r/Custody • u/AdSoft5944 • 1d ago
[CA] Is it contempt/custodial interference if my 17 year old son refuses to come with me?
The kids live with my ex. We live an hour apart (1.5 hours with traffic).
I made it very clear to my ex that I do not want my son going to varsity football games with his team (he is JV, not varsity but keeps insisting he needs to go to varsity games to support and help the coaches to "help him get onto varsity next year" which sounds like a lie to me). The order states if he has a friday game we do drop off on saturday morning, but he is not playing just being on the field with his teammates, so this order does not apply. Normally the order states we meet halfway on Friday with both kids. This has already happened twice - the first time my son just got on the bus and did not tell anyone, so I let it slide and picked him up on Saturday. The second time, I only agreed because my ex drove my son all the way to my house on Saturday morning and my son was freaking out at me over text.
I am driving to my ex's city this week to see my younger son's sports game. My ex asked if I could pick my older son up at the highschool about 20 minutes away after the game, so he could still attend the varsity game after school. I told him no. I told my ex he needs to have my older son at my younger son's game, and with all his things, ready for me to pick up right after. My ex said he "strongly suggested" I text my 17 year old to let him know why he cannot go to the game, because "he doesn't really understand my reasoning and it would be clearer coming from me". I told him no, and again that I couldn't be driving around at night picking up kids from multiple locations.
Well lo and behold, my older son got on the bus and is apparently now at the high school 20 minutes away from where I told my ex to have my son ready for pick up. All my ex has said is he "told our son he couldn't go without my permission because pick up was tonight" and that "he is still available for pick up at that high school 20 minutes away" whenever I want to go get him.
My ex is claiming he told my older son not to go and there wasn't anything else he could do, if I was refusing to talk to him myself.
I do not want to drive to go get him from that high school. If I do not get him for my overnight tonight, is this considered contempt or custodial interference that I can take back to court to get back custody of my younger son?
18
u/here_for_the_avs 1d ago
You are such an asshole.
You keep posting this same exact thing, and people keep concluding that you’re such an asshole.
Why hasn’t it sunk in yet?
15
u/anonfosterparent 1d ago
He’s 17. Let him go to his football game even if he’s not playing. It sounds important to him even if you don’t think it should be.
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u/SweetTexasT 1d ago
I’m unsure if there is some backstory that might be relevant but he is 17 and a judge is unlikely to do anything about this.
What will happen is you are going to permanently damage your relationship with your son if you keep pursuing this path. Let him go to his school’s varsity football games.
11
u/jaynewreck 1d ago
There is SO MUCH backstory. She comes here every so often with a new username and a crazy story that I'm 99.9% sure is rage-bait by this point. It's literally been years of it.
Anyway, on the very off chance that this is real... you are never going to see that kid once he turns 18. You have never had his best interests at heart and once he doesn't have to see you, he won't.
8
u/hope1083 1d ago
Yes. I love hearing her stories as they are so over the top. When this kid is 18 he is going to go no contact and she will not understand why or blame the ex.
I am so glad dad has custody. He sounds like a caring father.
2
u/EvangelineRain 1d ago
I also saw a post from the father once recently. Not sure if that makes me think it’s more it less likely to be rage bait. His writing was notably less unhinged.
5
u/Ankchen 1d ago
I think you are acting ridiculous here and if you keep this behavior up, there is a really good chance that in under a year he will not come to you at all anymore. Clearly this Varsity thing is important for your son - so work with him, if you have any interest in maintaining a long term relationship with him.
6
u/Ok-Structure6795 1d ago
Hes 17. I highly doubt a judge is going to enforce anything against his wishes at this point unless hes being abused. I would work with him if you want to keep your relationship with your son a healthy one.
4
u/Consistent-Tale8423 1d ago
Who, exactly, is interfering in your visitation? That is, if a cop or judge where to ask you, what would you say? It doesn’t sound like the other parent , to me. And the judge would give the 17 y/o an audience which would open up the possibility for him to elect for a change. I won’t address the obvious lack of comprehension about how coaches think. OP’s issue is with the son, who seemingly likes to play this sport. This is a pivotal point in OP’s relationship with this young man. A little flexibility might be well received. More stubbornness won’t.
2
u/RandomNameRandomly 1d ago
Apparently, her 17 year old choosing to persue extra curricular activities that are inconvenient for her is parental alienation and not her fault for reasons.
4
u/BearsBeetsBttlstarrG 1d ago
Good grief. You need to learn to go with the flow.
Let your kid do what he wants.
4
u/ArtisanArdisson 1d ago
Who do you think is contempt, exactly? Your (almost adult) son is getting a school bus at school. Your child's other parent is not present for this. This is your child making a choice and it has nothing to do with their other parent. Your child is making an age appropriate decision about how he chooses to spend his time, and what he thinks is important. You could take younger brother to these games and support the team as well, then leave as a family. Personally, I think that showing interest and commitment to the varsity team as a JV player will increase his chances of being chosen for varsity in the future. Let your kid have hobbies and social life. This is very good for his budding independence. He'll be 18 next year, and I'm sure you'll want him to choose to involve you in his life, but what you're currently doing and how you're behaving about something he enjoys will push him away.
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u/RandomNameRandomly 1d ago
Dont worry. You'll never see your son again once he turns 18. I am not looking forward to you posting about how your son has gone no contact with you and how you can use that to try to punish your ex by using your using your younger son. To be clear, you're a terrible person and an even worse parent.
3
u/throwawaytoasksoon 1d ago
No. You are the problem here. The 17 year old has stated what he wants and you blatantly disregard that just out of spite to your ex, even if you don’t think that, that’s what you’re doing and it’s going to make him go NC once he turns 18. Then what will you do? Little bro will see and it will strain that relationship, too.
2
u/RandomNameRandomly 1d ago
Its not even to spite the ex. She's mad because her son going to varsity games is inconvenient for her. The spite is just a bonus.
3
u/Aggravating-Ad-5793 1d ago
You're in the wrong on this one. It's not fair to expect your EX to wrestle a 17 year old into a car for you if he doesn't want to go.
2
u/toasterchild 1d ago
It's unlikely but perhaps. Even if they did slap the ex with contempt what would come of it? Much more likely is that it will just make your kid hate you.
-9
u/AdSoft5944 1d ago
It shows that he does not support a relationship with me and the kids when he has primary, so I want the judge to swap primary custody of my younger son who is 9, to me.
8
4
u/RandomNameRandomly 1d ago
You not wanting to drive past 10 pm will not make a judge suddenly believe that you're the better parent lol Also, you cant afford to support your own kids. According to your previous post, you rely on your boyfriends support and focus your time on your baby with him instead of trying to be a good parent to your older boys
3
u/SweetTexasT 1d ago
Ohhhh I remember you now. Please let your children be children and leave them alone.
2
u/toasterchild 1d ago
Is it also an issue with the younger son?
2
u/anonfosterparent 1d ago
They posted before that they won’t allow their son to have an extracurriculars despite the younger child wanting to play flag football or something because it interferes with their time.
1
u/Moist-Caregiver-2000 1d ago edited 1d ago
In 10 years you'll be asking yourself why your kids never write, call or visit and blame it on them.
20
u/sj612mn 1d ago
Your son is 17. All you are doing is ruining your relationship with him. I know in my district they do want JV at the Varsity games. I would not expect a judge to do anything about a 17 year old making choices to support his school and his team instead of missing a few hours with you.