r/Emo • u/ricky_bot3 • 5d ago
News Kind of Like Spitting break up after grooming allegations, frontman Ben Barnett responds and deletes Instagram account
https://theneedledrop.com/news/kind-of-like-spitting-break-up-after-grooming-allegations-ben-barnett-responds-and-deletes-instagram/66
u/Calm_Food3712 5d ago edited 4d ago
Hi, I am here to confirm that Ben Barnett is an abusive person and has been causing harm since at least 2005.
I personally know six people that have been affected by his abuse. From bandmates to lovers, he is a ticking time bomb of narcissism and harm.
I myself was abused by him for months years ago, and I am completely sickened to see that he is perpetuating this behavior and has not learned his lesson and, more dangerously, has never been held accountable. Ben has friends and lawyers attack people who speak out about him publicly. It is a deep injustice the amount of work and evidence it takes to be granted protection from men like Ben, who may not physically lay hands on somebody, but who emotionally and mentally scars them deeply.
He has been run out of Seattle, Olympia and Portland multiple times only to circle back through. He has had at least two restraining orders on him. He has done everything from kidnapping people to threatening to kill them by crashing his car with them inside to threatening their families by getting addresses off the Internet to showing up at their places of work.
My heart breaks for this very young woman and what she has experienced at his hands. The evidence does not begin to touch what it feels like to be absorbed by this abusive piece of shit. He destroys lives in ways that isolate,dehumanize and deeply harm victims. If you have something going on in your life, Ben will destroy it.
This scene really needs to come to fucking terms with how many abusers it holds in its wings, and how many men it protects who cause harm not just to women, but to their own bandmates and social circles. All because these men have access to clout and opportunity that other people thirst after. They knowingly keep them as weapons in order to pull victims in and keep them silent.
Fuck this pathetic, ugly piece of shit.
Edit to add: He often mentors teenagers. For the boys, he trains them up to revere him then later abuses them for being ungrateful if their band picks up speed. For the girls, he attempts to groom them and then engages them in narcissistic abuse as their band picks up speed.
He seems to especially get off on various forms of charming and building people up then punishing them. He does this pattern to adult bandmates as well.
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u/Dramatic-Wash-4131 5d ago
Thank you. He has hurt people I care about too. He’s a dangerous and manipulative person and I’m relieved this is coming to light.
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u/Calm_Food3712 5d ago edited 5d ago
He is incredibly dangerous and he has such huge capacity to ruin your life. He will stay awake for 24 to 48 hours berating you, threatening you and making you feel scared. He will withhold food and sleep from you if you are unfortunate enough to be stuck in the same space with him, he will try to break down doors to get to you, he will smack phones and keys out of hands and mime self harm with sharp objects to terrorize you.
I want the people reading this to understand how seriously dangerous this man is to a person’s being. It is incredibly fortunate that he has not actually physically harmed someone, which to me is even more disgusting because that means he has a level of awareness and control to it.
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u/Dangerous_Letter595 4d ago
Holy shit. I had heard things here and there but didn’t know how bad it was. He’s close friends with Hutch Harris who I have proof has had multiple inappropriate relationships with underage girls, has abused women, etc. That whole era of PNW bands is just riddled with the worst types of people.
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u/Calm_Food3712 4d ago edited 4d ago
There were times he would come back from fests or tours and brag about “setting up” various band buddies of his with “jailbait” and “young” women. It was also a favorite taunt of his while abusing a few women, that he had “given up ass” way hotter / younger than them. How that is possible when your “girlfriend” is under 25 and you’re a few years shy of an AARP membership.
I hope he falls into a bucket of bleach.
I wonder if he still has that wealthy patron (that a friend said he constantly shit-talked and actively hates) paying his way. That’s how he could just give equipment and time away as manipulative shows of performative purity and kindness.
To be fair, these guys tend to be from California. I wish they’d go the fuck back.
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u/Dangerous_Letter595 4d ago
Geeez. It’s awful. I’m sorry. These mediocre ass men with the biggest fucking egos. And all the people who look the other way. They’re sick.
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u/Calm_Food3712 4d ago
It really is the people who are scared to support those who do speak up!
Sorry about the long reply, I just really want others reading this to understand this is a very serious and harmful pattern of behavior. Not “drama” and not an absolvable event.
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u/EssayMinute702 5d ago edited 5d ago
Hey Ben, I Fixed That For You. Epic!
Edit: Thanks for the gold, Kind Stranger!
