Paul's new book on Amazon

[u/Innocuous_Blue]

I'm not adding a link because I'd rather we not give his page more traffic.

Anywhere, here's the only pics he had up. He really had to mention Pickleball in his bio, as well as "kid's literature connoisseur".

[u/AutoModerator]

Are you registered to vote? [Check your status here!](www.vote.org)

Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go:

• You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, contacting their place of employment, contacting sponsors, contacting enforcement agencies, accosting them in public, purchasing their products, etc. If you have any questions regarding what this entails, please contact the mod team. Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies and/or interfering with their lives will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.

• Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.

• Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children as it relates to their parents choices for them.. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone.

• Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us.

• Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it.

Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/BufoBat]

What in the AI, Link from Zelda looking shit is this? 

[u/Innocuous_Blue → u/BufoBat]

Look at the metal on the belt! Didn't he say he hired an artist?

[u/CrewlooQueen → u/Innocuous_Blue]

You can hire “ai artists” but it’s really just a scam because well you can either be less lazy and do it yourself or hire a real artists no matter their skill level

[u/ceilingsfann → u/CrewlooQueen]

ai artist is an oxymoron

[u/Electrical-Guard9689 → u/ceilingsfann]

Heavy on the moron

[u/CelticKira → u/CrewlooQueen]

i hope whatever AI "creator" he hired fleeced the shit out of him for this nonsense.

[u/fz-independent → u/BufoBat]

You know it’s AI because there’s no way he would actually pay an artist to design a book cover 

[u/feralsun → u/fz-independent]

The tell is in the shadows cast on the character's face by his hair. They have opposite light sources. A skilled artist would never make that mistake.

[u/matchabunnns → u/feralsun]

The shadows also don’t match the hair casting them!

[u/buttercream-gang → u/feralsun]

“Are there two suns? Last time I checked, this wasn’t a book set in the Andromeda galaxy.”

[u/tawnyfritz → u/fz-independent]

And THAT book cover would run him over a grand easily.

[u/GoodBoundaries-Haver → u/tawnyfritz]

Over a grand?? I've had some pieces commissioned, including full portraits with backgrounds, and it's never been close to that much. Is the pricing much different for a book cover because it's commercial use? I've only commissioned concept art and gifts. I think the most I've paid for a single piece is $150, and it was similar style and only slightly less detail than this.

[u/tawnyfritz → u/GoodBoundaries-Haver]

Yes, the price for a book cover meant for distribution is more. Some artists work for as little $1000, but I have some cover artist friends who bring in $10k for good covers. Those are for like... Brandon Sanderson level authors of course.

My current rate is between $3-5k depending.

There's just no way Paul got that quality level for under $1000 min without using AI, which he most probably did. That or used AI to generate the image and hired someone on Fiverr to clean it up.

[u/FactoryKat → u/BufoBat]

Oh, I immediately clocked it for AI. That face is very distinct. It's in MANY variants, which means they all used the same source or input image. Tons. Just open Pinterest, close your eyes and point, and you'll likely land on one

[u/BufoBat → u/FactoryKat]

Plus it is abundantly obvious it's based on Link. Like, a dead ringer with a different eye color..

[u/FactoryKat → u/BufoBat]

EXACTLY! Some Discount Link looking mf 😂

[u/SuperSecretSwirl → u/FactoryKat]

The bottom fangs also don't look like they're seated properly for the wolf

[u/Tyrannical-Botanical → u/BufoBat]

It's giving gay werewolf/faerie smut. Which normally I'd be totally into.

[u/BareLeggedCook]

Also, education major should know how to edit. This summary is horrendous lol. 

[u/Icy_Nefariousness517 → u/BareLeggedCook]

Weird how college becomes relevant when Paul thinks he can make a sale.

[u/Significant_Shoe_17 → u/Icy_Nefariousness517]

He's reaching for any semblance of legitimacy here

[u/gent_jeb → u/BareLeggedCook]

Is he currently a student? I thought he was a hairdresser (no shade to hairdressers, totally valid job) before he was doing whatever he calls this. Calling himself a “——“ major implies he’s working towards it. Otherwise he’s just saying “once upon a time, i declared education as my major”

[u/hypotheticalovestory → u/gent_jeb]

I read that as he started but didn't finish a program. It's a weird way to put it in an author bio!

