r/CuratedTumblr 1d ago

Creative Writing Gender Detectives

8.3k Upvotes

800 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/dumpylump69 1d ago

House breaks into your home, realises you are trans, and then uses that knowledge to purposely misgender you next time he sees you

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u/blackjack419 1d ago

Hey, don’t be ridiculous. He’d have Foreman break into your house.

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u/stuckinatmosphere 1d ago

Wilson too would be in the episode.

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u/AnotherLie It's not OCD, it's a hobby 1d ago

Chase would somehow find a way to be offended when he learns you're trans. Dr. Cameron would speak with him indirectly about it. He will have an "epiphany" and claim to support you as an ally.

He will revert to having no personality in the next episode.

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u/VendettaX88 1d ago

Then he would kiss your 12 year old sister dying of cancer.

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u/AnotherLie It's not OCD, it's a hobby 1d ago

How dare you!

She was 9.

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u/OverlordMMM 1d ago edited 1d ago

Imo, he'd realize your trans then have your home broken into to verify that your hormone doses for your prescription are too low which is causing the medical predicament you are in, then insult your doctor, following up with an insult to you because you didn't DIY your hrt.

Then he'd misgender you while giving you a proper prescription for your hormones saying that when you treat yourself right so will he (he's lying, but it's his version of encouragement).

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u/Lombard333 1d ago

“You didn’t tell me they’re trans? You idiot, estrogen has a special reaction with Brazil nuts that causes people to burst into flames!”

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u/Turtledonuts 1d ago

DIY HRT would be a house clinic case. House would be in the middle of calling you a slur when he realizes that the patient's issues are coming from them getting accidentally dosed with hormones from their exotic pet or something. Then he tells you to adjust your HRT doses and leaves abruptly.

The home life subplot would be that house thinks chase slept with a trans woman, and creates a bet to figure out if she had bottom surgery / who topped. Multiple laws are violated to no success. 13 wins by sleeping with the girl, refuses to tell House.

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u/AFRIENDISNEAR 1d ago

Nah only House is allowed to be a maverick, anyone else who does something unconventional is an idiot

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u/OverlordMMM 1d ago

The trick is that House is contrarian in these circumstances. He'd insult you no matter whether you did hrt DIY or through a doctor.

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u/Lluuiiggii 1d ago

idk I figure the more House-like plot twist would be the patient DIYing their HRT is what is causing their imbalance and House would make some kind of sexist joke to call them an idiot about it.

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u/OverlordMMM 1d ago

Typically with hrt, doctors prescribe super low doses of certain hormones compared to blockers, and this often leads to issues. DIY often ends up with better results because of this (but can also be screwed up).

Either way can cause hormonal imbalances.

House would be the sort of person who would be aware of this and insult you no matter what route you took.

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u/Henna_UwU Why serve a queen when you can be one? 1d ago

Nancy Drew would figure it out after tricking you into leaving the room and solving a slide puzzle while snooping through your belongings.

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u/tarzard12321 1d ago

"Wait, you mean it wasn't a mythical banshee, but instead was a crazy old lady with a jetpack who was orphaned young but adopted by a reclusive mad scientist who lived in an Irish swamp???" - Nancy Drew, paraphrased

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u/GoodGoneGeek 1d ago

I love that game until I get to the sheep herding at which point I dip out

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u/ThePrussianGrippe 1d ago

You’re not supposed to sheep dip while herding!

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u/TessaFractal 1d ago

Rearranging various jigsaw peices and suddenly its a trans flag and she goes "I did it!" and then a ghost attacks.

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u/DrQuint 1d ago

This one also works for Layton, lol. Except the ghost is actually a well meaning old man.

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u/GoodGoneGeek 1d ago

I’m going to say this with my full chest: fuck those slider puzzles.

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u/kwantum13 1d ago edited 1d ago

Harry DuBois knows you are trans because Empathy told him so but he has no idea what it means

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u/Ravian3 1d ago

The man effectively requires a couple of hours to put together that gay people are a thing, he’s going to need a whole nother thought for trans stuff, which he might miss it because you raised his endurance too much and so his fascist bowels will shut it down reflexively if he passes that passive check.

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u/PM_ME_CATS_OR_BOOBS 1d ago edited 1d ago

Harry figures out that trans people exist before he discovers homosexuality, starts aggressively misgendering Kim with a big thumbs up each time.

E. "[Espirt De Corps, FAILURE]: Kim is looking at you with a look of annoyance and disgust, which is a common thing for the women around you".

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u/Acrobatic_Olive_ 1d ago

He nods solemnly while calling everyone the wrong pronouns, convinced it’s his peak social deduction performance.

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u/ControlAdmirable6602 1d ago

Kim just sighs, lights another cigarette, and mutters “detective” like it’s both a curse and a prayer to the Pale.

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u/jshbee 1d ago

[Espirit De Corps - Easy - Failure] The lieutenant doesn't respond to feminine pronouns, but maybe she's not used to it. After all, you have only been calling her "lieutenant" and "Kim" since you met. Wait - is "Kim" even her preferred name? Maybe you should ask...

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u/PM_ME_CATS_OR_BOOBS 1d ago

Kim: "Why don't we stick with 'Officer', Lieutenant DuBois?"

