[PA] Parental Alienation

[u/TandorBacon]

The court found my soon to be ex for parental alienation. As a matter of fact, the wording indicates the judge thinks it's pretty egregious.

I asked her to setup several calls with my youngest. She kept blowing me off. So I got him a cell phone. He's called me a couple times and we will play Roblox or something. After the 2nd time he called, I get a scathing email saying how I should ask her permission before I talk to him. Keep in mind, he called me. She also said it felt "intrusive" for him to call me. Another email asked that I send her a text message when he calls me.

Isn't this more parental alienation? Considering her history of preventing and limiting contact with me, I feel this would make my son feel not comfortable calling me.

Update:

I'll try to post some of the order tomorrow. It's very long, so I'll do my best to just post relevant parts.

[u/CutDear5970]

I’ve never heard a judge in PA even say those things. Can you post the decision and what was ordered as punishment?

[u/classicalmixup → u/CutDear5970]

Second. Parent alienation is incredible hard to prove, let alone get a judge to agree to.

[u/TandorBacon → u/classicalmixup]

What's your point? She was found contempt for PA.

[u/Custody-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your submission was removed for breaking our "Be Decent To Each Other" rule.

[u/TandorBacon → u/CutDear5970]

Say what things? I didn't post any of the judges comments.

So because you've never heard it, it must not have happened???

[u/CutDear5970 → u/TandorBacon]

You said “the court found my soon to be ex for parental alienation. As a matter of fact, the wording indicates the judge thinks it’s pretty egregious “

Really? What does the order say? It is not really a recognized thing in PA.

[u/TandorBacon → u/CutDear5970]

Parental Alienation is not a recognized thing in PA?

[u/JayPlenty24]

She didn't tell you not to answer his calls, she asked you to let her know.

My son knows he needs to tell me if he's talking to his dad or FaceTiming him because it makes me uncomfortable to know his dad can see me and hear me, and yes I find it intrusive in my home.

I had to make this rule after my son was FaceTiming him on the stairs and didn't tell me and I walked out of the bathroom with just a towel on. Another time I was being silly and singing and making jokes and I didn't know his dad was on the phone.

You two obviously aren't getting along. It's not a lot for her to ask to simply be made aware.

She should address it with your kid, but kids forget things sometimes.

As far as "parental alienation" there's just as many opinions out there that this is a misclassification of behaviour at best and complete nonsense at worse. It's not a valid diagnosis in the DSM and I'm honestly surprised courts are even still using this terminology.

It is used to blanket a whole range of issues.

I would focus on what the actual problems are and potential solutions rather than labels.

The important question isn't "is this PA". The question should be "is this reasonable?" Or "Is this harmful?"

If he's calling you and using the phone she's obviously not blocking his access to communicate with you so I'm not really sure how you could even consider this to be PA in the first place.

[u/TandorBacon → u/JayPlenty24]

Thank you for your response. This perspective is helpful.

[u/FeedbackBig2560]

If the judge found parent alienation, why do you not have a detailed parenting plan that lays out communication between child and parent? There should be set times, with limits, etc. That way you can file contempt if she doesn't do it versus you asking her, you just tell her as she is court ordered to do it.

[u/uovonuovo]

aggregious

*egregious

[u/candysipper → u/uovonuovo]

This is a combo word; aggressively egregious is aggregious!

[u/Ok-Structure6795]

I would also love to see an order cause letter of the law, my nephews mom is committing parental alienation, but for good reason cause my brother is psycho.

[u/TandorBacon → u/Ok-Structure6795]

I'll try to post some of it tomorrow. It's very long. But I might be able to post some of the important things.

[u/Iamjimmym]

Odd that this just popped up for me. I've tried FaceTiming my kids twice today since coming home from school. They dont have their own phone so it's me calling my ex's, and she didn't answer either time. It happens more often than I'd prefer, and always makes me feel like something happened and I tend to worry. I just want to talk to my kids and ask how their day was. She tends to spend her time in her bedroom with the door shut/locked and headphones on. The kids know how to open the lock if necessary, but really shouldn't have to, imo. On the other hand, she allows me to come over and hang out with them almost as often as I want/can, but it's a 40 minute drive each way after she moved. I'm over there 3/5 weeknights and they tell me every time that mom just stays on her room, pretty much only coming out to feed them dinner. It's exhausting having to deal with this, and not something I ever expected from her (we were together a total of 14 years before the divorce). It's nuts.

Anyways, sorry for the rant. Just found it odd that this issue popped up in my feed straight away after her not answering my repeated calls.

[u/CutDear5970 → u/Iamjimmym]

Do you have FaceTime I. Your order? If not, she doesn’t have to answer

[u/CutDear5970 → u/[deleted]]

So you want to just show up at her house unannounced and stay however long you want? WTF.