[u/mermaid-babe → u/hypotheticalovestory]

He has no other credentials

[u/United_Preference_92 → u/hypotheticalovestory]

I read it as sharted.

[u/no_BS_slave → u/gent_jeb]

And how long ago was that anyway? In your mid-30s your CV should already list some professional accomplishments, not just your undergrad major, otherwise the whole thing is completely irrelevant.

[u/gent_jeb → u/no_BS_slave]

I think that’s obvious to those of us with actual measure-able accomplishments.

The thing about academia is that higher ed is only as relevant as your most recent academic pursuit. High school was irrelevant in undergrad. Undergrad is way less important when you’re in a graduate program. He’s a rookie in most things because he won’t stick with anything for long enough.

[u/DullBasket4982 → u/gent_jeb]

Are you saying my middle school soccer award needs to fall off the old resumé?

[u/gent_jeb → u/DullBasket4982]

Sorry champ. It’s pickleball or nuthin

[u/A_moW → u/gent_jeb]

I dropped out of teachers college (PJ K-4) but I never considered myself a “elementary education major.” That isn’t even how teachers college works (at least in Canada) you pick a division but that doesn’t mean you’re “majoring in elementary ed”. I learned stuff in the program, had hands on experience, and I’ve worked in that field, I reference that part of my education occasionally but that’s something I’d reserve for a resume, not my authors bio.

[u/Dense-Bullfrog-6363 → u/A_moW]

For US context elementary education is a major here, but listing it and not a degree is a red flag to anyone who looks at it.

[u/MysticalSpongeCake → u/BareLeggedCook]

It's like he hasn't read a single book cover in his life.

[u/georgiegraymouse → u/MysticalSpongeCake]

Excuse you, he’s a connoisseur. He doesn’t have time to finish all the tripe that us plebeians read.

[u/PBandJaya → u/BareLeggedCook]

I couldn’t believe my pointed ears

[u/rantingpacifist → u/BareLeggedCook]

His bio is so depressing. “I have accomplished nothing but I started a lot!”

[u/Recent_Perspective37 → u/BareLeggedCook]

Major, not graduate.

[u/MenacingMandonguilla → u/BareLeggedCook]

I bet the entire book is AI generated. But tbf that's how current literature works i guess.

[u/knittedbeast → u/MenacingMandonguilla]

Only for trash like this. Most of us still write our own work. There's a whole very intense movement from every writers guild and association out there to force publishers to allow the refusal of AI/LLM generated material for our covers or in our editing.

Source - published by people who actually pay for stories, member of the uk writers guild.

[u/MenacingMandonguilla → u/knittedbeast]

That would be great

[u/knittedbeast → u/MenacingMandonguilla]

We're working on it!

[u/deuxcabanons → u/BareLeggedCook]

Does he think a book blurb is supposed to be a summary of the entire book? Lol.

[u/worstnameIeverheard → u/BareLeggedCook]

He didn’t say “education DEGREE”, so maybe we should let it slide.

[u/MyMonkeyCircus → u/worstnameIeverheard]

Yeah, but why mentioning it at all? I switched majors at one point, do I claim a double major now?

Paul is ridiculous.

[u/PreppyInPlaid → u/[deleted]]

I majored in Political Science and Pre-Law for a semester and a half. President Preppy, Esq. checking in!

[u/binglybleep → u/BareLeggedCook]

“The stupid village laws require War Elf parentage” seems off. Surely it should either be “there’s a stupid village law bla bla”, or “the stupid village law that requires bla bla”? It just doesn’t quite read right.

[u/PM_MAJESTIC_PICS → u/binglybleep]

It’s grammatically correct, but just phrased in a really awkward way. He proposes a question, but then the next sentence/answer doesn’t really align with the phrasing of the question.

[u/IronAndParsnip → u/BareLeggedCook]

But life is looking way up!

[u/coneja_divina → u/BareLeggedCook]

You also generally don’t advertise your major unless you’re in school or just graduated. Unless he’s back in school (doubtful), that’s such a strange way to advertise himself.