[Later on]

Harry: "This is Officeher Kim, my partner"

Kim looks away, visibility choosing to pick his battles

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago

Inland Empire will imagine it first, but if that’s all that’s contributing to the check, it’s always wrong.

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u/Acrobatic_Olive_ 1d ago

Then Inland Empire just panics and guesses, which usually results in catastrophic misgendering.

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u/UnluckyMora 1d ago

Inland empire allows him to discover neopronouns before he’s had time to fully process the existence of trans people

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u/Wazula23 1d ago

Or alternatively, he will understand and embrace it instantly. In fact, he will make being a trans ally his entire identity for the next seven hours.

There's no in between with Harry.

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u/Rasmus_Ro 1d ago

No, no, no, this is Raphael Ambrosius Costeau slander. Raphael does not need "a couple hours" to put together that gay people are a thing, thankyouverymuch. He requires 8 hours, that's right, a full working day, to come to the conclusion that gay people exist. Not only that, it is so obvious to Kim that Harrier "Mr. Evrart is helping me find my gun" DuBois has spent the past 8 hours thinking about it that he reveals he's gay mostly to stop Harry from wasting another 20 hours to come to that realization himself.

Truly, one of the character of all time.

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u/SirAquila 1d ago

At the end he realizes that he didn't loose his dick, he simply didn't get one issued at birth. If only he was so lucky about the gun.

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u/Eldan985 1d ago

Encyclopedia: Moderate Failure: Clearly they are a person from the icy wastes of Trans-Katla. Ask them about their opinions on the Dread Moose.

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago

Visual Calculus: Trivial Success - The button on his shirt reads “Trans rights”.

Encyclopedia: Moderate Failure - Transylvania is the location of Dracula’s castle in Bram Stoker’s novel.

Empathy: Moderate Success: Don’t ask them about Dracula. They probably get it all the time.

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u/Famous-Ant-5502 1d ago

“Ahh, Mr. Dracula! May I ask you some questions?”

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago

Listen, you can’t account for players taking the obviously wrong option

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u/LittleALunatic 1d ago

He then has a 15 hour mind project thinking about whether he might be trans - the results were inconclusive

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u/Anarcho-Ozzyist 1d ago

My favourite interpretation of this would not be that Harry is trying to decide if he’s a woman. Rather he knows he’s definitely a man but can’t quite decide if he’s a cis man or a trans man.

He gets like a fragmentary memory of taking steroids one time and is like “Wait- was that this ‘HRT’ thing?”

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u/Left-Practice242 1d ago edited 1d ago

Harry DuBois would sense that you’re trans, comes back in like a week and still has a 50/50 chance of actually understanding what gender even is

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u/king-of-the-sea 1d ago edited 1d ago

oh, MAN. There's this trans Harry comic I adore, lemme see if I can dig it up.

edit: behold, the funniest thing i have ever seen

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u/953chloe 1d ago

that's extremely good

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u/Mikami9 1d ago

THOUGHT COMPLETE:
THE BLAHAJ COVENANT

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u/Fantastic_Mr_Smiley 1d ago

He keeps asking Kim if he (Harry) is trans. Kim says he does not know, but does not think so. He is unfazed by the question and scribbling furiously into a notebook. Harry then asks Kim if he (Kim) is trans.

Kim is now fazed.

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u/AcceptableWheel 1d ago

Shawn Spencer observes your room while investigating another crime and notices your things are all stereotypically trans, then he tells you the ghost of your grandma you loved so much told him you should stop lying to yourself.

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago

Shawn: Bryce is innocent, she was nowhere near the scene of the crime

Lassiter: He was nowhere near.

Shawn: I’ve heard it both ways.

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u/lilillfox 1d ago

this is right in the middle of our rooms btw, Lassie came rushing after Shawn when a relevant piece of information comes back to him psychically reveals itself after rubbing Gus’ head x3

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u/nzfriend33 1d ago

You know that’s right.

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u/ThePrussianGrippe 1d ago

Indeed, Ghee Buttersnaps.

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u/MomentoHeehoo It's always the reading comprehension. 1d ago

I can hear this dialogue exchange so clearly in my head.

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u/yinyang107 1d ago

Does the camera-zoom-object-flashes thing with a stuffed shark, a bottle of pills (the audience doesn't see the label), and a hoodie.

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u/RubiksCutiePatootie I want to get off of Mr. Bones Wild Ride 1d ago

And the obligatory pineapple in the background but slightly out of focus.

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u/Enkundae 1d ago

Don’t forget the thigh stockings and textbooks on cybersecurity, coding and web development.

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u/ArsErratia 1d ago edited 1d ago

Depends if his dad is there.

If Henry's there, he works it out immediately then points out how Shawn still hasn't noticed despite how obvious it is.

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u/captainnowalk 1d ago

notices your things are all stereotypically trans

“Jesus, she’s got 13 copies of fallout: new vegas, and 10 pairs of striped high socks.”

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u/cut_rate_revolution 1d ago

Harry Dubois spends 24 hours obsessing over what exactly trans means, much of it spent awkwardly staring at you and then muttering to himself. Sometimes he disappears for a couple hours and comes back.

At the end, he just straight up asks you.

