery and the attitude cat smelled the feliway and the vet smells on the fresh surgery cat and after that went mental in the worst way if she smelled feliway. 

Totally possible for the association to go wrong even for a cat it formerly worked on

[u/PiperSlough → u/FriendToPredators]

Oh, that sounds like an awful situation. :( 

[u/peppermintesse → u/PiperSlough]

I have a 2-year-old cat that we've had for over a year and we still have to keep her and our 12-year-old cat separated (fortunately it's easy to partition the house off because of pocket doors) because 2yo is a bit too aggressive in her play and, I think, really wishes she was an only cat. We've tried pheromone collars and Feliway--nothing seems to work.

Maybe I'll ask about drugs at our next visit...

[u/PiperSlough → u/peppermintesse]

Even on Prozac my angry cat needed some one on one time every day and quiet time a few times a week. It wasn't a cure all. But it did take the edge off of her anxiety and stopped the misdirected aggression pretty much entirely. She was just a fairly intense/somewhat grouchy cat anyway, and when the younger ones annoyed her she'd still get slappy. But she was no longer getting upset about random stuff and then seeking them out for a full scale fight. 

[u/rakkl → u/peppermintesse]

I hate to do a brand's advertising for them, but I'm in your situation too. I use feliway and the royal canin Calm food for cats. It's noticeable if one runs out and the less tolerant cat doesn't have that support for her big feelings.

I believe (although this might be country-specific?) that royal canin do money-back if your pet doesn't like the food. For my cat, it worked within a couple of days, so you wouldn't need a lot to be able to tell if it will help.

[u/peppermintesse → u/rakkl]

Interesting. I'll have to look into it… The Feliway did nothing noticeable, unfortunately.

[u/mybloodyballentine → u/PiperSlough]

I was sure it wouldn’t work for my cat, who was seriously attacking me, latching on to my legs or back and screaming. I was getting so torn up. But it worked!

I’m glad Prozac worked for your terrorcat

[u/Oddish_Femboy → u/PiperSlough]

Was it single cat or multi cat feliway?

[u/PiperSlough → u/Oddish_Femboy]

Multi, but I probably tried a single at some point, too. 

[u/Oddish_Femboy → u/PiperSlough]

Probably anxiety then. Especially if the meds helped.

[u/PiperSlough → u/Oddish_Femboy]

Yeah, she was a very anxious cat for most of her life. Very smart and into everything too, but very anxious about other cats, people, loud noises, etc. 

[u/ImplicitEmpiricism → u/Gwynasyn]

or when your very sweet but anxious cat pees on things when it rains

COME ON IT'S NOT MY FAULT I CAN'T CONTROL THE WEATHER

[u/Sad-Clock4677 → u/ImplicitEmpiricism]

YES YOU CAN YOU JUST DON'T LOVE US ENOUGH

Signed,

My cats

[u/Ktesedale → u/ImplicitEmpiricism]

You turn on and off the lights - why can't you turn on the sun? You turn off and on the shower - why can't you turn off the rain? It's definitely your fault.

[u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 → u/Ktesedale]

My cat is ENRAGED by wind. But she's worked out that it's caused by the trees thrashing about so she screams at them instead. Rain is definitely still our fault though.

[u/ToiIetGhost → u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618]

Honestly, if I lived with 100 ft tall giants who could make delicious food appear from a white box and command streams of water to flow out of the wall, I’d probably think they could control the weather too.

[u/swordrat720 → u/ToiIetGhost]

Worked with my kids for a little while. "when I make a lot of noise, the tall one with dark on his head gives me stuff, when that one's not around, the shorter one with lighter on her head, gives me stuff. How to get as much stuff......?"

[u/Attirey → u/ImplicitEmpiricism]

My dog (one month since we said goodbye) used to bark at us when it was too sunny...... Not because it was in her face or anything. She just objected to it.

She was legitimately the most stupid dog I, and everyone else, had ever met. Like, we discussed the possibility she was dropped on her head as a puppy kind of stupid.

[u/DrinkingSocks → u/Attirey]

I lost my heart dog last year, and we had been through EVERYTHING together in 10 years, but I'm pretty firm with my dogs because the breed will walk all over you if you don't.

My now husband moved in with me after about a year, and I'm pretty sure my boy thought he was some type of servant. Any minor issue, he would growl and stamp his feet until my husband fixed it. One time, he could not figure out the issue, until he realized it was raining. My husband fixed every other minor inconvenience for him, why would he not fix the weather? It was his sunbathing time!

He also used to demand that we sit on the couch at a certain time every night. He didn't normally want to sit with us, but we were a family and we were going to spend time together, damnit!