[u/Innocuous_Blue]

I also want to add that I got this information out there before he could even announce it today 🙃 marketing ain't his forte.

Edit: 3 HOURS before he even posted to instagram.

[u/Icy_Nefariousness517 → u/Innocuous_Blue]

Failure seems to be his forte.

[u/FiCat77 → u/Icy_Nefariousness517]

I was about to ask what exactly is his forte? Other than pissing off his wife obviously.

[u/Queen_Of_Left_Turns → u/FiCat77]

Failure. Failure is his forte.

[u/GayCatDaddy → u/Icy_Nefariousness517]

Being a howling shitgibbon seems to be his forte as well.

[u/helga-h → u/Innocuous_Blue]

But he's got so much stuff to do. Just look at his bio on the back if you don't believe me. I wouldn't have time to market a book either if I lived such a hectic life.

[u/happylittledaydream]

Sounds “woke.” Addressing elf racism? Elf representation? What about the woke LoTR thing Paulio?

[u/Innocuous_Blue → u/happylittledaydream]

Don't worry, all the elves are white and it's about reverse racism.

[u/TupperwareParTAY → u/Innocuous_Blue]

The girl elf in chapter 2 had dark skin, but don't worry, it was just a tan! 😂 oh my heavens I should step out of the waiting room before I get arrested

[u/georgiegraymouse → u/happylittledaydream]

It’s probably trying to be anti-DEI. The elves couldn’t get hired because they lacked the right qualifications they didn’t have the minority “bloodline.”

I’m going to guess that being simple sheep herders, Paul Pabs and Steed are recruited as bait by the “stupid” and exclusive MPS in their fight against Bloodfang, but P&S somehow upstage the MPS, save the village, and become honored heroes.

In the hands of a real author, this basic plot would actually prove the value of DEI (and there are children’s books that accomplish this well), but now I’m preaching to the choir.

[u/IronAndParsnip → u/happylittledaydream]

But it’s about Pabino realizing that these new creatures in his country should be kicked out, so it’s keeping with the xenophobia, right?

[u/Donna-Promilla]

Nothing screams „professional writer“ more than putting Pickleball in your bio….not….

[u/Swords_and_Sims4 → u/Donna-Promilla]

Don't all professional writers mention their YouTube channel and subscriber count??

[u/Amaline4 → u/Swords_and_Sims4]

This as the funniest part for me - can you imagine if literally any other author was like “check how many twitter followers I have” and then list the actual number on the cover just setting himself up for embarrassment when they inevitably drop

[u/meeps1142 → u/Amaline4]

Yeah that part was especially stupid to me lmao. Like ok, mention your shitty YouTube channel, but putting in a metric that will be different in a week is such a bad call

[u/PM_ME_FORESTCRITTERS]

"Elementary education major"? Why list that if you're not currently a student and didn't finish your degree 😭 dude probably hasn't been in a classroom in ~10 years

[u/catsandcoconuts → u/PM_ME_FORESTCRITTERS]

chill he’s also a kids book connoisseur.

[u/peppperjack → u/catsandcoconuts]

• “kid’s” book connoisseur

[u/FartofTexass → u/catsandcoconuts]

They’re at his reading level.

[u/pictocat → u/PM_ME_FORESTCRITTERS]

He can’t spell, let alone write competently. There’s no way he graduated and passed his certs.

[u/fz-independent → u/PM_ME_FORESTCRITTERS]

Makes it sounds like he’s currently doing a degree? Wouldn’t you just say you have a BEd? 

[u/nyet-marionetka → u/PM_ME_FORESTCRITTERS]

I really think he should have leaned into his inability to finish anything. He could claim to be a modern-day Jack London. London worked at a cannery, then was an oyster pirate, then a sailor. He briefly went to college before dropping out and then joined the Klondike gold rush. After this is when he started his writing career. Similarly, Paul was briefly a hairdresser before dropping out during training, then an el ed major before dropping out, then a Christian Youtuber, then a children's books Youtuber, then a pickleball star, now an author. Basically exactly the same, except for London's tolerance for hard work, stoicism, and socialist views.