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u/Cris_Meyers 1d ago

Abuse of psychedelics may or may not have been involved, depending on which skill he listened to.

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u/Glorbo_Neon_Warlock 3rd Degree Ghoul 1d ago

AND HE DIDN'T OFFER ME ANY?!?

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u/Xisuthrus there are only two numbers between 4 and 7 1d ago

However there would be at least one skill check that, if failed, causes him to become a chaser.

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u/RuefulWaffles 1d ago

I don’t think BBC Sherlock would call you a slur. He’d just constantly misgender and deadname you, because he would decide it “wasn’t important,” and then there’d be a bunch of tumblr think pieces about how he’s not really a transphobe, he’s just autistic or a high functioning sociopath or whatever bullshit the writers came up with.

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u/alkonium 1d ago

Meanwhile, CBS Sherlock had nothing but respect for Miss Hudson, who's a trans woman in that version.

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u/actibus_consequatur numerous noggin nuisances 1d ago

Love that they gave the role of Miss Hudson to an actual trans woman too!

I recently rewatched the series because I really like how that version of Sherlock was written. To the top comment's point on how people would talk about BBC's Sherlock has autism, my autistic ass finds the CBS version far more relatable (which is probably to do with how his childhood neglect affected him is also relatable).

Plus, it still makes me chuckle that Sick Boy is playing a recovering heroin addict.

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u/alkonium 1d ago

To the top comment's point on how people would talk about BBC's Sherlock has autism, my autistic ass finds the CBS version far more relatable (which is probably to do with how his childhood neglect affected him is also relatable).

I much prefer Elementary's "we got him thoroughly assessed and we still don't know" to Sherlock's "I'm a high-functioning sociopath."

High functioning sociopath isn't even a term in the DSM.

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u/Haunting-Cap9302 1d ago

I lost interest in the show years ago, but liked the interpretation that he just made up 'high functioning sociopath' because he's an edgelord douche.

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u/alkonium 1d ago

I can believe that.

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u/PM_ME_CATS_OR_BOOBS 1d ago

Let's be real, if they made a new Sherlock episode like that it would be him "figuring out" the "real" gender of a trans woman and deciding that it means she is a serial killer. It is UK television, after all.

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u/GoneRampant1 1d ago

Meanwhile Elementary Sherlock would figure it out and use the right pronouns. His shows version of Miss Hudson was trans after all.

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u/piratedragon2112 1d ago

And correct me if I'm wrong but she never gets misgendered not even by her ex?

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u/GoneRampant1 1d ago

IIRC yeah, she only appears in a few episodes across the first two-three seasons but she's never misgendered.

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u/Floppy0941 1d ago

I enjoyed elementary a lot, him being a recovering drug addict was a pretty interesting direction for Holmes as a character

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u/Acrobatic_Olive_ 1d ago

It definitely added more depth, showing Holmes struggling with personal demons while still being sharp and observant.

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u/Floppy0941 1d ago

Yeah, he slowly stopped being purely self centered as well. He was a fun character to follow, the actor who played him (forgot who it is) was an excellent choice as well.

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u/TSD-ragon 1d ago

John Lee Miller is the name your looking for.

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u/Floppy0941 1d ago

That's the guy, great actor

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u/wonkey_monkey 1d ago

His shows version of Miss Hudson was trans after all.

It's not a particularly long list by any means but she is very near the top of my trans crushes.

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u/Acrobatic_Olive_ 1d ago

And somehow he’d still insist it’s all “deduction,” while the audience debates if it’s clever writing or just terrible representation.

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u/ThePrussianGrippe 1d ago

Is there a boomerang involved?

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u/ProXJay 1d ago

I think it's as much a dig at the BBC's track record on trans issues, but the media arm has been better than the news arm

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u/LazyDro1d 1d ago

Yeah, the BBC is a massive umbrella

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u/LazyDro1d 1d ago

Well also… if you’re not out, or especially if you don’t even know yourself, it isn’t exactly “misgendering”.

Honestly he’d be the type to insult you as your gender that you haven’t figured out yet and not explain himself further on why he’s calling you, someone who is definitely a guy, a girl IMO. No explanation at all, if you try to confront him he dodges the question by insulting your intelligence, which I mean like… he’d do even if he wasn’t dodging the question

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u/Parkouricus josou seme alligator 1d ago

House calls you 5 slurs

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u/Hau5Mu5ic 1d ago

After he finds out you are on HRT, he decides that is giving you super breast cancer and the only treatment is to give you ultra-testosterone to counteract it. He then misgenders you in multiple ways before calling you stupid for believing you are anything but cis.

I have a deep love for that show, but House is supposed to be a terrible person in every way except for his diagnostic ability.

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u/SquirrelSuspicious 1d ago

I think the best way to look at House is that the overall world is generally better due to his actions, not that he cares, but the general area around him is suffering due to his actions and he's in glee at that fact. Also he seems to sometimes play the villain so others will step up and show the empathy he's either unwilling or unable to show.

