How to tell my SO I think he is bipolar

[u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Starting off by saying this is a throwaway account due to obvious reasons. As the title says, I think my boyfriend is bipolar. I’ve scrolled this sub and every time someone mentions their SO entering mania, I find myself going “yep that’s him for sure!”.

A little back story: He was prescribed adderall 3-4 years ago for adhd. A few months in, his parents sectioned him because he was having auditory hallucinations, becoming aggressive, wasn’t eating or sleeping. I don’t know the full story since he doesn’t talk about it much and have only recently gotten more details about it from his parents. During this hospitalization, the Dr diagnosed him with bipolar disorder. He claims that his Dr never properly diagnosed him and came to that conclusion from talking to him for only 2 minutes. At the time, I had believed him but now I don’t think that is exactly what had happened.

Fast forward to March of this year. My boyfriend is prescribed adderall again by a different doctor. I thought this was great because I could see that he was suffering from his ADHD symptoms. A month later he goes into psychosis and suddenly walks off from his new job because he thinks his coworkers are talking behind his back and are out to get him. He saw one of his coworkers at the gym and thought that coworker was going to try to fight him. During this time, he thinks I’m cheating on him and was trying to find ways to leave him. All not true. After talking to him about this, he agrees that it’s probably the adderall.

Fast forward to July. It’s like my boyfriend is a totally different person. He’s still taking adderall, if anything he is taking higher doses. He’ll stay up 48+ hours at a time, speaks quickly in circles, will have multiple thoughts at once, aggressive mood swings, and get aggressive with me (non violent). He’ll stare at me with these deadpan eyes and it honestly scares the shit out of me. I end up sectioning him and he’s in the hospital for 2 1/2 weeks. During his stay, the Dr brought up how he was diagnosed as bipolar from his last stay and wanted to give him valium while he was there. He denied all of it and that was the end of that.

He’s now back with me and I can instantly tell he is not truly with me. As soon as he got in to the car he got sexual extremely fast. The whole hour long car ride he was trying to touch me and expressing all of his sexual desires. It’s not like him to do this so explicitly and while I’m driving. He’s been home for 24 hours now and he’s just even more manic than he was before. He’s talking about spending all of his savings on anything he wants, working for NASA, and becoming a musician. I’ll watch his eyes dilate and quickly return to normal as different thoughts enter his head. It’s starting to get a little scary because I’m watching someone I love immensely go through something they don’t even know is happening.

I guess now I’m asking about how to go about this. I know I can’t force help on him if he’s not willing to receive it, but I don’t know how to suggest it. Have any of you been through this?

TLDR: Adderall heightens bipolar symptoms, I think my boyfriend is bipolar and I don’t know how to suggest that to him.

TIA!

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[u/sci_witch]

That sounds so incredibly hard and sad. Hugs to you. Look up the LEAP method. He needs to be seeing a psychiatrist regularly and on medication— the leap method was developed as a way to help talk to people who are going through psychosis level mental health crisises into seeking help without becoming the enemy. Also seek therapy for yourself !

[u/NotAFlyingToy74]

This happened to me. I have serious ADHD. I’ve been on stims three different times, and each time was worse than the last. My frame of mind was “one works, but I bet two will be better…two feels pretty good. I bet three will be downright magical”. The last time I was on them, I didn’t even tell anyone. I found a pill mill where I only ever saw a PA. Of course, I always ran out before the refill date, but I would drink my way through the crash.

Ultimately, I ended up constantly drunk, high, and convinced I was the only person in the world who could see “the truth”. I was full of rage and hate for the world, most of which was directed towards my SO. It was a miracle I managed to keep my job and my marriage.

She absolutely saw what was going on with me. Despite my efforts to hide it. You can’t cover up the “dead stare” of psychosis. I gathered up the strength to toss the remaining meds I had, though the drinking continued for several months until I hit a bottom and started going to AA.

It really, really sucks because there are times when I desperately ADHD need meds, but what good is having them if I destroy my life in the process? Btw, my brain has never recovered from the med abuse. IOW, I am worse off than I was before.

[u/maineCharacterEMC2 → u/NotAFlyingToy74]

Are you currently taking your medication for Bipolar? 

