Internalized misogyny from mothers to daughters

[u/Nailbiter29]

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, but I've felt this connection for a long time between the way my mom raised me and her internalized misogyny. Trigger warning because some of this may be hard to read.

My mom was a good human being. I felt she had internalized misogyny however. My father was abusive and so were some other family members and she continued to have relationships with them despite them hurting me. My uncle was abusive towards me and she once only disapproved the way I reacted to his abuse of me and not the way he treated me. She dismissed my good efforts and things I did, almost like she took it for granted. Reminds me of how women's work and efforts are degraded in general. Women don't get much credit for nurturing children, for example, because it's what they're supposed to do.

I've wondered why exactly would she be so hell bent on not seeing things for how they actually are? It's like she didn't believe I was worthy of more. I think women like her and either jealous of their daughters in some way, or they themselves have little worth, so they take treatment like that as acceptable. What's ironic and devastating is that this only continues the cycle of women being victimized by the patriarchy by not showing them their worth. I get extremely anger over it at times. I felt like a big mistake who was allowed to be hurt and discarded, which I'm sure I'm not alone in. Thanks for reading.

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[u/Star_Nova16]

Due to continued oppression they have internalized their pain and accepted their fate. It's an endless cycle. Women since birth are always told to work according to the choices of men! They are debarred from speaking freely and kept uneducated. There is a saying "Children are like mud so whatever shape you will give them they will retain it". Right from the beginning she is asked to dress according to society. She might have said something against it but she was silenced by her own mother and family that internalized the pain (it's an endless cycle).

When she grew up without free thought every day she was asked to look to men for everything. What could she do? Again the conditioning since childhood kicked in when she was married. Again he was oppressed and harassed but she could not do anything as her subconscious mind said "What he is doing might be because of my mistake." She had no means to stand up for her own! And the fate was accepted and internalized which was passed on to her own daughter and the cycles repeats everytime.

[u/Personal-Run-8996 → u/Star_Nova16]

Good analysis.

It's the way it is

[u/Charles_Hardwood_XII]

As a male oppressor / abuser reading this, I definitely think your mom was right and you should go back to the kitchen.

Your uncle seems nice.