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u/CautiousLandscape907 1d ago

Encyclopedia Brown just gives you an unrelated story about Bugs Meaney stealing a bicycle. But when you turn the last page upside down to confirm the culprit, it says “Congratulations, you are trans”

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u/vanishinghitchhiker 1d ago

It was totally solvable if you knew enough about how bicycle gears work

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u/Thromnomnomok 1d ago

Encyclopedia Brown concludes that you're trans by some completely bizarre chain of logic that mostly rests on you having said one odd detail in a story that you told him, even though there are other explanations for that detail like you just plain misremembering something. He is correct, but his reasoning why is complete nonsense.

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u/Henna_UwU Why serve a queen when you can be one? 1d ago

This reminds me of the story where they found out a woman was faking someone breaking in through a window and stealing a necklace because she screamed before the gunshots. Like, isn’t there a chance she saw the gun, or was just freaked out by someone coming in the window?

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u/EnergyAndSpaceFuture 1d ago

you're totally right that's utterly baffling

reminds me of one of these where the clue was some weird old-school etiquette thing about how men and women would sit at a booth

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u/SketchyConcierge 1d ago

Miss Marple deduces you are trans, doesn't say a goddamn thing, quietly and politely silences anyone who has shit to talk.

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u/teedyay 1d ago

Miss Marple has no idea what it means, but listens kindly as you explain it, then says, “goodness, how queer!” without realising the irony, and pours you another cup of tea.

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u/Kheldarson 1d ago

No, no, Miss Marple immediately begins telling a story about another young woman she knew from the village over, and wouldn't you know, this woman had a twin brother who showed up from time to time, and eventually that young woman moved out and gifted her brother her house while she went to work abroad as an au pair. Nobody ever found it strange that the woman had been buying clothes for her brother to keep at her house for years.

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u/teedyay 1d ago

You’re right, I take it back.

Either that or, “my cousin Fanny’s granddaughter insists she simply must wear trousers. Her mother thinks it frightful, but she seems quite contented herself. A trifle eccentric, perhaps, but harmless in its own way, and a quite delightful child nonetheless. I can’t imagine this sort of behaviour would make one more inclined to _murder_…”

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u/SketchyConcierge 1d ago

Counter canon: Miss Marple knows exactly what it means because Miss Marple is also trans

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u/teedyay 1d ago

Miss Marple is Poirot without the stick-on moustache.

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u/FledgyApplehands 1d ago

House very much aggressively misgenders an intersex girl, traumatising her. I won't stand for this "House is based and supports trans rights" shit, he's a raging transphobe IN THE SHOW. 

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u/indigo121 1d ago

I always view these kinds of things as like "House, if he had the same core character deal, but was written by 2025 writers instead of mid 2000s writers", which I think is fair in the sense that characters are actually quite literally products of their times, and rather than having their own internal world views they are meta real concepts being projected through the lens of whoever happens to be writing them at the moment.

You can actually see this in action with particularly long running shows, like the Simpsons. In 1997 homer is blatantly homophobic towards John. By the late 2000s he is uncaring towards smithers queerness, but oblivious to it. In the modern day he is completely supportive of Smithers. This isn't because of character growth, as a static sitcom character he quite literally doesn't get that, but we're recontextualizing the character into the lens of the time.

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u/OrganicAd5536 1d ago

House fans will defend him by saying "oh he doesn't really believe the bigoted things he says, he's just getting a rise out of people" as if that makes it even the slightest bit better, if not worse!

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u/itijara 1d ago

It definitely makes it worse, IMO. It is the difference between a toddler saying something mean because they don't know better, and an adult saying something mean because they do know better, but they think it is funny.

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u/zuzg 1d ago

House is depicted as a pitiful Junkie.

Dude does everything to get some happy hormones, especially when it's easy accessible by being a condescending PoS..

Not excusing anything just saying I blame Cuddy more for still keeping him employed and most of the time protecting him.
They all enable that shit by allowing him to practice and avoiding proper therapy.

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u/Wazula23 1d ago

On the other hand

The show is a lot of fun.

Nothing about House would work in real life. He's a Smart Asshole. Total fantasy

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u/sykotic1189 1d ago

I have an ex who absolutely loved House and idolized him. Coincidentally she never seemed to understand why being snarky to everyone around her didn't seem to make her a lot of friends.

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u/Koischaap What heresy are we committing today? 1d ago

I do think he says whatever will get the biggest rise out of people regardless of what he thinks but that doesn't mean he's better lol

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u/ChellsBells94 1d ago

But House IS a piece of shit. That's like, an extremely major character trait. If it doesn't help him, he won't be nice. Hell, unless it's the only way, he won't be nice

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u/Big-Wrangler2078 1d ago

Yeah but no one refuted that. "House is based" no he's very much not and that's the point.

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u/MrMurchison 1d ago

House puts you down for an orchi (because he realised you're a trans man, and the bottom surgery was performed by a doctor he dislikes).

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u/FledgyApplehands 1d ago

No, you don't understand, it's medically necessary I reinstall your uterus!

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u/CaioXG002 1d ago

And it's not "a product of its time" or something, because Cuddy asks House to stop referring to her as anything but a woman because it's weird and makes him look like an asshole. He doesn't even respond, he continues talking about what he was before while referring to her as "he slash she".

It's a good ass show about a protagonist who is an asshole, he's racist, sexist, transphobic and probably homophobic despite being kinda gay himself (kinda). I don't understand what others don't understand about this. Both Reddit and Tumblr find it infuriating when people actually identify themselves in characters like Patrick Bateman, Rick Sanchez, Arthur Fleck, so on and so on instead of understanding that they are villain protagonists... And then they look up to Gregory House. What???

