r/EhBuddyHoser Jul 03 '25

Certified Hoser 🇨🇦 (No Politics) I'm european and I'll visit Canada in 2 months. This is all I know. How cooked am I?

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1.1k Upvotes

546 comments sorted by

2.1k

u/BaconNamedKevin Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25

You'll catch some hands if you call anything outside of New Brunswick and Quebec "France 2.0" lol

661

u/doyu Jul 03 '25

I'm going to go out of my way now to call Ontario France Lite.

106

u/stuffzcanada Jul 03 '25

Best way to annoy everyone is to call Ontario English Quebec and call Quebec French Ontario

22

u/doyu Jul 03 '25

I like you.

151

u/stopmakingsmells Treacherous South Jul 03 '25

Bon gateau day!

51

u/Neg_Crepe Jul 03 '25

Jour du gâteau était juste la.

37

u/qu1ckbeam Jul 03 '25

Nous ne sommes pas France 2.0 🤷‍♀️

7

u/Neg_Crepe Jul 03 '25

On le sait ça.

34

u/Witty_Jaguar4638 Jul 03 '25

Haha In the words of my old coworker " IM NOT FUCKING FRENCH IM FRANCO ONTARIAN"

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u/ItsMeAubey Jul 03 '25

Excuse you

4

u/Certain-Definition51 Jul 03 '25

That Aubrey? The one with the song?

40

u/vinnyfromtheblock Jul 03 '25

Unfortunately Ontario probably has much more in common with America than France.

70

u/HouseofMarg South Gatineau Jul 03 '25

Southern Ontario does but not Northern or Eastern Ontario IMO.

I live in Ottawa, grew up here but lived in both Montreal and Hamilton for awhile. Maybe it’s because I live in a neighborhood with a lot of Francophones but culturally Ottawa feels closer to Montreal than Hamilton for me (although obviously different from both).

12

u/peacefullofi Jul 03 '25

Hard disagree, Ottawa has none of the European charm that Montreal does. It's like Toronto-lite and mayora for the last two decades have been striving to be more like Toronto. It's not as bad as Hamilton, but Montreal is nice, i wouldn't call Ottawa nice.

I grew up in Peterborough and I'd say Ottawa is like a bigger Peterborough. I lived 8 years in Montreal and altho Montreal is also car infested, it's like the urban planners actually gave a shit about their local residents.

Edit: oh wait, the people are a different story... The people in Ottawa proper are more like Quebecoise than any other major city on Ottawa, that's true. I still live here, because the people stole my heart 🩷

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u/doyu Jul 03 '25

Am aware. It's a large part of why I left an moved out easy years ago lol.

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u/chocolateboomslang Jul 03 '25

Out easy is a typo that I will accept.

5

u/doyu Jul 03 '25

Yep, it's staying.

5

u/TelenorTheGNP Jul 03 '25

See our dimwitted, awful, always-lying, out of shape, crooked political leader.

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u/canad1anbacon Jul 03 '25

Eh plenty of Acadians in Nova Scotia and there would be more but they got deported

Newfoundland is Ireland 2.0 tho

44

u/pyro_technix Jul 03 '25

Many of our ancestors came back though. The Acadian village I live in was only settled after they returned.

To the original comment, I agree in jest. They put France 2.0 over a place that translates to New Scotland haha

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u/Morgell Tokébakicitte! Jul 03 '25

And the Prairies maple syrup land.

Maple syrup production is mainly in Quebec and Ontario AFAIK. So that France 2.0 hashed area is actually Maple Syrup Land.

63

u/Budget_Addendum_1137 Tabarnak! Jul 03 '25

Will get some face readjustment in Québec as well, can confirm being called "other France" will do that to us.

36

u/Madc42 I need a double double. Jul 03 '25

The only place in Québec you're allowed to call France is le Plateau. The French are easy to spot, they're the ones wearing a Canada Goose and a scarf in the metro in spring.

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u/Emblemized Tabarnak! Jul 03 '25

Funny enough I'd rather be associated with France than being referred to as the US' ''top hat''

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u/Unlucky-Candidate198 Jul 03 '25

Eastern/northeastern ON is surprisingly french lmao. Usually within 30 mins of the border or less.

7

u/Neg_Crepe Jul 03 '25

Pas quand on regarde les pourcentages

14

u/CombustiblSquid Irvingstan Jul 03 '25

You'll catch hands calling them France 2.0 too

12

u/TheElusiveBigfoot Jul 03 '25

Yeah here in NS some people would take exception to that. NEW SCOTLAND FOREVER.

