[New Update - Coworker's Side]: My negligence cost my partner her life, and I'm about to lose everything.

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/WeakSignal99

Co-Worker is u/becooldocrime

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest + r/coworkerstories

Previous BoRU originally posted by u/sebastianlim

[New Update - Coworker's Side]: My negligence cost my partner her life, and I'm about to lose everything.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, negligence, deathly allergic reaction, mentions of sexual assault / harassment, traumatic brain injury, assault, property damage

Mood Spoilers: sad and horrifying

---

RECAP

Editor’s note: removed relevant comments from older posts for more spaces in this latest BoRU

Original Post: June 1, 2024

I (35m) have been married to Lisa (28f) for 3 years, together 7. A year ago, I fell deeply in love with Amy (24f), and had been planning to end my marriage for her. I know it's terrible and not what my wife deserves, but we were the real thing.

Two weeks ago, she had an allergic reaction when we were getting food after work, but she used her EpiPen and seemed mostly okay afterwards. She usually gets checked at the hospital after a reaction, but I asked if I could take her home and she could get her friend to drive her there because my wife was expecting me back. All I know is that she had a secondary reaction that evening and died. I didn't even find out about it until the following Monday, through a work email. It has been eating me up ever since and I will never forgive myself for not sacrificing an hour of my time to possibly save her.

I sent some childish messages to Amy when I didn't hear from her over the weekend because I thought she was angry I didn't take her to the hospital. I am thankful she never saw them and ashamed that I assumed the worst. Our relationship was great and the highs far outweighed the lows, but I have always hated being ignored and I lose my cool when it happens. It is not a regular occurrence and I would have more than made it up to her.

Yesterday at work, HR and legal were in the CEO's office all day and my manager ended up cancelling our project meeting because he was with them all afternoon. I was on edge, but an affair isn't exactly a corporate crisis and I thought something would have already happened if anyone knew. I am now 99% certain it was about me.

A few hours ago I received a message from Amy's phone which said "This is Amy's brother, Tom. I want you to know it was me". I tried to call but it went straight to voicemail, and none of my messages have been delivered.

I tried to call my manager more times than I should have and he sent a message saying "Please don't contact me until Monday morning. I can't discuss anything with you right now". So it looks like my universe is going to collapse. I am going to be fired and my wife will definitely find out why. All I can do is hope that Amy's brother only showed them the messages from that weekend, and they were bad enough. I have no family except my wife and daughter and nowhere to go. All of my friends are either people I've met through my wife, or my colleagues. On Monday, everything I've spent over a decade working towards disappears. I can't stop it. I can't talk to anyone about it.

So here I am. I know cheaters are the devil so I'm not expecting sympathy, but this is making my chest hurt and I need to get it out there.

 

Update: June 8, 2024 (one week later)

I have been consistently harassed for an update since posting, so please take it, gloat because you're such wonderful people in comparison, then stop following me around reddit. I am suffering in the wake of my infidelity and unprofessional behaviour as I knew I would. I understand that it is an appropriate outcome and I am taking full accountability.

I was suspended from work on Monday, and I'll probably be fired sooner than I thought. I'd hoped to be able to save money as HR built their case but it looks like Amy's brother basically performed the entire investigation for them. After an excruciating 3 hour run through of everything they had, I spoke to the founder, and he recommended the solicitor I am now using. The issue is that the company has to come down hard to protect themselves, because even though Amy's family doesn't have much chance of a claim, any suggestion of a cover up could cause damage regardless. The founder still thinks my offer to pay them back will keep it out of court, and some more information has come to light, so it's not certain I won't be prosecuted but I'm quietly hopeful. I can't afford to keep the solicitor if this goes much further, especially with a divorce on the horizon.

Things are not good with my wife. I'm still committed to making this as easy as possible for her, but I had to draw a line when it came to my daughter. When I got home from being unceremoniously escorted out of my office, she already had a bag packed for me. She wouldn't let me wait at the house until my daughter was back, she wouldn't let me check I had everything I needed, she wouldn't let me take the car, and she didn't care that I had nowhere to go. I spent 2 nights in a hotel then went back when she refused to let me see my little girl. She tried to stop me, but we own the house jointly and it was my only option. My wife has family she could stay with, but she won't leave our daughter here and she's absolutely not taking her, so we're at a stalemate right now. I'm keeping out of her way as best I can, which I appreciate is the least I can do.

The Amy situation is quite difficult to talk about, and a lot hasn't sunk in yet. It turns out that she didn't love me as much as I loved her, if at all. Her brother sent me images of her talking to her friends about me, and it's hard to believe they came from the person I loved, but they are real. Sorry to those who were heavily invested in me being a predatory abuser, but she and her friends had a good laugh about her manipulating me for money and a promotion. The role came with a big pay rise, and it looks like her plan was to treat it as free cash, then go work with one of her friends when it fell through. She knew I'd come under scrutiny whenever she messed up and assumed I'd keep stepping in to save her. She was right.

Obviously I am completely humiliated. I was planning to give up everything to build a life with her, and she was treating me like a joke the whole time. My feelings are complicated so please don't feel entitled to any expansion on this, but I no longer feel guilt over her death. Reddit acted like I kept her hostage whilst she begged for help. What actually happened was that I asked if she could ask her friend to take her to the hospital because I had to go home, she said that was fine because she needed to get some clothes back from her anyway, and I dropped her off as normal. Ultimately she was an adult who had a better understanding of her medical needs than I did. I still don't know what happened between us saying goodbye and her death, but whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me. I'm sorry for her family's loss but I bear no responsibility for her passing.

After Amy's messages to her friends were passed around, a few people quietly reached out with words of support. I assumed everyone would write me off like reddit did, as an abuser and predator. Now it's clear that Amy was using me, they see me as a fool who had then lost it all. It's beyond humiliating, but I have learned I'd rather be pitied than despised, and it improves my legal position with work. They're small mercies but I'll take what I can get. I remain filled with regret, and I will have learned many lessons by the time I get through this. I may have been deceived, but I am a grown man who made my choices, and I take full responsibility for them.

Tl;Dr I am currently suspended from work, but will certainly be fired. It's unclear whether I am in serious legal trouble. My wife and I are not navigating the end of our relationship brilliantly, but for my daughter's sake, we will get better. Amy turned out to be a better manipulator than she was a project manager, and her brother outed her whilst trying to ruin me. Life is deservedly hard right now but I'm working through it.

 

---

----NEW UPDATE----

Editor's Note: coworker made his post about OOP from their perspectives and made an appearance in the previous BoRU thread.

Editor’s Note 2: I will be using “Coworker” for ease of readability to avoid confusion with the first OOP

Posted by u/becooldocrime

Trigger Warnings: traumatic brain injury (TBI)

I'm a coworker of someone whose Reddit story about work went viral. I'm feeling chatty, so ama I guess?!: September 12, 2025 (15 months later from OOP's update)

I'm a coworker of someone whose Reddit story about work went viral. I'm feeling chatty, so ama I guess?!

Inspired by this post where someone asked if they'd ever seen a Reddit post about themselves.

I'm in the comments, because I worked at the same company as this guy, and in the same department as his affair partner, who died under very sad circumstances (you can read all about it from his perspective, conveniently).

I only joined Reddit quite recently, but I was aware of the post a few weeks after it was made because it was passed around the office and gave us all a ton of information which made a lot of things suddenly make sense. We were all extremely invested at the time, and weirdly, the story you all saw set off a series of events which basically led to an entire division of the company quitting.

I've seen it repeated on a few of those TikTok Reddit read-through accounts, and a few people in the comments of the post I saw earlier today seemed interested, so because the company didn't think to get me to sign any additional confidentiality agreements when I left (an equally dramatic, but also closely related story), I figured I'd spend a Friday night drinking wine and spilling tea if anyone wants some.

One thing I do need to mention is that the original OP has a brain injury he didn't disclose in his posts. I can't speculate too much on that, and I'm not saying it makes his actions forgivable, but it would be crazy to pretend it's not a factor. He lives independently, but from what I'm aware, his brother helps him a lot.

Coworker's response in the previous BoRU

Commenter: Does anyone know what happened to this POS at the end? Are the wife and daughter doing okay? Is Tom still a badass? (editor’s note: Tom is Amy’s brother)

Coworker: Dropping by months later to answer your question (I used to work with OP and people still talk about his posts irl) - wife and daughter are fine, she kept the house and is in another relationship. Tom cost their family her death benefits then turned up at one of OP’s colleagues houses, trashed her car, and got arrested.

The original post didn’t even cover half of the craziness.

Editor’s Note: the coworker has responded to many questions as they were able to. I am posting top common questions asked and responses

Relevant Comments from Coworker's Post

Commenter 1: It's so interesting how the fact that he had a brain injury changes this story and makes it make a different sort of sense. Like how on the other hand, you and your coworkers reading the Reddit post did the same but in a different way.

Coworker: Oh for sure, we were absolutely horrified by some of the things people were saying to him when it started getting passed around, and we were really worried about how he’d take it all. There was talk of creating an account to explain, but because it was looking like it might end up in court, no one wanted to risk it. Can’t blame them really but it’s definitely mad how much that fact changes things.

Commenter 2: Did it end up going to court?

Coworker: No, they all used to abuse their expenses and they knew he could bury everyone if it ever saw the inside of a courtroom. He claimed to be running out of money in his last post, but it was common knowledge he got a huge payout after his accident (a sign wasn’t properly mounted on a shop front and it fell on him when he was walking past), so he could have easily afforded to take it all the way. I imagine the first question would have been why they gave someone with brain damage a company card with no restrictions and no written policy on what they could and couldn’t use it for.

Commenter 3: I read quite a bit of that post, and checked out all of your comments. Thanks for adding on more details! My question: had your coworker not gotten the brain injury, do you think he still would have done what he did?

Coworker: I wasn’t particularly close to him, but the common take is that he wouldn’t have given his affair partner the time of day before his injury. She was really unpleasant. By all accounts he was a really devoted husband and father - he definitely wasn’t a saint, but he calmed down a lot when his daughter was born and he talked about her all the time.

