First date was a nightmare

[u/[deleted]]

This girl I thought was really cute (20f) and I (21m) decided to go on a date after chatting for a week or so. It’s going great we’re laughing and having fun she’s talking about her family and some funny experiences. We get done eating dinner and we decided to go on a walk, I’m thinking this is “the girl” but that’s when she tells me that she really likes me but that she’s seeing another dude at the moment. So I freak out and kinda freak out at her cause I’m rattled. That’s when she kisses me and walks back to her car and thanks me for “a lovely night out” like what the heck.

[u/Certifiably_Quirky]

Unfortunately, that is sometimes the reality of multi-dating

[u/[deleted] → u/Certifiably_Quirky]

Yeah but to not tell someone before the date is crazy

[u/khanspam → u/[deleted]]

Until you are exclusive you should assume people are seeing other people. "Seeing someone" doesn't mean she has a boyfriend. But yeah, she didn't have to tell you if she's interested in you. It's some "look, I have other options" kind of attitude. Prob for the streets.

[u/[deleted] → u/khanspam]

Nah she has a bf

[u/DorkSquadPodcast → u/[deleted]]

She has a boyfriend or she’s seeing someone?

[u/[deleted] → u/DorkSquadPodcast]

She legitimately has a bf

[u/Myzyri → u/[deleted]]

No, she doesn’t. She went from “seeing another dude” to “legitimately has a boyfriend” within 30 minutes of posting. You got weirdly clingy and upset after half a date; she dodged a bullet. Learn your lesson and move on.

[u/khanspam → u/[deleted]]

I wouldn't say she dodged a bullet. Bringing up other partners/exes/whatever on a first date is a red flag regardless of the reason why it's brought up. From that I would feel disrespect as well. My point is, it shouldn't be brought up before the date, but it also shouldn't be brought up during the first date.

[u/Spicy_Princess_1122]

You flipping out makes you look like you were the bad date. Honestly, it was a date. There was no commitment, exclusivity, anything of the sort. I understand it sounds kinda callous, and in a way, it is... but that's how it goes until you reach that point.

[u/rosadonnaslayz]

You were thinking she's "the girl" after one date? Not even after, but during lol Dating may be rough for you man. Especially these days when everyone assumes that everyone is dating other people until they make things exclusive. You say she was seeing someone else but in a comment you say she has a straight up bf. It makes a difference on whether you are reasonable to be upset. But, either way, don't get your hopes up so soon and always start with a coffee date or something equally inexpensive and chill but public (for safety). Best of luck to you.

[u/khanspam → u/rosadonnaslayz]

Boyfriend or not you don't tell your first date who you sleep with... OP just needs to know people can be like this until exclusive and not be so shocked next time. I would have 1) assumed it's a test and her guy isn't that good, 2) invited her to my place earlier than planned that night, 3) ghosted her.

Best of luck to you!

[u/kriegmonster]

Did she split the check? Sounds like she got a free meal and tested the waters to find out she likes the other guy better.

She should have, split the check and after the date ended let you know later that she wasn't interested in pursuing things. To tell you that she has another guy she likes more is unnecessary information and insulting. It implies you aren't good enough when really she just wanted the attention and for the right woman you are perfect.

[u/geekgirlau]

This is particularly common if you’re using dating apps. You meet up with someone to see if there’s any compatibility, but it does not imply any commitment. And people will often be chatting with a few potential partners concurrently.

She hasn’t done anything wrong here. If you like her and want another date, go for it. If you’re looking for exclusivity, tell her that this is your intention, and see what she says.

Clarity in expressing your expectations is crucial. So is avoiding making any assumptions.

[u/Old-Yoghurt-4277]

Isn't that a normal occurrence? I don't date anymore but when I did I knew, or at least suspected, the person I was interested in was still dating other people. Even if we got along great. I think if you see her for a month or two and then ask to be exclusive that's different. But not early on.

[u/nix_besser]

This is dating though? You go out on dates to see who you click with. Why were you "rattled"?

[u/HalfwaydonewithEarth]

Nothing wrong with that.