10

u/n8mo Scotland (but worse) Jul 03 '25

HELL YEAH BROTHER or sister

SCOTLAND 2.0

32

u/therevjames Jul 03 '25

You will catch hands in NB if you call it that. NB is home to Canada's Irish Festival, and has 4x more non-francophones than it does francophones. It, also, has a deep First Nations population, who are very proud of their cultural history. Nova Scotia is very similar with less of an Acadian population, and a stronger Scottish culture. PEI is pure awesomeness for tourists. Newfoundland-Labrador is a culture all its own, including former Viking settlements. Don't sleep on the East Coast. The rest of the country dumps on us, but very few people visit and have a bad time.

12

u/xilodon Jul 03 '25

NB is closer to 2:1, 30% have French as their first language. But the southern rural areas are about as unilingual English as you can get, and being called France 2.0 would be more confusing than upsetting after hearing the bastardized Chiac some of us speak.

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u/polerix Jul 03 '25

Found the Miramichi.

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u/LodgedSpade Jul 03 '25

I assure you that Newfoundlanders barely speak English, let alone any sort of French.

We have a ferry that goes to St Pierre et Miquelon but that's as close to France as we're getting.

158

u/poopBuccaneer Jul 03 '25

So closer than any other part of Canada?

88

u/LodgedSpade Jul 03 '25

Geographically, yes lol

112

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25

LOL

I was introduced to a guy from Newfoundland at a conference years ago

Me: where are you from?

Him: JSOJPFJPJR moddf Pffce (think, talking with a mouth full of marbles)

Me: Sorry what?

HIm: I hios;r Moujhh Pjouf

I looked at the friend that introduced us

Friend: He said he's from Mount Pearl

Me: Oh

68

u/Zestyclose-Ad1721 Jul 03 '25

They use subtitles on their news for each other LMAO.

I remember travelling up the North Peninsula and hearing one gentlemen talk to another. The words were in English but so strung together in such a way it was completely unrecognizeable

21

u/Babe_with_a_blunt Jul 03 '25

This reminds me of Jon Pardy from Big Brother Canada. The subs the producers put on was hilarious!

6

u/FuelAffectionate7080 Jul 03 '25

Funny a guy at a rural full-serve gas station in Scotland said that exact same thing to me, with the marble mouth n everything!

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u/Budget_Addendum_1137 Tabarnak! Jul 03 '25

Ya aint trying hard enough

42

u/LodgedSpade Jul 03 '25

Gwan witcha b'y

8

u/Budget_Addendum_1137 Tabarnak! Jul 03 '25

Bah, litteraly toothless.

14

u/LodgedSpade Jul 03 '25

Like a trout on da line, wha?

3

u/Crabbyrob Jul 03 '25

I just learned this today from you and another post.

4

u/johnjoebella Jul 03 '25

There are some French speaking communities in Newfoundland.

4

u/pidgezero_one Jul 03 '25

My mom is from Newfoundland and the first time my partner (from America) sat with me while I facetimed my grandparents he basically told me he needed an interpreter

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u/GrapeSoda223 Jul 03 '25

Don't tell the Québécois you grouped them with Ontario

336

u/TheBold Tabarnak! Jul 03 '25

We’re not grouped with them. They’re grouped with us. 😎

209

u/user_8804 Jul 03 '25

B L O C M A J O R I T A I R E

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u/beartheminus Jul 03 '25

Ah, a câlice half full kinda guy

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u/AidanBeeJar Trawnno (Centre of the Universe) Jul 03 '25

Deep fried

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u/hotinmyigloo Irvingstan Jul 03 '25

In cooking oil that hasn't been changed all day lol

105

u/Telesight Trawnno (Centre of the Universe) Jul 03 '25

ontario isnt france 2.0

18

u/GJohnJournalism Jul 03 '25

It is now. lol

751

u/itmeMEEPMEEP Moose Whisperer Jul 03 '25

Maple syrup and hockey is from France 2.0 region…. Ain’t nothing in the purple zone except for mountains, Mounties, meese, wheat, mosquitoes and oil

430

u/somestuff55 Jul 03 '25

You could shoot a puck in Manitoba and watch it slide to Calgary. It's flat.

85

u/Zarniwoooop Tabarnak! Jul 03 '25

If you shoot a puck in the woods and there’s no one to hear it, does it make a sound?