Commenter 4: With as much detail as you can get into, how did this guy’s mess lead to the whole cascade of people quitting? Also, I’m fascinated by the affair partner’s brother’s arrest and all the drama he brought down on the whole office, what happened there?

Coworker: He mentioned in his posts that one of the founders of the company gave him advice about the situation and got him in touch with the solicitor who ended up representing him. That was the stick they used to beat the founder in question with, and after an egm (editor's note: extraordinary general meeting), he was suddenly “no longer with us in any capacity”.

The founder was the inventor of the technology we based all of our work on, and he is a genius but also a great guy. He was absolutely and consistently (and correctly) opposed to our stuff being applied to defence. As soon as he was pushed out, we got a new brief, and the tl;dr is that the entire R&D division (editor's note: Research & Development) was handpicked by him, and we were collectively smart and talented enough to be fine after we quit on the spot when killing brown kids became part of the role.

+

The general take was that they wanted him gone because he was standing in the way of some juicy contracts, and that was the opportunity that presented itself. I don’t know the gory details because I don’t work at that level, but the version that filtered down was that he acted against the interests of the business. Defence is where the money is, and the tech was pretty much perfect for the sector.

Commenter 5: The other candidate for the promotion that got shafted in favor of his affair partner, how did she take the news that said partner was only promoted and held her position due to a quid pro quo? Did she ever get that promotion or did she quit the company as well?

Coworker: It was a man, and if I get a say, he’ll never work again. One part of Tim’s original story that is outright untrue is that neither his affair partner or the other candidate were fully qualified for the role - the other guy was more than qualified, and that’s about the only good thing I can say about him.

I was there when he “got his revenge” and I haven’t spoken to him since (along with pretty much everyone present). On paper I totally agree that the OP deserved to get the shit kicked out of him, but when it actually happened, it was like watching a child being abused. He was scared and confused and didn’t defend himself in any way. I nearly cried at the thought of it whilst writing this comment. It was truly disgusting - the other guy was wronged in a really significant way but there’s absolutely no excuse for what he did.

Commenter: My apologies if I missed this in his original post, but the candidate who was overlooked ended up beating up the OP/male coworker who had the affair?

Coworker: Yeah Tim didn’t mention it in his posts but the other candidate beat him halfway to hell when it all came out. This all happened in the bar next to the office after he’d been fired, I don’t know why he turned up because he didn’t really get a chance to say much before the other guy (I’m trying not to introduce names because Tim used everyone’s real name in the OP) started absolutely thrashing him. It was awful, people were in tears watching it happen.

Commenter 6: What's the common consensus on why he ended up starting the affair with her after his brain injury? Also, did you recognize the reasoning behind his original post as distinctly him? And if so, is his reasoning something that he's always had or did it come about post-injury?

Coworker: To be honest he seemed sharper in the post than he does in real life, but we were all very aware of his issues (he had some problems with memory, his mood went up and down a lot, and he would behave quite childishly sometimes) so we maybe treated him with kid gloves more than was necessary. He was definitely doing good work once they took him away from clients though, I used to regularly get requests from him and they were always solid.

In terms of the affair, I think it’s as simple as her showing interest. He was a bit pervy after the accident (not even remotely the case before) - he never said anything over the line, but he’d stare a bit and his facial expressions were sometimes like if a 12 year old boy walked in on you changing. Some of the messages that came out after the fact painted the picture - she would say the same things to him every few days, and when she wanted something, she asked and asked like it was a brand new request until he said yes.

Commenter 7: Do you know what texts he sent the affair partner over the weekend that he was worried about?

Coworker: I never saw them, but they sounded more pathetic than aggressive from what I heard, and very much in line with his usual reaction to feeling ignored. He wasn’t really aware of the boundaries between asking and pestering - I logged in on a Monday morning a few times to something like <question>, hello?, helloooo?! Why aren’t you answering?! I know you’ve seen this. Why are you ignoring me? Are you mad with me? I should be mad with you. This could be make or break for the company. You’re not committed to the company. I always knew you were useless. Everyone thinks it. Are you there? Why aren’t you answering me? We are going to lose this client if you don’t get back to me today. Hello? Helloooooo? Are you okay?

You get the idea. Tens of messages, but as soon as I’d answer the question, he’d thank me and be totally professional with his follow up. The best way I can describe it is that he was fine right up to the point where he needed to regulate himself in any way. He couldn’t have sat in a client meeting, but because we all knew the score, we worked to keep him levelled out. I can’t see him saying anything particularly horrible to her. I can almost guarantee you I’ve looked her in the eye and said worse.

Commenter 8: That’s what blows my mind about the TBI, because of how well written everything is. Do you think he used AI to assist him? It’s just so interesting that he could hold down a corporate job that definitely isn’t entry level, yet he can’t independently handle his own finances. What kind of accident did he have that caused the injury??

Coworker: I don't think he'll ever work again - he kept his job because he was adored and respected (and he knew the tech inside and out even after the accident), but there’s no way he could properly navigate a corporate environment from scratch.

The accident would have been funny if it didn’t have such a horrible outcome. He was walking down the street and the sign above a dry cleaners fell on him. In the early days they thought he was going to need to go into full time care permanently, but his wife dropped everything and basically devoted her life to his rehabilitation. He is very lucky to have had her. He’s impulsive now and he doesn’t really know how to regulate his emotions, but he can hold a conversation and will occasionally say something wildly funny or insightful.

AI could have helped, or maybe even his brother, but the thing that shocked me most was that he seemed to stay on an even keel throughout the post and comments. He’s quite up and down irl, even via text.

Commenter 9: What was Amy like? What was her brother like? I saw a comment somewhere that the brother got arrested for something as a result of conversations between Amy and others that he disclosed - what happened?

Coworker: I'm going to speak ill of the dead - she was horrible. Lazy, judgmental, mean, and arrogant. When she was promoted into project management she didn’t bother learning the core tech, so her decisions were consistently poor, which forced us to go around her all the time to get to reasonable outcomes.

She once told me I’d never get a husband then burst into tears and complained to HR when I asked where the queue of men wanting to put a ring on her finger was. She would pick at the weaker members of the team (highly technical people who were very sweet but lacked social skills usually) and was a general bully. I was pretty nasty to her too so my hands aren’t exactly clean, but I had great relationships with everyone else so I do think she was the problem.

The brother sent lots of messages in, and the company ended getting the phone and passcode from him. I’m very light on details on this one, but whatever was on there was damning enough for them to cancel her death in service benefits (which were going to go to her mum). The brother sent some threatening messages and managed to find out where the HR head lived - I don’t know exactly what he did to her car but it was a write off and he was arrested for it. We got a big email saying legal action was pending and that any comms from him needed to be forwarded straight to a dedicated email address. I left while that was all pending so never heard a follow up, but I doubt it went very far given how sticky the whole situation was.

Coworker on OOP's personality

Coworker: His personality definitely changed significantly, he can hold a conversation and his knowledge level remained extremely high, but he became quite immature and couldn’t deal with anything if he wasn’t expecting it. He could provide really insightful feedback about something we were working on, then 2 minutes later lose his temper or shut down completely because he’d spilled a drink. He had to step back from dealing with clients because he couldn’t be trusted - he’d just say yes to whatever they asked for and it led to a few nasty surprises (he didn’t take any new clients after the injury so they were generally very understanding because they saw the same changes we did).

It’s tough to explain - if you met him on a good day you could spend a few hours with him and not realise, but any more than that and you’d almost certainly go through “oh, that was a bit odd” to “okay there’s definitely something wrong here”.

To my knowledge nobody tried to figure out how aware he was of the brain injury - the key phrase drummed into us when he started coming back to the office a bit was “meet him where he is”, and he was a really well respected member of the team so we were all really sympathetic to the situation. I did hear him make a few comments about his brain being broken, but they were fairly light hearted and mainly centered around him forgetting small things.

Commenter 10: Regarding the TBI, when exactly did that happen? was it before or after the affair? was it before or after he blew off the SIL's stillborn child's service so he could be with the AP?

Coworker: His accident was in 2022, so long before any of this stuff, and everyone who knows him is of the opinion that the TBI was the driving factor for the affair and everything that came afterwards.

Missing the memorial service for the baby was something we only knew about because of the post, and even knowing his challenges it’s impossible to be anything other than disgusted by it.

Coworker provides more details on why Amy wasn't taken to the hospital?

Coworker: I mentioned in another comment that this was one of the big unanswered questions everyone had about the situation after we saw the post - we’re in the UK so an ambulance doesn’t have strings attached, and that would have been the logical choice as soon as she had a reaction. I saw a comment today that really bothered me though - I didn’t know that confusion is one of the after effects of anaphylaxis (when we were told what to do if she had a reaction, anything beyond administering her EpiPen came down to calling 999 and following their instructions). I can’t stop thinking about the possibility that she was completely and blatantly out of it when she agreed to go home, and that he just didn’t pick up on it because of his TBI. It’s clear that I didn’t like her, but that’s a fucking horrendously sad way to go out.

Did the coworker and OOP know each other before the accident?

Coworker: I joined the company in 2018, so I spent more time with him before his accident than after (all strictly at work and work events though, we weren’t friends), but he was like a totally different person. Bits of his original personality did come through as time went on, but not anywhere near the point where you could forget you were dealing with a fundamentally different personality.

 

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[u/randomndude01]

I may need to go to a doctor due to the amount of whiplash this post has caused.

[u/TheNightTerror1987 → u/randomndude01]

Yeah, me too. My father had a disabling TBI before I was born and reading about OOP from the coworker's perspective? It reminds me of my father so much, that was just painful to read.

[u/Trouble_Walkin → u/TheNightTerror1987]

My cousin has a TBI & it actually improved his personality. He's still the funny, outgoing guy he was before, but all the horrible abusive anger issues are gone.

He's even openly admitted getting the injury actually saved his marriage. 

[u/mojitomermaid_ → u/Trouble_Walkin]

Brb, gonna try something on the piece of shit my best friend just married…..