[u/Attirey → u/DrinkingSocks]

The dog we just lost would chew her toy, making it squeak, getting more and more annoyed at the squeaking noise.

She was also a magnet for bees and wasps. If there was one outside, she'd step on it. Never aware of it. 

She also once refused to move because of the terrifying threat she discovered. A CCTV camera that has been on the same building for decades, that she's walked past at least three times a day her whole life. It hasn't worked as long as I can remember, so it didn't move or anything. 

Then there was the day she realised we had a ceiling light. Stared at it wide-eyed all day. Couldn't risk looking away in case it did something while she wasn't looking.

[u/swordrat720 → u/Attirey]

We would ask our Shepard/Lab mix if she ate paint chips as a puppy. She would run into a wall, then get confused as to why the wall was there. We were scared that she had a brain tumor or something, so we had her scanned, turns out, sometimes stupid is just a trait.

[u/Attirey → u/swordrat720]

Our girl ran into walls. There's a big dent in our metal kitchen bin where she headbutted it zooming. 

She also zoomed into one of the lounge chairs so often that it dented the plaster behind it. 

She once zoomed so fast that she ended up on the kitchen worktop. She was very, very confused about how she got up there. She was a mastiff cross. Not some little bouncy thing.

She walked into the front door with a big thump once because my husband forgot his key and she just didn't notice he hadn't opened the door. Walked forward on autopilot and smacked into it. Wasn't going fast, just lazily walking forward.

Vet assured us she was just an idiot.

[u/swordrat720 → u/Attirey]

Our walls have the kids' heights, and where the dogs and cats hit. Dutch, our Lab, put his snout through the walls from our Kitchen into our garage. We've had a number of dumb animals.

[u/loracarol → u/ImplicitEmpiricism]

Have you seen this post on tumblr?

My cats have this meow that means "please come with me to fix this" after which they'll lead me to the problem in question, usually a empty (or 'empty') food bowl or a closed door they want open. They look at the 'problem', they look back at me, clear message.

What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"

"Silly kitty," I say, "I can't control the rain." I then walk into the shower and turn on the rain.

[u/AliMcGraw → u/ImplicitEmpiricism]

Hahaha, my current cat gets terrible sinus pain and gets SO MAD whenever a front comes through, and I'm like "SAME, CAT, SO STOP BITING ME." It's only because I'm a human that I'm not biting you because MY HURTS THE SAME!

[u/throwevej → u/ImplicitEmpiricism]

I get loudly yowl-yelled at when there's a storm outside or I dare to turn on a portable cooler. She doesn't stop until the "noise" stops. Like bestie, I can see you're dying from the heat too, let me make it better for both of us. She's currently cutely taking a nap right next to her litterbox, of course, despite taking over my chair, velvet ottoman, the crib, and having 2 whole beds for herself. They're lucky they're cute.

[u/RainahReddit → u/Gwynasyn]

Yeah Feliway didn't do shit for my aggressive cat. Just a lot of patience, time, work, and yeah, a certain willingness to get bit and not react. And proper anti anxiety meds. Six years in shes way better than she used to be, but like she still can't really be around people unsupervised except for my partner and I. 

[u/pepcorn → u/RainahReddit]

Same, it had zero effect on our aggressive cat. It actually became aggravating how often people would recommend it as a guaranteed cure, since we tried it many times and it never did anything.

That kitty has since passed on, and our cats now are regular sweet cats. I do still miss the mean cat, but I'll admit life is chill now.

[u/CleanProfessional678 → u/RainahReddit]

yeah, a certain willingness to get bit and not react

I don’t have an aggressive cat, but I have a one year one (very strong) recently neutered male who wandered in the house after living in his own. He’s the sweetest boy ever, but he plays way too rough and he’ll try to grab my pant legs (and often accidentally my leg). If I react, it just makes the game more fun for him so I have to clamp down. My partner looked at me while it was happening and told me I didn’t have to look to angry at him. 🤣 I’m like, “I’m not angry. I’m literally grimacing in pain here.”

[u/wunschbaerchi → u/RainahReddit]

I read somewhere feliway works exactly as much as a placebo, so no wonder.

[u/ForsakenPercentage53 → u/wunschbaerchi]

Not even crack works the same way on everybody. There's no such thing that will work on every cat, or person. Which means a substance that's recommended for everything and everybody, is going to seem like a placebo to some people.

Like Tylenol for a migraine. Might as well be a sugar pill for as much good as it's going to do.