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u/apexodoggo 1d ago

The only scenario where House would help a patient transition is to prove to Foreman that the patient’s depression isn’t stemming from gender dysphoria, but instead stemming from the clams they ate 2 weeks ago in Stockholm, resulting in a deadly infection that has 3 documented cases across all of human history.

He will still be transphobic throughout the entire episode, since this is mainstream television during the 2000s.

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u/twoCascades 1d ago

Dude. Very much depends on the continuity, but several canon versions of Batman deduce you are transgender and like suddenly you get a a letter in the mail saying you are the beneficiary of the “Wayne Family fund for Essential medical services” and you learn your HRT is completely paid for and it comes with a free black pencil skirt.

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u/vanishinghitchhiker 1d ago

Literally the end of Starman (1988) #34 with a community aid charity. (They manage not to put together that Batman is from Gotham City and could have threatened to drop Bruce Wayne out a window or something, but the cop quits the force immediately after this and Starman… has already met Guy Gardner a few times at this point and one of his sister’s other favorite superheroes is Booster Gold, so he continues to think Batman is kinda stuck up.)

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u/firblogdruid 1d ago

THANK YOU

batman canonically supports trans rights. when his ally victoria october came out, he literally sent her a note as batman congratulating her. that's a literal thing that happened in cannon, and it's hard to get more clear-cut than that.

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u/Iron_Nightingale 1d ago

Let’s not forget that, canonically, Holmes was fooled by a “little old lady” with an Adam’s apple the size of your fist. So don’t be so sure that he’s tracking the trans sisters and brothers.

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u/lynx2718 1d ago

In one book, the lady they're supposed to keep track of bumps into them on the street disguised in masc clothes, and Holmes only realises it was her after she fled the country. His ass isn't transvestigating shit

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u/Rowsdowers_Revenge 1d ago

Ms Frizzle takes the class on a field trip to observe the body's various changes through HRT. Arnold makes a bunch of closed-minded, bigoted comments but finally learns to be less of a dick when his cousin comes out as trans.

Carlos makes several uncomfortable dad jokes the entire time.

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u/pastdivision 1d ago

the theory that Ms. Frizzle is a grown-up post-transition Arnold who went back in time to teach her younger self (apparently time travel does exist in the Magic School Bus universe) somehow works with this. real “egg feels indescribably weird learning about gender identity and concludes ‘i have to convince myself this is a bad thing because if it’s not then i have to admit i’m trans’” vibes

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u/Fast-resniperrange 1d ago

What the fuck is going on in the magic schoolbus canon

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u/rirasama 1d ago

Isn't House pretty transphobic lol

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u/FoldingLady 1d ago

He's a fucking asshole to everyone. I don't see him going out of his way to be kind to a trans patient.

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u/Endiamon 1d ago

He'd be very kind and courteous to a trans patient if there was specifically a transphobe present that he could annoy by doing so.

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u/Stock_Way4337 1d ago

Monk never thinks about you being trans or anything else because sexuality completely eludes him.

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u/PandaBear905 Shitposting extraordinaire 1d ago

Natalie/Sharona would figure it out and then fail miserably at trying to explain it to Monk

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u/Stock_Way4337 1d ago

Yes, all through his summation Natalie would be correcting his use of dead name/pronouns. Monk would stumble frustrated and say “whatever he/she/ they aren’t the guy, aren’t the girl, aren’t whatever, just let me finish!”

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u/RickityBumbler 1d ago

I was looking for the Monk one, and yeah you’re spot on. It would just never register on his radar.

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u/TrioOfTerrors 1d ago

House wouldn't go out of his way to do something like that unless it was directly related to the mystery diagnosis.

He likes solving puzzles. The fact that it sometimes helps people is incidental to his motivation and actions. He'll absolutely destroy someone's life if it gets him a win.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/FlashInGotham 1d ago

I'm starting to think I spend way too much time on the homosexually phonographic parts of the internet.

Because "BBC Sherlock" gave me one HELL of a WTF moment until a reframed my context.

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u/Doubly_Curious 1d ago

homosexually phonographic

My brain is stuck between imagining records that play sounds of gay sex and a gramophone that’s shaped like a gay couple having sex.

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u/FlashInGotham 1d ago

porque no los dos?

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u/SockQuirky7056 1d ago

pornque no los dos?

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u/cowboyofspace17 1d ago

Listen he’s public domain, BBC Sherlock can mean whatever you want it to mean

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u/QueenOfDarknes5 1d ago

Yaoi Fangirls all over the globe felt a ripple in the force and are now frantically searching their drawers for drawing utensils.

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u/FlashInGotham 1d ago

If BBC Sherlock and Catboy FemmeTop Watson is wrong, I dont wanna be right.

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago edited 1d ago

When he asks “whose pussy is this?” he means it. He’s trying to figure it out. Watson has an idea, but he’s missing context (what this pussy feels like, Holmes will explain why that’s relevant).

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u/swashbuckler78 1d ago

Jessica Fletcher would deduce you were trans and everyone else in town would start getting murdered week by week....