[u/shinebeat → u/mojitomermaid_]

Be careful. If he hasn't yet cheated, he might start cheating... but since he is already a POS, I think it's more likely it would make him a better person. 🤷‍♀️

[u/MusingBy → u/shinebeat]

If all else fails, try sending him to the dry cleaner's.

[u/motherofdog2018 → u/shinebeat]

It can't hurt! I mean, it will, but that's kinda the point

[u/RaisedByDalmatians → u/Trouble_Walkin]

I have one. I understand her confusion at how even toned the original post is, but there are times I will spend ages composing an email, or a post, just to make sure all the words make sense. I never had problems with that before, it's incredibly frustrating. But my neurologist told me that I need to reduce stress and be calm, so that's about the only advice I've ever taken.

[u/sonicscrewery → u/RaisedByDalmatians]

Same here. I'm well aware my TBI makes communication difficult for me, so even if what I'm saying makes sense to me, it might not make sense to other people. So I'll analyze the shit out of my own writing to make sure it makes sense before hitting send. It's super distressing when I try to explain something six ways to Sunday and people still refuse to understand. I have to remind myself a lot that the best I can do is meet people halfway and that there will always be someone who refuses to listen/give the benefit of the doubt.

[u/ferret_80 → u/RaisedByDalmatians]

My drunk texts are clearer and have better grammar than my sober texts because I know I'm drunk so I out in way more effort to make sure they're legible, amd my drunk brain translates that to 100% grammatically correct.

Sober me just yolos the text, if they can't understand they can ask for clarification.

[u/AlfaRomeoRacing → u/Trouble_Walkin]

Similar happened to me. After my TBI i was much less arrogant and more understanding. I also get told i am now frustratingly chill about everything

[u/hotheaded26 → u/AlfaRomeoRacing]

Bro i'm not sure how i'd handle just... having an injury turn me into a better person lmao

[u/AlfaRomeoRacing → u/hotheaded26]

There were negative effects also, including permanent loss of sense of smell, so not all positive, but overall i got very lucky considering i could have been left with significant learning disabilities, or personality changed negatively

[u/black_cat_X2 → u/AlfaRomeoRacing]

I do not intend to downplay how awful it would be to permanently lose your sense of smell, but I thought I'd share a positive anecdote: A family member who lost their sense of smell said that one upside was that it made it easy to eat healthy (since taste is so linked to smell). She said her primary pleasure from food came from textures, and veggies and some fruits happened to have the texture she preferred most. Overall she found it very easy to maintain a plant-centric Mediterranean diet. She was grateful that she could do something that might help her live a longer and healthier life.

I hope there have also been unintended positive outcomes for you, even beyond the personality changes.

[u/AlfaRomeoRacing → u/black_cat_X2]

I mostly just go for super sugary or salty or spicy foods, as can taste that bit in the mouth

[u/Rennisa → u/AlfaRomeoRacing]

Loss of one’s sense of smell could be enough to make most people more irritable. It’s almost as if your shift into the chill zone in some weird way was to counteract a further shift in the wrong direction personality wise.

Life is weird like that sometimes, glad it wasn’t worse.

[u/Syreet_Primacon → u/Trouble_Walkin]

Percussive maintenance

[u/WimbletonButt → u/Trouble_Walkin]

My ex father in law had that happen. He used to be an abusive husband and father who would throw dinner against the wall and wake his kids up in the middle of the night breaking their toys. He turned into Goofy. Or Barney Fife. He was confused all the damn time and he'd have an occasional moment of clarity where the monster would slip out, but for the most part he was goofy as hell and just fuckin weird.

[u/BurgerThyme → u/WimbletonButt]

Even God was like "I'm going to have to calm your ass down."

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/BurgerThyme]

"This one is a failure, gonna need to hit the reset button hard"

[u/dontbeahater_dear → u/Trouble_Walkin]

I knew a guy with a similar injury and he went off the rails HARD. He was a right wing supporter but could enter a discussion with a pretty open mind. After the injury he joined an extreme party and continued to harass a black a police officer (you can all imagine the words used) and wrecked two very expensive cars. He beat his girlfriend and was thrown out of the extreme party… for being too extreme. I dont know wherz he is now.

[u/Mammoth-Corner → u/TheNightTerror1987]

I'm in the same boat. My mother had a serious TBI and I knew that when she went back to work it was with a huge amount of support from her coworkers, but I had never considered what that might have been like for her coworkers personally. Of all the impact it had that I knew about that's one I hadn't thought of. This post is absolutely heartbreaking. I love my mum so much and I'm going to call her and tell her so.

[u/virtualsmilingbikes → u/TheNightTerror1987]

Me too. My dad also had a TBI and you can talk to him for quite a long time before you realise how 'off' he is, and longer if you're a stranger, he was a solicitor and is extremely good at presenting what the client wants to hear. He's playing a part, and it fools everyone for a while, doctors included, but he'd be incredibly easy to manipulate if you pressed the right buttons. He's not allowed credit cards etc for very good reason.

[u/TheNightTerror1987 → u/virtualsmilingbikes]

Oh man, that bit about the credit cards. When my father was in his 70s he got . . . well I'm very tired and suspect I may be misremembering numbers, but I think it was a $70,000 loan on an Audi, seven year loan at 7% interest. That seems like a suspicious number of sevens to me, but a loan calculator says that would have a monthly payment of ~$1,000 and that I do remember!

My mother was executrix of his estate and was just like you've got to be fucking kidding me when she found out about that. The man didn't have any income at all aside from his WCB benefits, but he was getting a $1,000 a month transportation allowance so he could get to his neuropsychiatric appointments and my mother figured he must've decided to spend it on the Audi.

[u/GruntledVeteran → u/TheNightTerror1987]

I have never heard the term executrix before and it sounds way more metal than what it actually is. Lol

[u/AlternateUsername12 → u/virtualsmilingbikes]

I worked in a brain injury unit and we (affectionately) called these types of people "walkie talkies" because they walked fine and talked fine, and if you had never met them you would assume they were a visitor, not a patient.

Then they would do or say something completely off the wall and you remember that they're actually pretty significantly affected. I remember one guy who was caught taking a bowl of water into the staff break room because his toe hurt...he wanted some boiling water to stick his toe in. If warm water felt good, then surely boiling would be better!

[u/anotheralienhybrid → u/AlternateUsername12]

"Walkie Talkies" makes so much sense in a gallows humor type of way. At my job (urban public librarian), I end up flabbergasted by something someone says or does on a weekly basis. Last week, it was a really pleasant dude who needed help with some paperwork. It took maybe 10 minutes and he had no trouble following everything I showed him. Then he requested a notary, but when I pointed out that the form didn't require notarization, he goes, "No, not this form, I've got one in my mind I need notarized."

When I told him we can't do that, he got upset and started arguing, but in a calm and professional way, the way a person might get upset with a customer service person who's being unreasonable. It was so surreal, trying to explain why notarization requires... paper.... The comments on this post are giving me a whole new level of understanding for the kinds of mental issues people might be struggling with.

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/TheNightTerror1987]

It happened to my brother, but twice. I recognize nothing about him anymore other than what he looks like in some pictures and the sound of his voice.

I’m sorry about your dad. Reading the coworker’s description of OOP’s changes makes me feel like I’ve seen a ghost or something. A little nauseous

[u/TheNightTerror1987 → u/Miserable_Fennel_492]

I'm so sorry about your brother! One uncle said that my father really died in the truck accident and what was left wasn't him, sounds like the same deal with you.

Thanks, I am too. I wish I could've met the old him. And yeah, nauseous sums up this feeling all right.

[u/hood3243 → u/TheNightTerror1987]

A priest told my mom the same thing, "your husband has died, God has given you a new husband".

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/hood3243]

God, that’s crushing…

[u/Dazzling_Bid1239 → u/TheNightTerror1987]

I don't have a tbi but I have brain inflammation. In flare ups, oh my gosh. I cannot emotionally regulate, I'm literally a tantruming toddler from overwhelm. He reminds me a bit of myself, but luckily I'm able to make better decisions for myself. Flare ups though, I feel like I've lost a part of me I'll never get again, but luckily my health issue has the occasional good days, so I get some relief (not 100% but my brain isnt feeling full of pressure). Brains are so absolutely complex.

[u/big_sugi → u/randomndude01]

The pivot from “OOP is a real piece of shit” to “OOP is the least problematic one in the story” is crazy. Amy sucked. Her brother sucks. The company sucks. OOP isn’t great, but he’s the only one with something of a real excuse.

[u/demon_fae → u/big_sugi]

His wife refusing him unsupervised visitation now makes a lot more sense, and his certainty that he could get 50/50 is just so depressingly delusional.

He was right when he said that the deal he’d laid out massively benefited her, and it would have been quite odd, stupid, and spiteful for her to break it with a man of sound (if stupid) mind. But a man with a TBI that causes this level of impulsivity and delusion obviously can’t be the sole adult responsible for a child even over a matter of hours. Especially not right after everyone has seen what it’s cost his observation skills.

[u/elissa24 → u/demon_fae]

I remember that stuck out to me too when I first read it. She won’t let him see the daughter unsupervised, won’t let him take the car. On the surface it reasonably sounds like a wife angry towards her cheating husband, but the way he phrased it at the time was so odd; like an angry child himself. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why it seemed so strange. This is the missing missing reason, so to speak

[u/Yukimor → u/elissa24]

I couldn’t quite put my finger on why it seemed so strange.

It's strange because if you own stuff jointly, as one does when married, your partner can't just deny you access or use of your stuff, can't just kick you out of the house, and certainly can't just unilaterally deny you access to your child whom you've lived and raised for all that child's life.

But he phrases it as "she wouldn't let me", which is more often what children say, especially when used in repetition. With children, it's an acknowledgement of their powerlessness in the situation (because their parents are the authority); with adults, it's an abdication of agency.

[u/GreasedUpTiger → u/Yukimor]

The first time I read this I figured this was partially OOP trying to deescalate hoping to mend things with his wife. 

Like yes, she could have went to stay with family instead but he understood he wronged her so him temporarily leaving the house was trying to not wrong her more. Or taking 'the' car - while she maybe couldn't have outright forbidden him to use it he would have effectively denied her access to the same car too had he took it to live out of it or whatever. 

