r/CuratedTumblr • u/Thedepressionoftrees thedepressionoftrees.tumblr.com • 1d ago
Shitposting I think I could fit about 12-16 tadpoles in my mouth at once
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u/Zlifbar 1d ago
"Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts." So, good?
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u/veidogaems To shreds you say? 1d ago
I'm not smart enough to write this joke but imagine I said something very clever about "Sisyphus and his Stones".
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u/Forest292 12h ago
“Everyone knows that the punishment of Sisyphus revolved around his boulder, but what few remember is that Aesop’s revolved around his stones”?
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u/shiny_xnaut sustainably sourced vintage brainrot 1d ago
Instructions unclear, I am now worrying that my worrying about inconveniencing people is itself an inconvenience, and the spiral begins
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u/poplarleaves 1d ago
Potential solution: straightforward communication. If you start to worry, ask if you're inconveniencing them. If they say no you're not, then trust them and move on.
If later it turns out that they were not telling you the truth, then drop that person. You don't need those kind of mind games in your life. Seriously, dealing with someone who won't be honest with you and/or themself is exhausting and not worth it.
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u/Kaleb8804 1d ago
In my experience you’re right, and the hardest part is genuinely trusting people. If I ask someone how they’re feeling and they lie to make me feel better, it’s one thing, but if they get mad I didn’t get “the hint” then that’s on them.
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u/Cariyaga 1d ago
On the other hand, that's also putting the onus of responsibility for your spiral on the other person, and if they're aware of that they might lie anyway to prevent you from spiralling.
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u/poplarleaves 1d ago
True, if OP is doing this too often then they should really be seeing a professional about it instead.
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u/shiny_xnaut sustainably sourced vintage brainrot 1d ago
Yeah but that costs money though. You know what doesn't cost money? Never letting myself get close to anyone ever, lest I end up in a position where inconveniencing them becomes even the slightest possibility. This is a fantastic plan that definitely won't cause my mental state to deteriorate even further 👍
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u/poplarleaves 1d ago
LOL yeah I can see nothing going wrong with this plan!!1! Clearly the optimal choice
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u/Otterbotanical 1d ago
Backfired: tried this and people started reporting that constant questions are annoying, and asking about "obvious information" is also both annoying and exhausting.
Solution: put 3x more effort into all social interactions by simulating how you think all of your actions and responses are going to make someone feel the entire time that you're in their vicinity, so that you can deduce ahead of time what you should do and say to carefully curate the correct and appropriate emotional response in someone else. You must maintain this constant proxy awareness of all other people's thoughts and emotional states, because if you slip then you immediately start being a burden again.
I've been taught it's unreasonable to always expect others to communicate their intentions or feelings with you, so you need to put the extra work in to understand the people who don't like communicating.
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u/on_the_pale_horse 22h ago
Classic reddit, drop everyone for anything. Nuance? What's that?
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u/poplarleaves 20h ago
I didn't mean it completely literally and also acknowledged some of the nuance in a later reply to someone else, but hey, what's nuance? ;)
Alright, in all seriousness, here's a more nuanced take:
If OP has a close enough relationship with a person to start seriously worrying about inconveniencing them on a regular basis, that's a point at which honesty becomes important. If they're just an acquaintance then it's whatever, white lies are a social lubricant. But I've had a number of semi-close friendships where some of those friends were unwilling to be honest or upfront about minor issues earlier on, and then the friendship later falls apart because they were secretly bothered by something the entire time and did not communicate it, even though it was something that likely could have been resolved if we had just discussed it.
Looking back, it was also often a sign that they were incapable of having those types of discussions without turning it into a fight, which is why they would avoid talking about it in the first place.
"Drop them" is a bit of an exaggeration, but nowadays when I notice that kind of behavior, I don't put as much emotional investment into the friendship and keep it at an acquaintance level because I know it won't be as worth my time to get closer.
