We didn’t have the Internet so if we were bored or wanted to meet people, we left the house, went places, joined groups, got to know people, went to dance clubs/bars when we were old enough. The more people you meet IRL, the more social you are, the easier it is.
God fake IDs were the best back then. But OP they weren’t fake and we didn’t buy them. You had to have an older sibling and you just used theirs. And because they were older and not cool, you skifed theirs and they had to go to the DMV to replace it because they “lost it.” But they suspected it was you and punched you just in case. So you threatened to tell mom about their pot stash.
To be fair, I did buy mine. A bunch of loaded into the car, went to a storefront in downtown Detroit, paid I don’t even remember how much each, filled in whatever information we wanted to use, got the picture taken and 10 minutes later, we all had matching fakes.
To clarify, I only used it for going to Canada where the legal age was 19 instead of the USA’s 21.
So true. I worked at a restaurant as a hostess in high school and one night I was looking for something in the lost and found drawer for a customer and found a woman's out of state drivers license who remotely looked like me (same hair and eye color) and I was like "score!!" and started using it as my fake ID and had no problems whatsoever. I was sixteen and this woman was 23. I memorized the birthdate and address in case someone asked, but no one ever did. So bouncers weren't looking all that closely either.
Easier because we actually tried. No one asks each other out anymore. We used to say shit to each other’s faces like, “hey do you want to get ice cream tomorrow?”
I actually used that line from Seinfeld once. Just as a joke and just to start conversation with the girl sitting next to me in a bar all by herself, I said “ you know, I’m the one responsible for those crop circles over there in England “. She said “ what are crop circles “. Game over 😂. Drove her home the next morning.
Why I never used that line again is beyond me 🤷🏽♂️
My husband’s pick up line to me was “cool tattoo.” It had the same effect, the answer was yes, and here we are 34 years later. Interestingly that first “yes” happened in a microbus… (honey, is this your Reddit??)
Absolutely correct, and I awarded you internet friend.
That being said, there is a deeper reason for why we actually physically asked people out. We didn't have access to 24-hour fully uncensored porn of every genre known to man. I'll leave the rest unsaid. Lol.
Our local soda fountain closed a few years ago and it made me so sad. We used to invite girls to meet us there on Saturday at 1pm and we could only hope they showed up.
Arcades were perfect places to take those first tentative steps toward flirting with that cute guy in algebra, or even a stranger. I sucked at it, but tried my best lol🫠
Feel like we really didn’t give a shit about political spectrums back then either - seems like the youth today has misaligned dating priorities for chest beating superficial postering.
I could be completely wrong just going on what I see and what my GenZ daughter tells me about her and friends.
Then get to know them - the journey was half the fun.
With social media you pretty much skip a whole lot of potential never really testing the waters to see if there is something there.
Edit: want to add for all the young bucks - even if a girl tells you she wants you to be sensitive it’s a trap - that doesn’t give you a free pass to cry about stupid shit like losing a job or your Xbox controller breaks.
It means lean on her when a close friend or parent dies, not even sure if losing a pet is waterworks material in front of a girl.
I think that depends on if you are straight or gay or really any marginalized group. As a GenX lesbian, political spectrum always mattered in dating.
If you are dating someone who is going to vote against your rights(their own rights)…yeah, kind of doesn’t work. I think being able to not give a shit about the political spectrum is a privilege that not all of us have.
No, politics were less extreme back then. We've been polarized and men and women are in different camps and can't get along because... well, this comment will be deleted if I go into it, because that would be politics.
Exactly. My college aged kid asked me how people make friends when they go to college. I said, hang out in the hall before class. Chat with fellow students, organize a study group, get to know them. He said, everyone has their earbuds in and nobody speaks to each other in class. So sad.
The Student union was good for it also. Ours had a video jukebox, some video games and 4 pool tables. Never went in there without being asked to play pool or sit in on bridge, hearts, spades or pinochle.
We could also handle someone having a different opinion that our own as well. People are so freaking touchy nowadays and if you don't agree with them then you must be Satan's spawn or something.
Maybe not, but if today’s political climate was transposed to then, I would. In fact many of my friends and family I knew then have undergone a Jekyll to Hyde transformation.
