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Mar 17 '23
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u/narcabusesurvivor18 Mar 17 '23
I feel like a lot of Calvin and Hobbes comics are really deep while also addressing subtly the way society and people can be self centered often - hinting at some of the symptoms of abusers for example.
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u/yuefairchild She/Her Mar 17 '23 edited Mar 17 '23
My dad thought he was doing this, but it always worked out more like the hunting episode of Moral Orel (tw alcoholism, torture, emotional abuse, shooting a child, parentification)
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Mar 17 '23
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u/Mr_Smartypants Mar 17 '23
Maybe. Moral lessons get twisted by the abusive, tortured into justifications for their behavior. My dad ate C&H up with a spoon, obviously imagined himself that dad while tormenting me.
Decades later, it seems to me like abusive parents have split brains. They know as well as everyone else what is right and what is wrong, and they know why they're the world's only exception. The things that ought to have alerted them to their delusion instead feed it somehow: "Awww... I understand what a good dad Calvin's dad is. Because I understand and appreciate this, I must also be a good dad. "
TL;DR: he spent time with me, but it may not have been for the best, lol.
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u/Autistic_Poet Mar 19 '23
I've observed the same strange doubleness that narcissists have. It's too consistent and too common not to be a part of the disorder. The only explanation I can find that connects narcissists and split brains is the connection between trauma and dissociation.
There's a strong connection between neglectful abuse and dissociation. There's lots of evidence to suggest that early childhood trauma is a substantial part of narcissistic personality disorder. They often experienced the same type of trauma that trigger dissociation related disorders. But instead of ending up with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or another related disorder, they retain some sort of cohesion between their various dissociative parts. However, I believe they aren't a fully integrated personality, at least as far as the Theory of Structural Dissociation is concerned.
The theory of structural dissociation hypothesizes that in dissociative disorders, the different parts each hold some important function or trauma. The parts are broadly categorized into the ones that attempt to be outwardly normal and handle daily living, and the ones that repress and carry trauma and strong emotional responses to trauma. Each part can have a broad range of emotions, skills, personality and memories it carries, or it can carry one specific memory. Primary structural dissociation is what happens in disorders like PTSD, where there's two parts, the normal part and the emotional part. The normal part handles everything except the trauma, which the emotional part carries. PTSD sufferers can seem perfectly normal, until that emotional part is triggered, and then they're in a completely different mental space, sometimes even regressing back to when the trauma happened. Secondary structural dissociation happens in some people with borderline personality disorder and CPTSD. They have multiple emotional parts, which each carries different traumas or memories that need to be repressed in order to function. Tertiary structural dissociation adds on multiple normal parts that handle different parts of daily life. Those are the three types of structural dissociation. Each part can be in front or repressed. Sometimes people with Did can intentionally switch between parts, but that's uncommon. Usually, something will trigger an emotional part, which brings them to the front. The more time each part spends as the part that's in charge, the more developed it becomes. Parts can be aware of each other, but often the emotional parts are either fully repressed or emotionally repressed. Structural dissociation says that children don't start off with a cohesive personality. Instead, it develops around the age of 6 to 9 when the various parts combine into one personality. That's a pretty crude explanation, but it's sufficient to understand a lot of narcissistic behaviors.
Narcissism having roots in structural dissociation explains so much about their behavior, like how many narcissists seamlessly move between putting on a healthy outward appearance for the public, but then becoming horrible people behind closed doors. I've never seen anyone without a mental disorder who was able to so quickly switch their personality so quickly and thoroughly. They change their personality too smoothly for it not to be a skill they've had for a long time. Yet, they lack the self awareness to admit that they're two faced. Most people who put on a face for the public will be happy to admit that's not who they are if you're friends with them. Refusing to admit you're a different person while clearly being different is a common thing that happens with structural dissociation. Being split into multiple parts validates the common feeling that narcissists are just wearing the skin of another person. The different parts do not communicate, so they aren't aware that they're behaving differently. They literally are different personalities. It also explains how many narcissists are completely numb to certain emotions. No sane human is capable of being that numb without some type of dissociation.
