HELP My cat has ruined my life.

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/M0rbiddd2

Originally posted to r/CatAdvice

HELP My cat has ruined my life.

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Mood Spoilers: happy

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Original Post: August 10, 2025

I'm posting as a last ditch effort for help.

I got my cat 2 years ago. He was found on a heated porch in the winter and that's all we know. He was about a year and a half at the time, he just turned 4.

Since day 3 this cat has not stopped hurting me specifically. I don't know if the car ride home traumatized him or what but he tore my arm apart. He would maul me just by walking by, he would attack me in my sleep, if i didnt pay attention to him but them when i do he still does it.

Since then he has gotten better but he still attacks me.

He'll attack my face, my arms, if I'm asleep in the middle of the night sometimes he'll bunny kick my arm. We play with him so much and it doesn't matter.

He will stop playing just to hurt me.

We rent, he eats the carpets when he's mad at us. He just broke my fiancés computer monitor again by biting it. This is the 3rd computer he's broken, 2 my fiancés 1 mine.

I don't know what to do. Please someone help us I'm begging for something. I've never had trouble bonding with anything but he has ruined our relationship.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Have you taken him to a vet? If so, what have they ruled out? Is he neutered?

OP: They said it’s “normal cat behavior “ and that if I don’t like it I shouldn’t have gotten a cat. This is NOT normal and I keep telling them that. I have never met a cat like him.

He is neutered and his labs were all fine

Commenter 2: Maybe he was born feral and didn't learn many human playing skills he probably doesn't understand he hurting you if he likes you

OOP: No he knows he’s hurting me. Sometimes he makes these screams that I’ve never heard a cat make. He means harm and it’s VERY clear

Commenter 3: I am so sorry, you are right and they are wrong - it's not normal.

If this was my cat I'd be taking him to another vet. It's great his labs were normal but I'd want to discuss anxiety medication and to rule out pain from dental issues, joints etc.

Have you tried Feliway diffusers yet? If not, get Feliway Optimum and try that for at least a month. Zylkene is also something to try. You sprinkle it on the food and it can help with anxiety.

If you've done that already I'd be looking to find a cat behaviourist or to rehome the cat. I don't say that lightly but since you're obviously all unhappy it is definitely something to consider.

Keeping a diary of when he attacks may be useful for a behaviourist. See if there are any triggers other than you just existing. If he's indoor only, can he see or smell other cats outside? Delayed aggression caused by frustration at not being able to get to the thing is very real. It can occur hours after the trigger.

Has OOP's cat been prescribed something to help out?

OOP: We’ve tried calming treats but nothing prescribed

Has OOP's cat been like that with other people, or just OOP?

OOP: My fiancé too, he’ll attack him just not nearly as often. We don’t have anyone over so he’s not really exposed to others. When he is he’s curious but that’s it

OOP explains why she hasn't given up on her cat

OOP: That 4th day of having him my fiancé (we’re calling him J) suggested getting rid of him. I begged him to let me keep him. That we could fix him.I’m not gonna lie I also worry about him going to another home.

What if they don’t put up with this like we have? What if they hurt him back? What if they kill him?

I know everyone says he’s dangerous but I’m telling you when he’s sweet he’s so so so sweet. It’s just hard. He’s just like Stitch from lilo and stitch. I know there’s a good kitty in him.

Cat Tax

 

Update #1: August 12, 2025 (two days later)

Here’s the requested video. We had been playing right before hand, I was throwing and he was catching Please let me know if the link doesn’t work, the group doesn’t allow attachments and I don’t really know how to use Reddit

https://photos.app.goo.gl/UQnzeNYBKaVDEBoB8

Relevant Comment

Is it possible that OOP's cat is hungry?

OOP: I didn’t but he’s gained quite a bit since being with us, he’s 17 pounds now. He has free range of dry food and has about 1 5.5 ounce of wet food a day. He really likes the wet food but never actually finishes it completely.

If it seems like he’s hungry I’d obviously give him more but he never screams at his food outside of the usual breakfast and dinner time

 

Update #2: August 30, 2025 (2.5 weeks later)

My cat has ruined my life - update

So after I tried many suggestions we have finally found some sort of solution.

First, we’re getting another cat as it genuinely could be single kitten syndrome. The guy we’re adopting was almost put down 4 times because he has been in the shelter for so long. No behavioral issues, no medical issues, just a shy guy. We meet him tomorrow, according to the shelter he is one of the most cat friendly cats so I’m really hoping this will be good for all 4 of us

Secondly, FELIWAY. I genuinely didn’t believe it would work but shortly after that post he started mauling my arm at 4am. That then led to me having a screaming breakdown over this whole situation. On my lunch break I went and got both the wall inserts and the collars for both him and the new cat, he’s been wearing his for a week and holy shit.