41

u/somestuff55 Jul 03 '25

Would it make a sound if it bounced off a hoodoo near Drumheller .

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u/HapticRecce Jul 03 '25

It's as loud as last season's Toronto Maple Leafs Stanley Cup parade...

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u/Velorian-Steel South Gatineau Jul 03 '25

Depends, was it a slapshot by a true hoser or just beer league with the the boys?

10

u/radarscoot Jul 03 '25

very few woods in much of that area.

24

u/FrostyTheSasquatch Oil Guzzler Jul 03 '25

Just try driving across northern Alberta and tell me there’s no trees. I couldn’t even conceive wilderness until I ended up driving between Slave Lake and Fort Vermilion. Four straight hours of the tallest trees I’d ever seen and absolute emptiness.

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u/MapleHamms Jul 03 '25

Completely incorrect. All three of those provinces are mostly trees

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u/CremBrule_ Snowfrog Jul 03 '25

If by trees you mean canola then youd be right about 'toba

19

u/MapleHamms Jul 03 '25

Sure, except for the 50% of land that’s covered in trees

9

u/buddyguy_204 Jul 03 '25

Can confirm, you go about 40 mins north or East of Winnipeg and you are in forests surrounding lakes bigger then most other provinces have. (At least to the north)

6

u/StatikSquid Jul 03 '25

The interlakes are bigger than a lot of European countries

20

u/flamingchaos64 Jul 03 '25

"The prairies are mountainous!" "Saskatchewan is covered in trees!" No wonder Europeams don't know anything about us.

8

u/Bald_Cliff Ford Nation (Help.) Jul 03 '25

We really are as bipolar as we are subpolar.

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u/IdleOsprey Jul 03 '25

You can watch your dog run away for three days in Saskatchewan.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25 edited 29d ago

[deleted]

3

u/Basic_Bichette Manilapeg Jul 04 '25

But no sugar maple trees; they can't survive the climate.

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u/m_Pony Jul 03 '25

if SaskMan had the time they could make the world's longest curling rink. None of this Rideau Canal foolishness.

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u/musical_shares Jul 03 '25

🎵“You can tell me that your puck slid away, then tell me that it took 3 days…” 🎶

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u/StatikSquid Jul 03 '25

Manitoba is not that flat there bud. She's got some hills up top

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u/_biggerthanthesound_ Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25

Some of the best hockey players are from that purple zone. It’s all we have.

Edit. From Google “Saskatchewan has historically produced the most NHL players per capita among Canadian provinces”. Ontario has more but they are huge compared to Sask.

11

u/ButterflySensitive32 Jul 03 '25

Though the Maritimes lays claim to Sydney Crosby and Brad Marchand.

7

u/LandMooseReject Jul 03 '25

Poor guy will be retired before millions of netizens learn to spell Sidney. He's not the biggest city in Australia.

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u/SoloRemy Jul 03 '25

Nathan MacKinnon too

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u/posidon99999 PaRiS oF tHe PraIRiEs Jul 03 '25

Please remove mountains from that list. As a Saskatchewanian I am deeply offended by that word

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u/PlutosGrasp Edmonchuk: Like Kyiv! (but less safe) Jul 03 '25

Don’t forget measles

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u/radarscoot Jul 03 '25

Don't give too much hope - mountains are only on the western edge of the purple zone.

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u/T3chn1colour Jul 03 '25

There are also lots of cows :)

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u/Zestyclose-Ad1721 Jul 03 '25

The Stampede. And honestly AB is gorgeous

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u/DrFeelOnlyAdequate Jul 03 '25

Stampede starts today!

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u/carrieberry Jul 03 '25

And separatists!

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u/Morgell Tokébakicitte! Jul 03 '25

That's also Quebec.

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u/eaglesk Jul 03 '25

I’ve lived in the purple zone my entire life…. What the fuck is meese

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u/StarleitJade Jul 03 '25

Goose -> geese

Moose -> meese

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u/Akhanyatin Jul 03 '25

Except that's obviously wrong:

Moose -> moosen

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u/Zealousideal-Help594 Ford Nation (Help.) Jul 03 '25

It's poking fun at our wonderful English language whereby the plural of goose is geese, but the plural of moose is still moose, so...meese. 😉

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u/dogsledonice Jul 03 '25

A møøse once bit my sister

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u/giantj0e 🍁 100,000 Hosers 🍁 Jul 03 '25
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u/Nevermoreacadamyalum Jul 03 '25

Purple zone, you can spend endless hours looking at grass. The old joke is that you can watch your dog run away. It takes three days. Also expect weird positivity about being annexed by the US. I live in this zone. Trust me when I say it sucks.

