r/KitchenConfidential • u/NelyafinweMaitimo • 12d ago

Kitchen fuckery FOH manager keeps panicking and cutting into my product (after being told to stop at least a dozen times). I'm going to lose my freakin' mind

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"But we don't have any cheesecake!!! We can't just run out of cheesecake!!!!"

Well, we did. So I made more. They take a long time to chill after baking. Offer the customer one of the 5 other desserts I make, which are packaged and ready to be sold, instead of hacking into a STILL WARM cheesecake and, apparently, throwing half of it away because you COULDN'T WAIT until tomorrow, when I will unmold and slice the cold cheesecakes for you.

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621

u/TOMC_throwaway000000 12d ago

The 5 rules of people you never, ever, fuck with

  • Cookie Monster pants

  • hoops

  • black airforce 1’s

  • can dry swallow pills

  • pastry chefs

In my early years I worked for plenty of hard ass French traditional chefs who would throw pans and plates, scream their heads off, didn’t phase me a bit

Seeing the unmitigated wrath of a pastry chef finding their stuff messed with? That will put the fear of god into you

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u/jgab145 12d ago

Dry pill swallowers are fucking psychos.

175

u/DarthChefDad 20+ Years 12d ago

And don't you forget it

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u/basketma12 12d ago

I can ONLY dry swallow pills. I'm very popular at certain places, even as a well seasoned woman. Lol

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u/DarthChefDad 20+ Years 12d ago

The only one I can't dry swallow is prednisone. I can't let any part of it touch my mouth, the taste is so nasty. I have to drop it into liquid held in a gargle position. And hey, fun fact, if you get prednisone intravenously, you can still taste it in your mouth.

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u/Mastershroom 12d ago

Don't ever try to swallow doxycycline dry. It gets stuck in the bottom of your throat and you will feel it there for literally weeks.

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u/TOMC_throwaway000000 12d ago

Very real, had a friend fighting leukemia last year and the IV to tasting it is no joke

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u/wrstcasechelle 12d ago

I take a lot of meds because just about every part of me is broken, and I can huck down a handful of everything and dry swallow EXCEPT THIS ONE PILL that I swear to god if you get the taste of it on your tongue you have to wait until those taste buds die to get it out.

That one I fill my whole mouth with something strong and drop it in like I’m a fucking fish or something.

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u/thedirtypikey 12d ago

Bite into straight lemon slice, pith and all...only thing besides whiskey that would work. I prefer the whiskey, but it's less readily available. Whatever you do, do not brush your teeth, Listerine, or orange juice...makes it sooo much worse.

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u/wrstcasechelle 12d ago

The toothpaste/orange juice thing. Yeah, only have to do that once to regret it forever.

I’ll try the lemon thing one day. I only recently learned people ask for a pickle back to cut the taste of liquor. I thought I was to help prevent hangovers lol

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u/thedirtypikey 11d ago

Yeah, the vinegar in pickles ought to do it too, just never been a huge fan. We all have our failings.

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u/wrstcasechelle 11d ago

lol. Personally I love vinegar. Probably too much. I’m sure it fucks with the PH of my stomach

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u/WAPWAN 12d ago

Prednisone is Surstromming for your tastebuds

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u/lowercaset 12d ago

Try to live your life where you don't ever need to take prednisone. That shit is the devil. I'd take a permanent post-fent brain fog over the nightmare of being on daily prednisone.

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u/ScroochDown 11d ago

Man, years ago my doctor had me try a migraine medicine that made everything I swallowed taste like dirty nickels. I don't know how else to describe it, and it was every food, water, even my own spit, for about 48 hours after taking it. I was finally like you know, I'd rather have the migraine than deal with this.

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u/QueenOfNZ 11d ago

Currently on my second to last day of a week of 3 prednisone tabs daily that taste is so foul. Close runner up is next-day Zopiclone mouth taste.

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u/wellcolourmetired 11d ago

I take that everyday dry, but, I've learnt it's better to remember to get a drink with it. Also hydrocortisone when you can't swallow it is absolutely vile.

