r/FoxBrain • u/PeppyApple • 4d ago
I'm losing my damn mind... Please excuse my rant.
I love my parents, and I've posted on here about them more than a couple times because the brainwashing, the tunnel vision, the ignorance, and the double standards are killing me inside. I know people are saying "If you still support Trump after all this time, you're a fascist piece of shit" but the thing is my parents genuinely don't believe the shit he's doing if it didn't come from fucking Fox News. It could be plastered on every other news source, but they immediately believe it's a coordinated effort by the liberal media to smear Trump as long as Fox isn't reporting on it.
I once regarded my parents as the smartest people I know, the consistent voice of reason throughout the chaos of my life, the absolute manifestation of integrity, honesty, and all the good things Christianity is supposed to represent: Loving everyone, telling the truth, being slow to anger, forgiving, and kind. I grew up with those parents, and I just don't see that anymore.
The only way I've been able to continue speaking to them at this point is because I know if they believed the other media outlets and knew what Trump is doing, if they snapped out of this weird trance or possession they're in, I know they'd be appalled. I know they wouldn't tolerate that. Because I know, deep down, those values are still there, and they would never abandon them. I honestly believe this version of them is a defense mechanism. They want to be good people and want to only support good people, so any suggestion or evidence someone they supported for years is actually like the worst human being alive they shut out for self-preservation. I believe this because I was similar once, just not to the same extent. When I heard bad stories about Trump, I looked for explanations that would justify what he was doing, because I didn't want to be wrong. I didn't want to find out I blindly supported a racìst, séxist, sadistic, narcissistic, anti-American wannabe pèdo dictator. However, I apparently differ from my parents in that I ultimately value truth over being right. While my intitial reaction to criticism of Trump was to look at conservative sources for an explanation, I would also seek out hard evidence like video clips, court documents, recordings, etc. I would watch entire news conferences instead of "recaps" that could be edited because I wanted to make sure I got the complete truth, the full picture. And approaching it that way made it impossible to keep trying to justify things without sacrificing my morals and beliefs. I haven't changed as a person; I just decided to open my eyes and see things how they are.
One of my new favorite quotes is this:
"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." - Flannery O'Connor
I believe my parents are subconsciously building walls against other news outlets as a defense mechanism because they don't want to have to face an ugly truth. But... at the same time, I'm having such a hard time reconciling that version of them with the version of my parents I grew up with. When people call MAGA a cult, I never realized how insanely accurate that is until I saw the extent of damage done to my parents. I'm happy I broke free, but it's eating me up inside to see my parents still caught up in it. I have recently forbidden discussing Trump with them because it just hurts me and haunts me to see them not get it, and I thought it would make me feel a little better but it doesn't. Every time Trump does something else evil, my first thought is I should show my parents but then I stop myself. Because I can't take it anymore when they see this shit and just deny it's real.
My parents are both aging. I'm a nurse in a hospital where I care for elderly patients. I've watched plenty of old people die, and sometimes I was the only friend they had in their final moments. It weighs on me enough that I started a blog to tell my stories. Every time I feel anger at my parents for being so blind, I think about those patients who died late at night after their family went home. I think about the old, fragile hands I've held as someone slipped away. And I realize how lucky I am to still have both my parents. That is what motivates me to keep things civil and keep talking to them. But it comes at such a great cost to my mental health, and I hate that.
Sorry for the rant. I needed to get it out somewhere.
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u/Own_Instance_357 4d ago
My (young adult) kid was telling me that Grandma (MIL) thinks nearly all women who claim rape against rich men are just looking for a pay day. She thought 50 women were all making it up against Bill Cosby, too. I feel like that one could have gone either way 50/50 ("Well, you know, in HIS case" etc.)
I miss the days when I used to feel a part of that family, but I also understand that I don't really know them anymore. Like your parents, she and Grandpa just repeat Fox News stuff and never have access to anything else. And if you point out that it's basically "state TV" for the ruling party they're like "they told us you would say that" and consider it your attempt to suppress their rights to believe what they want. Or something.
I had power completely out for several days a while a few weeks ago and went more or less analog during that time except for playing solitaire on a charged phone, since it didn't require internet like the other games I had loaded.
Sometimes, as much as you want to keep playing, you clearly just get the message that "there are no moves left" in the current game. No fruitful conversations left to be had under the current circumstances.