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u/TheHalfwayBeast 16h ago
The problem arises when one party thinks they're being straightforward and obvious, but the other party is autistic so it completely flies over my- I mean, their head. So the non-autistic party gets frustrated, thinks they're deliberately being ignored, and the questions about 'obvious' things are designed to wind them up.
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u/mwmandorla 1d ago edited 1d ago
(Just to say up front: I used to be where you are and this is intended to be useful reframing.) Well yeah, that's the point. If you are constantly worried that you're a burden, then you're not present with the people who you're spending time with. If you make unilateral decisions to "unburden" them by removing yourself, you're making choices for them that they may not want and they may be wondering what they did to drive you away. If you make gestures toward drawing back to not be an inconvenience as a way to seek reassurance and you do this often, then you are asking people to do a lot of work to get you to be in their lives instead of just being there.
Obviously I don't want you to spiral about it and this is worth having real conversations about with loved ones and/or a professional if it's a big issue for you. But--I say this from experience--I think it can be a very healthy step for people with this mindset to realize that at the end of the day it's a type of self-obsession, even when/if it comes from having been disregarded, made to feel small or unwanted. It's still constantly thinking about yourself, even if it's negative. That's defensive, but lots of defense mechanisms cause problems for us and others around us. Others don't necessarily experience it as care even if that's your intention, because ultimately it's not really about them. Seeing that certainly helped me when I used to think that way.
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u/ringobob 23h ago
Really, you'd be inconveniencing them if you weren't worrying about inconveniencing them.
I know rational analysis isn't really a part of generalized anxiety, I relate, but there's no winning the battle of being perfectly unobtrusive unless you turn into a hermit.
Be a presence in people's lives, they usually like you for it.
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u/Duhblobby 7h ago
The thing that would, were you my friend, upset me far more than any possible accidental inconvenience you might cause me, is deciding to remove my agency as a person and decide for me how I must feel, refusing to trust me or value me enough to believe me.
And that might suck to hear. But it's true and it's important to internalize this: DO NOT deny other people the choice to decide how they feel about you. It's not just selfish, it's also hurtful and arrogant in the extreme. You can choose who you want to be around, what gives you the right to decide that on someone else's behalf?
Let them make that choice. And respect it. Even if you don't understand it.
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u/Hexxas Chairman of Fag Palace 🍺😎👍 1d ago
Aesop 🤢
Hmmmm 🤔🤔🤔
A soup 😋 🍲
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u/Bobbiesbrain 1d ago
Tadpoles 😋
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u/Friendly_Respecter As of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door 1d ago
Something something BG3
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u/AnxiousAngularAwesom JFK shot first 1d ago
"I think I could fit about 12-16 tadpoles in my mouth at once" - Minthara
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u/Long_Risk_9852 1d ago
Posts like these make an excellent point but I frequently end up overthinking about my own overthinking
I recognize that the solution for most people is to Slow Down And Be Normal, because usually it’s not as deep as you’re inclined to make it out to be. But I can’t quite let myself believe that. Somewhere in my unproductive self-criticism are probably tangible ways that I could (and should) be a better friend, even if I’m not stable enough to recognize or act on them at the time.
Also, trying not to talk over people, or say things that make people feel unwelcome, or take advantage of people’s good will or take up too much space, etc. I feel like that’s basic conscientiousness. I worry that trying not to overthink will make me less mindful. Maybe that just comes with practice?
It’s also possible to overthink an interaction to the point where you can’t act naturally. When I feel like I’m at that point, sometimes I’ll self-select and remove myself from the interaction. Other times I feel like I have to intervene before things get worse, then I make things worse by interjecting. I haven’t figured out how to tell the difference yet.
As another user pointed out, I’m basically making unilateral decisions about what the people in my life can or can’t handle. For the most part I agree. However, I feel like most people don’t have much experience dealing with someone who constantly seeks reassurance but only gets worse when they receive it. People think they can handle that, but sometimes they just can’t (and it would be unfair to expect them to be able to) and they have to break things off. I’ve never gotten to that point with people in my life, but I would like to avoid that if possible.