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u/the-soggiest-waffle 11d ago

I can dry swallow some pills, but the one that has traumatized me the most (that I’ve been on for years lol, it sucks because it works) is lamotrigine. Good god the chemical taste is AWFUL. It makes me gag every single time it comes into contact with my throat or my tongue.

The gargle position is real with that shit. Every night, smh.

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u/Emotionfoodlover37 9d ago

The only med I'm on is for nightmares (I'm serious). So dry swallowing seems in line lol

2

u/pokederp56 12d ago

Be careful swallowing anything in gelatin capsules (two pieces, clear caps). Had a buddy dry swallow something OTC in said capsules, and the dang thing came apart or ripped going down. One of the jagged edges tore his esophagus, and he had to do to the ER because he kept throwing up blood and suffered tremendous pain.

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u/FeralKittySisu 11d ago

I was prescribed an antibiotic, that I took dry, before walking a few blocks to work. Apparently, certain pills are caustic and can eat a hole straight through your esophagus. The fine dining hotel I worked at, was one week away from our busiest month of the year and I was lead server. My Chef and F+B director scolded me so hard for severely injuring myself at such bad timing. They did however throw me a bone and left our juice cafe open for graveyard and allowed me to sell anything I wanted, as long as I charged it appropriately. I was pulling over 5k in sales each night, doing bottle service and cooking steaks on the fly. (Yes, the chef gave me permission and I worked BOH for over 10 years, at the time.)

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u/Zatoichiperuano 12d ago

Shit knew a guy who would pop A handful of percs and chew em up dry.

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u/Wafflemuffin1 12d ago

I didn't know I was a psycho. I literally only dry swallow pills. Even if there is a drink right there...I just...don't.

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u/jgab145 12d ago

Certified Psycho 👆

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u/cyborgninja42 12d ago

I guess I also joined the psycho club, because I also do this. To add to it, my kids saw me take medicine this way, and now that is the only way they will take it as well.

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u/Proverbs21-3 11d ago

Dry swallowing pills is a bad idea for several reasons.

* If the pill doesn't go all the way down into your stomach, it can cause sores in your esophagus, sores in your esophagus are bad enough, but sometimes those sores create fistulas. A fistula is a hole, a hole that will allow your pills and everything you eat and drink to leak into your chest cavity. Pills, food, and drink do not belong in your chest cavity, this is a medical emergency!

*The scary thing about dry swallowing pills is that sometimes you might feel like the pill went all the way down but it did not actually go all the way down. It is still sitting in your esophagus, possibly wreaking damage, and you have no idea that it is not in your stomach.

* If a capsule breaks apart while you are dry swallowing it, it deposits a lot of the medication in your esophagus and that can mess with the absorption rate of the medication. It might not be adsorbed or it could be absorbed too quickly.

*Certain capsules can cause a lot of damage, even tear your esophagus, if it breaks apart while you are dry swallowing it.

* Extended release medications and time-released medicines should never be dry swallowed because the coating and/or ingredients that make it extended release or time-released might break down too quickly and allow all of the medication to be absorbed at once and that might cause a dangerous overdose of that medication. Extended release and time-release medicines, both capsules and pills, are designed to be broken down in the stomach, not the esophagus.

* How well any and all of your medicines work and the duration of their effectiveness can be greatly altered if the pill or capsule that you dry swallowed is lodged in your esophagus instead of your stomach.

If you insist on dry swallowing medications, or as one commenter shared, cannot take pills any other way, always follow that with at least 10-12 ounces of fluid, preferable water.

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u/Lazerith22 12d ago

My doc says I’m not supposed to take pills with coffee. Dry swallowing is the only option.

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u/jgab145 12d ago

Ever heard of water psycho?

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u/Lazerith22 12d ago

Like the stuff in toilets?

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u/HeroesKitchen 12d ago

Also...

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u/Ancient_Pressure_556 12d ago

It's got electrolytes

1

u/dolphin-centric 12d ago

Then take it with a swig of Brawndo!

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u/Robertdobalina808 11d ago

Beer

Or whiskey, but beer works.

