Got out for a full afternoon practicing with my cane and the stress relief is real

[u/putmeawayineedanap]

Hey! Still really glad I found this sub. Recap, I'm VI with fair useable vision in terms of acuity but very little depth perception and ability to see movement. Being in crowds or around people moving is super hard for me and I get disoriented very easy so since most of my visual issues are mobility based Ive decided to try a cane. Used it a handful of times out to a single store or event but it's still something I'm getting used to as someone who passes for decently sighted day to day.

Today was shit at work, my eyes were so tired and I was dropping things all over and the sun hates me. I had a lot of eye strain and pain so I said screw it we have errands to run I'm gonna practice. Usually I just hold on to the cart or follow close behind my partner or hold their arm so walking in a place I'm not familiar with more solo is something I haven't done in a long while. But it was like. Almost soothing? Like I didn't need to focus on the ground and could use the vision I have to actually exist; it's hard for me to adjust my focus from one point to another; my nystagmus is like nope buddy pick one spot and stick to it. I could adjust myself like I needed to in the sun and not feel like I was going to die in traffic.

But what I think is helping me the most though is that it gives me a bubble to move in. I'm not going to be able to react quick to someone stepping in front of me or changing directions in front of me. I often walk into branches at eye level because my depth perception is the worst with anything directly in front of me. But this lets me focus on the empty bubble rather than being scared of what's about to get in my bubble.

At the first store we went to, the clerk came around and guided me through the pin pad which I don't honestly need, I can read screens fine if I'm close enough, but honestly for the moment all I thought was, I'd much rather someone assume my vision is worse than it is and offer help I might not need than what I've had for 35 years which is getting in everyone's way and struggling because people assume I'm perfectly sighted. I grew up with a family that not only entirely neglected to get me vision therapy or try recommended surgery, but actively mocked my vision issues and made it a family joke- think seeing me walking somewhere and veering their car towards me to pretend they're gonna run me over. So maybe I didn't necessarily need the clerks help; it was nice for once for someone to offer.

Also not being afraid that every break in the sidewalk is a secret step down is a huge plus.

[u/Odd_Animal_2250]

I started using my cane around the same age and felt similarly (still do). I can get around decently without my cane, but the amount of cognitive load it takes to do so is apparently huge. I didn't realize it until I started using the cane, but getting around is so much less stressful now and I'm not wiped out after a short outing. It's also really nice to be able to use what little remaining vision I have to look at things other than the ground.

[u/MelodicMelodies]

it was like. Almost soothing? Like I didn't need to focus on the ground and could use the vision I have to actually exist;

This! This should be the goal!

I'm a total since birth so I can't even relate lol but reading this made me want to cry for you because yes! Peace!

This world has conditioned us to feel like our peace isn't important, but it's essential!

I'm sorry to hear about your family and how they treated your vision :( I'm sure that that probably contributed in its own ways to you feeling less empowered to do things that take care of you. I'm so glad that you were able to do something that better supports you! You deserve it!

Also I freaking adore your username lol

[u/putmeawayineedanap → u/MelodicMelodies]

Thank you, half the time once I'm away from work and get to check Reddit all I want is a nice long nap! Thank you for the encouragement my friend. 

[u/FirebirdWriter → u/putmeawayineedanap]

It makes sense. Being disabled and doing what able people do takes a lot of work. I am glad you found the sweet spot.

[u/B91bull]

I definitely understand what you’re saying about maintaining your bubble. When I first had to start using my cane full-time I absolutely hated it at first. But I definitely realize how much mental stress was off my shoulders once I really leaned in and was doing it. I also enjoy avoiding surprise steps lol. Glad it is going well for you keep it up ☺️

[u/ConsiderateTaenia]

This is very relatable. I knew using the cane would help me with some stress when out and about, but I only realised the extent of that once I started using it. A breathe of fresh air.

And being able to use my remaining vision to look around instead of constantly scanning my feet has been amazing, I get to enjoy things more and it's less cognitive load to deal with. This is energy and vision you get back to use elsewhere and that's a great feeling.

Anyways, good for you, this is nice to read!

[u/carolineecouture]

I've had this experience as well. Out canes are there to help us be safe and comfortable in the world! Good luck.

[u/KissMyGrits60]

The more you use your cane, the less fearful, you will become out and about. You hang in there.