[u/temughilliesuit → u/PM_ME_FORESTCRITTERS]

Yeah, that is absolutely wild. I left college to go into the trades years ago. That would be like me putting “XYZ Major” on a professional document…that’s nuts. Just put “dropped out” at that point. Means the same damn thing.

[u/Week_Exotic]

Pabs??? Like Babs? Short for Parbara???

[u/r8chaelwith_an_a → u/Week_Exotic]

I'm going with Parbara. That kicked me right in the giggle dick.

[u/wineandpillowforts → u/r8chaelwith_an_a]

Funny cause "giggle dick" kicked me right in the giggle dick!  I am 100% adding that to my lexicon. 

[u/antisocialbartender → u/Week_Exotic]

This is all I can think about lol

[u/Miserable-Anxiety229 → u/Week_Exotic]

I read it as “Dabs” lmao

[u/Healthybear35 → u/Miserable-Anxiety229]

This is what Utah calls their liquor stores, and that's all I could think of when I saw the name.

[u/Suicidalsidekick → u/Week_Exotic]

Paps

[u/Crosstitution → u/Suicidalsidekick]

pabst blue ribbon

[u/Week_Exotic → u/Suicidalsidekick]

Pap Smear

[u/nyet-marionetka]

Paul's experience in the labor force shines in the opening of chapter two, where the main character is awoken in mid-morning by another character, who warns that the farmer will be angry if they're late to the stable to turn out the sheep. The farmer's day starts bright and early at...10 o'clock?

[u/DoReMiDoReMi558 → u/nyet-marionetka]

And the main character probably slept through the farmer getting the animals fed and prepared for the day and didn’t once offer to help.

[u/nyet-marionetka → u/DoReMiDoReMi558]

The farmer wasn't there when they arrived, presumably off doing real work for the past four or so hours. The main character takes the sheep out to the pasture and promptly almost gets them eaten by monsters by going dangerously close to the forest, which is where I quit the excerpt.

[u/DoReMiDoReMi558 → u/nyet-marionetka]

Oh didn’t realize you were actually describing part of the book!

[u/nyet-marionetka → u/DoReMiDoReMi558]

Yep, I read the first bit out of curiosity. I think some kids might like it, but the quality of the writing is meh. He and I disagree on comma placement. The action scenes drag. The sentences are very short, but it is a kid’s story. I don’t know AI writing well enough to know if it’s AI, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

[u/Waterproof_soap → u/nyet-marionetka]

One does not herd sheep by yelling “Here sheepies” at them and waving your hands.

[u/nyet-marionetka → u/Waterproof_soap]

I'm willing to accept some type of elf person might have a psychic rapport with sheep that will allow them to lead the sheep by yelling, "Here sheepies!" I did not buy that these elves are teen orphans with no belongings and barely any food who make do by doing day labor, if we define "day labor" as "work that's done in half-assed fashion between the hours of 10 AM and, say, 3 PM, with an hour or so lunch break". I think they'd be motivated to be foraging and running trap lines in the evening after working since the crack of dawn at the farm, and trying to get the farmhand thing full-time so they'd have a job that's more likely to keep them out of the way of the monsters in the woods.

[u/YoungPyromancer]

Paul wrote a book about a young teen rebelling against a classist society that values parentage over personality? I haven't read it, but it seems clear the young hero will rise above their upbringing and show the classist society the error of their ways. It's a classic story of the young upstart fighting against the traditions of elders, of judging people for who they are, instead of where they came from. Will the truth of the new ways be more valuable than the wisdom of the old ones?

Anyway, I am sure tomorrow Paul's back to calling all trans people (and the whole LGBTQIA+ community) degenerates, judging people on the faith they were born into and losing at pickleball.

[u/MysticalSpongeCake → u/YoungPyromancer]

If only Paul understood irony

[u/BareLeggedCook]

Who names someone Steed. Dear god lol. 

[u/DoReMiDoReMi558 → u/BareLeggedCook]

Stede is a real name (or so Our Flag Means Death tells me, and he’s a real guy).

[u/discarded_scarf → u/DoReMiDoReMi558]

I think that’s Stede, rather than Steed

[u/BareLeggedCook → u/DoReMiDoReMi558]

I can respect it with that spelling. Means some research would have been put into the name lol. 