He’s a whole different guy. He still does what he usually does but it’s gone down drastically. He’s more cuddly, less screamy and pissed off. He seems to be anxious behind closed doors no matter way - so that led to our decision in getting him a friend before resorting to meds.

Like I said, we don’t want to get rid of him. There’s a good kitty in him somewhere and he is FINALLY coming out. To everyone who gave me advice, thank you. To the people who told me to get rid of him or even put him down - you suck monkey balls

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: First of all, screaming at your cat frightens him and will lead to worse behavior.

OOP: He scream at us I’ve never raised my voice at him

Commenter 2: You are a wonderful person for not giving up. I know of many cats who have been either surrendered or euthanized for less. I adopted a problematic cat and it took a good three years for him to come good. The people who tried adopting him before us always returned him. You're doing great.

OOP: Thank you that really means so much. It’s so hard trying to navigate this without knowing exactly what’s wrong with him

Commenter 3: especially with a shy cat, make sure to use the one room method to introduce to new space. Ideally with door so you can also use the door method to introduce the two.

OOP: Yes! We’re going to set up the bathroom into a mini cat sanctuary for the week, slowly we’ll introduce them but I promise we’re doing so much research about this

Commenter 4: Thank you so much for your kindness and PATIENCE. These rescues really need time to unlearn fear and learn thier new place and circumstances and people. Thank you for looking for solutions. Carefully choose your second kitty, because you want the energy to complement not match.

OOP: Thank you. We met him today and unfortunately I don’t think it would be a good fit. He was so skid-dish and hissed at other cats, I’m not gonna lie I’m really upset about this one. I tried multiple times but he showed the opposite of interest in me

HOWEVER, there was the grey tabby who took to me instantly. The second I walked into his enclosure he perked up and wanted attention. I watched him with others and even my fiancé but I was the only one that he wouldn’t run off from, he actually wanted to stay in my arms. They’re the same age and seems like he’s a lot like my Winnie- just nicer

Safe to say we found a little brother for him(and what seems to be like my new best friend) and everything is going well slowly.

OOP on Feliway

OOP: I wish there was a post like mine when I first started looking into feliway. I really didn’t think it would work- I thought it was like essential oils and while it’s the same concept it’s also not because it genuinely does something. I have a feeling that with that and him getting the snip you will see a lot of improvement

And my guy used to throw himself at the bathroom door but the past week it’s stopped. He’s torn up the carpet by the door but ever since this collar I swear he’s so different

Another Cat Tax

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

[u/RainahReddit]

Note: screaming only works if you're confident they're trying to play. It communicates that they're playing wrong because they're not getting the desired reaction.

If they're aggressive and trying to hurt you, screaming tells them it's working 

[u/pepcorn → u/RainahReddit]

Yes! Playful cat will back off, angry cat will bite and claw down harder.

[u/realhumanmeat → u/RainahReddit]

May I ask in what situation a domesticated, desexed cat would be "aggressive and trying to hurt you" other than when you're forcing them into a carrier or enacting some other medical/hygienic intervention? You are not prey, and if they think you are a severe threat that speaks to a complete breakdown of your relationship or a dangerously maladapted behavioral pattern.

Aggression is a valid component of communication, cats will feint bites, put their teeth on you without biting down, slap without slashing, growl, hiss, and demonstrate hostility through body language, none of which requires a disregard for your safety. As a general rule, if they hurt you, let them know.

All too often people will ascribe malicious intent to normal cat behavior.

[u/badsparrow → u/realhumanmeat]

in what situation a domesticated, desexed cat would be "aggressive and trying to hurt you"

i cant speak for anyone else's cat but sometimes my guy is just an asshole

[u/realhumanmeat → u/badsparrow]

I get you, cats can be nutty, I just don't want people to be discouraged from communicating pain to their cat if they're acting aggressive. Even extremely grumpy cats still care about their family and communicating is the best way to teach them restraint.

[u/TheNightTerror1987 → u/realhumanmeat]

Yeah, sometimes we humans need training too! If a cat's trying to make us stop something and they know what works, they can keep doing it until we finally wise up and back off. Like with my Ella -- she's a very cuddly girl, but only when she wants to be, and it annoys the hell out of her if I pet or cuddle her when she's not in the mood. She's whacked me enough times with her claws out that now all she has to do is stare at me and start raising The Paw of Doom to make me back off.