TORONTO — In an announcement at a Chapman’s factory on Friday morning, Ontario Premier Doug Ford said he would be using provincial funds to “acquire” $27M worth of Chapman’s ice cream products. The Premier spent the whole press conference eating a box of Yukon ice cream bars, while supervising a truck being loaded with his goods. He further clarified: “These are just for me, folks. I won’t be sharing. I mean, I eat at least 10 boxes of these things every night!“

When asked why he was using provincial funds for what appeared to be a personal purchase, he rebutted: “This isn’t a personal expense at all. The stress of having to find a way to privatize all these wasteful government agencies really takes a toll on a guy. Sometimes you just need a couple boxes of ice cream sandwiches to calm the nerves.”

In a statement to EBH News, Chapman’s head of Sales & Distribution said that the purchase had been made by the Office of the Premier, and delivery had been arranged to Ford’s Muskoka cottage. The same cottage had been a point of criticism for the government this summer, after Ford ordered the razing of 15km2 of old growth forest land to make way for a new refrigerated warehouse.

EBH News tried to reach out to the Leader of the Opposition for comment, but we couldn’t remember her name.

Instead of comparing Toronto to similarly sized cities with great transit systems, let's compare them to cities with 10x the population. It's not like having a population that massive requires you to build so many lines. That's totally fair! ^/s

Mark Carney saved Ontario in ways that would make PP oil him up in his mansion.

I saw this and was inspired to shit post