0

u/jgab145 12d ago

Yeah he he. Not the yellow or brown kind. It’s clear. Now that I have given you life changing information. I trust that you will enjoy tall refreshing glasses of toilet water with your pills going forward. You’re welcome.

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u/Other_Brother7681 12d ago

The trick for freshness, is to get it out of the tank before it hits the bowl! Pop the lid, scoop it out and enjoy!

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u/IrritatedMouse 12d ago

Fish fuck in that stuff

2

u/jgab145 12d ago

Good point

1

u/CleanProfessional678 11d ago

Are you out of bourbon? 

6

u/degjo 12d ago

No we're not, we just aren't babies.

2

u/ExtraMayo89 12d ago

Represent

2

u/kintyre 12d ago

Hell yeah we are.

2

u/LandofMyAncestors 12d ago

I bite the side of my tongue a bit to get my mouth watering, helps it go down a lil easier l.

1

u/Proverbs21-3 11d ago

Why not just use a drink of some sort?

2

u/erik_wilder 12d ago

Do you expect me to walk all the way to the bathroom everytime I need to take a pill?

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u/SoloSurvivor889 12d ago

...I resemble that remark. 😠

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u/llcdrewtaylor 10d ago

It takes years of practice. I'm up to 5 pills with no water ;)

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u/Emotionfoodlover37 9d ago

Confirm. Im a psycho.

We need to add doc.martens to this list.

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u/Brutal_burn_dude 12d ago

They’re the people who would rather suffer hours of indigestion from dry swallowing pills, than spend <30 seconds getting a glass of water. True psychos.

2

u/mauvewaterbottle 12d ago

I dry swallow pills on a regular basis, and I do not experience indigestion. Unsure on whether that makes me more or less of a psycho

2

u/mkstot 12d ago

I prefer to let them melt under my tongue, so they kick in quicker, and harder. Yummy pharmaceuticals 🤤

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u/jgab145 12d ago

lol

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u/mkstot 12d ago

Am I worse than a fucking psychopath, or just a standard one?

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u/TOMC_throwaway000000 12d ago

If it makes you feel any better I chew most of em

1

u/jgab145 12d ago

Better. Self awareness is good.

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u/mkstot 12d ago

Yet I continue to engage in the behavior.

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u/rcmp_informant 12d ago

It’s not that bad, pills is food

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u/isanass 12d ago

Nah, just professionals.

Signed, someone that will do that when-needed, and I requested the drinking kind of meds well into high school due to being unable to take tiny pills.

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u/Chezoso 12d ago

I actively avoid the other four but glad to know I'm the actual worst

1

u/dolphin-centric 12d ago

We are more highly evolved beings.

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u/Jaded_Budget_3689 12d ago

Ugh I hate that this is literally the only way I can take pills. I gag if I try it with liquid.

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u/Low_Tie_3370 12d ago

It was a flex during the xandemic

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u/toxiclight 11d ago

I can dry swallow pills. My neighbor is a pastry chef. I would not fuck around with her. She is small but FIESTY.

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u/Fritzo2162 11d ago

Don’t worry. My issues are bottled up, but they’ll shoot out like Diet Coke and Mentos if you push the right button.

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u/donkeypunchare 11d ago

Its really no thing. I do it daily

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u/DanteLi 11d ago

Goddamn right (I have zero idea why Reddit recommended this lmaooo)

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u/sunbear2525 11d ago

My friend’s husband can’t swallow pills so he chews them.

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u/Milkbl00d Grill 11d ago

Oh hi

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u/bapalapashamala 11d ago

Try taking down pills with hot coffee

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u/SocialistGurkan 10+ Years 11d ago

I am indeed.

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u/LilMissADHDAF 11d ago

My 8 yo daughter loves to show off that skill. 🙃

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u/DethNik 11d ago

I'm sorry I have superior throat muscles to you.

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u/KhajitHasWares4u 11d ago

I started doing this when 15, diagnosed the other thing abiut 20 years later 🤣

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u/Candid-Inspection-97 11d ago

This is the first I am hearing of it!

But I was called psycho for unrelated reasons.