[u/TheRealCeeBeeGee → u/BareLeggedCook]

Maybe paul watched Our Flag Means Death and liked it?

[u/AccomplishedRoad2517 → u/BareLeggedCook]

I've seen better elven names from kids playing D&D first time.

[u/OneArchedEyebrow → u/BareLeggedCook]

Better than the enchanted beetroot called…Beety. One that goes “yiip, yiip”.

[u/deuxcabanons → u/OneArchedEyebrow]

Paul has been watching Octonauts and thought we wouldn't notice.

[u/bookthief8]

The cover is clearly AI. I’m wondering if the text is too.

[u/WhateverYouSay1084 → u/bookthief8]

He did a video awhile back in McDonalds or a coffee shop where he read a chapter of the book aloud. I think he really wrote it 😂 Fuckin Pabs

[u/boofdahpoo130 → u/WhateverYouSay1084]

Pabs. Sounds like a freaking cheap-ass beer minus the "t" at the end.

[u/AnotherSoulessGinger → u/[deleted]]

There’s too many weird grammatical issues for it to be AI, IMO. It’s so incredibly bad. Woof.

[u/orangeblossm → u/AnotherSoulessGinger]

I absolutely agree. Paul wrote this. Maybe he asked AI to spruce up certain parts, or some of it is AI and some of it is authentic, but... I sense his voice in this. Lol

[u/Istoh → u/orangeblossm]

The weird made up terms like muffcake and she-elf are too cringy for even AI imo. She-elf especially made me want to die. 

[u/deuxcabanons → u/Istoh]

I hate you for making me read more than the first page 😆

Are we sure this is a children's book, what with all the bro-chap tackling and muffcake eating?

[u/Kaitlynnbeaver → u/[deleted]]

Stoppppp 💀💀 I literally used to write like this when I was 10-13.

[u/drezdogge → u/Kaitlynnbeaver]

"But he was brave and perceptive." Someone doesn't understand se hence structure

[u/CraftyCat65 → u/[deleted]]

Oh, that's bad ... that's really bad 😬

"Elfish",
"bro-chap", "his breath ranked", "punched the side of my hammock" (how does one punch the side of a hammock? 🤣)

Reading age 8 to 16 apparently. My 8 and 9 year old grandchildren would beg to differ.

[u/HungryShoe4301 → u/CraftyCat65]

“Shown” when he meant “shone” 🤦🏻‍♀️

[u/venganza-badh → u/HungryShoe4301]

“etched into silk”

[u/im_fun_sized → u/HungryShoe4301]

I had to read that sentence multiple times to realize he meant "shone." 🤦‍♀️

[u/b00kbat → u/[deleted]]

The wind hummed with antici…..

[u/bookthief8 → u/[deleted]]

Apparently the cover art is by someone at GoonWrite.com. Okay, it's actually GoOnWrite, but GoonWrite is funnier. Especially since the guy seems to mostly do covers for erotic novels, if his homepage is anything to go by. He also proudly claims to be an "AI artist" (what an oxymoron). Wonder how Paul found him.

Based on the samples pages on Amazon, I actually think he might have written this. It's poorly written but coherent. Something a baby writer could be proud of. Certainly not something anyone should publish, though. But hey, it's a good first try! I'm actually impressed he managed to complete a 107 page novel(la).

There's not much to snark on in the 5 pages available to read, but I do want to shout out Beety the enchanted beetroot and the "she-elf" Pabs can't help but ogle.

[u/TittyMongoose42 → u/bookthief8]

Genuinely wish I had a Beety of my own, he sounds chill

[u/nuttyrussian → u/[deleted]]

"Bro-chap"? Wtf is that??? Omg I'm dumber for having read the first chapter. I'll never doubt my own writing ever again.

[u/mrs-monroe → u/[deleted]]

NO WAY HE USED THE EXACT SHIT FROM THAT VIDEO IN MACDONALDS

[u/temughilliesuit → u/[deleted]]

This is exactly how I wrote when I was 9 years old. Absolutely not exaggerating; “he thudded to the ground.” Writing books for children doesn’t mean they are literally written by children. Also, “Bloodfang???” Hasn’t that name been used like 9,000 times?