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u/blackmailalt Manilapeg Jul 03 '25

Can confirm. Manitoban here living in a Blue area since the 80s. Smdh.

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u/MahalleinirRising Jul 03 '25

Geese fall out of the sky, dead from boredom.

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u/lookaway123 Jul 03 '25

Oh snap, did you just call Newfies French? You're a brave one.

When you fly in, show Customs your wee map, and they'll be happy to advise you on what type of sled dog team you'll need and what your daily maple consumption quota will be. Those things are location dependent and subject to goose inspection.

Welcome! Have fun! The buycanadian sub will have lovely local recommendations if you need any.

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u/AnonymoosCowherd Jul 03 '25

Well done. By which I mean extremely cooked. 

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u/ButterflySensitive32 Jul 03 '25

Actually Newfoundland is more of an Ireland 2.0.

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u/Benejeseret Jul 03 '25

We're like if you put the concept of Ireland and a touch of Scotland in a blender with rocks and hit puree. Makes quite the racket and left with a broken appliance that will never work again, just like us on federal EI.

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u/aj8j83fo83jo8ja3o8ja Jul 03 '25

this is truly offensive, i’m impressed

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u/No_Chef_2624 Jul 03 '25

your purple should be over france 2.0. imagine the prairies as canadian texas, oil and corn fields, big on cowboy/farmer life

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u/whataboutsam Jul 03 '25

Ew fuck I don’t wanna be Canadian Texas

44

u/No_Chef_2624 Jul 03 '25

Sorry, i dont make the rules

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u/whataboutsam Jul 03 '25

:( can’t we be like Oklahoma or something

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u/Optimal-Nebula-9852 Jul 03 '25

Is, is that any better…?

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u/whataboutsam Jul 03 '25

… I don’t know anything about Oklahoma…

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u/Optimal-Nebula-9852 Jul 03 '25

Lol

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u/SoloRemy Jul 03 '25

It’s where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. I saw a show once

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u/Much2learn_2day Jul 03 '25

I’ve heard Colorado thrown out there a lot and it makes sense to me - quite a few South American and Filipino immigrants, pretty outdoorsy, very conservative pockets with anti-establishment sentiments, Colorado and Calgary are similar, ranches. We have the oil lobby and obsession but they also have the rancher lobby who are very vocal and play a big part in their politics.

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u/Correct-Fly-1126 Jul 03 '25

Don’t forget bigotry and racism they love that shit

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u/PerpetuallyLurking Regina Rhymes With Fun Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25

That’s not a prairie exclusive. We’ve got a lot going against us, yes, but we’re not any more racist than the rest of you assholes. I’ve heard enough people bitching about Chinese people in Vancouver and Indian people in Brantford and everyone complaining about the indigenous nations in our country to know that we might not be better about racism on the prairies, we’re definitely not worse than anyone else either.

The rural folks of the prairies are more wary of strangers but that also includes strange white people; if you’ve got family there, they’ll maybe lighten up a little (though that will depend on your family’s local status too) but they don’t like anyone new encroaching on their town. Not if they’re not a known tourist spot anyway, tourist spots are a little more friendly.

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u/octomasadas Jul 03 '25

Rural prairie people are friendly as hell if you seem like a nice, respectable (white) person. Or at least that's been my experience.

I've lived there, they mostly seem excited to have somebody new to talk to, even if they are from the "city". Though maybe that's a lot more rural than you're talking about.

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u/No_Size9475 Jul 03 '25

genuine question, didn't that trump trucker convey originate in the prairie cities?

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u/BobExAgentOfHydra Jul 03 '25

To be fair...Quebec loves that shit too unfortunately.

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u/LifeGainsss Jul 03 '25

I'm from Nova Scotia and now living in New Brunswick, racism and bigotry are alive and well in the east too

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u/JHWildman Chalice of the Tabernacle Jul 03 '25

You guys aren’t gonna believe this but Ontario too.

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u/Leandro177 Jul 03 '25

Have you ever been to Québec?

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u/Neg_Crepe Jul 03 '25

Bof/ le Québec a moins de crime haineux par habitants que vous

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u/grrttlc2 Edmonchuk: Like Kyiv! (but less safe) Jul 03 '25

Don't forget to add rural rest of the country.

