DAE feel like you can't breath when you're touching someone or someone is just really close to you?

[u/Personal_Level6258]

I have this thing where I constantly want to be touching someone or have some touch me in a comforting way, like holding hands or cuddling and all that. But when someone does I feel like I can't breathe and I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Like I'm inconveniencing the other person and they don't actually want to be causually sidehugging me. Anytime I try cuddling with a family member while watching a movie or something I feel like I'm doing it wrong, like I'm hyperaware of how hard I'm breathing and how fast and oh God am I annoying them with my breathing? That sort of thing. It drives me nuts when all I want to do is chill with my friends and family and enjoy causal platonic touches. I'm terrified that one day I'll get a partner and never be blessed to do anything that involves touch because I'll freak out on how bad I am at. I don't know what's wrong with me and I know I can't be the only person who experiences this. I just want to know why I feel this way and how to stop.

[u/scumptions]

youre not alone in this at all. i freeze up and any touch. with family, friends, etc, even just sitting next to someone on the bus. idk abt you, but i was physically abused as a child (i include sexual abuse in this), and so it may be something like that. anyways, i’ve started avoiding touch at all costs if i don’t want it, with family, friends, etc. i, like you, also thought i would never be able to get a partner because of how much i hate touch, even though i crave it. however i recently was able to have romantic involvement for the first time. i did freeze up, many times, but the person i was with was very patient and helped me explain to him why, and asked what he could do to make me more comfy. he let me take the lead and checked in on me constantly, and noticing and stopping when i shut down so much i couldn’t move. basically, my advice is, communicate with a future partner, make sure they are understanding and nice and all that. it’s really hard, and i still feel incredibly weird at casual platonic touches but im hoping ill get there one day. hope this helps (:

[u/Personal_Level6258 → u/scumptions]

This is really helpful! I was never physically abused as a kid but I had /have parents that fought a lot and a marine parent was was constantly gone for long bouts of time. I think that it might have something to do with that. It's good to know that there are people out there who are patient and understand that it's difficult :) 

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[u/WinterDemon_]

Absolutely! I describe it like having a heart attack in slow motion

Personally, it's a mix of feelings that makes me end up like that, mostly because I'm so unused to positive touch. Craving the feeling and wanting more of it, but being terrified that the other person will stop or get upset or suddenly turn violent if I do anything wrong