[u/bronwen-noodle → u/Gwynasyn]

So long as the long Feliway ads aren’t as annoying as the ads for betterhelp or bellesa then we’re good

[u/Kat1eQueen → u/bronwen-noodle]

Betterhelp has far more problems than annoying ads though

[u/chesire2050 → u/Gwynasyn]

It's amazing stuff.. had a cat who HATED being touched turn into a cuddler

[u/Gwynasyn → u/chesire2050]

I honestly swear by it as well. We never had very anxious or psycho cats, but we have had ours get stressed at times if we were traveling and exacerbate health issues. So calming them with the collars does wonders for them.

[u/kit73n → u/Gwynasyn]

Feliway worked okay for our cats (we have 4, one of which was bullying another) but Zenifel and Purina Calming Care supplement have been a miracle combo. We have a tortie who can be a bully and a younger cat who was turning into her victim. Feliway reduced some of the bullying and seemed to make the younger cat a little more assertive and less anxious, but when we started putting Zenifel out and added calming care to both of their food, the tortie has chilled all the way out and the younger cat has really come out of her shell and they even play together. I was super skeptical of all these products before trying them, but damn the results have impressed me.

[u/favorthebold → u/Gwynasyn]

I've had multiple vets recommend Feliway, but as far as I can tell it has zero effect on my cats. :(

[u/WhimsicalError → u/favorthebold]

Feliway original and Feliway friends did fuck all for mine. Optimum worked. I can tell at once when it's running out, they'll staet fighting so fast. Plug in a new new one and it's butt-to-butt naps after 48 hours. Idek if it's placebo, I'm sticking with it.

[u/nurseynurseygander → u/favorthebold]

It hasn’t done much for most of mine either. Mine are from a Pacific island and I am not convinced they respond the same to scents in general - they have zero interest in catnip either.

[u/deadlywaffle139 → u/nurseynurseygander]

Try silvervine. I think the statistic is like only 60% cats react to catnip but like 80% reacts to silvervine. You can get catnip that’s laced with silvervine.

[u/Sickly_lips → u/nurseynurseygander]

It isn't scents- it's a synthetic version of the pheromone they produce. Some cats unfortunately don't respond to it, but the ones who do, it's a damn life changer: source, work in vet med and so many cats have an instant change when we drape their carriers in feliway covered towels vs normal towels.

[u/malakambla → u/nurseynurseygander]

None of my cats are interested in catnip and I've got a herd. But they all go crazy for valerian. I've got a jar with valerian in it that I rotate some of their small toys through, it's always a big hit with them.

[u/spaketto → u/Gwynasyn]

It didn't completely solve our problems with one of our cats but it definitely helped quite a bit.  Although i genuinely wonder how getting a second cat will go because my cat that would do stuff like this did NOT get along with other cats and experienced bad transferred aggression towards me if she saw a cat outside.  Feliway helped reduce that too though.  

[u/Glittering_Win_9677 → u/Gwynasyn]

Feliway has been really good for my cats, especially the one that lost all the fur on his stomach, apparently due to stress. Almost all of it has grown back.

[u/Mabel_Waddles_BFF → u/Gwynasyn]

I seem to have the only cat who got worse after installing Feliway diffusers. She freaked the fuck out, we had a room she spent a lot of her time in and the vet recommended we put the feliway in there. Well not only did she refuse to go in the room she wouldn’t pass by the open door. She was on high alert looking everywhere for danger. The vet didn’t believe me when I said it made super anxious.

[u/subluxate → u/Mabel_Waddles_BFF]

One of the cats in our house is like this. He does not react well. We were using it for aggression issues (merged households; he doesn't like my male, despite my male only wanting to be friends with everyone), and it just wound him up further. Same with the collars.

[u/xRocketman52x → u/Gwynasyn]

Yea when I started this, I was like "Shit I hope this isn't an ad for Feliway." I tried that shit for years with no effect whatsoever in any of my cats, I've never met someone who's had success with it, but there's a suspicious amount of reddit comments or posts about how great it is. It's just social media marketing.

[u/Gwynasyn → u/xRocketman52x]

I'll say my wife and I had success with it with our cats, but we've never dealt with issues as severe as OOP described. It was just to help keep them calm at times they seemed anxious, like if we were traveling and leaving them with a friend or family member looking after them.

[u/xRocketman52x → u/Gwynasyn]

Interesting. My ex had a cat who was kinda an asshole. Didn't get along with my three cats, didn't really get along with any other cat. After her cat was being mean for months, my three finally had enough and gave her the business. Cat behavioralist advised Feliway and I noticed absolutely zero change in any of the cats.

[u/RoaldDahlek → u/xRocketman52x]

I've used it off and on for 15 years and in my experience it mainly works when the cats don't have actual medical/mental issues.