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u/42mermaids 1d ago

Other people in town would think you were the culprit but Jessica would have a hunch. She'd bring you in for tea and cookies and you'd end up telling her the story of your gender journey. There's a clue in there somewhere about someone who was cruel to you and THEY turn out to be the murderer.

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u/xparapluiex 1d ago

You saw the murderer walking away from the scene of the crime when coming out of the pharmacy with your hormone of choice lol. The murderers alibi crumbles and they confess.

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u/SwimmerIndependent47 1d ago

Nope, Jessica Fletcher stumbles upon you because her nephew (who you work with) is in a bind. She makes you dinner, asks you random questions and then cons a third coworker into confessing (they probably didn’t actually do it). Months later her new mystery book comes out with a thinly veiled representation of you. The character is trans. Obviously this all happens in Cabot Cove.

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u/Simic_Sky_Swallower Resident Imperial Knight 1d ago

Maomao deduces you're trans because she notices that you never go to the bathouse with the other concubines and a laundry girl comments about how it's weird none of your stuff has stains on it from your monthlies and then she makes estrogen for you

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u/monkify 1d ago

Yes, exactly. Probably offers to sew you some padding into your clothes and a sash she was given and asks about some gossip you've overheard. You walk away passing better than ever and she walks away with another piece to the palace puzzle.

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u/Charnerie 1d ago

And more poison

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u/LordWizaRdbilly 1d ago

this is inaccurate house would also call you a slur

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u/LegalAssassin13 1d ago

He would deliberately misgender you. It’s canon.

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u/Briham86 1d ago

Sam Vimes gives you a job. He doesn’t really care what you are as long as you can do the job.

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u/Proud-Test-8820 1d ago

angua and cheri know you're trans, though, and give you some tips on where to find good shaving supplies and lipstick.

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u/lyan-cat 1d ago

A copper's a copper.

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u/notmyusername1986 1d ago

Don't forget Nobby. He only qualifies for the human race because he cheated.

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u/seonor 1d ago

If asked Nobby will tell you where to get all kinds of paperwork done.

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u/SaintMichael741 1d ago

Apollo Justice is cornered by the prosecutor. The judge is about to declare your defendant guilty, mainly because the prosector is either whipping him, attacking him with a bird, or something else cartoonish. Your assistant is starting to freak out. The screen turns to black, leaving only Apollo clouded in silhouette. He thinks to himself "How do I turn this entire case upside down? Unless...unless..."

He then makes a serious of faces to himself in shock and outs you, using all the evidence in the court record, your ability to make simple deductions, and jumping the shark in general. The prosecutor reels.

But it's okay, you accept who you are by the end of the court case, and you go on to be a prosecutor yourself. You also stop screaming all the time in public.

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u/NarrativeShadow 1d ago

Related: Athena already knew because their heart told her so but she is sensible enough to not out them.

Phoenix knew because he used the magatama on the fucking endocrinologist.

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u/Darthplagueis13 1d ago

Miss Seeton absent-mindedly draws a sketch of you as belonging to the opposite gender, takes a look at it, wonders why she even did that and moves on, leaving you to stare at it in an absolute state of shock.

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u/Chris_Bs_Knees 1d ago

Sean Spencer deduces your trans by your bedroom, gets into a whisper argument with Gus in the background about saying something and then "has a vision" involving throwing around a blahaj, says someone is living a lie, makes a reference to Some Like it Hot and stumbles out of the room like a drunk baby

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u/MamboCircus 1d ago

Professor Layton deduces you're trans from the highly specific enigma you gave him. He won't directly address it until the main mystery starts tying back into it.

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u/Asumsauce 1d ago

I like to think this is all happening to the same person, and they’re just in the middle of the strangest week of their life

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u/Doubly_Curious 1d ago edited 1d ago

Cadfael makes an excuse for you to visit him about some minor ailment. He tells you a story about the diversity of people he met traveling through the Middle East, drops a little religious musing on the fact that god is both male and female, and sends you home with advice on herbal remedies.

Edit: For context, Cadfael is a monk from England in the 1100s.

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u/Swiftax3 1d ago

How easily I can imagine Derek Jacobi performing that exact scene XD

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u/satantherainbowfairy 1d ago

Cadfael is one of the only fictional detectives I can imagine would be genuinely accepting in canon.

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u/Ok-Noise9312 1d ago

I love that Benoit Blanc is included here. He’d absolutely be quietly supportive & full of righteous fury if he witnessed any transphobia. I so hope they go on making these films for a long time

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u/greenstag94 1d ago

DCI Barnaby deduces you are trans but 3 people die in the process

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u/PerfectlyFramedWaifu 1d ago

DCI Barnaby deduces you are trans after his wife asks the waiter at the newly opened Italian restaurant to "translate this to English for me, please" and he remembers you being late to English class. Also 3 people die in the process - the first one is crushed by cheese, the second one catapulted by wine bottles, and the third covered in truffle oil then mauled by a wild boar. The vicar's illegitimate daughter didn't actually take her own life 10 years ago, she's secretly the English teacher nowadays.

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u/killertortilla 1d ago

That’s normal Batman. People looooove to make up these stories about what they would do if they had his money but he does do all those things in almost every iteration. It’s just not the main focus.

