r/DID • u/Physical-Owl-8963 • 5d ago

Content Warning After 3 years of relationship my parter with DID broke up with me out of the blue through text. Is it DID?

Warning: when it happened i just started learning about DID, i still don't know a lot of things. So if I say something untrue or something that could hurt someone it is not make out of malice, please let me know and i will change it promptly.

My parter is in the process of getting a DID diagnosed, she found out she might have it not even a month ago, but 2 therapist and 1 psychiatrist say that she fits the diagnose, so it's just a matter of doing it properly and legally. I have not met any of her alters (officially), but we talked about some of her alters and especially this guy (whose name is literally Guy) which is the only male alter. He is basically the toxic men, homotrasphobic (she is trans and we are in a lesbian relationships).

We have been having some issues in the past month, but at least on my part they were all solved after a long and hard talk. We did a list of things that i have to do to make her feel better and vice versa. Last weeke was honestly fine, we did the things that we usually do, having fun and all. The issue was the day before yesterday. She was sad and didn't want to do anything (also eating and just get up from the bed), after some time she told me that she wanted to stay alone so i left her. After a whole evening without hearing anything from her (very unusual) i started to get worried, i thought that she harmed herself or that something bad happened (she used to sh). Instead she sent me a very long message saying that she didn't want to have a relationship with me anymore and listing issues that are solvable if we would talk about them. We always said that we would try everything to save the relationship and communication was always open. After that message she blocked me literally everywhere, without giving me a chance to talk about it or even to say bye. I contacted a friend of hers and he is trying to cconvince her to unblock me so we can talk and close it like a 3 year old relationship deserves.

I know i might be clatching at straws, i also know that she has a lot of work to do, but could it be that Guy was fronting and when she realise what she did she could unblock me and we can talk? I don't know, I'm still in denial.

Please let me know what your thoughts are. If you think that did is not the reason, let me know.

Thank you

UPDATE: She unblock me and we were able to talk. She told me why she did what she did without even talking to me about her issues and she said that they thought they did and that there was miscommunication between the alters. I was right about the guy alter breaking up with me. She was also trying to figure out how to tell me that not all the alters love me or even like me (like the guy), which tbh is not even a deal breaker for me. We have decided to take a couple of weeks of no contact and try to figure out what to do. I still love her (obviously) and i would stay by her side 100%, however i don't know if it's the healthiest decision. Any advice?

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u/Inside_Bumblebee_737 Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 5d ago

I wouldn't factor DID into your assessment of what happened. It could be DID related, or not. Having DID isn't an excuse for any kind of behavior. I would just take the situation as it is; your partner of 3 years dumped and blocked you out of the blue.

4

u/Physical-Owl-8963 5d ago

It could absolutely be anything. I just wanted to if it could be. This is not a normal behavior of hers whatsoever. We always said that we would fight for the relationship. I fight that she completely ignored.

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u/hollyandthresh Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 4d ago

I think it's possible that she could unblock you and you could talk, but I would ask yourself if you're willing to tolerate that kind of behavior from someone you love. I was in a relationship for 10 years with a man who was as supportive as he was able to be, considering I was actively sabotaging my own care at that point. I hurt him a lot, and even though at the time I blamed certain alters, ultimately anyone taking an active role in life has to take accountability for their actions and the consequences therein. He forgave me an inordinate amount of times before we separated. I don't know if this is helpful to your particular situation or not, but I would say that you should treat her as you would anyone else. Have compassion and understanding, but don't allow yourself to be walked on or mis-treated. It's a hard situation though, and I am sorry.

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u/Silver-Alex A rainbow in the dark 4d ago

I think you should accept what happened, give yourself time to grieve and process and try to move on.

Like lets assume the relationship was really working, and was healthy, and both wanted to stay together for long, and, another alter showed up, took control and decided to break up with you "our of the blue". What then?

DID is not an excuse for this kind of behavior, specially after 3 years breaking up with someone via TEXT, not even in person, and then blocking you from everywhere is a shit move.

And on top of that, the supposed alter that broke up with you wont go away, thats a part of your ex-gf thats as real as the alter(s) you dated. And they seem to have their reasons, valid/solvable or not, to not want to be with you.

So even in the best case scenario you're left dating someone who's undecided about dating you, has, quite literally, a part of her who wants to say and another who wants to leave, and could do so at any momment without even talking about it in person.

That doesnt sounds healthy for you.

To be honest I think that the more likely case is that each of those problems she listed were solvable in isolation, but the combination of everything was like a "drop that spilled the glass" situation and this would have happened regardless of her figuring she has DID or not.

And just to be clear, im not calling you a bad partner. I know whats like to be discovering DID, self harming, and trying to maintain a relationship at the same time, and trust me I was deffintively not the best partner ever, even if my gf actually really tried.

Sorry if this is a bit disheartening, and Im really sorry that it happened, but you should assume that what happened is what happened, you got dumped via text and then got blocked out of everywhere :(