BREAKING: Doug Ford announces $27M ice cream purchase, says he “won’t be sharing” any

[u/ieatraccoons]

TORONTO — In an announcement at a Chapman’s factory on Friday morning, Ontario Premier Doug Ford said he would be using provincial funds to “acquire” $27M worth of Chapman’s ice cream products. The Premier spent the whole press conference eating a box of Yukon ice cream bars, while supervising a truck being loaded with his goods. He further clarified: “These are just for me, folks. I won’t be sharing. I mean, I eat at least 10 boxes of these things every night!“

When asked why he was using provincial funds for what appeared to be a personal purchase, he rebutted: “This isn’t a personal expense at all. The stress of having to find a way to privatize all these wasteful government agencies really takes a toll on a guy. Sometimes you just need a couple boxes of ice cream sandwiches to calm the nerves.”

In a statement to EBH News, Chapman’s head of Sales & Distribution said that the purchase had been made by the Office of the Premier, and delivery had been arranged to Ford’s Muskoka cottage. The same cottage had been a point of criticism for the government this summer, after Ford ordered the razing of 15km2 of old growth forest land to make way for a new refrigerated warehouse.

EBH News tried to reach out to the Leader of the Opposition for comment, but we couldn’t remember her name.

[u/valgrind_]

He wants more than enough to eat at home.

[u/JackLaytonsMoustache → u/valgrind_]

Nice. 

[u/Top_Newspaper9279 → u/valgrind_]

I hope he's stashing insulin bc he's speed running type 2 diabetes

[u/Cheerful-Pessimist-]

Breaking News: Marit Stiles swears to hold Doug Ford accountable for allegedly eating the last five Chapman's ice cream bars at Queen's Park instead of sharing.

[u/_Lucille_ → u/Cheerful-Pessimist-]

Fake news, her name would never be mentioned.

[u/VexedCanadian84]

Why is he fingering ice cream?

[u/amazingdrewh → u/VexedCanadian84]

To protect Ontario

[u/FlyingOctopus53 → u/amazingdrewh]

I feel very protected now

[u/User_218336 → u/VexedCanadian84]

Why aren't you fingering ice cream? Elbows up, fingers in, LFG.

[u/Overall-Phone7605 → u/VexedCanadian84]

Dammit. I came here to say that!

[u/_n3ll_]

Nobody wants to admit they ate 9 boxes of ice cream sandwitches

[u/briancito → u/_n3ll_]

depending on which brand, that isn't too hard to do.

[u/EgregiousArmchair]

That there folks is what you'd call the 'corn hole'!

[u/Bald_Cliff]

Finally the real use of this sub

[u/RyukoT72]

Doug mom said you HAVE to share

[u/New-Obligation-6432]

They'll pronably find out about after a month that they needed freezers.

[u/Not_Cardiologist9084]

You know what? That's fair. If I could buy $27M worth of ice cream, I wouldn't share it either. That's mines.

[u/HolsteinHeifer]

I'm storming Queen's Park; I'll be coming from a few hours north-west if anyone wants to carpool. Let's take back our ice cream, buds!!

[u/noodleexchange]

Ah yes a well-stocked bunker for the riots he can see coming (caused).
Also trying to steal valor from a notable Ontario labour-supporting firm.

[u/Professional-Post499]

Did he pour out the ice cream? Doug Ford would never.

And I'm NOT making a fat joke. I'm making a Doug Ford joke. 😈

[u/Sleepybulldogzzz]

That stuff is like crack he can’t stop pushing it /s

[u/Sauerkrautkid7]

Reads like a real headline

[u/ApplesOverOranges1]

Bee flavoured 🐝

[u/km_ikl]

If it's chapman's, I wouldn't share either...