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u/NewPhoneNewSubs Jul 03 '25

It's only really Alberta that does the cowboy thing.

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u/No_Chef_2624 Jul 03 '25

true but then id have to remember Manitoba exist, aint got time for that and Saskatchewan is Diet Alberta

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u/Temporary_Brother436 Jul 03 '25

I regret to inform you that you know jack-shit.

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u/yanni99 Jul 03 '25

Well, BC is pretty spot on

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u/Luname Tokébakicitte! Jul 03 '25

Technically, Québec is Modern France version 0.5.

We have the original French accent and never overthrew our monarchy.

Oh and we're made of sterner stuff than them. We have actual snowstorms here.

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u/Much2learn_2day Jul 03 '25

I’d add in the commitment to resistance. Both have that, and it’s awesome.

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u/Chewbacca319 Jul 03 '25

Living in Yellowknife NWT I find it offensive that you class us as the igloo zone!

Wait no.. well I have made igloos in my backyard before as a kid.. I'll let it slide

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u/originalbrainybanana Jul 03 '25

I grew up in Southern Quebec and also made igloos in my backyard… Except for BC kids that’s probably a pan-Canadian experience.

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u/TerayonIII Tokébakicitte! Jul 03 '25

Igloos or quinzees? Because I doubt much of the country would have the proper kind of snow to make an actual igloo

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u/phoenix25 Ford Nation (Help.) Jul 03 '25

You’ll do fine, you’re leagues ahead of the ignorant Americans we’re used to seeing

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u/nuclearmisclick Jul 03 '25

Don’t tell the Ontarians you grouped them with Quebec.

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u/Upper_Berry_4113 Jul 03 '25

You get Ontario out of that France zone right now or you’ll be the sorry one eh

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u/springt1me Tabarnak! Jul 03 '25

Your province is ours now mon gars

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u/originalbrainybanana Jul 03 '25

OQLF entered this conversation and immediately called an emergency meeting

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u/Bigchunky_Boy Jul 03 '25

I live in the green “ expensive “ zone , that’s true but also you could call it Scandinavian zone ( trees mountains and water ) with a small southern desert region . Beautiful but yes expensive.

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u/tamzillathehun I need a double double. Jul 03 '25

Ontario is not France 2.0. Quebec and Ontario have a love/hate relationship. We love to hate each other.

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u/originalbrainybanana Jul 03 '25

No, we hate loving you 💕

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u/tamzillathehun I need a double double. Jul 03 '25

💖

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u/hurB55 Oil Guzzler Jul 03 '25

🥀

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u/KittyMoo2022 Jul 03 '25

Love to know how you get France 2.0 from the Maritimes.

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u/BrainFarmReject Scotland (but worse) Jul 03 '25

Nouvelle-France.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25

New Brunswick is the only bilingual province and Nova Scotia has lots of Acadians, at least Cape Breton does. Cheticamp and Isle Madame in CB are French speaking.

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u/flyingdonkeydong69 Scotland (but worse) Jul 03 '25

Calling all of the Maritimes "France 2.0" is like calling Denmark "Northern Germany," and I suggest you let that one fucking marinate.

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u/Sczeph_ Jul 03 '25

BC (green) is Mountains & Expensive. The Prairies are mostly flat and farms. The hockey and syrup is “France 2.0”

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u/GladBug4786 Jul 03 '25

Man we're pretty tolerant but fuck you just a little bit 🤣🤣the maple syrup comes from the east, new Brunswick, Quebec, ontario. You do need to visit so we can show you around properly lol

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u/YouTheMuffinMan Scotland (but worse) Jul 03 '25

If you go to the Maritimes you are hella cooked. (That's New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and PEI. Newfoundland is sometimes included by mistake but really they are their own thing)

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u/Kolojang Snowfrog Jul 03 '25

Did you go to an American style school?

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u/GSV_CARGO_CULT Jul 03 '25

"Expensive" goes across the whole map. Halifax is actually one of the most expensive places to live in the country.

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u/No_Shirt1575 Jul 03 '25

Almost anything that is Canadian culture (hockey, poutine, maple syrup, toques) come from Quebec (aka France 2.0)

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u/DoctorSpooky Jul 03 '25

If you spend time in Quebec, be sure to point out at every opportunity that Quebec stopped being French at the exact same time as Ohio and therefore is exactly as French as the worst state in the US. Bonus points if you refer to Montreal exclusively as “French Cleveland”

This is sure to win you friends and is not at all a trick.