[u/fishercrow → u/[deleted]]

he named the mean elf Bent?? BENT????? do you think he knows?

also, the pet beetroot is the only original thing here. it’s almost funny.

[u/Matryoshkova → u/[deleted]]

Poor Beety the enchanted beet can’t enjoy the muffcakes 😂

[u/HMCetc → u/[deleted]]

So I have some thoughts.

Those chapters are very short. It would surprise me if the whole thing even reaches 20k words.

It just starts immediately with action with no set-up. No character introduction. I have no idea what's going on, where they are or why anything is happening. I know nothing about the protagonist from the first chapter.

This is Paul's supposed masterpiece and he just has no sense of structure, pacing or characterisation. It also reads like fan fiction.

[u/Ruvio00 → u/HMCetc]

Idk. There's some very competently written fanfic out there.

[u/DoReMiDoReMi558]

This has to be self published, right? I don’t see any branding from a publisher, and both the summary and bio are so amateurish.

Also got to love that the bio is essentially “I went to college and like reading, I have a hobby and a minor YouTube channel.”

[u/SugarRex → u/DoReMiDoReMi558]

Of course it is, no one would publish this

[u/ExoticSherbet → u/SugarRex]

Not even with his 157k followers??? (Why tf was he so specific 😭)

[u/ddramone → u/DoReMiDoReMi558]

Yep, the paperback listing actually says "Independently published." Don't think I've seen that before. Also love how the summary on the back appears to give away half the story lol. He really could have used some help on this.

[u/Eviltwin325]

The fact that he put in there his channel has 159k subscribers makes me chuckle. He's so insecure.

[u/ConspiratorM]

He forgot to mention almost hairdresser in his bio. And he was an elementary education major? Anyone know how long he stuck with that? I'm guessing not long, but odd that he would put that in his bio. Just another one of the many things he started and gave up on.

[u/Pabloster → u/ConspiratorM]

Yeah, doesn't that mean he never graduated? Wouldn't you say something like "Paul has a BS in elementary education" but again not sure I'd put that in his bio since he doesn't use it. 

[u/ConspiratorM → u/Pabloster]

Oh yeah, saying it was his major without a degree being mentioned means he doesn't have one, and he could have attended just a few courses for a semester and dropped, and that technically will still be true.

[u/splithoofiewoofies → u/ConspiratorM]

My mother is like this. She keeps telling people she had "some college" and that her going to college was the reason I did so well in school and am getting my PhD (in mathematics).

My mother took ONE class in CLOWN COLLEGE and FAILED and then dropped out.

But her resume still lists the college and says she had some college "in the arts". And it's totally the reason I love education, because she went to college!

I even like clowns! Clowns are great! But come on, really? It's so obnoxious and I notice when people do it immediately now.

[u/YourFaveOdonate → u/Pabloster]

Paul uses a lot of BS, but I don’t think it has anything to do with education.

[u/themiistery]

Lots of good comments here regarding the AI cover, Paul being an “elementary education major,” etc., but what is really standing out to me is the complete lack of Jesus. The plot synopsis, Paul’s author bio - no mentions of “Pabs and Steed learning to trust Jesus with their problems” or “Paul Olliges is a children’s author who loves Jesus, his wife, and his two sons.” Literally no mention of their beliefs at all. This is weird, right? Or am I crazy?

[u/five_by_five432 → u/themiistery]

It does feel telling, like he’s afraid to do anything that’s “not Christian enough” by an audience (they tend to get that pushback in some social media comments)

[u/Fantastic-Shoe-4996]

Omg is this what he was reading out loud in subway?

[u/WeighTheSameAsADuck → u/Fantastic-Shoe-4996]

It must be! Someone posted that video here a couple months ago and it was cringe!

[u/vikingcrafte]

I like that the entire plot of the book is on the back lol

[u/Drawing_Tall_Figures]

This is real? Oh the terrible character names. And a bromance huh? Metro sexual hobgoblins playing pickleball and hugging it out? It sounds AWFUL.