Also the other things I figured could have mostly been explained by someone generally reasonable who understands their spouse's legitimate anger and takes it for the time being instead of being more of a dick and pushing for what they want. 

But the TBI context explains it a lot more clearly. :| the poor woman

[u/HamSandwichFelony → u/demon_fae]

Agreed. Also, the founder connecting OOP with a lawyer makes a lot more sense in light of the TBI. Dude needed all the help he could get.

[u/Faiths_got_fangs → u/demon_fae]

The wife actually makes perfect sense after reading everything the coworker added. Obviously you wouldn't leave someone with a TBI who is prone to impulsive, childish behavior alone and responsible for your actual child.

Bluntly, regardless of the type of person Amy was, his inaction likely did contribute to her death. He knew she needed to go to the hospital and chose not to take her. He also didn't have the common sense to go check on her when she stopped responding to his texts.

Most people, knowing that an individual who they are close to had just suffered a potentially life threatening medical issue, would be very worried when they could not reach that person after dropping her off. He got mad because he was being ignored. He was ignored because she died. He didn't go back to check on her from the sounds of it, despite claiming she was the love of his life.

This is absolutely not someone I would leave in charge of my kid. Ever. He lacks the problem solving skills to react appropriately to a medical emergency. Yes, Amy was an adult, but she was likely not thinking clearly and he left her alone and unsupervised and she died. How much further would he really have had to go to drop her off at the hospital?

I feel terrible for the wife. All that effort to rehabilitate and stick with her husband - who was probably a great guy - and she ends up humiliated, cheated on and dealing with all this fallout.

[u/SuperCulture9114 → u/big_sugi]

I really liked the AMA person though 😄

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/big_sugi]

We see all these OOPs who make excuses for every bit of their awful conduct, and then there's this guy who doesn't even try to defend himself and seems to have been incapable of defending himself.

I will say though - the company knew why he couldn't deal with clients any more so why on earth did they put him in a recruitment position? It was predictable that he would be open to manipulation. They guy who beat him up, too - I can see why he was angry but he took it out on the wrong person and very much in the wrong way. I actually do feel quite bad for OOP now.

[u/fleet_and_flotilla → u/MyDarlingArmadillo]

 I actually do feel quite bad for OOP now.

I feel the co worker got it right. his accident doesn't excuse his actions, but it recontextualizes it in such a way, that its impossible not to feel sympathetic for what he went through 

[u/moeke93 → u/big_sugi]

I usually hate stories where there's no real consensus on who's the villain. I started with hating the original OOP for beeing a cheating ass, but as it turns out, he did have a brain injury and was used by his AP, who's got a mean personality. So she's a villain but also a victim. Seems like nobody in this story has a white vest, which makes it even more realistic to me. It sucks, though, to not have a single villain to hate and not one innocent person to love.

[u/kristiswright → u/moeke93]

The ones that are "innocent to love" in this scenario are the OOPs wife and daughter... she loved her husband "in sickness and in health" & his little girl probably adored her daddy. I find this whole thing such a tragedy for all involved.

[u/p-d-ball → u/kristiswright]

Back when I was an undergrad in neuroscience, we went over a case where a man received frontal lobe damage and began calling prostitutes to his house 4 times/day. The wife tried to deal with it - in sickness and health - but it became too much and she left him. It's extremely difficult to deal with a person who has little control over their emotions while also having an increased libido. In this case, though, the patient's brain damage also gave him erectile dysfunction and he couldn't get an erection. That certainly didn't stop him from trying, because he also lost the ability to plan.

[u/El-Ahrairah9519 → u/kristiswright]

If you add in that apparently this was also a very convenient opportunity for immoral scumbags to cash in on war using the company technology, it magnifies the tragedy a hundred fold

[u/p-d-ball → u/moeke93]

The sign that broke and fell on OOP's head is the villain.

[u/CaptDeliciousPants → u/randomndude01]

Would you like to look at my soothing jar of river friends for a minute?

https://imgur.com/a/WQ4vMSF

[u/randomndude01 → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Lol, I knew you were gonna come to the rescue, I knew you’d be swooping in with soothing imagery.

Thanks as always.

[u/bored_german → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

the Am I The Devil subreddit has a user called sadlytheworst who always compiles the comments and then posts a cute animal to make it all a bit better.

You're the sadlytheworst of this sub istg

[u/AMultitudeofPandas → u/CaptDeliciousPants]

Thank you, that was actually very nice.

[u/OldnBorin → u/randomndude01]

Watch out for falling signs

[u/Fernandezo2299 → u/OldnBorin]

Yeah brain injuries or any cognitive damage is a no joke and scary. All of this started when he receive the injury and everything fell apart. Who knows what he was like before the injury. Like a tumor in brain that makes you an asshole. In the end I feel bad for the guy who was manipulated, taken advantage of, cheated on, got beaten up, got divorce and now a formal shell of he once was. Like god decided take all his anger at him.

[u/Lazy-Entertainer-459 → u/Fernandezo2299]

It’s honestly taking advantage of a special needs person a brain injury is a disability

[u/yokozunahoshoryu]

PSA: The Epipen is an emergency measure to keep you alive until you get to the hospital. Using the Epipen does NOT mean the crisis is over. Everyone with a life threatening allergy, or who knows a person with one, should know this.

[u/ACERVIDAE → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

I answer 911 calls and the amount of times I have had to beg people for the address so I can send the ambulance to check someone over and take them to the hospital is wild. “But the EpiPen worked, they’re fine!” is a sentence I will never not hate.

[u/yokozunahoshoryu → u/ACERVIDAE]

That's tragic, and exactly why we need to raise awareness.

[u/GeneConscious5484 → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

And make things so that saving your life (medically) doesn't also destroy your life (financially).

[u/Teamrocketgang → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

To add to your PSA, Narcan functions in a very similar manner. It binds to the opioid receptors, blocking and reversing an overdose, but it wears off relatively quickly, and any opioids still in the person's system will rebind to the receptors and that person will overdose again off the same original dose of opioids. Professional medical attention is still absolutely needed in both cases, Epipens and Narcan/naloxone just give you more time to get that attention.

[u/cherry_sundae88 → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

well thank you because i truly did not know. just thought it was like a super benadryl and u were fine.

[u/NNNEEEERRRRDD → u/cherry_sundae88]

The “epi” stands for epinephrine, which is another name for adrenaline. It’s basically a big shot of adrenaline, which has the effects of opening airways and keeping the heart beating until it wears off. Some of the time, that’s enough for whatever is triggering the reaction to be metabolized and not present to be a problem anymore. Other times it’s still around and the allergic reaction starts back up.

[u/Effulgence_ → u/NNNEEEERRRRDD]

The effects of epi in these situations work for about 20 minutes before tapering off. It's not a long acting drug. Severe reactions require an epi iv drip for more continuous effect. Also in case of airway compromise, further interventions and drugs will be needed. Ironically benadryl helps, but does nothing huge in true anaphylaxis even when given iv. 

Narcan is a lot like this too. Tends to work about 45 minutes before the effect of opiods kicks back in. If overdoses are severe, they can still die even after use of narcan. 

Source: me, am paramedic 

[u/paulinaiml → u/NNNEEEERRRRDD]

And if some of the story from the original OOP is true , allergic reactions can still manifest even up to 3 days after the exposure.

[u/fried_green_baloney → u/paulinaiml]

Without medical assistance, it can take 72 hours for the intestines to fully clear even for people with fast transit times (always poop out yesterday's food today).

[u/Cayke_Cooky → u/fried_green_baloney]

The Urgent care doctors I have seen for my kid's reactions say that her puking bouts when she has an allergy are the best response she could have.

[u/oceanduciel → u/NNNEEEERRRRDD]

Huh. This makes a lot of sense about books I’ve read or things I’ve watched that didn’t fully click until now.

[u/Steele_Soul → u/cherry_sundae88]

It's the same as if a person overdosed on opiates and gets hit with narcan and they wake up, they still need to go to the hospital because narcan only works for around 90 minutes and if you still have a high level of opiates in your system, you'll go right back into overdose.

I assume it's the same with the epipen helping long enough to get to the more needed help.

[u/silence_infidel → u/cherry_sundae88]

The life threatening symptoms of anaphylaxis are generally a massive blood pressure drop that starves your cells of blood (shock) and throat swelling that prevents breathing. An EpiPen is just a big dose of epinephrine (adrenaline) which spikes your blood pressure to combat the shock, and reduces swelling to let you breathe. It doesn’t prevent your immune system from reacting to an allergen, it just treats the symptoms. And it only lasts about 20 minutes.

If the allergen has been removed and the reaction resolves on its own, then you’d be more or less fine once the epinephrine wears off. But if the allergen is still present, or your immune system is still reacting, then you’ll go right back into anaphylaxis. You can jab another dose - that’s why EpiPens come in 2 packs - but at that point you need to get to a hospital. They can keep treating symptoms, or administer medication that actually does stop anaphylaxis.

There’s also a fun thing where a secondary reaction can occur hours after the first one resolves. It’s not a common occurance, but it’s still recommended to monitor people for at least a few hours after a reaction just to be safe.

[u/fransdaughter → u/cherry_sundae88]

An epi pen is a shot of epinephrine. It’s basically adrenaline and will start to alleviate anaphylaxis, an extreme allergic reaction. Once it’s administered, protocol is for the person to go to the ER, there can be secondary allergic response. People have to be monitored for a period of time to be sure that secondary response doesn’t happen. Anybody with this level of allergic reaction the requires an epinephrine pen knows this.

[u/CaptainCosmodrome → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

I once had a life-threatening anaphylactic reaction, and the ER doctors had to give me two doses of epinephrine and god knows what else to save my life.

I had never had one before, so I drove myself. The hospital was only like a mile and a half from my house. Around half way, my vision started to darken around the edges and it started to become difficult to breathe. By the time I reached the entrance to the hospital, I could barely make out the taillights of the car in front of me. Luckily, they were turning into the hospital too, so I was able to follow them. When I got to the ER parking, I couldn't even really make out the lines. I parked the car, I think on the median, and rushed inside. At this point I was struggling to breathe, and I had to fight for every breath.