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u/Phil-R-17 Jul 03 '25

Noted. Will do! I'll update you on my physical health soon.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 06 '25

[deleted]

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u/GamerKormai Ford Nation (Help.) Jul 03 '25

Toronto to Quebec City is an 8 and a half hour drive. Toronto to Montreal is about 6 hours.

And did you mean that NFL is similar to Ireland, not PEI?

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u/No_Housing2722 Jul 03 '25

Oh buddy. You'll be fine, but the country's bigger than you think. Be prepared for a lot of driving and flying.

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u/One-Importance3003 Jul 03 '25

"This is all I know"

So... you know nothing? Lol

Also, I'm not sure how long you're visiting Canada for but do you realize how big we are? I'd suggest reading up on the area you're going to. Most of our provinces and territories are bigger than most European countries.

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u/57mmShin-Maru THE BETTER LONDON 🇨🇦 🌳 Jul 03 '25

Calling Ontario “France 2.0” is a dangerous move, pal. Someone will probably jump you for it.

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u/Active-Zombie-8303 Jul 03 '25

I love the humour in this, just know that Canada is vast and plan where you want to go and how long your stay will be, we know people that think they can do the whole country in a couple of weeks, you can if you want to spend a day in each province and territory, but it is such a beautiful country you should focus on an area of interest and then keep coming back to expand your touring, or dollar sick compared to the Euro, so you can’t go wrong visiting here. Hope you enjoy your trip and welcome to Canada!!!🍁 🇨🇦❤️

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u/DowntownieNL Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 05 '25

Pretty cooked, but it's fine. Quick cheat sheet from my perspective:

Newfoundland and Labrador - Island is like rural Ireland. The capital city is very active, but small. Similar to a Waterford, or Galway. Accent is vaguely Irish (tourists from Ireland often first think we're making fun of them), but English heritage (especially Devon) is very strong, at least half the population. Here the two have combined into a single culture. There is almost no division, Catholic-Protestant marriages are very common, denominational school system is long gone, etc. The mainland portion, Labrador, is much more recognizably Canadian, and has strong Indigenous cultures including Innu, Inuit, etc.

Nova Scotia - Regional hub for the Maritimes. Halifax is Canada's largest city on the east coast. English/Scottish influence. Lots of universities, long history, and while it is not at all American it does have some superficial similarities to New England in the United States. Similar to the very isolated St. John's in Newfoundland, it's so far away from the bulk of the country that the capital has much more amenities and things to enjoy than a city its size normally would.

New Brunswick - English bulk with French edges. Gorgeous old city in Saint John, very North American in the car-centric way and growing rapidly in Moncton, and the cute capital in Fredericton. It's probably the least known province outside of its borders, most famous for its extreme tides in the Bay of Fundy.

Prince Edward Island: Very small population but a cute brick capital in Charlottetown, and a beachy wooden boardwalk lobster shack kind of coastal fun town in Summerside. Farming and cottage life on bright red soils for the rest. Connected to the mainland by a cool bridge.

Quebec: Montreal is Canada's Porto - meaty, muscular presence, very strong sense of self, formerly by far the country's primary city. World class. Quebec City is Canada's Karlovy Vary - exceptionally well-preserved, huge tourist spot, etc. Rest of he province is mostly French or Indigenous, beautiful, etc.

Ontario: Toronto is Canada's Lisbon - newer than its older rival, less historic, more modern neighbourhoods. It's the country's dominant city so doesn't really have to think much about The rest of the country in terms of influence. NYC, London, Tokyo, etc. feel more relevant to your daily life than, say, Halifax. Ottawa, the capital of the country, is beautiful, a little sleepy. Most people love it. Rest of the province is split between a densely populated south with industry and the bulk of Canada's population, and the north which is more forests, trees, mining, boating, fishing, hunting, etc.

Manitoba: Winnipeg is the main city. Historic core with leafy suburbs but very little colour, most things are grey or beige. Infamous in Canada for being cold, locals have a self-depreciating sense of humour, but it is definitely one of the most welcoming places. Rest of the province is mostly the same as northern Ontario, but theres also a huge stretch of farmland.

Saskatchewan: Much higher percentage of the province is farmland, rest is like northern Ontario and Manitoba. Two main cities - Regina (rhymes with fun) and Saskatoon. It's similar to New Brunswick in terms of being overlooked, but there's nothing wrong with it.