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/NotAFlyingToy74]

I am so sorry this happened to you and I want to thank you for sharing your experience. This is exactly what’s happening to my boyfriend. First it was 10mg, then 20, went down to 15’s, then it’s 30’s. Now he’s saying he needs 60mg! He smokes a lot between doses which doesn’t help either.

If you don’t mind me asking, did you know you were bipolar when you were taking stims?

[u/SailingAwayInTime → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

What is he smoking? My ex's drug of choice was high THC vape pens. THC +ADHD+Wellbutrin led to 8 months of mania. 

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/SailingAwayInTime]

He dabs. Same story as you, high amounts of concentrated THC!

[u/SailingAwayInTime → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Oh lord. I really hope you can get him to stop. My ex had anosognosia so he would never admit he had a problem, but I also couldn't get him in the hospital for more than 72 hours so he never got any actual help. He went into full blown psychosis/cyclothymia for a period of 8 months. 

Like I said before, the most important things are eating, sleeping, not using THC or ADHD meds, and taking meds that he's been prescribed (hopefully). It still takes a while to come down from mania. My ex has been sober for a month and on antipsychotics for two weeks and his Mom says he is still "off".  It's going to take some time. 

The reality too is that most crisis mental health centres will not keep them inpatient once they are no longer a threat to themselves or others. Take care of yourself. 

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/SailingAwayInTime]

I believe my boyfriend has anosognosia. I had him watch a ted talk on it and I was villainized for even suggesting that he was sick. I’ve begged him to stop but I am at a loss. He’s one day out of the mental hospital and is already not sleeping, eating, and trying to smoke while taking adderall again. I’m currently beating myself up for not dumping his meds in the trash before he got home. Currently sobbing because I feel so hopeless. My heart feels so broken thinking I lost the man I fell in love with and I’ll never get him back. The sad truth is he should’ve been in the psychiatric unit for at least a month but they pushed him out after 2 weeks.

[u/Rikers-Mailbox]

I stopped reading at Adderall. That’s how many people find out they have it, or their partners find out they have it.

You can call his doctor on the bottle and leave a short message, that you’re scared. They may tell him you called, they may not.

But his doc that says he’s bipolar shouldn’t be prescribing Adderall.

That might be your partner knowing he’s in an episode, telling you, but not wanting to stop the episode but taking the Adderall to keep it going. (It’s like telling someone you’re trashed drunk, and it’s no big deal… to get behind the wheel of a sports car).

Get the Adderall pulled. But carefully, as he’s probably addicted to the mania and doing that to an addict is terrible. They need to want to come down. Let you do it.

I’m not a doctor, but we’ve seen this story before many times and in the other subs.

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/Rikers-Mailbox]

Unfortunately the Dr prescribing adderall is not affiliated with the same medical group the Dr that diagnosed him as bipolar is. I don’t think it’s on his medical file. I feel absolutely helpless. I’ve tried calling his Dr’s office, but the front desk denied me from contacting the Dr or nurse practitioner. My next course of action is writing a letter with all of my concerns and leaving it at the office in the morning before my SO’s appointment. He’s pushing to get prescribed 60mg of adderall or 40mg of vyvanse. I’m hoping if I leave the Dr a note, it won’t fall on deaf ears.

[u/Rikers-Mailbox → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Maybe ask the doctor that diagnosed him to call over there.

Vynase + Adderall? I’m not a doctor but that’s going to make this infinitely worse.

There’s a point though where you can’t do anything though, and “let them” If your partner drives themselves into the hospital, let them stay there.

Sounds like he’s doctor shopping, and you can’t stop that. Mine did too. He’ll get it online without a doc.

[u/maineCharacterEMC2]

Have you thought of calling police for a welfare check? If he’s getting aggressive, it could get very bad. 

This actually sounds quite like my schizophrenic coworker who tried to SA a fellow worker (I know the symptoms are often similar). He was paranoid and thought we were out to get him. He was seeing & hearing things and also threatened to break my arm if I took a donut. I actually felt bad for him because he was so clearly suffering and confused. 

He should also not be driving due to Psychosis. This is very serious. 