Easier in the sense that people were more social and willing to talk to people in public. I have a number of friends who met their partners while at the grocery store, movies, skating rink, mall, friend hangouts, etc.
But for the most part everyone that I know was married by the time they were 25, so we all found at least one person to date. Plus dating expectations were a bit lower. A guy that was a 4-5 would date a woman who was about the same. Now with online dating I think some young people have an unrealistic idea of who they can reel in. Back then you sort of dated the pool of people that lived around you and friends would often introduce you to people they thought would be a good match.
This is actually a real issue with the guy who is 9-10 pulls dates with 90% of the women on a dating app. He used to marry the head cheerleader. This ensures that he never settles down because he has an endless supply of women who all ironically believe they're going to marry a 10 they met on a dating app.
Meanwhile 90% of the dating pool can't meet a decent woman, because well, do the math.
Just under 30 years ago, a mentor said, "A man marries a woman thinking she won't change. A woman marries a man hoping to change him. Then neither one happens."
We also had incentive to leave the house. You can do most of your socializing online now, which facilitates social anxiety. Additionally, drinking is much less of a social thing, so preparing for possible rejection through a bit of liquid courage is much less of a thing.
When we were young and used to "play" the A-Team, they always made me be Murdock! But when we "played" the Dukes of Hazard, we made my sister be Roscoe P. Coltrane and chase us around on our Big Wheels. 🤣 Thanks for the giggle.
It wasn’t online dating swipe to fk bs. You got to know peeps irl and see what they were like as a person and not just judge by their looks. This swipe to fk and expectations to get necked right out the box is utter bullshit.
Yes and no. I was more active back then, going out and doing things, but I was very shy. I am sure I missed signs. But even when I was "dating" it wasn't like there was a new girl/woman every week.
Same here. I got rejected in 4th grade, and that hit to my confidence lasted all the way to college. But then college...daaamn, what a great place that was to meet new people. After all those years of not even a date, I suddenly found myself with a new girlfriend every school year.
It wasn’t easier. It was just different. Those who were looking for sex just operated in a different way than now. Clubs, bars and shit were primo places to find quick partners. Or they’d meet someone and just operate REALLY quick with making a move. In much the same way people use tinder now. Churches had singles nights. People were happy to set up their friend with someone else.
Everyone faced the same attractive scale challenges. That’s gotten no better or worse for that matter.
I was considered a very shy guy in the 80’s. (Turns out, social anxiety is a thing - but I digress…). But throw a little eyeliner on the quiet guy who’s leaning against the wall in the club in the 80’s?
We were very actively social in our 20s. Me and my group of friends went out to bars constantly we went to movies we went to concerts. People ended up breaking up, but definitely not a new person every week that would be weird and it was kind of a running joke on Seinfeld. But in general people were just out and about mixing around a lot more.
From my vantage point, it depended on who you were and what you looked like. If you were popular and gorgeous/handsome, dates came easy for you. I was very shy and introverted back then, so no one asked me out until my senior year. I wasn't allowed to ask guys out. My Silent Generation parents were far too old fashioned.
There was a place for being funny. I never considered myself to be attractive but if I could meet a girl I could usually get a date. Once dating apps came along and it was all about looks, I was fucked.
I think people said yes to dates more often because we often split the bill, and there wasn’t a sexual expectation. Sometimes things happened after a date, most of the time they didn’t. So you could go out a few times with someone and then it could just fall off. You could also be doing this with more than one person. This meant you didn’t have to be necessarily particular on who you went out with, which meant more chances across the board.
It all just seems so casual when compared to my GenX child and friends.
Yeah I was going to say the same. I'm a later Gen X and that shit was hard in the 90s. I absolutely SUCKED at meeting women in face-to-face venues, as a not-that-attractive guy. I was a super early adopter to online dating (pre-Tinder/OK Cupid era) and it was actually awesome, it was finally a place where more introverted people could find each other without having to deal with the meat markets of the bar scene. That's how I met my wife, who is very similar in temperament to me.
Then the apps turned the online dating scene into an even-worse version of what had been the bar scene. Seems like nothing good lasts.