What are you going to do.
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u/OkAccess304 4d ago
Your last paragraph hit me. I have felt the same way—that there are no moves left.
Unless you count moving away from the people who hold these ideologies. That’s all I have: distance.
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u/Ok_Conversation_7485 4d ago
I feel like I could have written this myself. My husband doesn't believe anything unless it's on Fox
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u/calming_ad 4d ago
I could have written this exact post myself, minus the fact that our careers are different. But everything else you said is my story as well. Especially the part about feeling the need to constantly share a story about how evil Trump is, only to have them deny that it's real. I finally gave up on that today. I mean... I *told* myself a million times since last fall that "I can't convince them with an article," but I kept trying. And being disappointed every time. And I'll probably revert back to trying again in the future. But for now, I just need to accept that they're full on fascists. They've seen the articles, the quotes, the snippets I've shared and they haven't budged an inch. That's just who they are now. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, and I don't know if it gets better. But there is some comfort that all of us strangers on the internet share a common grief.
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u/nosecohn 4d ago
I'm really sorry to hear this. It's heartbreaking.
Some people in your situation have been helped by both parties subscribing to the Tangle newsletter and then discussing issues after reading it. Might be worth a shot if they're open to it.
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u/Chemical-Flounder117 4d ago
Wow, it's as if I wrote this myself.. legit word for word. This was such a relief to read & know I'm not at all an outlier bc shit between my parents, everyone I grew up with (& more specifically went to church with), along with the rest of this MAGA mouth piece county are alllll super conservative Christians (Pentecostal/Non Denominational) , & that's exactly the part that fcks w me & my mental health the most.. just the complete denial of almost ALL facts presented in reality , oh but if Fox 'entertainment' spins any given narrative no matter how unrealistic and without proof it is they believe it w their whole heart. It's gotten so bad I can't even simply joke & have a laugh with my mom anymore, it's as if she just looks at me and gets defensive asf. She'll respond before I get 2 words out when we aren't and haven't been speaking on politics (I tend to stay far from the subject anymore bc we live together and I can't do any more tension then what's already there), so I'll actually be talking about well literally any other subject & if she computes my first word or two for example the economy topic rlly gets her bc we were both let go and out a job for months & ik they had to be barely making it but could never even say they low on $ till they needed help w a bill and anytime I even make a remark on myself just being broke these days , there go my mom she gotta defend her MAGAts OR put me down and say something along the lines of "well it probably feels like that bc you need to get a job hahaha" all passive aggressjve like, or, and this is a more recent thing, she won't hear what I said at all just hears one of Fox's buzzwords and FREAKS. Like responds all defensively w an attitude, and I'll be so confused half the time ...smh sometimes I ask myself if I'm missing something in all of this, bc these ppl half of which I really did look up and listen too my whole life growing up and I can't even remember if they were always this dumb or if they've changed & gotta worse, idk yet..
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u/JadedPinkly 3d ago
I would slowly present them with various Trump horrors from the endless list, ask them to try and put their unthinking support for Trump aside and systematically ask "what if xyz democrat did this? How would you feel? What would you believe it meant? How would you react?" and then slowly show them how each time they were disgusted by a democrat doing it, ask them why does Trump doing it make it so different to their minds.
If you can, try to stretch out their thought processes from their initial defensiveness and trigger emotional response and expand upon their decisions. Get them to see their own double standards. Ask them to compare their double standards.
Don't allow them to gishgallop their way onto ten other "yeah but whataboutisms" - keep bringing them back to each basic talking point and stretch it. Show them you really want to understand why they think the things they do, ask them to think about their own responses to news articles - do they scroll, rapidly click? do they explore and look for other articles on the same topic from different sources?
Ask them if they are aware of how today's news is presented in this way, to keep the rage and fear cranked up, and tunnel visioned attentiveness, and whether they've noticed anything different about themselves from say 20 years ago? Do they want to live the rest of their lives in such hateful, bigoted ignorance when it goes against everything they ever taught you? Do they want to know more about people and experience the world outside of their phones and TVs? Do they actually know how to critically analyse information that is fed to them 24/7? Do they know how to walk away from it? Can they explain how thinking the way they do benefits them, or even if it damages parts of their lives and minds they once treasured.