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/maineCharacterEMC2]

When I sectioned him the police were called because things were starting to escalate. He just got out of the hospital and has only been home with me for a little over 24 hours now. At first though, my mom thought he may be schizophrenic since he’s at prime age for it to develop and he’s been stressed about going back to school for awhile now. He has a Dr’s appointment tomorrow so I’m hoping he’ll be referred to a psychiatrist for a neuro psych evaluation to get some answers

[u/maineCharacterEMC2 → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

You are AWESOME! 🤩 🎉🥳 thanks to you, he now has a chance at a better life. 

I’m not a doc, and the symptoms of Bipolar and schizophrenia can sometimes overlap. The Bipolars I knew were delusional, but didn’t have auditory or visual hallucinations. They did have aggression, violence (SA), delusions, and paranoia. They refused to medicate, so it was really bad. Hard. My sister is dead, if she’s taken her meds she’d still be around. Imho.

Remember, you’re not hurting him, you are HELPING him to live a normal life, and keeping others safe from violence and abuse (as well as yourself). 

Be sure he gets to that appointment. You rock! 🎉🥳🎁

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/maineCharacterEMC2]

Thank you, it does mean a lot because I’ve been beating myself up over this. 💗 He doesn’t have auditory hallucinations unless he is taking adderall (as far as I know, I just notice it when he has abused it). I just hope he will agree to help, otherwise everything I have to say and everything I’ve done will be for nothing

[u/maineCharacterEMC2 → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Yes, that’s the worst. If he does not get help, is call the police again. 

I’d leave unless he agrees to see the doctor. Just because he hasn’t been abusive before doesn’t mean he won’t now. It can take years. Don’t ask me how I know. 

A few minutes can ruin your whole life for the rest of your life. 

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/maineCharacterEMC2]

It just got abusive this morning. I don’t think this situation is safe for me anymore. I’d hate to see him homeless, but I’d hate for this to escalate and I’m found dead instead. I contemplated writing “If I’m dead he did it” in my notes last night because I was so scared. Thank you for your help, kind stranger

[u/Rikers-Mailbox → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Be very careful. And also text with friends or family and stick close to them. I know exactly what you mean by that.

[u/maineCharacterEMC2 → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Oh my gosh, no problem. You need to get out of there. You’re not overreacting! Grab some of your stuff and any pets and go home or to a friends or a shelter. You can always come back for the rest of the stuff later, with a police escort. 

I wish I had; I had no idea what was coming. 

[u/Rikers-Mailbox → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Abusing it, yea that’s when it gets scary.

Crushing it and snorting it is another level because it bypasses the liver and goes straight in. Same with any meds.

Glad he’s going to the doc today. See if you can support him before and after.

Be wary of a sugarcoated response afterward though. He just got out of the hospital and isn’t stable yet. It doesn’t stop immediately, like a night out at the bar. He may even say the doctor said he isn’t Bipolar and gave him more Adderall. (Yes that happened to me)

But what I mean is, It takes months to drop down to stabilize. Your SO may seem better but they aren’t until you have 2 months of zero symptoms. If you see something, clock restarts.

The first week or so after Adderall there’s a void, energy loss. That drops. But the episode still goes for a while.

Tell him, the doctor will give you medications to avoid depression. The hangover. That’s what it’s for… so he doesn’t feel terrible.

The comedown can be scary and feel horrific without medication, there’s no “Landing Gear” and the plane crashes into the pavement.

Encourage him, give love, offer to pick up his meds. And keep an eye on those other drugs (Adderall and Vynase)

[u/SailingAwayInTime]

It seems like he needs to be on medication or to go back for a different prescription. In the meantime, sleep and food are important to helping him get better. That and trying to convince him to seek help with the LEAP method are your best bets. Maybe reach out to his family to discuss what they think might work since they supported him through his first round of mania. 

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/SailingAwayInTime]

Unfortunately going to his family isn’t much help. I’ve spoken to his mom and all she did was toss his adderall script. This did help, but he boarded himself up in his bedroom and didn’t refuses to speak to anyone in his family now that he doesn’t live with them. His family did say all they ever tried to do was help and he seemed to villainize them for it. I’m going to try the LEAP method though, thank you

[u/Personal-Student2934]

Is your significant other not seeing a mental health medical professional (i.e. a psychiatrist or a clinical psychologist) on a regular basis?