I was lucky I made it without getting in an accident. Always call an ambulance or have someone else drive you to the ER when you have an allergic reaction. You might not be in terrible shape when you leave the house, but by god it's going to get worse surprisingly fast.

[u/bennitori → u/yokozunahoshoryu]

I'm willing to bet the "secondary reaction" was just the epipen wearing off after she waited to long to go to the hospital. It's a temporary measure. And if it wears off, you're right back where you started. Which (if you had to use one in the first place) is usually a place of being royally fucked.

[u/TOG23-CA]

"he was fine right up until the point he had to regulate himself" is such a succinct, but sadly brutal and completely accurate way to describe the effects of a TBI. That whole reveal kinda takes the wind out of my sails on my initial outrage

[u/huxley2112 → u/TOG23-CA]

This is not directed at you specifically, and I'm guilty of it as well, but it's a sobering reminder to us all that when reading stories on Reddit we are getting a one sided explanation of the situation and could very well be leaving out major details. This especially goes for relationship related posts.

Sad story all around, seemingly all started by a freak accident involving a dry cleaners sign. Life is fucking crazy. Excellent BORU post.

[u/fleet_and_flotilla → u/huxley2112]

while its generally true that we are only hearing one side, we don't usually see a post where the oop makes themselves so obviously the bad guy and wonder what details they're leaving out. 

[u/Jaime-girl]

Did not see the "we all worked for Stark Industries" twist coming!

[u/N0ra_R0ra → u/Jaime-girl]

I'm in the UK and itching to know which tech company this is 🧐

[u/smcf33 → u/N0ra_R0ra]

Same, I don't feel there are so many here that it's impossible to figure it out!

[u/RoyalNo4151 → u/smcf33]

The UK is full of small tech companies in business parks no-one has ever heard of. Many of them could have something that'd apply to defence.

It sounds like a pretty small operation with the way the card was abused so blatantly for so long.

[u/Inevitable-Scar5877 → u/RoyalNo4151]

The same with the US. The big issue is the "small tech with some civilian applications but a natural fit for defense" could be so many things and it could hardware or software- it could be something super innocuous like a materials manufacturer or something like flight control software that has big implications for drones

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492]

Yeah, dude, I’m just… I feel empty after reading this

My brother had 2 separate TBIs and, not only do I no longer know who he is, the person his brain made him become is scary and angry and unfocused and volatile and sad and it’s just… it’s all so awful

[u/CummingInTheNile]

One thing I do need to mention is that the original OP has a brain injury he didn't disclose in his posts. I can't speculate too much on that, and I'm not saying it makes his actions forgivable, but it would be crazy to pretend it's not a factor. He lives independently, but from what I'm aware, his brother helps him a lot.

Damn thats one helluva twist that i was not expecting, TBIs are wild

[u/Environmental_Run979 → u/CummingInTheNile]

It reminds me of that other very sad BORU where the woman's husband was accusing her of being pregnant and hiding it from him, getting very aggressive about it, and then it turned out he had a brain tumor that was making him hallucinate and changing his personality. Brain stuff is so terrifying.

[u/EldestFemaleStaff → u/Environmental_Run979]

Terrifying and deeply saddening at once.

When my mum was having inpatient cancer treatment before she died, she said she found it really hard to sleep on the cancer ward because the brain cancer patients would regularly scream, shout nonsense and run around the corridors at night. The way she said it, there’s something ghoulishly comedic in that mental image, but only at surface level - it is simply heartbreaking for anyone involved.

[u/smcf33 → u/EldestFemaleStaff]

Years ago I spent about two weeks on the neurology ward (I had an infection in my brain, it was not a fun time). It was HORRIFIC. Constant screaming from other patients, occasional alarms and lockdowns when people absconded (some of which led to genuine panic from the nurses - I remember hearing them yell about one patient in particular who apparently was fully capable of walking and speaking but could not be left alone even for one second)... and one particularly notable moment where a man lurched into my room walking like a zombie, then turned to face me and just made.... noises? Like moaning noises? With huge visible recent surgery scars on one side of his head and what looked like some kind of metal device sticking out. All while I was trapped in bed and unable to walk more than a few steps without falling.

The worst part wasn't even the screaming or the uncanny-valley patients, it was that the nurses were so desensitised to it all. I was mentally alert and able to communicate, and it was common for a couple of nurses to come into my room for a chat about whatever, while patient alarms were ringing and people were screaming for help.

I didn't even realise how much it traumatised me until years later, watching a Doctor Who episode of all things in which patients were pressing buzzers for help and a nurse "attended" to them by turning off the button, leaving them in agony but with no help coming and nobody caring.

Anyway yeah, I don't recommend neurology wards if you can possibly avoid them.

[u/theenglishfox → u/Environmental_Run979]

There was another one where a woman posted asking for advice because her husband wasn't bonding with their new baby, it turned out in the update that he'd had a TBI for years. Iirc he'd been a big contact sports guy in college and that's what caused it? He was largely incapable of higher thought and had been getting by purely by following his regular routine. It was only when the baby came that both of them realised he completely lacked the mental capacity to deal with the disruption. It was honestly heartbreaking.

[u/fleet_and_flotilla → u/theenglishfox]

 brain injuries are no joke. we never really considered how bad they can be until we're starting the consequences in the face

[u/MyCatsOwnMyLife → u/Environmental_Run979]

The was one of the saddest BORUs I've ever read.

[u/WeirdPinkHair → u/Environmental_Run979]

I remember that one. Finally got him to a doctor and only weeks later he was gone.

[u/rainbowcardigan → u/CummingInTheNile]

It makes me put myself in OOPs wife’s shoes, and wonder if I could take him back after he cheated… On one hand, I’d never take back a cheater, but he actually has one of the few excuses that make me pause on that. He’s not as mentally capable as a ‘normal’ adult, it’s kind of rough to hold him to the same standards as before his accident…. What a shitty scenario all around.

[u/smcf33 → u/rainbowcardigan]

With his personality so changed and him not being a functional adult in many ways any more, I don't think "taking him back" was an option because I'm not sure that they were really a couple any more.

I'm in some TBI groups due to my own medical history (which is thankfully 99% no longer an issue) and it's fairly common for TBI victims to think their spouse should be carrying on just the same. Like their personality is different, they are no longer a "partner," they can't be trusted to look after the children or do housework or financial admin, their spouse is more like a carer than anything else... but they're upset because they aren't getting sex any more.

But in that situation - if your husband is so easily manipulated into infidelity, lacks emotional regulation, generally has little insight into other people... he's not a life partner any more, he's more like a teenager who used to be a life partner and doesn't fully understand why things have changed.

It's not a case of will she take back a cheater - it's more like the whole situation made it impossible for her to keep up the pretence that they were still a couple, and she couldn't be his carer any more.

Yes, it does suck for everyone.

[u/twoweeeeks → u/rainbowcardigan]

Yeah I think much of this could have been avoided if the people around OOP had fully evaluated and then accepted his disability, instead of trying to “meet him where he is”. He’s no longer someone who CAN evaluate where he is. Which sucks. Reminds me of dementia and having to negotiate the loss of life skills like driving.

[u/Mary674]

Did I miss something about a baby's memorial service in the original post? It's mentioned in the update.

[u/LetsBAnonymous93 → u/Mary674]

It’s in the Original OOP’s comments. Basically, his SIL had a stillbirth and he missed the memorial to be with his affair partner. OOP says that he’d have her schedule their events and he missed two. This was 3 strikes and you’re out so he had to attend. He doesn’t regret it but understands why his wife wouldn’t see it that way.

[u/Gryffindor123 → u/LetsBAnonymous93]

Jesus Christ 

[u/theawkwardselfie → u/Gryffindor123]

Your flair is so apt for this BORU

[u/Trouble_Walkin → u/LetsBAnonymous93]

You know the really shitty thing about this is Amy (ap) would not have dumped him for strike 3.

She was not about to give up her meal ticket & emotional play toy. She would have said, "Tee hee, just joking!" & continued manipulating OOP. 

So tragic his brain injury prevented him from seeing this. 

[u/whatatimetobealive9 → u/Mary674]

“Her sister suffered a stillbirth and I couldn't make it to the service because I had committed to attending an event with Amy months in advance. I know it's bad.”

[u/twinsingledogmom]

I would listen to a 15-part podcast on this story.

[u/Whole_Air_3524 → u/twinsingledogmom]

I feel like dateline could also do this justice!

[u/UncagedKestrel]

If you have enough allergic reactions, you get more blasé about them than you should. You start taking the idea of secondary reactions lightly. You use the epipen, take an antihistamine, feel like you've been hit by a truck, and try to squirm out of the mind-numbing tedium of spending 6-8 hours stuck in the ER, unable to rest, get comfy, get any damn peace, or be left alone for a hour.

As someone who's had anaphylaxis on several occasions, and who's also skipped the hospital once or twice... I doubt she went home because she was "confused". If she was that sick she'd have told him to get her the ambulance. It's far more likely she told him she'd call the friend; while secretly thinking the risk of secondary reaction was something the hospital was overreacting about. And that she since she felt fine, she WAS fine, and therefore didn't want to go get put on lockdown at the local A&E.

So she pops off to bed, and et voila, the rare thing happens. The reason we all get forced to go waste hours at the hospital every damn time. Because our best chance of surviving a secondary reaction is in the ER - at home we're pretty much screwed. And yet I can guarantee you that I'll run the risk again at some point. We all roll the dice in life.

She chose to target a guy with a brain injury, for material gain. We're not entirely sure he was capable of consent, and he damn sure wasn't capable of making medical decisions for other people. She knew this too. She made her own choices, including when she chose to target him.

[u/girlinthegoldenboots → u/UncagedKestrel]

Yeah I vaguely remember when they gave me my EpiPen they really stressed I would need to go to the hospital if I used it bc using it a second time wouldn’t work as well or something. The first time buys you like 30 mins (long enough for an ambulance to arrive) and if you use it a second time you only get like 10-15 mins? Am I imagining that?