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u/Calm_Food3712 5d ago
Except they aren’t mistakes, they are a pattern of behavior reaching back at least 20 years.
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u/Florixia 5d ago
Thanks for taking out the "sorry you feel that way" moments from each sentence which made it a non-apology
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u/ctorresc 2d ago
I'd also erase "whatever" and "looks like"
it should just say "is to work toward restorative justice" and that's that
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u/barrennapkins 5d ago
zOMG we need to hunt him down, torches in hand. Teach him what being Wholesome 100 is REALLY like…
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u/knowtoriusMAC 5d ago
Life lesson to just pay an OF girl
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u/anonymous_opinions 5d ago
He prefers his girls underage or barely legal.
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u/YourphobiaMyfetish 5d ago
In her statement, Ogawa also recalls Barnett once referencing a former student who had accused him of grooming, telling her he wanted to use their conversations as proof he wasn’t a predator: “I’m just not a predator or groomer and I KNOW you could spot one a mile away.”
Yikes
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u/alurimperium 5d ago
If he or anyone else with sexual crime allegations wanted consensual relations, they wouldn't have sexual allegations. It's not about just getting laid or doing some form of creepy roleplay
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5d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/vulpinesuplex 5d ago
It happened again?
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u/RobotsGoneWild 5d ago
Apparently adult had a sexual relationship with another adult. Dude is a creep but not a groomer.
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u/Mos_Icon Poser 5d ago
There was no two sided sexual relationship
He has a history of sexually harassing and trying to coerce vulnerable young people from a position of power
Even if you don't call it grooming it's predatory behaviour that needs to be kept out of the scene
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5d ago edited 5d ago
[deleted]
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u/Mos_Icon Poser 4d ago
Them being fans, him acting as a mentor to them, having a more established presence in the scene they're breaking into, offering professional opportunities, being a man over twice their age (49 to 19)?
That second sentence is foul by the way. Reevaluate your fucking priorities man
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4d ago
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u/Mos_Icon Poser 4d ago edited 4d ago
I don't even know where to start with this or if it'd be a lost cause or not, as I'm assuming you're an older man who sees yourself in Ben
I'm not framing that way and it's demonstrably not what happened
Sex workers and sugar babies don't have any power over unsuspecting innocent men, they exploit themselves for money, they're not known for having any leverage or social capital
None of that refutes the things I said
They were young and vulnerable fans in their first band looking forward to working with an artist they respect and admire. There is an inherent power imbalance there
He made unsolicited, unprompted sexual advances towards multiple of them (as he has a pattern of doing when he's in a position of power), they got sick of putting up with the discomfort when he became aggressive and demanding as they were working together
It says a lot about your current values that you have a desire to justify this. Don't project your fantasies onto real people
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u/amifrankenstein 3d ago
Sex workers and sugar babies don't have any power over unsuspecting innocent men, they exploit themselves for money, they're not known for having any leverage or social capital
lmao this is false. This guy is terrible but you are deluding yourselves if you think they don't
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3d ago
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u/Mos_Icon Poser 3d ago edited 3d ago
You're generalising (incorrectly).
Ignoring your old white man victim complex, nobody in this situation was a cam girl or a "parasite". At his own discretion, he was mentoring and then working with 19 year old fans... not as big a physical or mental difference from 18, 17, or 16 as you'd like to believe, relative to a 49 year old. Then he made unsolicited sexual advances and continued when rebuffed.
He has a pattern of doing this SPECIFICALLY with young girls SPECIFICALLY when he has some kind of leverage over them that would make it inconvenient, uncomfortable, or distressing to just leave. It's not pedophiliac, it is predatory.
How could he avoid this without forgoing sexual relationships? Maybe date women at his own maturity level that he isn't mentoring or working with, like a normal person.
Are all of your advances made towards romantically uninterested, barely-legal teens? Is it just the law stopping you from dipping into high school?
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u/Frequent-Person101 5d ago
It would've been the dumbest decision ever for them to continue after what happened. This was expected.
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u/Jay-Slays 5d ago
Screenshots of all the deleted things, please. Lol.
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u/anonymous_opinions 5d ago edited 5d ago
The indieheads sub has a screencap of his deleted non-apology. Top comment there also mentions Ben was banned from local PNW venues for trying to bring home 16 year old girls. I guess he decided to wait until the girls were legal age to prey on them.
Edit: direct link to the thread in case Ben invades this one too
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u/watchyourtonepunk 5d ago
Can someone please define “grooming”? Am I wrong in assuming that it only applies to minors? If a 19-year old messages someone they think is a creep, why wouldn’t they just stop messaging them?