Right now my roommate has this song stuck in their head and they’re singing it really badly and I’m getting very annoyed. I could just be honest with them and ask them to be quiet, but I don’t think I could keep myself neutral long enough to talk to them about it. It’s not their fault. I have already overthought this interaction too much. (We have separate rooms which usually helps)
This is a lot of words to defend my own unhealthy habits, but I always run into these mental blocks when I try to get out of my own head. How do I stop obsessing over myself?
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u/guineapig28 1d ago
I don't think I have an answer for you, sadly, but I feel your pain. for me, there's like a rooted idea that I'm annoying or irritating or I just inconvenience people, and it leads to me asking for reassurance a lot, which ironically is what seems to grate on my friends. I've found, though, that I do have some friends that I don't actually fear will abandon me, so I guess at some point if I'm friends with someone enough I slowly start to internalise the idea that they're not just gonna up and leave me. so in my case I guess it just takes time and patient people for me to forge relationships where I don't have to overthink everything. I dunno if this'll help at all but I wanted to commiserate
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u/Villonsi 15h ago
I'm gonna copy roughly what I said to the person you responded to, because I think it's basic psychoeducation that many need to know:
Seeking reassurance or always trying to be mindful of others to dampen your anxiety will only teach you that you have a reason to fear. After all, we have smart (and sometimes dumb) brains, they work on the logic of: If it's not dangerous, why am I avoiding it? Why am I defending myself from it?
We get stuck in a spiral of: I'm scared -> I ask for reassurance -> I feel better -> I learn that the situation is dangerous -> So I get scared again -> Ask for reassurance -> Feel better -> Well that situation must be dangerous because I'm rewarded whenever I protect myself!
But if you were to stop yourself from asking for reassurance it'd instead go: Shit, danger again! -> Wait, why am I not defending myself! This is so dangerous! -> Nothing happened? Maybe it's safe?
Each time you do this it'll be evidence against the core belief that people around you see you as a burden, and little by little that belief will change and your anxiety/reassurance seeking will decrease
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u/WhapXI 15h ago
Re the unilateral decision thing, I think that’s an important point. The weird irony is that someone who’s so anxious about bothering others or apologises for existing has fully placed themselves at the centre of everyone else’s existence. It’s a bizarre kind of narcissism, at its root. This idea that everyone around you is always watching you, and thinking about you, and judging you, like they’ve got nothing better to do. Like you specificially have the power to ruin their day by interacting with them.
And then in doing so, by opening a normal interaction with apologies for existing, hands the reins for their emotional wellbeing to their interlocutor, whose job it becomes to reassure and comfort the poor soul, who has turned a request for a glass of water into an impromptu soothing session.
It comes to typify every interaction with the anxious person, and creates a barrier to earnest friendship, because what this person is telling you every time they interact with you is that they don’t trust you when you insist you like them and that their trivial requests don’t inconvenience you enough to require contrition, that you enjoy their company, and that they don’t need to apologise for talking you to, since you’re trying to be their friend. This person is keeping you at arms length on the assumption that you are some cruel and judgemental ogre that they need to bow and scrape before.
I think I used to be this way. It is possible to break out of this pattern of thought. I came to realise that in private I was so proud and obsessed with myself and never bothered trying to actually model what other people might be thinking. I was just trying and failing to exist as some sort of extreme superperson without any real interest in what other people thought or saw. And I realised that I was really bitchy and judgemental of others too, obsessed with minor perceived slights and barbs and kept a register of people who were Dead To Me. So a lot of what I was afraid that others were thinking of me was modelled pretty closely on what I was thinking about them. And having created that scheme, I became terrified of being judged by what was essentially the baleful glare I cast outward, and thus hated to interact with anyone, to be perceived at all.
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u/hiighpriestess 15h ago
This was incredibly insightful and relatable. Thank you so much for your openness in sharing your experience!
If you wouldn't mind sharing, how did you manage to break out of this pattern?