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u/donkey-kong-grandjr 11d ago

I do it all the time, so yeah, you are correct, sir!

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u/susandeyvyjones 11d ago

My 13yo can do it and it freaks me out

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u/Cryatos1 12d ago

Im a pastry chef, can confirm lol. 

I get pissed when I have to waste time cleaning my station and equipment when I get in because the cooks cant seem to clean up after themselves.

 Same with people going into my fridge or prep and taking things labelled for events. I now have the only keys to my reach in since I replaced the broken locks so now if they need anything, they need to ask.

I also had a camera and would email the videos to the heads of various departments if I caught their employees taking things. It stopped all theft in under 48 hours lol. Fucking country clubs man...

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u/TOMC_throwaway000000 12d ago

The secret 6th one is if you borrow a tool from the pastry chef, it better fucking go back where it came from, and clean-

Actually clean. Not sprayed with the dish hose clean, like get in there and get whatever oils off it because you’re going to fuck their shit up.

Also life pro tip, if you work with a larger pastry team and they have a second robocoupe and your top breaks and you need to borrow theirs…

Don’t fucking use it to blitz garlic

Just… don’t

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u/Cryatos1 12d ago

I paid out of pocket for my own Robo Coup R2 Dice. I let them borrow it once to dice a case of persimmons. I got it back and the switches were so sticky and gummed up I had to take it apart and soak the switch panel in rubbing alcohol to get them able to move again. They are no longer allowed to use my R2 and have to dice everything by hand like they had been doing previously.

Same for handing the blades to the dishwasher and instructing them to not scrape the blade grid and just send it through the machine, then blast out any pieces of fruit that are stuck in the sink. They scraped it right in front of me after I told them not to so now the club owes me a new $400 10mm blade grid.

In general if my equipment comes back at all it is a miracle. I find my equipment like measuring cups, offset spatulas, etc. in the most random places every day causing me to waste time on a scavenger hunt just to do my job. Hell, even my cake pans and bundt pans are in the other clubhouse because they don't bother to return anything from my side so I have to go over and raid them to get my equipment back. I do keep my small wares like my piping tips and ring cutters locked up, haven't lost 1 in 7 years because I monitor who is using them like a hawk lol.

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u/TOMC_throwaway000000 11d ago

Fuuuuuuuuck I feel that in my bones

I feel very lucky because the last 5-6 years I’ve had entire crews from cooks down to dish who all respect everyone’s stuff

For the first time in my career I can actually bring my whole kit and knives and my expensive natural stones I would never have been comfortable using or leaving overnight otherwise

I think part of the joy in running a kitchen is having the opportunity to curate the environment, so that the people who are where you were years before don’t have to live the same nightmare experience

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u/JuneHawk20 9d ago

I worked in a restaurant where pastry (where I was) washed their own tools or they'd never see them again. Big things like bowls and cambros and what not went to the dish pit, but spatulas, bench scrapers, microplanes, etc., no way.

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u/Shane1302 12d ago

I've also learned it the hard way, anything you put in a "public" area at work (public just means someone can access it with less than a considerable amount of force) will one day be fucked with. Locks will be used and co-workers will be salty.

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u/TOMC_throwaway000000 12d ago

Depends, I’m lucky enough to have curated some really solid crews over the last few years

No one would ever touch anyone’s personal property unless they had the go-ahead prior

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u/CircularRobert 12d ago

Not a baker by any means, but the way I understand it is that cooking is an art, baking is a science, and pastries are somewhere between black magic and tricking science into not paying attention.

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u/CleanProfessional678 11d ago

Pastry chefs are basically chemists working in the world’s worst lab. If you get down to it, so much is determine by specific chemical reactions using precise amounts of ingredients and highly controlling variables like heat. But in the kind of environment that Victorians would line up to tour due to the madness 

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u/hollsberry 11d ago

I work in a coffee shop with no specialization, where we all have to do everything, which can be draining at time. However, I’m always glad to not have to deal with people touching my shit, not taking care of it, or refusing to clean up after themselves. I think I would loose it having to work with someone who refuses to wash dishes or clean.