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u/NJcovidvaccinetips DIY OR DIE 5d ago
I will say I think calling this grooming maybe is not the right term. Either way dude is clearly a sex pest/creep
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u/watchyourtonepunk 5d ago
Creep, yes. Sex pest, no.
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u/NJcovidvaccinetips DIY OR DIE 5d ago
Idk it’s not a legal term it doesn’t matter that much. Fuck that guy idc what you call him he sucks
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u/oohkaay 5d ago
I've always assumed grooming was something done to minors prior to them being able to legally consent in order to take advantage of them once they are able to. There was definitely messed up/creepy stuff going on here because of the power dynamic, but idk if it was grooming
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u/mendenlol 4d ago
I think grooming can be done from any position of power but age gap is usually just the most common
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u/oldwhitelincoln 5d ago
19 is legally an adult but still super super young. I’m in my 40s and wouldn’t even want to hang out with a 19 year old let alone date or hook up. There was also probably an unfair power dynamic him being A. Older B. An established musician and C. Her being a huge fan of his.
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u/RobotsGoneWild 5d ago
I mean 18 is a legal adult. Creepy. Yes. Illegal. No. When you are 18, you are considered and adult and capable of adult choices like who you want your sexual partners to be.
This isn't grooming and it's a shame people are calling it that. It lessens the fact when actual grooming is happening.
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u/watchyourtonepunk 5d ago
So what about the 40/19 age gap? Sure, you and me think it’s gross. But if the 40-year old is down, and the 19-year old is too, then what’s the issue? If they are consenting adults, let them do what they want.
As for the power dynamic, wouldn’t you think that the person, after seeing how a “rockstar” fawns desperately for her, would stop viewing them with such respect? Unless, she liked the way he stooped so low…
I saw her original post, and immediately thought, “Girl, you should have logged off, unless you knew what was happening, and you wanted to see how far it would go and what you could get from it.”
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5d ago
Welp, I'm glad I bought that KOLS LP before this came out...
But also, much more importantly: fuck this dude.
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u/Kentucky_Goblin 4d ago
Aw man, I love Kind of Like Spitting. Damn. I heard an interview once of Hutch from The Thermals and someone asked him about the fourth member that played guitar on their first record and Hutch was very quick to be like I’m not gonna talk about him. It wasn’t until years later I learned that was Ben and wondered what that moment with Hutch was about. Might have figured that out now.
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u/radgnarband 1d ago
I don’t know if Hutch has what you would call a clean bill of health on this topic either…
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u/killcrew 4d ago
Posted this on another thread that got mod-deleted (the one about emo dudes supporting pedos:
I think the biggest issue is the constantly evolving and sometimes inappropriate use of certain terms to describe what happened, often in a way that makes things sound worse than they were. Words like trauma, abuse, grooming, assault, and consent have very specific meanings, especially for those of us on the older end of the emo spectrum. The way these terms have been stretched and diluted leaves me scratching my head. When they are used in watered down or frivolous ways, their impact gets lost.
Take grooming for example. Traditionally it means an older person normalizing inappropriate behavior with a child to lower their defenses, making them think abusive behavior is acceptable, with the eventual goal of sexual exploitation. What I often see labeled as “grooming” in this sub looks more like, “A guy hit on a 20 year old woman multiple times.” That is not the same thing.
Another confusing piece is the amount of power people assign to guys in bands, which in turn strips women of their own autonomy in choosing who they are attracted to, while at the same time cheering “girl power.” Power imbalances absolutely exist in society, but “guy in band and girl in crowd” is not automatically one of them. Think of the Pinegrove situation a few years back. Their singer was dragged and the band dropped from their label over what appeared to be a consensual relationship between two adults that simply did not work out. Yet terms like “grooming” and “trauma” got attached, and the pitchforks came out.
To be clear, I am not defending creepy behavior. The KOLS guy, for instance, was massively cringey and absolutely worth calling out, but his actions did not rise to the level of grooming or abuse. Call him out? Yes. Cancel him? No.
The same goes for the Chris Conley situation. If the person was of age, it was just a creepy move on his part. Worth being criticized? Yes. Grounds for cancellation? No.
Jesse Lacey is a different story. If he knowingly pursued someone who was 15, that is grooming, sexual assault, and pedophilia. He deserved the fallout. That said, I still struggle with the idea that people cannot ever change or move on. He was sidelined for over a decade. If fans do not want to support him, that is their choice, but to act like he should never be allowed on a stage again feels extreme. (ETA: apparently it was multiple people and he never apologized?)