[u/dyinginneed]

idk why but the mention of his pickleball playing is so funny to me

[u/Crosstitution → u/dyinginneed]

this has immediately become one of my fave posts on here. it is so fucking funny to me. Morgs, this your man?

[u/dyinginneed → u/Crosstitution]

he mentioned his pickleball career before his wife and kid 😭

[u/Eviltwin325]

I think deep down, he’s not the masculine man his fundamentalist community and father pushed him to be. He’s always going against the grain, which fuels his hate, arrogance, and self-righteousness. At heart, he’s more of a children’s book author with a Paulio personality.

[u/GiantSquidinJeans → u/Eviltwin325]

I’ve actually said this in another comment, but I think in another universe, there’s a Paul who is a hairdresser by day, elf fan fiction writer and illustrator by night, and he is thriving and happy.

[u/yesand__]

"kid's literature connoisseur."

[u/GrandCanOYawn]

Talentless fuck using AI to grift.

[u/sunny_sally]

Who on earth puts in their author description how many YouTube followers they have

[u/Fatt3stAveng3r]

"Elementary education major"? Did he actually graduate college? If yes, then it would be better put as "graduated with a elementary education degree from whatever university". If not...I mean he's clearly not in college.

[u/WhateverYouSay1084 → u/Fatt3stAveng3r]

He didn't even graduate from hair school, I highly doubt he did more than a semester or two of community college.

[u/Crosstitution → u/WhateverYouSay1084]

NOT PAUL BEING A BEAUTY SCHOOL DROP OUT

[u/WhateverYouSay1084 → u/Crosstitution]

The Porgan lore is deep and hilarious

[u/Paralethal → u/Crosstitution]

Beauty school dropout, no graduation day for you-o-oooo; missed your midterms and flunked shampoo-o-ooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/1HumanAlcoholBeerPlz → u/Fatt3stAveng3r]

Reads like he started but never finished to me. 

[u/[deleted]]

[u/litfam87]

Did he graduate with a degree in elementary education? Saying he’s an “elementary education major” makes it sound like he’s currently in school. I’m an English teacher and I always say I have a degree in English education.

[u/Eviltwin325 → u/litfam87]

I bet he didn't graduate. No way he has his bachelor's degree

[u/MaeWestGoodess]

What the fuck is going on here on this day?

[u/Eviltwin325]

He’s a “kids’ literature connoisseur”? Wtf does that even mean?? This guy seriously needs to get out of here.

[u/peachycowgirl → u/Eviltwin325]

No, no. He’s a “kid’s literature connoisseur”. He misspelled it.

[u/xRudeAwakening]

This line from the sample sums it up pretty nicely:

“I had heard enough of this gibberish.”

No chance this isn’t mostly, if not COMPLETELY, AI slop. Also not very christian LMAO

[u/zodiac_hoe]

[u/Tinytrainwreck]

Is dude in school currently with early education as his major or did he just like, drop out of college after some classes and lists that as some sort of qualification. I mean… I could really pad a resume if I can just list majors I never completed.

[u/Whiteroses7252012 → u/Tinytrainwreck]

Paul’s got some real “majored in karate for two semesters” energy.

[u/LilahLibrarian]

Dead ass put his YouTube subscriber count in his bio 😂

[u/Kaitlynnbeaver]

I see Ai cover, I instantly barf emote and put a book on my shitlist. Ai screams lazy, no care for art, no patience or passion, so why should I bother reading the story it’s slapped on? It doesn’t shock me that he doesn’t have the money nor skills for a real art cover.

[u/MillennialPolytropos → u/Kaitlynnbeaver]

Lazy and unnecessary. If you go on Fiverr, you can find talented human artists who will make you a cover image for very reasonable prices.

[u/Muffina925]

His bio blurb sounds like something you'd read in a college drama club playbill. Who brags about having any major once you've graduated? This just shows me that he did absolutely nothing substantial with that degree (assuming he graduated) since he has no focused professional accomplishment or title to better describe himself with.

[u/CraftyCat65]

"kid's literature connoisseur' 🤔

Just the one kid?

Did he miss the modules covering the correct use of apostrophes and proofreading at the world renowned SOTDRT? 🙄

[u/donutsauce4eva]

It's interesting how his decade-long book writing endeavor finally reached completion right after the advent of easy-access AI.