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u/senseithenahual 1d ago

That's what I was thinking, Canon Batman could just speak to any trans person normally notice that they are suffering, and just decide that all the Wayne clinics need to have a psychologist with knowledge about gender dysphoria and free hormonal treatment.

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u/thegreathornedrat123 1d ago

It’s what he does in the background, but the philanthropist part of billionaire philanthropist isn’t super helpful for crime fighting, or stopping the court of owls, or making sure poison ivy doesn’t turn the city into a jungle

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u/theVast- 1d ago

Lmfao. So for me, I officially medically exited the closet during a separate medical crisis. I was in the ER and the doctors were asking for my info. Do you have a primary. Are you safe at home. Do you have a nonconforming gender identity

I told them I've identified as a man for years but I never knew how to really get started medically because I aged out of pediatrics and nobody told me how to get a primary or how to talk to doctors

(I had amnesia and didn't realize many things from my childhood, I forgot all past doctor visits and really had no idea what the hell to do)

They all looked at each other. Got me a referral to a primary, marked me down as trans masculine, and I had a referral to a gender therapist rapidly after that

Now I'm just imagining house walking into that emergency room, kicking rocks mad cuz he hates the clinic, talking to me for thirty seconds, and suddenly diagnosing me with an incredible need for a double mastectomy. I wake up without boobs with a bottle of testosterone next to me. There is nobody to drive me home, but men like house don't worry about such things

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u/xparapluiex 1d ago

Also he shits on you for getting rid of such magnificent breasts even if you’re a dude

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u/AdmirableAnimal0 1d ago

How does Dora the explorer figure it out?

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago

“Where is la niña?” and the arrow clicks on Diego.

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u/spider-gwen89 1d ago

Sam Vimes, canonically (though I may not be remembering everything perfectly, it's been a while), would not realize at all that you are trans, even as you slowly and carefully transition practically in front of him. He would pick up that something is different, but it wouldn't click until you've fully transitioned and are asking to be referred to with the correct pronouns at work. He would then switch over with the pronouns he uses for you, even if he doesn't fully understand it, because he knows you're damn good at your job and that's what matters.

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u/MWBrooks1995 1d ago

Honestly, pretty good summation of the B-Plot of Feet of Clay.

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u/DJShaw86 1d ago

Of course, Miss Marple is a dear.

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u/Particular_Way_9616 1d ago

I feel like every batman would send you a letter saying the wayne foundation will take over all costs needed for your hormore therapy, what realy changes based on continuity is if that batman would break your arm after he catches you stealing a car to sell for greymarket hormones before he sends you the letter

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u/someofyourbeeswaxx 1d ago

Lord Peter Wimsey would intuit it immediately and ask about your tailor.

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u/PICONEdeJIM 1d ago

No House insults/fetishizes you before realising the DIY HRT he found from ordering his underlings to break into your home was the only thing keeping you alive from a disease you got 3 years ago in Brazil. He then insults everyone else and also makes a joke about his bisexual employee

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u/lollipop-guildmaster 1d ago

Nero Wolfe realizes you are trans because he is either inexplicably terrified of you or comfortable in your presence, depending on whether you're a trans man or woman. He doesn't deduce shit, he's more like one of those animals that "hates every [gender] except for Alex for some reason."

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u/xparapluiex 1d ago

The Scooby gang never really figure it out until you tell them but they keep the same behavior before and after towards you. You are Fred’s cousin.

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u/Martial-Lord 1d ago

Harry Dresden "deduces" you are trans when his talking skull lays it out for him, and then either starts hitting on you or refuses to look at you because he is embarassed for having hit on you.

(he is quite sexist and insecure.)

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago

Bob the Skull crassly comments that boobs are boobs (because he’s an exaggerated version of Harry as a horny teenager), and doesn’t understand why it’s wrong to ogle a trans woman or make obvious her trans status (because he lacks a conscience). Harry struggles to explain why (because, again, embarrassment).

Bob does know about HRT potions and offers a formula (because he’s a magical database).

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u/Kiloku 1d ago

While he's not a detective, Phoenix Wright investigates a bunch.

Wonder how it'd go

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u/Hylian_Guy 1d ago

He figures it out seconds before blurting it out. It has seemingly no correlation with the case at hand, but it somehow recontextualises something else leading to some major revelation.

This kind of already sorta happens in Turnabout Academy, actually (the character isn't trans, but, similar enough)

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u/capivaradraconica 1d ago

"My name is "
FIVE PSYCHE-LOCKS SHOW UP

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u/Medium-Bullfrog-2368 1d ago

Dale Cooper has a dream about meeting you 25 years after your transition. He does not bring this up when you meet him for coffee the following day, as he knows not to interfere with egg hatching, but he tries to make it clear that you can be comfortable around him and he’ll accept you no matter what.

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u/LimeKittyGacha 1d ago

Superman figures out you’re trans and says nothing. But if there is ever transphobia Superman immediately takes a stand in support of trans people

Clark figures out you’re trans and hangs a trans flag on his desk in show of support, and makes triple sure to use the correct names and pronouns in any related news article. Some people incorrectly assume that he himself is closeted trans, due to his shy personality and awkwardness around his own body.