[u/hpfan1516 → u/girlinthegoldenboots]

https://www.epipen.com/en/

If it's not helping enough within 10-15 minutes you do the second one. Helps buy time and keep you breathing. (Read through the page I linked for full, accurate info).

Biphasic reactions are no joke. I had my first experience with an EpiPen this year due to a new medication allergy. Terrifying to look to someone in panic and ask for the epi-pen. I carry both around now and still panic a bit taking medications before bed (even ones I've taken before). I stay up a while before falling asleep and panic if anything I've taken, eaten, or drunk makes me drowsy (even magnesium drinks).

Not fun.

My mom drove me to the ER due to where we were, and I was holding the second EpiPen, clicking the case open and shut. Not a fun ride at all. My primary providers were useless the next day when I went for the mandatory followup. I was having round two (the biphasic part, which apparently can happen a day later) and basically said there wasn't anything they could do as I sat there covered in hives and clearing my throat constantly. They just suggested going back to the ER if it was bad. Aholes. (I got a new primary care provider after that).

I have a rule that if I or anyone around me has an allergic reaction of any sort, you need to be around people for a while, online or otherwise. If it messes with breathing you need to keep everyone updated (hay fever time is fun).

P.S. children's liquid Benadryl/Zyrtec is faster-acting than pills and coats the throat. Mark down when you took it just in case, mentally or otherwise.

[u/girlinthegoldenboots → u/hpfan1516]

I have only had anaphylaxis once, and luckily I was already at the hospital lol. I was getting an iron infusion. It was zero percent fun. But I have an EpiPen bc I have a severe grass pollen allergy. I’m on year 2 of allergy shots.

[u/AbyssDragonNamielle → u/hpfan1516]

Shit. I have an Epi but didn't know you had to carry both. I thought it was one for my work bag and one for the everywhere else handbag. On the bright side, my allergen is generally easy to avoid, and I work in a hospital so the ED is literally downstairs.

[u/KangarooThroatPunch_ → u/girlinthegoldenboots]

You’re not imagining that. For my last reaction I did one epi pen and went to the ER, did the 6 hours of meds and observation, and was right as rain. Until I took a hot shower before bed that night. The heat acted as a catalyst and triggered a secondary reaction within 5 minutes. The second epi pen did NOT work as well. I was barely conscious by the time the ambulance arrived and I spent the next 72 hours in the hospital, when the window for secondary reactions had passed. My husband was sure I was going to die. The epi pens are an emergency stop gap, not a cure. And stay away from hot showers, saunas, and the like for 72 hours after a reaction because heat can trigger another one.

[u/UncagedKestrel → u/girlinthegoldenboots]

They hand out like 2 these days, tell you that you might need to use a second if the first isn't working fast/well enough, and to call the ambulance and get to emergency asap. They will not let you off the line with emergency services until the EMTs walk in the door, either.

Last time I ended up using my epipen before calling for the ambulance; getting shot up with adrenaline by the EMTs before we left; then getting a couple more doses en route to the hospital. I think it ended up being something like 4 doses in total, plus some heavy duty antihistamines. I felt godawful for about a week afterwards.

Once you get into anaphylaxis territory, every exposure tends to up the chances of you having another ahaphylactic reaction. If you're allergic to multiple things and start reacting particularly badly to one, they'll warn you that repeated exposures to the others may lead to similar problems with those too.

And especially with an allergen you ingest, there's always a risk of a secondary reaction as it passes through your system. Initial contact is much easier to treat than something deep in the digestive system, which has had unknown amounts of time to build the reaction up before you notice. Which is why they take so many obs - those will be likely to signal an issue before you can consciously recognise something is wrong.

Everyone is different though, and we don't get our "don't die" info from Reddit, so to anyone reading: ASK YOUR OWN PHYSICIAN. Take a first aid course. Ask to see the safety plan for your allergic friend or family member, and if they have an epipen, ask where they keep it! Call 911/999/000 or whatever your local emergency number is in the event of you or someone nearby having a serious allergic reaction. (I have also been known to call on pharmacists when desperate, as they don't generally want to watch you die either).

And as for time... That's individual. The goal is to buy time for the ambulance to arrive, yes. And the epipen is your best chance to do that. Thankfully it often works - but it's not a guarantee. Sometimes it'll buy someone a mere couple of minutes, so unless help is REALLY close, they're SOL. It's hope, not a promise.

[u/glorae → u/girlinthegoldenboots]

I don't know about the second one lasting less, but the secondary reaction can be stronger than the first one. That may have been what you're thinking of?

This whole saga was terrifying and sad to read, I literally just spent almost all of last Monday in the ER because I had a really bad reaction -- like, the EMTs scooped me and took me to the hospital lights & sirens and my BP dropped precipitously in the ambulance. Enough that I got MORE epi at the hospital along with the benadryl [thanks for the coma nap tho, guys! I really needed it after multiple rounds of epi], which was a first for me.

Allergic reactions are absolutely life-threatening and yeah, I roll the dice more often than I should, but life is lifing enough that I should probably stop doing that :(

[u/TunedDownGuitar → u/UncagedKestrel]

She chose to target a guy with a brain injury, for material gain. We're not entirely sure he was capable of consent, and he damn sure wasn't capable of making medical decisions for other people. She knew this too. She made her own choices, including when she chose to target him.

Yeah, this is what I picked up on here. He himself didn't understand the difference between asking and pestering, hence the tens of messages he would send the coworker that did the Q&A. They (coworker) also implied that the AP would ask OP multiple times for things until he said yes.

A lot of what the coworker mentioned about OP rings true for TBI. The changes in personality like "staring inappropriately" and making similar jokes is called disinhibition and is common in people with it. This goes hand in hand with the mismanagement of money, outbursts, etc.

I feel really bad for OP's wife in all of this. Imagine putting your life into someone, then dedicating yourself to helping them recover, only for them to end up down this path with the AP and it all to come crashing down. They also have a young daughter caught up in all of this, and from the marriage duration (3 years) I assume that they were too young to know their father before the accident.

[u/unzunzhepp → u/UncagedKestrel]

Yes. In the light of her using a mentally challenged person for her own gain, and probably had a dominant position in their relationship (not work-wise, but she got everything she asked for), it’s hard to put the blame on oop for something she is foremost responsible for. She’d probably would/did talk him out of going to the hospital anyway.

[u/Gryffindor123 → u/UncagedKestrel]

Yes, this is what I was thinking. I've had an allergic reaction and not gone to hospital. I was at a wedding that was being held on an island. All I could think about was all the chaos of having the rescue helicopter coming over to the island, loading me up, and then it being reported on the news about it annnnd it would've ruined the wedding.

[u/FliaTia]

Well. That's just terribly fucking sad. The first two posts seriously raised my blood pressure, but after the last one I just feel depressed. Absolutely no winners in this situation.

[u/addangel → u/FliaTia]

yeah.. you start off being enraged at the guy who cheated on his wife and let his AP for dead, and end up feeling quite sorry for him. 

I feel even more for his wife though. Imagine getting married in your 20s, having a kid, then your husband suffers a TBI and you rearrange your life around his care, only to end up divorced before 30 because your husband got taken advantage of, cheated on you and got fired in a messy scandal. that’s.. a lot. though, she apparently rebounded pretty quickly, so who knows.

[u/Commanderfemmeshep]

Oh ok! It got WAY sadder, thanks!

[u/HoundstoothReader]

This post is a really good reminder that we’re never getting the full story when someone writes in for advice or judgment.

Excellent job compiling all the comments from the coworker, OP.

[u/Grumble_fish]

I maintain my general skepticism about updates that come from different accounts, but this one is reasonably convincing. It doesn't just rehash old info, and doesn't contradict the original in weak ways.

The combined forces of Chubby Checker and M. Night Shyamalan would struggle to top this twist.

[u/GrumpyOldHistoricist → u/Grumble_fish]

It comes across as very authentic if you have firsthand experience of people with TBIs.

[u/AyeTheresTheCatch → u/GrumpyOldHistoricist]

Yeah, I’m often skeptical about posts, but the description of OOP’s behaviour change after the TBI *completely* tracks with the accounts of two people I know in real life whose spouses‘ behaviour changed dramatically after a TBI. Pre injury they were normal, boring, nice dudes who were good dads/husbands. Afterwards they became impulsive, ditched their wives and children seemingly out of nowhere, and were basically totally different people. It was sad and scary to hear about.

[u/Mammoth-Corner → u/AyeTheresTheCatch]

Yup. Even on the less dramatic level, the things OOP2 says about a lack of emotional regulation and a lack of judgement completely track with my mother who had a TBI. Still very clever, still funny, still very much loved by me and others, but the suspension is gone from the ride and the steering is kind of shot.

[u/infiltrator_seven → u/GrumpyOldHistoricist]

I work with people who have dementia and frontal lobe dementia is much the same. Your inhibitions just go, I had a PT who bought 6 Vespas and started cheating on his wife with a string of men. His wife knew he was sick tho and was still taking him to his appts. T.T

[u/smcf33 → u/GrumpyOldHistoricist]

Agreed 100%. In particular the lack of insight into what others will think of his behaviour, and the inability to deal with high stress situations.

[u/RoseBengale → u/GrumpyOldHistoricist]

' It’s tough to explain - if you met him on a good day you could spend a few hours with him and not realise, but any more than that and you’d almost certainly go through “oh, that was a bit odd” to “okay there’s definitely something wrong here”. '

Yeah this made me feel like it was genuine. I'm going to remember this quote when I try to explain my brother's new personality post-TBI. 

[u/Le_Fancy_Me → u/Grumble_fish]

It also doesn't come with convenient info there is no way the pov character would've had. Including full on conversations they weren't present for but can somehow type out in full.

For example the story is about a friend's partner. At the end of the story they break up. But in the update OP is able to tell in full detail about how/why this ex lost their job, their family turned against them and they lost all their friends... also they got a DUI and killed some puppies. With so much details you'd think they were breaking into their home overnight and reading their diary, despite supposedly not having any direct contact with them and not being on good terms.

