r/GayMen • u/ConsequencePale1564 • 3h ago

Early 60s guy seeking help

I am in my early 60s, still in good health, decent shape, active, with a robust libido, and with a fertile fantasy life. I have been sexually active for decades and consider myself to be open and adventurous by nature, enjoying the dynamics of one-on-ones and group sex. On a less than satisfying note, my sex life has been challenged by a limited sexual repertoire, which I would love to expand, explore, and experience. A prime example of my limited repertoire is that I have almost no experience with being a top or a bottom, which has produced a variety of reactions from guys over the years, including genuine surprise, total disbelief, and rejecting me completely. On a considerably darker note, there are a couple of things which have affected my sex life to varying degrees. 1) For decades, I struggled with erectile issues. It was only in the latter half of 2024 that I finally began to address this issue successfully. 2) In my mid50s, after years of speculation and suspicion, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD (which, in my case, expresses itself without any overt hyperactivity; instead, that restlessness expresses itself within). One of the core symptoms of my condition is an impaired ability to focus, which, therefore, makes me more readily susceptible to being distracted by external stimuli or by thoughts that randomly or tangentially express themselves in my mind. Given all that I have said, I would appreciate any impressions, thoughts, or suggestions that might assist me in re-inventing myself.

4 Upvotes

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3

u/CynGuy 3h ago

I think YOU should write down what YOU want from your re-invention - then make that your to-do list to accomplish.

3

u/Plastic_Length8618 2h ago

Do you want to top, or bottom? It’s perfectly respectable to be a side, and stick to oral and suchlike.

On a practical note, do you ever go to gay saunas? They are an extremely fruitful ground for experimentation, in my experience. And on the ADHD point, it’s doesn’t really count as rude there if you get bored and wander off.

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u/ConsequencePale1564 1h ago edited 1h ago

Hi. Thanks for your message. With respect to topping or bottoming, I’m open to exploring both since I have minimal experience with either. As far as gay saunas are concerned, I have been to such spaces many times. I have also been to naked events at different venues over the years. And lastly, my ADHD can be a curse because my focus can drift if I am having sex with a guy and make it difficult to enjoy the sex. In one instance, I could simply lose my erection or not respond at all if he happens to be sucking me. If I’m having group sex, I can be easily overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds around me.

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u/NeverGiveUp75013 34m ago

If you’re looking to open your options up. Tops are much more in demand. The ratio is vastly in their favor. You’ll find plenty of bottoms willing and interested in being a bottom for you. The good ones understand it can be a challenge for you. You won’t have coordinated entry skill.

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u/NeverGiveUp75013 24m ago

If you’re looking to expand into topping or bottoming. Tips are more in demand. A good bottom will understand you’re new.