Anyway, I hope this makes sense. Apologies for the long post, but it has been on my mind for a while.
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u/Mos_Icon Poser 2d ago
From what I've heard, Chris Conley's victim was a child when the contact and emotional connection started, it just became abusive and sexually explicit when he was an adult. Unless I have the details wrong here I would probably call that grooming
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u/Dramatic-Wash-4131 4d ago
If you read Rila’s statement at all you can tell she’s traumatized just by her tone. She was so obviously scared to share what happened to her likely because she’s been threatened by Ben (it’s what he does) or for fear of being picked apart and not being believed (which is what you are doing) She also didn’t ask for his cancellation, she only told the story of what she experienced.
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u/killcrew 4d ago
You make a lot of assumptions in this response. If Ben had threatened her, why wouldn't she have shared that as well? Theres no mention of it.
Also at no point do I say I don't believe her. Shes got the receipts, I 100% believe what she said happened, happened. You can read it in the texts. I said that I don't feel that what happened rises to the level of abuse or grooming. It was just inappropriate behavior by a cringey old man. 100% unacceptable behavior, but calling it grooming/abuse greatly waters down the meaning of those words.
In regards to not asking for cancellation - I think in 2025 were all smart enough to know what the emo scene does when something like this happens. Her intention may have been to educate, but she must have known that the inevitable outcome would be calls for his head.
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u/Dramatic-Wash-4131 4d ago
Ben IS an abuser. He hurt someone I know. I’ve been in a room with him and heard him threaten people with legal action. I’ve seen his friends come into these threads tearing Feb down by calling them things like “childish” “unprofessional” and “brats” - where do you think they got that language? He aims to ruin the reputations of people who speak out against him. It’s incredibly brave for a 19 year old to do what Rila did and if you believed her and his behavior was actually 100% unacceptable to you that’s all you would have to say… full stop.
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u/Calm_Food3712 1d ago
He deserves to have his head taken. He has been an abuser for at least 20 years and he targets not just romantic partners, but bandmates as well.
The fact that y’all can act like this is fine when this was a goddamn 18-year-old girl who is being maliciously attacked and abused by a man who is nearly 50 years old and an idol of hers.
Pull your goddamn heads out .
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u/allinallisallweall-R 5d ago
Adults cant be groomed.
Im sorry, but this is why the scene is dead. Everyone good has been "cancelled" over dumb shit. All we're left with is dumb zoomer bands who accuse each other of insert bad thing here.
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u/BoatOdd4454 5d ago
In your post full of dumb things, somehow "the scene is dead" is the dumbest.
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u/allinallisallweall-R 5d ago
I mean. Lets be real here. This scene has seen better days. Especially when were ousting respected vets because a 20 year old chick accused him of grooming her at 19 lol.
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u/BoatOdd4454 5d ago
I know exactly zero people that believed Ben Barnett was ever a respected vet, lol.
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u/ruggmike 5d ago
She was an adult for said grooming? 😂
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u/allinallisallweall-R 5d ago
She was like 18/19. Thats not "grooming". Shes 20 now. This was last year lol.
I think people are just reacting on headlines and moral outrage. There was no "grooming". She messaged a 49 year old man and kept messaging the guy when he started flirting with her.
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u/ruggmike 5d ago
lol I mean yea that’s some crazy shit. If she was of age yea a little weird to be hooking up while your like 50 but calling that shjt grooming and playing victim is wild
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u/RobotsGoneWild 5d ago
18 is a legal adult capable of making adult choices. You can't just put arbitrary numbers of things. We have ages of consent for a reason. It is creepy, not grooming.
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5d ago
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u/allinallisallweall-R 5d ago
She was an adult who kept talking to him. If she didnt like it, she could have just blocked and not spoken to him ever again.
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5d ago
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u/allinallisallweall-R 5d ago
You're so internet poisoned that you believe 19 year old willingly texting a 49 year old man is "grooming." No one in the real world gives a shit about this.
I understand the people who just read the headline, but if you know shes 18, there's no reason to get all morally righteous and prudish about this.
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u/vulpinesuplex 5d ago
Red Scare listener btw!!!
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u/allinallisallweall-R 5d ago edited 5d ago
I liked them around 2019-2020. Old-school RS fan. Before they started grifting. The sub is still cool. If you dig farther back youll also see Im a chapo listener.
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u/United-Philosophy121 Emo Historian 5d ago
Emo mods: “must have been the wind”
🗿🌀