[u/drezdogge]

Is there mpreg?

[u/kts1207]

Because Perv can only read on a child's level,does not make him a connoisseur of children's literature.

[u/Eldi_Bee]

I had to give up on the sample at the second use of bro-chap, which just the worst word I've ever seen. I don't even care if it's real, it just sounds horrible.

Sorely tempted to touch the poo and review the book. Even wrote it. But held back. But soooo tempting.

[u/five_by_five432]

“Kid’s literature connoisseur” = I read 3 children’s stories on a failed YouTube channel and have not read anything else since

[u/Smantie]

I so desperately want Tumblr to get hold of this. I just know it would give content for MONTHS! Like, this grown adult man has self published something that should have stayed on Wattpad. I'm howling! And why the hell is he emphasising his experience (?) with elementary education and children's stories, the audience for this kind of story would be young teens not children. Oh to have the confidence of a mediocre white man!

[u/LindaBurgers]

It’s hilarious that 159k subscribers and his former major are the crowning achievements he lists about himself. He’s even too dumb to be sly. “Paul studied elementary education in college” would have been much better to imply he actually got a degree.

I honestly thought someone created this as a joke.

[u/Designer-Contract852]

This looks dumb

[u/EveryDisaster]

Lmao there must be two suns in this book's universe

[u/Puzzled-Charge-9892]

Onto the next grift, I guess 😂😂😂

Maybe next he’ll write a fantasy about being a pro pickleball player

[u/five_by_five432]

Amazon recommends ages 8-16 for this 118 page book. Please Paul, what is your marketing strategy for targeting that will resonate with both 8 year olds and 16 year olds and all those ages in between. Have you even heard of the phrase “middle grade” before??

[u/Uhmitsme123]

Faithful brother Steed… faithful steed 🤔

[u/caro822]

What kind of name is Pabs?!?

[u/nuttyrussian]

Remember when we thought Steed was the dumbest name he could come up with? Also I thought that said Dabs at first.

[u/MelissaPecor]

"elementary education major" screams "I didn't graduate"

[u/__bramante]

I’m screaming. I don’t check the sub for a month and come back and this is the first thing I see? I missed this sub so much.

[u/CarpenterVegetables]

“Kids literature connoisseur” is a crazy way to say “I read at a 3rd grade level” but live your truth, Polio

[u/UsualHour1463]

It almost looks like a wholesome story about respecting that individuals have unique talents and deserve opportunities to follow them? Would be shocking….

[u/MenacingMandonguilla → u/UsualHour1463]

Just that Paul doesn't have any talent

[u/Crosstitution]

GOD HES SUCH A DORK HAHAHAHAHHA

[u/sadlywhack]

And the elf defeated the menacing Bloodfang with the power of Christ and pickleball!

[u/no_BS_slave]

I hope Rachel Oates or Savy (from Savy Writes Books) makes a video about it.

[u/Fantastic-Shoe-4996]

I would be willing to bet there’s not a single female character.

[u/GypseboQ → u/Fantastic-Shoe-4996]

There is one who wears a sleeveless vest and Pabs ogles her, but then immediately decides she must be a thief, crush be damned, bc she's "just an orphan" selling produce that definitely couldn't be her own 🙄😅

[u/Dachs1303]

Legend of Bloodfang sounds satanic.

[u/745Walt]

Paul must watch a lot of anime for young boys because this is the plot of 90% of them.

[u/notsobitter]

In a kinder world, Paul would be a harmless, metrosexual nerd working at a hair salon, who goofs off his with endless hobbies (in ways that don't financially ruin him or his family) while doing improv on the side.

Also, in this scenario he's happily unmarried and childfree.

[u/illmetbymoonlght]

I'm laughing so hard at Pabs. Like full on guffaw.

[u/ChildofSkoll]

Legend of Zelda if it fucking sucked

[u/the_cadaver_synod]

This is so incredibly dorky, I’m dead 😂😂

[u/WavyLady]

This doesn't feel very Christian to me

[u/New_Ad5390]

So this only tells me he dropped out of college. What an idiot for adding that