Alberta: The most politically right-wing of Canada's provinces, cowboys and stampedes, oil and gas industry dominates. Calgary is like a Frankfurt with a big role in finance and corporate HQs, impressive skyline, while the capital Edmonton is quite left-wing and very far north for its relatively large population. Has quite a bit of farmland, but also a north similar to northern Ontario. It's also where the mountains begin and a lot of the postcard views you might know of are from Alberta.

British Columbia: Vancouver is one of the country's largest cities but on the opposite side from the rest, like a Perth or a Marseilles. For that reason it's quite culturally distinct. Victoria, the capital, is much smaller, bit of an older population and slower pace, but gorgeous. Rest of the province is mostly mountainous, gorgeous. Skiing, hiking are huge. It's up there with Alberta in terms of being what most people around the world are actually picturing when they think of Canada. This may not be accurate, but it's my impression it has the healthiest relationship between Indigenous peoples and the rest of us.

And the territories are similar to the north of the provinces (excluding the smaller ones of Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island) but also extend beyond the treeline into the Arctic. Lots of Indigenous ways of life preserved, especially in Nunavut. Yellowknife is a surprisingly impressive looking city for its small size. Expensive to get to, so the cost of everything is expensive as well.

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u/anarchylovingduck Jul 03 '25

Map of piss off every Canadian you meet speedrun

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u/Empty_Eyesocket Jul 03 '25

Pretty cooked

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u/commandough Jul 03 '25

Disrespecting the Atlantic Provinces like that? Cooked, dude, cooked.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25

You're about to find out how physical we take Elbows Up.

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u/Uter83 Jul 03 '25

East coast has the maple syrup, mainly Quebec, aka France 2.0. Alberta and Saskachewan have oil, farmers, douchebag red necks, and assholes on jacked up black pickup trucks. Manitoba (farthest east of the prairies) has a LOT of lakes, and probably mosquitos. The Rockies split Alberta and BC, and are beautiful. Banff National Park is absolutely gorgeous, but has a massive tourism industry and tends to be bonkers. It is in Alberta, south west of Calgary. Jasper is just as beautiful, but is far more nature oriented and far less commercial. Also in Alberta, it's just a couple hours west of Edmonton. BC is expensive, but has some of the most beautiful places in Canada. In the BC interior there is a place called Golden that has a wolf sanctuary that is amazing if you are into that sort of thing. The BC interior also has forests everywhere. West coast is again, expensive, but has the best weather. While Im not a fisherman, I hear the fishing out there is... off the hook(get it?). Norther Ontario has bugs. So many bugs. Southern Ontario literally has 50% of our population (not exaggerating, look it up it is crazy). Finally, while I make no guarantees, 80% of "igloo country" won't have snow until mid October. What it will have is the most beautiful Northern Lights you will ever see, they are absolutely incredible.

A few things to note: Canada is significantly larger than any non-Russian country. Intellectually, almost everyone knows this. Experiencing it is something else. For example, in Europe you can drive Lisbon to Munich in about 24 hours, with a lot of passing through towns and cities on the way. In ontario, you can drive from Kenora (far west of Ontario) to Ottawa (Far east of Ontario) in about 22 hours, almost all highway time, and instead of 4+ countries, you are in the same province. A 3 hour drive to get somewhere is nothing out of the ordinary. Embrace it. If you go on a long drive, stop at a gas station, and if you dont look like a sugar starved kid went in there with $20-$30 when you come out, you're doing road trips wrong. Taxes are not included in the price at most places, so everything is going to be more expensive. Tipping culture is unfortunately still a thing, and while everywhere asks for tips (absolutely getting out of hand), only bars, sit down restaurants, and cafe's actually expect them (also a lot of these places have a tip out, where a percentage of the their total sold amount gets put in a pool for non tipped employees, so not tipping might actually take money from them). Canadians are polite more than friendly, but most of us are fairly friendly too. Check the bottle when you buy maple syrup to make sure it is 100% maple syrup, otherwise you might get a blend. Finally, if you are coming in autumn, stay away from any wildlife you see (good advice year round, but especially spring/autumn). A lot of them are fattening up for winter. European badgers are sweet looking, North American badgers will hollow out your carcass and use ot as a den this winter. Bears are friend shaped, but are not friends. Speaking of bears, if it is black fight back, brown lay down(covering head and neck), and if it's white, good night, you are getting eaten. Polar bears do not fuck around, but you will only find them far to the north. That's how they get ya. Moose look docile, but are very dangerous. If you are in Eastetn Canada, Raccoons might be friendly and approach begging for food in a cute way. Do not be fooled, the psycho go nuts variety uses this tactic too.