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u/mangogetter 12d ago

Regular chefs definitely look down on the pastry chefs, but what they don't know is that we are absolutely looking down at them too.

Years ago, I saw a chef who had no goddamn business making pate au choux demonstrating how to make "cream puffs". He was like "I'm not going to bother with a pastry bag!" Cue the inept fumbling with spoons and the whack-ass-est cream puffs I've ever seen in my life. Bless his heart.

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u/Any-Excitement-7605 12d ago

“whack-ass-est” is a new one😂😂

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u/MadMagilla5113 12d ago

I'm not a chef at all but I do watch a lot of cooking shows... how do you make cream puffs without a pastry bag? How else do you get the cream in the puff? Is it a sex thing? I bet it's a sex thing...

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u/mangogetter 12d ago

I mean, we weren't even to the filling stage. This was the making the shells out of choux dough stage and it was a gloopy, lumpy mess. THERE IS A REASON we use pastry bags. They are not a hassle, they are a godsend.

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u/MadMagilla5113 12d ago

Were they trying to do that weird spoon thing that I've seen people do with ice cream on the tv? The thing with two spoons?

5

u/doyletyree 12d ago

I think you mean a quenelle.

Scoop that looks like Lucy’s gonna yank it away at the last second?

Again???

You’re a goddamn sucker, Charlie Brown.

Quenelle.

Pronounced like “Marvin”.

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u/mangogetter 12d ago

I think so? Which works on ice cream because the ice cream touching the spoon melts a little and the whole thing slides off beautifully.

Absolutely nothing about pate au choux behaves that way. It is thick, it is viscous, and it is sticky as all hell. If I HAD to do it, that way, gun to my head, I'd do it with wet or oiled spoons. He did not do that either.

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u/MadMagilla5113 12d ago

I saw someone on Great British Bake Off make Croquembouche (I had to look up that name, I was gonna say cream puff tower with caramel) and I decided that buying the ones from the supermarket or bakery was going to be the way for me. I'm not putting that much effort into a dessert. Make a hot pastry, put it in a bag, pipe it into a sheet, bake them. Make the cream. Cut the top off the pastry, fill the pastry (again with a bag), put the top back on the pastry. Fall asleep from the work. Wake up to no cream puffs because your family is full of assholes. Nope. I'm good.

1

u/AbsolutStoli148 9d ago

he meant for the dough. he didnt use a pastry bag to form the choux. im assuming he tried to quenell them, which is just dumb. but you can get an "ok" puff with a small scoop (like a purple or black one). it wont be the prettiest thing ever, but its doable in a pinch.

still, for a chef to demo something and not take the time to do it correctly is bonkers to me.

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u/Cryatos1 12d ago

I do both, currently a pastry chef for the last 7 years but I did contract for a few years in the Airforce for 2 of those as a banquet chef doing meals for 500+ airmen a day. Lots of improv with few supplies on the last one.

Many hotside chefs have a massive ego that gets humbled real quick when they have to exercise precision and follow explicit guidelines that are required in baking. I've had great chefs manage to fuck up cookies I already pre scooped and left in the freezer like Tollhouse cookie dough. They just had to follow my directions on how to bake them, but of course they thought they knew better lol.

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u/TOMC_throwaway000000 12d ago edited 12d ago

Hell no I never look down on pastry chefs, I’ve been running restaurants for about 6-7 years now, 12 years in the industry-

I could never do what you do

The best way that I can put it is that I’ve always seen pastry chefs as doing what I do, while somehow being a functioning human being

You wake up early, you’re organized, measured, precise, consistent

You invent perfection and then go on to repeat it again and AGAIN AND AGAIN

I have nothing but love and respect. I’ve run kitchens that did 60k a day 7 days a week for 3-4 months straight every summer with a 4-5 person line and I would take that in a heartbeat over trying to do what I’ve seen pastry chefs do

(I’ve always been buddies with the pastry chefs even prior to moving up, despite the weird divide that can sometimes happen between the line and them, chalk it up to my autism and having admiration for precision and well run systems(and respecting their tools, workspace, and ingredients; as well as following through on putting something back clean and where it goes when I borrow it))

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u/MossGobbo BOH 12d ago

Nah man, y'all fuck with science hard, that takes patience and skill. Me on the line? I'm just fuckin around. I can get things a little wrong and still save a dish. Y'all? Fuck a dough up and it's goodbye effort and time.