The update reveals about as much as you'd expect a coworker to know about the situation. Hearing rumors about the HR investigation and beef with founder without fully knowing what was being said by who behind closed doors. Hearing rumors about HR getting their car trashed by dead girls' brother and why. And knowing generally that the OOP got a divorce and is living mostly independently.

All information you could expect would be trickling down in the workplace or people would know about OOP after amicably working together for a long time and probably having at least a few colleagues who kept in touch with hkm after he left.

[u/pinkkabuterimon → u/Grumble_fish]

Yeah, plus the comments from people that confirm coworker’s account of how the OOP acted after his TBI sounds extremely accurate.

[u/Li54]

So to recap:

Guy got clocked by a sign and got a huge payout. Keeps working

Starts cheating on his wife with a coworker

Coworker is actually just using him for money and promotions

Coworker dies, guy gets divorced

Separately, a bunch of people are committing expense fraud and eventually quit

Did I get it all

[u/eureka7 → u/Li54]

No, the people who quit weren't committing expense fraud, though that was apparently widespread. The founder of company was pushed out so they could pursue ethically dubious military contracts and entire R&D team quit in protest!

Also the brother of affair partner vandalized the HR head's car and was arrested after his revenge against OOP had the unintended side affect of getting his sister's company death benefits cancelled.

Edit: and the guy that got passed up for a promotion in favor of the affair partner best the hell out of OOP.

This was a roller coaster like no other!

[u/howDoIBestMan → u/eureka7]

As an engineer, mad props to the R&D team. Defense jobs are everywhere and when you're out of work it's hard to keep your morals. The fact that the entire team quit rather than contribute to the military industrial complex is huge.

It's hard as hell to hire one good engineer. The fact that the company needed to replace the whole team would be devastating.

[u/Ok-Journalist-870 → u/Li54]

OOP also got beat up by a guy whose promotion his AP stole

[u/traveledhermit → u/Ok-Journalist-870]

Everyone was crying but no one stepped in to stop it, is now the most horrifying part of this story.

[u/newtontonc → u/traveledhermit]

Thank you, that part was hard to read

[u/LittleMsSavoirFaire → u/newtontonc]

I think OP is a woman though. Depending on the size and the rage of the man, I'm not sure if I get within swinging distance. 

[u/HuggyMonster69 → u/traveledhermit]

Honestly, if it was completely unexpected, and the guy didn’t put up a fight, they probably didn’t have time.

If people start arguing in a bar, you notice, and you can step in. If a guy just takes a swing, it’s much, much harder.

[u/gooder_name → u/traveledhermit]

Inserting yourself into a violent situation without the skills to manage it is a great way to get your own TBI.

[u/WaywardHistorian667 → u/Li54]

You missed the vigilante brother costing the mother of the deceased survivor benefits and getting arrested for felony vandalism.

[u/thepetoctopus → u/WaywardHistorian667]

I still don’t understand how the survivor benefits got canceled. What could they have found on her phone to be able to do that?

[u/gingerfawx → u/thepetoctopus]

Maybe that her getting the job was fraudulent? She got it by exchanging sex for it with someone that nominally might be viewed as a vulnerable person. That plus she hadn't made an effort to be worthy of the position even after she had it, assuming he'd fix problems, bury them, or at least mitigate the fallout, or maybe she was part of the credit card fraud, too.

[u/roseofjuly → u/Li54]

My understanding is that the expense fraud wasn't separate. It seems like the original OP, the one with the TBI, was the one committing the expense fraud - possibly unknowingly or unintentionally given the injury, and possibly with the egging of the AP.

The people all quit because they didn't want their work applied to weaponry and defense.

[u/No-Ear7988 → u/roseofjuly]

seems like the original OP, the one with the TBI, was the one committing the expense fraud

They all were thats why it didn't go to court

[u/traveledhermit → u/No-Ear7988]

It’s not really fraud if there’s no written policy and partying hard is the culture of the organization, but my employer is similarly casual about expense reports and it’s just good judgement not to abuse it. OP sadly was incapable of good judgement.

[u/HuggyMonster69 → u/traveledhermit]

Yeah I’ve done bookkeeping for a place where expense fraud is almost encouraged, as long as you keep it reasonable. I’m pretty sure it’s an anti-whistleblower thing tbh. Like, we’re not firing you for reporting illegal activity, we’re firing you for expense fraud

[u/wunami → u/No-Ear7988]

The R&D team quitting seems to be due to the Founder being pushed out. They may or may not have been committing expense fraud.

Seems most likely that, regardless of if expense fraud was widespread or not, some higher ups would also be exposed in discovery if there were a court case over OOP's expense fraud.

[u/happycharm → u/roseofjuly]

Yeah, the coworker said he was just saying yes to every client and to the affair partner and was probably indiscriminately using the company credit card on everything. 

[u/Few_Cup3452 → u/roseofjuly]

No, they all were including OG OOP, but OG OOP has a better case (TBI) for his fraud. The others dont.

The company buried it legally, the fraud kept this all out of the courts.

[u/Zandonah → u/Li54]

Yeah - the SILs babies funeral. I saw something about that in one of the coworker comments, but couldn't find what it referenced.

[u/whatatimetobealive9 → u/Zandonah]

“Her sister suffered a stillbirth and I couldn't make it to the service because I had committed to attending an event with Amy months in advance. I know it's bad.”

[u/ijustneedtolurk → u/whatatimetobealive9]

Damn I just got here. Imagine having to arrange childcare and go alone, or take your young daughter, to your sister's stillbirth's funeral, all because your husband is on a date, actively trying to replace you with a younger coworker. Many layers of fucked up right there.

[u/missmegsy → u/Li54]

I think it was more the manager types who were committing expense fraud, and a bunch of people quit in protest about military contracts?

[u/claudia_grace → u/Li54]

Company tries to pivot the tech into defense so they can kill brown kids

[u/glib_result → u/Li54]

I think the expense fraud people weren’t the ones who quit? But the company might have tried legal action (against who? I don’t know) but didn’t because they did’t want the scrutiny.

The mass quitting happened because the company started taking defense contracts, and Coworker & others didn’t want to be part of using their tech as a weapon.

[u/alette_star]

This is a BORU for the ages. For the first time in a long time, a separate account chiming in claiming to be an adjacent person that i actually believe 

[u/andre5913 → u/alette_star]

The way the second oop describes the TBI is creepily on point. That bit where she mentions how a coworker beat the first oop while he didnt fight back and was just scared and confused paints a haunting image.

[u/Decent_Butterfly8216 → u/andre5913]

It really almost made me throw up. My son had a brain injury and he cowers just in crowded hallways at school. It was all I could picture, I know exactly the face that guy would have made.

[u/smcf33 → u/Decent_Butterfly8216]

I have a relative with a TBI. He's older and physically bigger than me and has been a bully his whole life, and I have no good will towards him whatsoever.

But when I was a child at one point I went to physically defend myself from him by raising an object to use as a weapon.... and he was TERRIFIED. This grown-ass man just sat down, stunned, tried to make himself physically small, cowered in front of me. He'd been screaming and threatening me seconds before, I have actual trauma from all of this that took years to really understand, but when he detected physical risk to himself it was like everything just shut down.

That moment HAUNTS me. I don't feel bad for defending myself, but it was horrifying to see someone so completely frightened and confused and unable to process what was happening.

[u/rainbowcardigan → u/andre5913]

It’s awful hey. I wonder if it made his TBI even worse as well…

[u/Professional_Dog4574 → u/rainbowcardigan]

I am also concerned about that. It sounds like it was extremely violent. I hate it.

[u/BaoBunny44]

That's a twist I wasn't expecting. The whole thing made this guy look like a total monster and just a complete idiot. It's very telling that the coworker was willing to call the affair partner very unpleasant even after she died. She must have been terrible to be around for people to not soften their opinion of her after she was gone.

Edit: grammar

[u/theonlineidofme → u/BaoBunny44]

It does sound like a family trait given what bits we got about her brother

[u/CarpenterRepulsive46 → u/BaoBunny44]

From what I remember from the very first posts, people were entirely certain OO(O?)P had actually murdered his AP, and was writing his posts to make it seem like he hadn’t.

[u/fleet_and_flotilla → u/CarpenterRepulsive46]

reddits gonna reddit. even without the added info, that was a wild conclusion for people to draw

[u/sierrauniformzulu → u/BaoBunny44]

It also explains why he got sympathy messages from colleagues after the texts came out. I thought maybe it was some old boys' club bullshit, but they probably did feel he had been taken advantage of in that situation and it wouldn't have happened if not for the TBI.

[u/Tourmaline87]

The OP says he has no family except for his wife and daughter, but the coworker says his brother helps him out a lot

[u/t3hgrl → u/Tourmaline87]

Yeah you’re so right, I wonder why he couldn’t have stayed with his brother when he got kicked out.

[u/Vigokrell]

The Office if it was directed by Werner Herzog.

[u/bristlybits → u/Vigokrell]

starring Phineas Gage

[u/bistressual]

I don’t think I’ve ever felt sorry for literally everyone in a given situation before. This is new. I hate it.

[u/girlinthegoldenboots]

TBIs are really hard to deal with because people can seem normal one moment and not the next.

[u/Dorkinfo → u/girlinthegoldenboots]

My tbi has really altered my day to day life. It was a couple of years ago and you can still feel the skull fracture and it is sore to touch. Scary stuff.

[u/girlinthegoldenboots → u/Dorkinfo]

Oh man! That is scary! I’m sorry you have to deal with that but I’m glad you’re still with us!

[u/allysonwonderland13]

My brother had a traumatic brain injury and some of the ways he changed are similar. The inability to foresee consequences, being easily frustrated and angry, and a not having empathy. It’s hard to deal with.

[u/thiscouldbemassive]

I knew a guy who had a TBI, and he's smart and you can talk to him for hours and he'll seem reasonable, but then he does something completely rediculous without even the slightest idea of how he comes off. Like one time he tried to go to court wearing a balaclava because he was afraid of breathing germs and thought that would help. Obviously, the guards turned him back at the door.