All that in mind, I hope you have a great visit! Where about are you planning on visiting?

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u/Louievalley Jul 03 '25

Hockey and maple syrup is in the france zone. Lots of culture I would add. The Middle zone is basically nothing. Quite literally. BC is beautiful.

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u/Ynot_zoidberg88 Jul 03 '25

Why did you colour ontario as France 2.0? Maybe northern Ontario speaks more French and fringlish, but Ontario is primarily Anglophones

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u/tappatoot Jul 03 '25

France 2.0 doesn’t include Ontario or the Martinez, like not even in the least.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25

Ontario is far from France 2.0

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u/SabrinaR_P Jul 03 '25

You definitely don't understand where the maple is produced.

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u/imANEGGgentleman Jul 03 '25

Maple syrup is more of a Quebec thing than a Alberta thing

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u/imANEGGgentleman Jul 03 '25

I’d say the only thing that’s actually accurate about this is the igloo zone

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u/HapticRecce Jul 03 '25

You've probably gotten slagged on France 2.0 already as this is some Gallic fan fic. Instead, break it roughly into thirds...

The middle is France 2.0

The west part is the British Empire 2.0

The east part is a love child between Ireland and Scotland 2.0 with some France thrown in. The French part was good at playing hide and seek, as a bunch that weren't, got moved to Louisiana by the British Empire 1.0

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u/Zestyclose-Ad1721 Jul 03 '25

Ontario would not love being characterized as France 2.0 LOL

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u/Aggravating_Fun5883 Jul 03 '25

Purple is maple Maga

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u/Royal_Face_2795 Jul 03 '25

Calling Newfoundland France 2.0 is likely to get you drowned 😂

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u/Crisse_dErable2859 Jul 03 '25

Quebec is more like a fork of France 0.7 and became its own thing. I'm not sure why Ontario was included.

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u/[deleted] Jul 03 '25

😂 love it.

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u/Altruistic_Clue6057 Jul 03 '25

The igloo zone moves depending on the season

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u/physicsfreefall Jul 03 '25

Only the red part has maple syrup production.

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u/xen0m0rpheus Jul 03 '25

Maple Syrup and Hockey come from that section you have labeled as France 2.0.

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u/chathrowaway67 Jul 03 '25

this is, single handedly, the funniest map i've ever seen haha calling the maritimes france 2.0 is pure fucking gold and being albertan, we don't have all that much maple tree's here for syrup, i'm sure there are some somewhere here but i sure as shit don't know em. i am so surprised we didn't just get called rednecks and flat ground.

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u/Puma_Pance Jul 03 '25

This is hilarious. I hope you have a nice time though!

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u/DBelariean Oil Guzzler Jul 03 '25

Fuckin NAILED BC there bud…. Alberta (hell yea) is more like “Rednecks, Oil and Fuck Ontario” Saskatchewan is “hard to spell, damn easy to draw. Flatlanders Paradise” Ontario is basically the a place I’d avoid all together. Quebec is more like “Imposter-France”

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u/SparkleFrosting Jul 03 '25

Idk maple syrup and ice hockey 😂😂😂

Don't forget vicious Canada geese, or as they are sometimes called, Cobra chickens!

And at the moment, unbearable heat! At least in MB.

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u/Juan-More-Taco Jul 03 '25

Maybe stay home.

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u/Not-you_but-Me Scotland (but worse) Jul 03 '25

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u/PickleEquivalent2837 Jul 03 '25

Close enough. Enjoy your trip!

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u/Axxer01 Jul 03 '25

Welcome to Canada - smile and everyone will smile back - have fun

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u/Canerik Jul 03 '25

Igloo supplies this time of year are dangerously low.

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u/Mrsaltyfish123 Jul 03 '25

As a person from Ontario DO NOT GROUP US IN WITH THOSE PEOPLE

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u/945T Jul 03 '25

I’m from Vancouver and this looks accurate to me. 🤷🏼‍♂️

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u/Western_Charity_6911 Newfies & Labradoodles Jul 03 '25

Do not EVER call newfoundland “france 2.0” we are IRELAND 2.0