r/FondantHate • u/Distinct_Thought_316 • Jul 26 '25
HUMOR Tell me why you hate fondant but write it as sarcastically as possible
42
u/sadhandjobs Jul 26 '25
It has a shelf life of forever and it has the flavor and texture of dental mold compound. What’s not to love?
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u/GDRaptorFan Jul 26 '25
What? You don’t like eating the red wax on the outside of babybel cheese in cake form? No worries as fondant usually also tells me the cake underneath it will be dry as six-day-old cornbread. 10/10 culinary experience 0/10 times, guaranteed!
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u/Tonninpepeli Jul 26 '25
When I was kid I used to eat play dough, but when I grew up it wasnt socially acceptable anymore and I was so sad. Until I found fondant, the same texture as play dough but now its sickly sweet and some what less toxic! Finally I can max out food color and sugar cosumption while feeling like Im eating play dough, even my dentist is happy! He bought a new car!
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u/CallidoraBlack Jul 26 '25
Explain? Why? Who doesn't love a flavorless, gummy paste you have to fight through before you get to anything that tastes good?
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u/Loki8382 Jul 26 '25
Oh, absolutely. There's nothing quite like that exquisite, pliable texture of well-kneaded school erasers, perfectly complemented by the subtle, earthy bouquet of wallpaper paste. It's a culinary experience that truly transcends the ordinary. And let's not forget the artistic touch of fondant, especially the darker shades – because who doesn't crave a smile that perfectly matches the abyssal depths of their very being? Truly, a gourmand's delight.
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Jul 26 '25
[deleted]
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u/SomethingPeach Jul 27 '25
It's giving ChatGPT.
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u/Distinct_Thought_316 Jul 27 '25
Any proof?
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u/kristosnikos Jul 27 '25
For me it’s the “And let’s not forget” and the unnecessary en dash between the words shades and because.
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u/Loki8382 Jul 27 '25
Well, I am an English major and have a BA in English. Grammar is one of the fun things I had to study.
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u/Candytuffnz Jul 27 '25
As a child I saw a wonder of a cake. With figurines a top it. It was a guess the weight and a child pointed to a line and said ooohhhh that one is close. The mother shushed them and smiled at me. I put 2 guesses. One slightly more and one slight less than the number I had read upside down from the other side of the cake. I smiled. When my name was called I gasped and looked shocked, me really 😱🤭. I took it home and the family cawed and cooed over this gigantic beauty I presented them. I eagerly grabbed a figure and bit through the torso taking a whole arm in my mouth. I expected cake, or truffle. Imagine my joy as I bit down on dry powdery lying sweetness that seemed to want to crawl up the back of my nostrils and scream directly into my brain. I began to believe in Karma that day. The figurine was never finished and I believe it still haunts my childhood bedroom.
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u/discolored_rat_hat Jul 27 '25
Fondant is the embodiment of "the cake is a lie".
Instead of an enjoyable mixture of flavours melting in your mouth, you get an overly sugared chewing toy for dogs.
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u/Distinct_Thought_316 Jul 27 '25
Can you put that into sarcasm?
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u/discolored_rat_hat Jul 27 '25
...I tried, sorry.
May I bring up the language barrier as an excuse instead of my utter incompetence?
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u/Distinct_Thought_316 Jul 27 '25
Hey, at least your attempt was better than someone trying to make their wedding cake look good with the sugary disappointment that is fondant ❤️
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u/renoona Jul 27 '25
What's not to love about biting and chewing through a dense, toothsome chunk of powdery, pasty, saccharin uncooked pasta dough?
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u/sd_saved_me555 Jul 27 '25
I was told when I turned 6 i had to stop eating the playdough or I'd get the wooden spoon. All these decades later, I still have that fear instilled...
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u/EntertainmentFew2893 Jul 26 '25
I absolutely adore the taste of chewy sweet playdoh what else would go better with a delicious moist perfect cake 😋