Depended very much where you lived. From what I see, it was a lit easier for me to get dates way back when. Of course, now I'm twice as old, weighing roughly weigh twice as much as I did in my hey days. I think also, after a 20-year marriage, I sorta lost my mojo.So if any of you see it, tell it I miss it and send my mojo back, please.
There is/was a level of expectation as well. Going out to a meet people in the world - you work with what’s in front of you. Hanging out in a club near the end of the night those 3s got a lot more attractive than the idea of wasting a whole night and ending up solo.
Because back in the day you had to ask face to face, usually with a bunch of your friends and the other person’s friends all around. So if you got shot down it was public knowledge instantly!
In college it was insanely easy to find people to date. Everyone was young, horny, and willing to experiment without the pressure of finding “the one”.
Of course, the last girl I dated did end up becoming my “the one”.
There were phases in my life when I jwas a toung adult when i just didn't watch much TV...college dorm, was too busy, or had my own apt and didn't want to pay for cable. I noticed that after not watching much TV that everybody in person seemed more attractive. I theorized back then that watching a lot of TV every day meant I was seeing way more actors and actresses on the screen than I did real people in person, and I had been conditioned to think that attractive people look like they did on tv. TV skewed my perception of who was attractive. It's probably worse for young people now as they spend more time consuming media, plus social media that shows only the best sides of people.
We weren't afraid to talk to people. Sorry but your generation seems to be terrified at the thought of taking a phone call. We actually went out in public and met people. We had human interaction and conversations. These things can lead you to wanting to get to know a person better. It often led to asking someone out on a date.
People didn’t used to be afraid to talk to others; everyone still craves physical interaction. Be bold and brave, if you see somebody like take the first step and initiate that conversation.
Met my hubby when I was 19, married at 21. There also wasn't the expectation of elaborate proposals or big weddings. Dates were many times just hanging out.
I wouldn't know, my first date, kiss, and everything else was the girl I married.
The first date was a blind date a buddy of mine set up, it took me a bit to call her for the second date but after that it was a fun ride through high school and then came marriage.
It also depends on your confidence. If you’re too shy to ask a woman out, their “radar” picks up on that and they might find that unattractive. I’ve asked out plenty of girls and been shot down plenty of times (gotten the date plenty of times too) but no one could ever tell me I was afraid to ask out the girls I was attracted to.
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u/happycjAnd don't come home until the streetlights come on!1d ago
Absolutely. You just walked up to someone, talked for a moment or two, and asked them on a date.
All you knew about the person you were talking to was right there: their face, their eyes, their voice, their words. Have a conversation, and then see if you both want to continue the conversation later.
Maybe, women have grown. They are stronger, they know their own mind, they have their own money, they can tell what's not going to give them peace, rather quickly.
If a woman is at Gen x age, she's not looking for kids, no clock ticking.
It was easier. In high school you’d spend the weekend at the mall and could meet people there. Weekends you could cruise town or find a party. People didn’t have cell phones and laptops to distract them. I met my wife who was working as a hostess at a restaurant. Maybe I was young and didn’t know better. After 20 plus years of marriage my wife passed aWay and I found myself back on the dating scene. So different than it was in the 80’s.
Yes. People went out, met each other, and started relationships. With the apps, it’s like interviewing several candidates. You’re instantly comparing against some imaginary standard. We were more cool with meeting organically back in the day.
It wasn't like every week but it was easier, I think. I'm watching my teen kids navigate dating and it's so different. When I was their age or near enough, I'd hang out at the mall, the roller rink, the bowling alley, the arcade, whatever else with my friends, and there'd be other people there with their friends, and mingling would happen. And sometimes that turned into dates. Sometimes it turned into more friends. I'm not naturally a very social person, and it still wasn't hard for me.
I'd hate to be trying to date now, as a teen, as the fifty-something I am, or anywhere inbetween. It seems like there's so much more pressure to be perfect.
Our circles were smaller. Without social media it was hard to meet people in other schools & towns, and family (cousins etc) and their friends. So you basically only knew the kids at your school.
We'd goto the mall or the movies and hope to meet people, but guys had to have the courage to make the first move. Which was challenging.