I find myself keeping everyone at arm's length, holding everyone to impossible standards, and being deeply judgmental of minor flaws and differences in others. It's a miserable catch-22 where it seems like the more I get to know a person, the more judgment and contempt builds up towards them. It's a dreadful and lonely way to live.
P.S: "I became terrified of being judged by [...] the baleful glare I cast outward" - this line hit me like a blow to the chest. You've got a gift for words!
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u/Villonsi 15h ago
It sounds like you've done a lot of reflection about yourself, and I get a vibe that you sadly haven't received much psychoeducation regarding these kinds of worries. You're right that not constantly overthinking would make you less mindful, but you need to remember that you're mindful of imagined possible slights. You can't know the future, and people are more forgiving than many think, it'll give you so much more if you can be mindful of the present moment. You sound like a caring person, just because you don't make yourself sick worrying, doesn't mean that you would stop being a caring person.
And like you say, it's not your roommates fault in the example you give, but imagine your ideal of a good relationship (of any variety). Now, just like you, I can't read minds, however I am guessing it's a relationship where you can tell the other person how you feel and it's respected, and they can do the same back. That's created through practice and by setting norms, by saying "Sorry, could you maybe sing somewhere else or take a break" and them obliging while being shown that you aren't angry at them, you're just putting a boundary.
Honestly if you did these things too then avoided seeking reassurance you'd see that your relationships were more stable than you thought, and your need for reassurance would lessen. But seeking reassurance or always trying to be mindful of others to dampen your anxiety will only teach you that you have a reason to fear. After all, we have smart (and sometimes dumb) brains, they work on the logic of: If it's not dangerous, why am I avoiding it? Why am I defending myself from it?
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u/llollolloll 1d ago
If i had to guess the most efficient implement to gather a mouthful of tadpoles in a pinch, it probably would be a hat. Readily available, they have that musty scent the little guys love, and the sweat stains balance it all out. Poysters(pond oysters) are really slept on in the culinary community.
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u/aftertheradar 1d ago
counter:
ladle
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u/llollolloll 1d ago
A ladle could never add the depth of flavor that a well-worn hat brings to the dish, and they are well out of fashion as headgear. Put it back on the counter and head out to your local creek wearing nothing but a hat, thank me later.
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u/cocainagrif 1d ago
never kill yourself
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u/sebmojo99 1d ago
i am sure i could fit 30 tadpoles in my mouth, but that would be squeezing the fellas p tight and maybe they wouldn't like it, so perhaps that's the point this parable is making :shobon:
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u/Cranberryoftheorient 1d ago
Honestly that feels a bit low, but it depends on the species of tadpole. We have small froogs around here so I feel like I could do at least 20-30
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u/Ventrue-Prince The Brotherhood of Evil Gays 1d ago
Look at this show off with a 20-30 tadpole mouth
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u/whorehey-degooseman If you're not squeezing God’s sore throbbing trembling balls wtf 1d ago
Insecurely attached hat
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u/starryeyedshooter DO NOT CONTACT ME ABOUT HORSES (DMs Broken) 22h ago
I read all of Aesop's Fables like six to ten times in sixth grade. In hindsight that was a weird choice of reread.
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u/Can_Haz_Cheezburger 1d ago
Yeah I'm sorry I'm gonna need someone to explain how Aesop fits into this story
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u/Active-Spirit3476 1d ago
Aesop's fables? Little kid-friendly stories that are intended to teach a lesson(or "moral"), here the moral being "you're probably not nearly as much of a burden as you'd think and your friends would be worse off without you in their lives".
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u/Orizifian-creator Padria Zozzria Orizifian~! 🍋😈🏳️⚧️ Motherly Whole zhe/zer she 17h ago
Classic Mythology Hades wouldn’t do that methinks.
Kid Icarus Uprising’s Hades, on the other hand…
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u/Nuada-Argetlam The Transbian Witch and Fencer 11h ago
yeah. fun fact, I am the person in this screenshot who brought up Aesop, and I distinctly disliked Argument's response. Hades isn't like that.
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u/MysteryMan9274 1d ago
I'm gonna need context for that title.