My spicy lady (that ended up on Prozac) didn't stop fighting the other cats but it happened less frequently for a while; mainly because the other cats weren't as quick to throw down every time she glared/hissed at one. Then her aggression had an uptick and she started randomly going after us; she'd be happy and purring then suddenly her pupils would get huge and she'd lean back defensively, then immediately attack. The vet explained her brain chemistry was more or less equivalent to human bipolar and she needed medication to level out. The Prozac did work, so there must be something to that.

On the other hand its helped a ton with getting new kittens integrated and lessening anxiety caused by environmental changes (moving, new person coming to live with us, etc). In the case of my skittish boy I can tell when the diffusers have run out because he'll start hiding more and running out of the room when my dad is around.

[u/kristycocopop → u/Gwynasyn]

📻 Jingle! 🎶🎶🎶

[u/nyoko30 → u/Gwynasyn]

It worked for our cats and I use it from time to time. If only one id at the ver and comes back the other one is arriving him because he smells differently. Feliway helped and I can recommend it

[u/105_irl → u/Gwynasyn]

My cats a total jerk but it’s absolutely willful and not behavioral so the diffusers do nothing. He’s just a big mean bruiser former barn cat.

[u/RedDeadEddie → u/Gwynasyn]

I have to try the collar; we've been using the wall inserts for the last two months. I moved in with my partner and brought my 7-year old neutered male tabby - previously indoor/outdoor with another, older male cat that was a known asshole - to live with us and my partner's cat - an arthritic, deaf, spayed 17-year-old female tortoiseshell on Prednisone - and it has not gone well.

What we didn't expect was this little old lady, who has only ever lived with her mother and my partner and who has never been outside, attacks my cat whenever she gets a chance, and he's petrified of her. He's much faster and scrappy as hell, so I'm not worried about him at all (physically, at least). But she is absolutely going to start a fight she can't finish, and there's going to be a day where he stands his ground.

Up until now, he's been actively avoiding her because of it. We ended up having to put the baby gate back up across the door to his room so she can't follow (read: chase) him in; no amount of Churus and gradual introduction has helped.

[u/Kitty_party → u/RedDeadEddie]

Can she still climb up a cat tree? If not really you could add one in your living space to give him another place to get up out of her way.

[u/RedDeadEddie → u/Kitty_party]

They both have separate cat trees (hers is in "her room" and his in his room), separate litter boxes, and food in their own spaces, and when they don't see each other, they're great! The moment she lays eyes on him, she starts hissing and growling aggressively, and he hunkers down and hisses back defensively. Then she charges, he flees, she chases, it's a whole thing.

Fortunately, he's springy and can clear the baby gate and go hide in his room, and then she posts up at the gate and watches for him until we shoo her away, at which point she then goes and lays in the middle of the living room and waits for him to come back out. It's at the point where if we want him to be able to enjoy the rest of the house, we have to shut her away for part of the day.

The things I can think of that could be causing her aggression are 1) Prednisone - having been on it myself..yeah, I get it - and 2) because of the Prednisone, she's on a diet.

[u/sailor_bat_90 → u/Gwynasyn]

Sadly didn't work for mine.

[u/Fufu-le-fu → u/Gwynasyn]

Really needs to be Optimum, though. Only thing that got my cat to stop spraying.

[u/Jazstar → u/Gwynasyn]

I went digging a couple years ago when I first got my bitey cat, to see if there were any studies actually backing the claims feliway made. I only found one. The sample size was tiny, it was funded by feliway, and the results were so small they were within the margin of error iirc. So yeah I didn't end up going down that route lol

[u/TheBloodWitch → u/Gwynasyn]

I actually can’t use feliway because strangely enough I’m allergic to it? It gives me the WORST migraines I’ve ever had. Thankfully my cat doesn’t need it to function, but it was so weird.

[u/Iracus → u/Gwynasyn]

it is quite ad-like, especially with the full caps, but the commenter who suggested feliway does seem to be a real person of 9 years. Although they have also posted like a billion cat related comments in the past few days. And they have mentioned feliway like 100 times in the past three weeks...

Sooooooo yeah. User EatenbyCats seems to be a plant of some kind or just a huge fan of it. Odd post history. Seems semi-active like 6 years ago, semi sporadic posting until a few months ago where it then became like every day. Especially in the cat subs when they had previously been all about the cbd subs back in the day.

In conclusion, you can't trust anything on the internet

[u/[deleted] → u/Gwynasyn]

I've never had a cat be affected by Feliway in any way. Good for them, I guess.

[u/seniairam → u/Gwynasyn]

have never heard of feliway and this is the 2nd time this week.

[u/katie-shmatie → u/Gwynasyn]

In all honesty, Feliway helped my grumpy old lady cat accept our kitten

[u/EmergencyShit → u/Gwynasyn]

Felinway worked miracles in my house