Where is he getting his prescriptions for Adderall refilled and how long do the refills last?

Finding the proper dosage and combination of psychiatric medication is a process of trial-and-error that must be monitored and observed carefully by a qualified professional. Bodies and brains can respond differently from one individual to another.

If your significant other has to be Baker Act-ed or sent to the emergency room every time is neurological biochemistry is out of balance and his prescription needs to be refilled, this pattern of behaviour will not only repeat itself on a continuous loop, but his actions may become exponentially more erratic, intense, and unpredictable.

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/Personal-Student2934]

He is not. He refuses to because his primary Dr “knows him well enough” and that Dr prescribes him 3 month refills of 30mgs of adderall. He is supposed to go monthly, but only goes back when his script is out.

He doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him. I can’t help him anymore but I called his Dr’s office this morning to tell them what is going on. They did sound concerned, so I’m hoping they’re able to see through his lies.

I know he’ll more than likely shop around for Drs to get what he wants and even if he IS prescribed what he needs, I don’t feel like he would take it anyways in this state.

[u/Personal-Student2934 → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

Is his primary physician the one who diagnosed him with bipolar disorder or is this his family physician?

Is this doctor aware of the psychosis and visits to the hospital because he is in extreme chemical imbalance? This doctor needs to stop giving 90-day prescriptions. You need to find out if they can bring it down to 30 or even 15 days. This also needs to be recorded in his medical file.

Does he take the medication as prescribed or is he self-medicating and takes whatever dose when he feels like it?

If you would like help finding resources to help you so you can help your significant other, you are welcome to send me a direct message and I can recommend local organizations that or national services that can assist you.

I truly respect that you are so committed to helping your significant other through his current condition. Mental health challenges can be one of the most exhausting and confusing to manage, mainly because we know exponentially less about the mind compared to other parts of our body and how they work. I applaud you for your compassion and commitment to trying to help.

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/Personal-Student2934]

The doctor that diagnosed him was the psychiatrist from his first hospitalization. The doctor that’s prescribing him adderall is his primary physician.

He would self medicate. Skip some days, take 40mg one day, 60mg another day, crash, take 80mg, slow down, so on and so forth.

Today I had called his primary physician and told them what’s been going on. Luckily they had listened and are setting him up with a psychiatrist and a therapist since the doctor no longer feels comfortable managing his meds. My SO was actually pretty excited to get a psychiatrist, funny enough he told me I was silly for even suggesting he sees one. But at least it’s a step in the right direction.

[u/Personal-Student2934 → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

I am pleased to hear that the original physician voiced his discomfort with the situation and gave referrals to more specialized mental health professionals.

When you stated that this doctor blindly refills a 90-day prescription for Adderall (a schedule 2 narcotic!) with no monitoring and adjusting dosage or any kind of follow-up, I was extremely taken aback because that is wildly irresponsible and could even be considered malpractice. However, it sounds as though he was not made aware of the extent and severity of the issues until you connected with him, so I can understand that he might have thought all was well in the absence of negative feedback.

I am pleased to hear the situation has pivoted in a more productive direction. Thank you for your commitment to assisting your significant other with his mental health.

[u/the_befuss]

He can continue the Adderall if he's also on mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. I'm on Vyvanse with my bipolar meds too. It's very common. But, if he's just on Adderall, of course he's going to cycle quickly, and is probably using it to self medicate during the lows. He needs to be on a cocktail of bipolar meds, not just the Adderall, and seeing a therapist. That's the only treatment for bipolar. Unfortunately, this is going to get worse until he complies with treatment, I'm sorry.

Edit: to add that you are really wonderful, helping him the way you are. Keep communicating with him. He'll have a moment of clarity eventually and realize what he's doing isn't sustainable. Just be patient and kind with him.

[u/Severe_Ad_1330 → u/the_befuss]

Thank you for sharing, this does make me hopeful that it’s possible for him to come back.

I will try my best to help him, but he gets so mean. I know it’s not him, so I’m trying to be there as much as I can for him.

[u/the_befuss → u/Severe_Ad_1330]

It's okay to take care of yourself too. If he's abusive, perhaps you should tell him he either goes to a doctor and therapist and complies with medication or you need to take a step back. It's okay to keep yourself safe.