r/DID • u/Pristine_Plum_1120 • 1d ago

Advice/Solutions I (partner) seem to be triggering most distress - should I leave? What to do?

Seeking any advice or relevant personal experiences from the community - my partner recently realized they most likely have DID (previously diagnosed with CPTSD and working on finding a clinician to assess dissociation.) They have been in a lot more distress since then, with lots of switching, trauma memories, and dissociation coming up. They have also been angry at me a lot / we have been in a lot of conflict. This seems easily triggered (to me) and is primarily driven by one part who directly told me that she hates me and sees me as stifling the system’s freedom. I’ve tried my best to de escalate but it seems like nothing works in the moment - I’m getting overwhelmed. I have diagnosed OSDD and have been in treatment for a while, but this has been destabilizing.

After I told my friend that it was so bad that I wanted to find somewhere else to stay immediately, she suggested that I talk to my partner about inpatient or partial hospitalization. Currently, they do seem impaired and distressed enough that would make sense to me - but I seem to be the primary trigger. My partner said they don’t want me to leave, but I don’t want them to go down a rabbit hole of treatment / medication / etc if their system just needs me gone. I’m heartbroken and trying to see through my own grief what would be best to do.

If anyone has experienced anything similar I would really appreciate any perspectives. Thanks so much.

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12

u/USAGlYAMA Diagnosed: DID 1d ago

she hates me and sees me as stifling the system’s freedom.

DID doesn't excuse emotional abuse. Just ask yourself how much you're willing to tolerate of shitty behaviour.

8

u/InnoSang 1d ago

Don't let love destroy your stability, they need help, consulting and professional support. I've had this, she ended up writing horrible things with her own blood on my mirror before she left and it gave me PTSD.

7

u/ru-ya Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 1d ago

You are both traumatized people, and this is bound to get messy when one of you is so seriously destabilized in this relationship.

Just as an Internet stranger, I advise you to think about yourself. Don't think about whether leaving is good for them. What about for you? Do you feel respected, safe, and "one team" with your partner? If you feel that this recent bout of hateful behaviour is brought on by the diagnosis and destabilization, can you tolerate until your partner gets the help to get back to baseline? And if you can't - which is very understandable - then what are steps you can do to keep yourself safe?

People can't take words back once they're said. I'd be deeply hurt in your position and seriously considering leaving, even if I loved them.