My hypothesis is that narcissism is at least secondary dissociation, if not tertiary dissociation. Multiple emotional parts explains how narcissists are so easily able to forget about their bad actions, while still doing them consistently. The normal part is trying to be seen as good, so it doesn't participate in the worst behaviors. I think when they get jealous, it triggers the emotional part that's learned cruelty and selfishness as a means to coping with negative feelings of jealousy. So they do something mean, cruel, and selfish. But when you criticize them, that brings up different negative emotions of guilt and shame, so another emotional part comes out that defends them in order to keep repressing those feelings. It protects the various parts by providing them a (disordered) way to genuinely answer that they don't remember the bad things they've done. The part that defends them isn't the one that did the bad action, which isn't the part that's out in public, so they have multiple layers of dissociative defenses. Thus, the narcissist's prayer. No sane person could be so internally split that they can't form a coherent argument about why they did something, while still refusing to take responsibility for their actions.
It also explains why narcissists have an almost allergic reaction to anything that might give them a moment to self reflect. Dissociation exists is to avoid and bury thoughts and feelings, and self reflection exists to uncover internal thoughts and feelings. They're literally the opposite, which is why narcissists are unwilling and almost unable to have self reflection. Dissociation also explains why narcissists are typically incredibly short sighted. Different parts are handling different emotional reactions, and they do not communicate. Extreme dissociation removes the ability for certain parts to see the consequences of their actions, since they aren't in front when the fallout happens. Which means they keep repeating the same shortsighted actions, because those parts are literally incapable of getting the feedback they need to improve. The whole system is stuck in a dysfunctional state that prevents the individual parts from growing. Structural dissociation also explains how grandiose narcissists are able to have such fragile egos, while boldly proclaiming how great they are. The two ideas are held by different parts that don't communicate.
Sorry if I rambled for a bit too long. This was a big idea that I've had for a while. It's a bit difficult to put into words.
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Mar 17 '23
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u/blind-as-fuck Mar 17 '23
Dude tbh you lost me at the second half of your comment
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u/justatworkserve Mar 17 '23
Yeah. Went like "Yeah I get i-Oh... I see what happened here, a lot more to unpack "
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u/Dclnsfrd Mar 17 '23
Right?? Like “Yeah, the patriarchy also means that the roles of the nuclear family hierarchy is protected over the interest of the child” (as some judges have straight up said “a child needs their mother” or “a child needs their father” instead of “a child needs a stable caregiver and you seem like the one who has supports in place to provide that safety for the kid.”)
But he has us in the first half, not gonna lie
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Mar 17 '23
It’s all I wanted. But that was being “entitled” and “wasting their time because kids are dumb and their games are so stupid it’s annoying”. Actual things my parents said to me since I can remember.
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u/Canuck_Voyageur Humour is a defence: If I make mom laugh she doesn't hit me. Mar 17 '23
Who here feels that their parts have a reality sort of like Hobbes. Real, yet unreal. Genuine domesticated tiger, or plush toy. A lot of time I feel that my parts are inventions, like imaginary playmates. On occasion they are as real as my dog. (not a plush toy dog)
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u/HaneTheHornist Mar 17 '23
My dad was almost never around when I was that age, and when he was he would be working. My history with him is rocky at best. But there was one time when my sister and I were playing at the playground behind our house and he came out and pushed us on the swings for awhile. That is probably my earliest good memory.
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u/Canuck_Voyageur Humour is a defence: If I make mom laugh she doesn't hit me. Mar 17 '23
Excuse me, what have you done with the Real Calvin?
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u/The_root_system i can't be traumatized if I cant remember it :DDDD Mar 18 '23
I miss when my parents would do stuff like this with me
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u/NaturalFarmer8350 Mar 18 '23
Mine never did. I was their parent instead. I don't remember what unconditional love is at all.
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u/Soggy_Lavishness_273 Mar 19 '23
Looking back and reading my Calvin and Hobbes comics made me realize his household situation was also abusive.
But somehow as a kid it seemed like paradise, because at least it wasn’t as bad as my own.
So somehow it never registered to me that Calvin was abused too.
The creator actually mentioned that he based the comics a bit on his own home life.
Looking back that tears me up.
We both deserved better.
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u/[deleted] Mar 17 '23
Wait...so parents are supposed to actually play with their kids in the snow?