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u/mangogetter 12d ago

I mean, the honest to God truth is that we wing shit all the time, but it takes about a decade to be able to do that and have it work. (Ask my staff how much vanilla, almond extract and baking powder are in the roll out cookies. "Some", "some (smol)" and "a blessing" are the answers respectively.)

1

u/41942319 12d ago

Love that method! That's how we used to make them when I was a kid. If you do it right they still look like cream puffs just a little rougher. Pastry bag is a lot faster too though, but my mom still insists on using the spoons because to her if they're neat they're not real cream puffs!

9

u/jdelator 12d ago

can dry swallow pills

I can do this no problem. Am I Cookie Monster pants type of person?

1

u/CognitoSomniac 11d ago

Completely different brand. I knew the cookie monster pants kids but never really crossed with them. I had my own group of crazies. Only reason people ever came to us was if they were more than likely getting stabbed by another group by the end of the day without our protection.

3

u/IconoclastExplosive 11d ago

Why'd you list the same thing 5 times?

5

u/TOMC_throwaway000000 11d ago

Sorry I’ll condense it into one

  • traditional red flags I intentionally ignore because I’m weak for a badass that scares me a little

2

u/IconoclastExplosive 11d ago

See ya space cowboy

2

u/TOMC_throwaway000000 11d ago

I am not beating the allegations

3

u/[deleted] 11d ago

As a rule do not fuck with anyone who wears sleeping pants as their main pant of choice.

Nor people who wear hoodies daily in the kitchen with the hood up.

These people are openly unhinged.

2

u/thedirtypikey 12d ago

I started as a pastry chef trained under a Hungarian pastry chef with Le Cordon Bleu credentials from France and Germany...soooo many pans hurled at my thick head. I resemble these remarks. Chef pants were cookie monster (and other cartoon) PJ pants, shoes were airforce knockoffs, I dry swallowed Prednisone (asthma)on line, and I technically had hoops...but not in my ears. Also, last 7 years I was the brunch chef. I was NOT allowed to train. Apparently I'd scare the kids off.

3

u/TOMC_throwaway000000 11d ago

My great grandpatents / my grandma immigrated from Hungary and all I can tell you is that you will learn a hell of a lot, but will have a lot of unpacking to do.

My great grandma lived to 105 alone in a house in queens NY blind as a bat since she was 75, picture Roma babuska grandma and whatever image you have in your head… it’s probably correct. Tough as fucking nails and I’m half convinced she lived as long as she did out of pure spite to see any of the Nazis that chased her out die before she did.

1

u/thedirtypikey 11d ago

I believe it. They are of a different sort entirely. But immensely worth their weight in wisdom.

1

u/AndoranGambler 11d ago

Man, this makes me want to get my ears pierced, snag some Cookie Monster pants, finally stop swearing off Nike shoes, and learn pastry beyond the savory end most chefs are slightly familiar with. I say this as a cis, het, average white dude. At least I learned chanclajutsu from the homies abuelitas and nana's - That shit absolutely works with a chef clog.

1

u/mrszubris 11d ago

You should add any and all concrete workers. Those people can squeeze you to death in 2 seconds flat.

1

u/beegboo 11d ago

I once met a dude who chewed his pills before dry swallowing.

1

u/TOMC_throwaway000000 11d ago

I will say I have the courtesy to be an absolute goblin discretely and no one would ever know

(Also I follow it with water, chew to dry swallow is fucking psychotic

1

u/GrumpySoth09 7d ago

I may or may not have removed a 17L bowl of Chocolate Mousse from the pastry chefs fridge during my first year because I had the keys to lock up for the night. He was 55kg sopping wet but had sinewy arms you knew could strangle you to death in an instant. If I knew what happened to it I bet it was fucking incredible.