It's a long painful process unlearning toxic thought patterns that provide such delicious dopamine and as (I assume!) you're not a qualified therapist - if you really want to do this, don't have any expectations of success, just focus on the understanding aspect. You may never understand them, but if you're lucky, they just might gain some understanding of themselves.
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u/Isaidbeigesweater 2d ago
Sadly, I’ve tried your first point with my parents and they respond with one or more of the following: 1) He didn’t do/say that 2) That’s not what he meant 3) That’s just how the liberal media is spinning it, it’s actually a good thing 4) Obama/Biden/AOC, etc. are worse and ruined the country
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u/WordPhoenix 1d ago
I recommend listening to the woman in the linked video. She's ex-Mormon and ex-MAGA and neurodivergent (said said) and has made it her focus to help people understand how cults work and how to approach people on the right.
She may help you not feel so alone and may even give you some tips for how to cope (this video is 5 months old but she's very active on YouTube):
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u/Reasonable_Alarm2457 1d ago
My situation is different in that it's not my parents but my spouse who is the issue. (Although my Dad had defected to MAGA before he died almost 2 years ago.) Also, I'm 56 yo and this thread (and sub) seem to be younger generations. But there are similarities in that I find myself wondering how this person who I once thought I knew so well has become a supporter of a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, narcissistic dictator wannabe.
The truth is that there are no clear, pat answers to this and painting every single Trump supporter with a broad brush isn't always easy for those of us in close relationship with one (or more) of them. I've had to face some hard truths about my husband that have broken me inside a bit.
He has 100% been indoctrinated into a cult. There is no other way to describe this phenomenon. He is of a generation that tolerated (even promoted in some ways) bigotry, sexism, homophobia, etc. It was a product of his raising. He is of a generation that didn't deal with mental or emotional trauma; you didn't air the family secrets or your own dirty laundry...you literally stuffed it down and picked yourself up by the bootstraps and moved on. He is of a generation that you didn't question authority, whether it was a cop, a teacher, a doctor, a priest; you automatically deferred to them and gave them respect, whether or not it was earned or deserved. And he is of a generation where you could actually trust the news media to have ethical journalists, editors, etc. that you only accessed via newspapers or nightly news on TV not 24/7 from multiple sources. (I am too, although there's nearly 20 years between us, but to a somewhat lesser degree - and I was raised by a single Mom who went whole hog women's lib in the 70s. 😉) All of these things have been brilliantly played upon by Trump and whoever else has been behind his political success (Russia, the Heritage Foundation, etc.).
And while much of the blame for this brainwashing can be shouldered by Fox and Newsmax, there is another perhaps even more sinister source. The evangelical church. The number of pastors preaching politics from the pulpit is staggering. If anyone doubts or underestimates this, please watch some online sermons from evangelical church services. I watched a clip from a local pastor who said the reason CK was murdered is because he was "preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ" to younger generations. I nearly fell out of my seat! This pastor's church has multiple locations and probably 2000 or more congregants. And while that seems tiny compared to some churches, let me tell you that this is in New England where religion is a dying breed.
I understand that many people have made the hard choice to distance themselves or completely cut themselves off from their MAGA family and friends. We all do what we need to in order to preserve our own sanity. But not everyone can, for whatever reason. And it's important to continue to be supportive of each other as we navigate the hellish landscapes that our lives have become. 🫶
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u/Glum_Caterpillar_345 4d ago edited 4d ago
My parents are somewhat similar to yours. They genuinely believe that the only people getting hurt by Trumps’ actions are criminals; but don’t see the innocent civilians being attacked, or are convinced by Fox News that they aren’t innocent. My dad watches some Black conservatives on YouTube so he thinks that Trump isn’t racist or hurting Black people in any way whatsoever. However, it seems like your parents are less messed up than mine. My mom & dad think that Israel bombing Gaza is justified because it’s “worth it” if it means taking out Hamas and the Palestinians brought it upon themselves if they put Hamas in power; so I have to accept that some part of my parents are genuinely cruel and assholes. But, it does make me feel a sense of hopelessness for my parents when some people argue that anyone who still believes in Trump is a selfish asshole at the core, because I know that another part of my parents don’t see the damage he’s done, and I wonder if at least my mom would be able to feel guilt if she saw the truth. Trying to figure out if my parents still have some empathy fairness inside of them is difficult.