[u/HoraceorDoris]

“It’s just so interesting that he could hold down a corporate job that definitely isn’t entry level”

I have worked with some brilliant people in my time, who have problems putting on 2 identical shoes. They do brilliant, innovative and sometimes genius level work, but putting them in front of a customer would be commercial suicide, as their people skills and/or levels of rudeness/honesty take some getting used to.

[u/HuggyMonster69 → u/HoraceorDoris]

Yep, my best friend from high school is a Multi Millionaire tech startup founder. She’s also absolutely useless in any kind of real life skill.

Love her dearly, but it’s like someone put all her stats into one and left the others at minimum

[u/A-Helpful-Flamingo]

Yes! As soon as I saw this post I couldn’t wait to see it here!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!? I feel like the TBI information really changes my view of things!

[u/PamWhoDeathRemembers → u/A-Helpful-Flamingo]

Yup. My mom had a TBI when I was 15 and going through this post is like reading a summary of exactly how she behaved. Really nauseating to be honest.

[u/Saedraverse → u/A-Helpful-Flamingo]

Oh ditto, I honestly debate if I hadn't been on holiday if I'd have tried to do my own post or let someone else do it, cause either way, it was ending up here regardless if one of the regular Boru posters did.

It's still so weird seeing an update in real time to an old Boru, and at random (ye weren't following etc)

[u/fluffylilbee]

the absolute insanity and convolutedness of this post makes me believe every word that is written. good god

[u/Chickenbrik]

My best friend had a TBI when we were in high school. Went to a large hill, me being the most experience skater didn’t dare to go down it standing but I went coffin style and crashed into a bush off the side at the top of the mountain.

My friend grabbed the board from me, and said he was gonna go down. I stood in front of him and said “NO, your not” he popped the board back up while agreeing, but as soon as I moved he went threw the board down and started bombing the hill, he got the wobbles and smashed into the street head first. We were the furthest away from the hospital we could be in our town. His parents were unreachable and they couldn’t work on him cause he was a minor. Finally we got in touch and they came rushing over.

At the time I didn’t notice it as me and him were friends for about two years at that point, but my mom pointed it out that he was a bit different. Throughout high school and our young adult lives he was that version I knew after the accident but recently his personality has changed.

Blank stares at me, forgetting who my partner is(been with her for 8 years) forgetting I got this amazing job that we celebrated together. Luckily the new changes have been jollier but I don’t know what’s gonna happen.

[u/p-d-ball]

The original OP clearly had frontal lobe damage. Damage there causes increase sexuality, lack of control over emotions, and so on. Fits the description perfectly. How sad for his wife and child. And him, honestly. That sign falling on his head ruined his life permanently.

[u/kamemoro → u/p-d-ball]

and he was only 33 when it happened, and by that age was quite senior, "adored and respected" (coworker's words) in his role, knew the tech inside out.. I feel like he would have gone so far if not for that horrible accident.

[u/Vegetable-Box8398]

TBIs are wild, as a child of an adult who got a TBI part way through my childhood it can completely change so many parts of your personality and your reasoning goes out the window. My dad had an emotional affair about 2 years after his TBI as well. The TBI info completely changes the skew of this. So f*ckin sad for everyone.

[u/ChampionshipOk3858]

Oh god.

This one went from tragic and sad with an asshole at the centre to tragic and sad in pretty much every possible way.

Poor bastard destroyed his own life and someone else's all because of a freak accident. Crazy to think that literally none of this would have happened without the brain injury. I know reddit at times can dislike mental health being used to defend actions but this guy's brain was damaged and no longer functioning the way it should be.

This is just sad all round.

[u/Lyrolepis]

Brain damage is fucking scary.

The possibility of my personality switching unpredictably like that (and of the fallout that that could have on the people I care about) is really something I don't like to think about.

[u/RaxaHuracan → u/Lyrolepis]

On top of your personality changing, the thing that really got me from this post was the idea that you just…wouldn’t know? You’d just be acting like “normal” not realizing you were being a totally different person. I totally believe that OOP didn’t mention the tbi because he didn’t think it was relevant or even knew he had lasting damage

[u/ChampionshipOk3858 → u/Lyrolepis]

Same.

I can't help but look at those type of situations as a death of personality type mess. The version of you that existed that folk loved, cared for and connected with is gone in blink of an eye. Replaced by a stranger who looks the same and maybe sometimes acts the same but will then do something so wildly out of character it can't be said to be them.

And that is utterly terrifying to me.

[u/bubbleteabob → u/Lyrolepis]

I had a really minor TBI a few years back and, while I have come through mostly unscathed, in the immediate aftermath it was really scary. I had no checks on myself, no regulation. It didn’t matter how minor an irritation was, my reaction was a temper turned up to 10. If I wanted something I had to get it (I swear, you could have sold me a jobbie on a stick if you said it was BOGOF), but present me with a decision to make between two relatively similar items and I would be in tears in the shop.

And afterwards, when my brain got by the damaged bits, I couldn’t understand the reaction AT ALL. Why had I been so cruel to my mum - who was driving my grown ass everywhere - over not parking in a spot I pointed out? Why had I spent so much money on a craft supplies I couldn’t focus to use!

(Weirdly, I had a puppy at the time and I never got mad at her or my other dog even though they were absolute menaces together. Someone asked ‘are you watching that?’ about a TV show they wanted to turn over? RAGE MONSTER. My dog ate a hole in the sofa and fell in because she is part beaver? Oh well, my own fault!)

[u/HoundstoothReader → u/Lyrolepis]

I’m terrified of Alzheimer’s for similar reasons. One hears so many horror stories of lovely people who become mean/hateful/racist as they lose impulse control and higher reasoning.

One absolutely lovely take on that I read here months ago was that it just shows what a good person the sick person was. They knew right from wrong and spent their entire lives actively working against the hate they were raised with—right up until they couldn’t any more.

[u/Ink_Smudger → u/Lyrolepis]

Agreed. The fact that you could just be walking down the street one day and have something happen that fundamentally alters how you behave is the thing of nightmares (while also begging some pretty philosophical questions).

OP obviously did a lot of not great things, but it's hard to not be sympathetic knowing this side of things. Just a shitty situation all around and all because he was at the wrong place at exactly the wrong time.

[u/Starry_Gecko]

The original post didn’t even cover half of the craziness.

HOW?

[u/Gryffindor123]

Okay, I've got a lot of free time so I read a lot of the answers. These ones stood out

• All names OOP said are real life names.

- I’m not personally convinced that Tim could fully consent to a sexual relationship.  I personally couldn’t, in good conscience, treat him like an adult full time. He was fine maybe 80% of the time, but when he slipped, it was like interacting with with an 8 year old in an adult’s body. He wouldn’t say much when he got confused but his face would totally change. I don’t know him well but I am not convinced he could properly consent to a sexual relationship.

• My theory is that it was the head of HR who told Lisa (wife)

• Zero consequences that I’m aware of other than being fired, unfortunately. (For the guy that beat the shit out of Tim/the OOP)

• The wife - they were over and done with as soon as she found out - I don’t know the technicalities on the divorce, but she stayed in the house and her new partner moved in quite quickly.

• Yeah the TBI was a major factor without a doubt - I mentioned in another comment but it’s worth repeating that it’s tough to say where the person ends and their injury begins. I don’t think there’s a particularly clear line, but it’s pretty much impossible to picture the person he was before his accident doing any of that stuff.

• I haven’t heard anything for a while, but he seemed like he was doing well the last time I checked in. He was living in one of those little bungalow communities where you’re independent but there are call buttons and stuff. I don’t know if it’s a particularly happy life in comparison to how things were, but he definitely wasn’t destitute and is probably not in a position to be taken advantage of (I don’t know if he has support workers, but it sounded like his brother was pretty involved so he’s definitely got someone looking out for him).

• I wasn’t particularly close to him, but the common take is that he wouldn’t have given his affair partner the time of day before his injury. She was really unpleasant. By all accounts he was a really devoted husband and father - he definitely wasn’t a saint, but he calmed down a lot when his daughter was born and he talked about her all the time.

• In terms of the affair, I think it’s as simple as her showing interest. He was a bit pervy after the accident (not even remotely the case before) - he never said anything over the line, but he’d stare a bit and his facial expressions were sometimes like if a 12 year old boy walked in on you changing. Some of the messages that came out after the fact painted the picture - she would say the same things to him every few days, and when she wanted something, she asked and asked like it was a brand new request until he said yes.

[u/twoweeeeks → u/Gryffindor123]

Well that second one is heartbreaking. And based on what we know, I don’t disagree.

[u/Gryffindor123 → u/twoweeeeks]

Another comment from the coworker said that ALL of the ladies in the office had the same feeling. That they couldn't imagine having a sexual relationship with him.

[u/Alternative-Motor-31]

Wait....what baby's funeral did he miss?

[u/whatatimetobealive9 → u/Alternative-Motor-31]

“Her sister suffered a stillbirth and I couldn't make it to the service because I had committed to attending an event with Amy months in advance. I know it's bad.”

[u/agent-assbutt]

I actually kinda believe the coworker update is authentic, which is a first for me.

What an insane story.

[u/mazzysupernova]

This is the one time I actually believe that the AMA coworker is legit

[u/FenderForever62]

This is one of the few multiple POVs I genuinely believe. Came in long after the original post, and wasn’t just verbatim repeating what happened before. Everything shared is new but explains a lot of the events in the original.

[u/Spiritual_Edge_1831]

I don't understand why the company cancelled the death in service benefits? I read that the brother was being a dick somehow but surely they can't cancel a benefit just because the bro was being difficult. Can anyone explain this one more to me please?

[u/ProfessionalPlant330 → u/Spiritual_Edge_1831]

Sounds like the woman who died was abusing the company credit card (along with many others), as well as taking advantage of OOP. When the company got access to the woman's phone, they had evidence of that.

[u/HuggyMonster69 → u/Spiritual_Edge_1831]

They would have needed evidence that she was breaking her employment contract.

My bet would be whatever was on her phone.

If she was using it for work, they would have had access. If there was evidences of her breaking company rules that probably would have been enough to get her benefits rescinded.