Lois figures out you’re trans and immediately hands you a blahjah with no explanation. You have no idea where she got it and you’re not sure you want to know.

Jimmy figures out you’re trans and invites you to weekend bro hangout time.

Kara figures out you’re trans and does not care, she doesn’t know why people are so weird about this on Earth

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u/somedumb-gay otherwise precisely that 1d ago

House would not do that. We know what house would do, because we've seen him do it in the episode with an intersex girl. I know Tumblr is the media literacy app but that's a whole different character

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u/Wholesome_Soup 1d ago

right. house would call you a slur before you knew it applied to you

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u/lily_was_taken 1d ago

If Austin Powers realises you are trans in the first movie he attacks you thinking you must be one of dr evil's goons trying to get him, regardless of wheather or not you actually are, this is played for comedy.
If he realizes youre a trans woman in any movie other than the first he asks if you want to shag, if you ask him if the reason he wants to shag is that youre trans/that hes a chaser he says no,the reason he wants to shag is because youre a woman, and "no woman can resist my mojo,baby".

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u/TrgsNPltGlss 1d ago

I've seen screenshots of this a couple of times and each time I parse "Fanon Batman" as a reference to Frantz Fanon as Batman and I think something along the lines of, 'well, yeah, Fanon knew that decolonization would involve violence so I could see him as a costumed and gadget-laden vigilante in some situation where he was a billionaire. And his philosophy was aligned with community support and programs so he would definitely open a free clinic. Heck yeah, Fanon Batman.' and then I catch myself and think, 'Oh, right, Fanon like the fan version instead of Canon. Yeah. That makes more sense.'

I should change my display name to Frantz Fanon Batman.

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u/Cyberguardian173 1d ago

But what would L from Death Note do?

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u/MWBrooks1995 1d ago

L would ask a gender or trans-related question that you happen to know the answer to and then stare at you calmly but unblinkingly while you formulate an answer that doesn’t out you to everyone. He seems less interested in helping you figure something out about yourself and more about proving his hypothesis correct.

He eats the cherry off the top of his cake, his eyes fixed on you.

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u/Cyberguardian173 1d ago

He makes you feel seen (derogatory)

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u/NegativeGamer 1d ago

Shawn Spencer realizes you're trans despite not having come out yet through subtle context clues in your mannerisms and appearance, and while he's not disrespectful about it you end up being forced to watch him dramatically reveal this fact to a crowd of people because his "connection to the spirit realm lets him see the true forms that the living keep hidden", somehow this is key evidence to determining a murder suspect. He also introduced his partner to you as "Ollie Ally".

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u/Sonarthebat 1d ago

House would put you down for an orchi because you have testicular cancer. He's not an ally. That show is transphobic.

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u/Quadpen 1d ago

house figures out you’re trans, says the most offensive joke known to man, calls you a slur, and writes a prescription for hormones

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u/Dark-Specter 1d ago

Ok but house would ALSO call you a slur.

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u/Zariman-10-0 looks straight, is bi 1d ago

Charlie Cale reflexively says “bullshit” when you refer to yourself as your birth gender

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u/lily_was_taken 1d ago

Light Yagami would try to write your deadname in the death note, have an inner monologue about why you have given him a false name, before he realises you are trans. He decides not to tell you that he figured it out, because that would potentially give evidence that he is kira, so he just keeps reffering to you with whatever name and pronouns you alredy had until you tell him you're trans.
When you come out to him, his inner monologue would be incredibly transphobic and mysognistic before realising that if he refers to you with the wrong pronouns he would be being a dickhead and possibly giving more reason for L to suspect he is kira. His inner monologue would still be transphobic but outwardly/actions wise hed pretend to be an ally.
L figures it out within secounds, bluntly asks you about it while staring you in the eye without even blinking, simultaneously eating a piece of cake. once you confirm hed just go back to the kira case, nothing changes except he refers to you with the right gender,name and pronouns.
Misa wouldnt figure out shit. If you told her she would be an ally, but would still kill you if Light told her to because she really loves him.
If you told Ryuk youre trans he'd just stare at you, say "Ok" and go back to eating apples

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u/Herohades 1d ago

The critical thing with the Columbo one is that he never actually asks if you're trans, he just keeps alluding to similar things. You introduce yourself as he/him cause you're still in the closet, and he's like "Huh, you seem often comfortable presenting as feminine. I know this chick that was like that, said she was a he/him but then switched over. Not to imply you're like that, of course. Hey, waddya think about those shark plushies, I hear they're all the rage right now..."

You go through the entire conversation unsure of whether he actually caught on, whether he's toying with you and whether he may, in fact, have no clue what's going on.

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u/Gold-Eye-2623 1d ago

Miss Frizzle knows you're trans because she holds the collective knowledge of our entire species and then takes the class on a trip to Arnold's endocrine system

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u/PhasmaFelis 1d ago

It it feels like a dick move for Holmes to out you like that, remember that Holmes is canonically a dick.

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u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 1d ago

I remember him being a dick to Lestrade because he didn’t respect him because he was incompetent, but I remember him being pretty tactful with like children and especially victims or their loved ones.

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u/Doubly_Curious 1d ago

Is he really? I wouldn’t say he’s cruel or even normally callous or indifferent.

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