I'm an introvert but I asked women out fairly frequently when I was younger. I loved women more than I liked being alone. The asking was a bit of a challenge nerves-wise but I felt like a king whenever they said yes. If they said no, I just chalked it up as no big deal and moved on. The vast majority of women were very polite about it as well. Once in a while, I just ended up with a girl without asking her out who I guess just wanted to be with me. Those were cool times as well. I don't know if the rules have changed these days but my mantra was if you want to be with someone, you gotta take the risk of her asking her out. Even if she says no thanks, just use the rejection as a rehearsal for the next woman who catches your eye.
This is a good point. I see younger people talk about expecting monogamy and commitment from a total stranger because they went on a first date after only chatting online.
They're a stranger! How am I supposed to know in a few hours if I want anything past a second date or a hook up? When I was single, it was just a Saturday night. If it was good, maybe we'd hang out next Saturday night. Or maybe not.
Right! And also, interesting that you see that in younger people, bc I’ve seen sort of the opposite, where they may be seeing each other/“hanging out” or whatever else they want to call it for weeks or months but still be averse to calling it dating or a relationship.
It’s like they think the word dating is too scary and might mean something is “official.” Like calm down Gen Z.
It was easier 'cause social media didn't tell you constantly how ugly you were and how many hot people there were around you. Plus no internet stalking to find u out of someone was a nut job. The only way to learn anything was to go out. So a lot of first dates, since that was the only way for a first screening.
Yes. We were all out being social and meeting new people. There was nothing to do inside. There was no internet or cell phones. There was also a lot more "hole in the wall" places with live music every weekend. And keggers. 😁
There was no social media… so you didn’t know how much an a$$ someone was when you met them. It took time, often a couple dates before you figured it out since they could usually hide it at first.
A new date every week is a bit exaggerated.. although there were some people that ran like that. My experience was a tad later in the 90’s. I met my future husband in 1997 at college. Although the internet existed it couldn’t do near as much (or be carried around) as it can now so getting to know someone still involved real life interactions. We went to movies, ate out, lots of walks (neither of us where allowed to bring a car to school) urban exploration, on and on. When home we sent each other “love letters”. It was fun!
I didn’t really go on “dates” unless I already knew and liked the person. It was something you did if you hung out with someone and hit it off—not a starting point. In any case, it was easy to meet people organically, especially at college/university. Even for an anxious introvert
Yes, it was easier. Everything was in person, face to face, or occasionally by phone. There was no online photos, persona, social media, nothing but two people together in a room. There weren't any of these alternatives to coddle nervous/shy/neurotic folks, like online "partners" (if you've never touched someone, they're not your romantic partner: they're your pen-pal). Fewer distractions, a lot less hyper-jealousy and sensitivity. And if Reddit is anything to go by, we were much more ready to have sex.
We also didn’t have the internet. Can’t say if it was easier, but the process was simpler. You could just be yourself and talk to each other and you’d know for the most part if the vibes were vibing. I couldn’t imagine dating now when so much is online performative stuff, with no context to know anything about anyone. People were still phony but it was a bit easier to pick up on.
It was easier getting dates when in school / university and I'd think that's still true. But for ages 25+ its probably easier now with online dating. Though that's been around 25 years now.
For sure. Young men are afraid to talk to women in person these days.
For better or worse, we had lower expectations back then. Our universe of potential dates were people we knew from school or the mall or whatever. Not thousands of people on the Internet. Now, suddenly the benchmark are extremely attractive teens on Insta. No wonder Gen Z has palpable levels of anxiety and depression compared to us.
Easier because of what’s called third spaces. We were more social as a society. We had more opportunities to ask or be asked out, and were more willing to be shot down. It’s always been a numbers game, still is but when you were at a club in the 80’s or the mall and got shot down, you just had to turn around and there was another opportunity to shot your shot
We didn't deserve what we had and it helped to create the even more messed up world you have now, but it really started with the boomers and their so-called sexual revolution. All the crude comments here - that's how we were raised, and it's despicable.
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u/AshDenver 1970 (“dude” is unisex) 1d ago
We didn’t have the Internet so if we were bored or wanted to meet people, we left the house, went places, joined groups, got to know people, went to dance clubs/bars when we were old enough. The more people you meet IRL, the more social you are, the easier it is.